Kill or get killed. 

Ranveer

2020

Fuck people.

I hooded my eyes as I watched...what was her name?

Maira and Ella laughed at her after throwing her lunch on the floor and I turned my head to stifle my laugh. She was a weird girl. I wondered how people didn't stand to bullies but it was also the least of my fucking concerns. I was operating on if-it-doesn't-concern-me-it's-not-on-me mode. People could go crack their skull open for all I cared.

I strode out of the cafeteria when I received a call on my burner phone. I was running low on my fix and I was in no mood for the next lecture. I punched the button on the phone to answer the call and looked ahead as I held the device near my ear and headed to the parking lot.

I had doubled down on drugs after I got out, solely because I had a point to prove. I wasn't backing down or stopping for the world anymore. Over the years, I had learned to live away from games. I didn't function under hesitation and fear. I had seen enough of the world to act and commit and get away with it. I was damned already—damned when my innocence was all I had and without it now, I was on autopilot mode to self-destruction.

My reputation had me stoned. I wasn't controllable anymore—nothing appeased me more than the thrill of sabotage. The world could go fuck itself for all I cared.

By the time I finished my call, I caught what's-her-face stroll out of the campus and storm out of the gates. I walked to her without registering a second thought and stood in front of her.

She was a dainty girl but she didn't strike to be the type who was weak. I offered my handkerchief to her and she grabbed it from my hand. "Is that all you do?" I asked her as I watched her wipe the streaks of tears off her face and her eyes flared.

"What do you mean?" Her voice was hoarse and she stepped back. "Look, I don't know what you want from me but I'm not interested."

I laughed lowly as she handed me the handkerchief back. "You have a misplaced nerve to stand up to a criminal who is only being nice to you but you don't have one to stand up to the bullies for yourself?" The corner of my mouth lifted with amusement. "What an uncanny irony."

"Criminals don't scare me," she threw back and sniffled. "Not in the least. My father is an alleged criminal too. I'm just confused as to why you would be interested to strike a conversation with me."

"Oh I don't intend for a small talk either," I told her and peeled my jacket off. "I assumed you needed someone to put some sense into you."

She shook her head and pinned me with a scowl. "Whatever do you mean?"

I gestured for her to walk with me as I advanced to my car in the parking lot. "Do you know why people bully in the first place?"

She followed me. "Because they think I'm weak?"

"Quite the opposite actually," I clarified and her scowl deepened. "They want you to think that you are weak but in reality, they feel threatened by your presence and what do you do with people like that?"

She contemplated silently and I smirked. "Stay away from them?"

I rolled my eyes and punched the button on my keyfob to unlock my vehicle. "That won't solve anything at all." I threw my jacket on the passenger's seat. "You find a way to add fuel to fire and let them burn. Running away will only prolong the inevitable until you succumb to something far worse than what you're dealing with at the moment."

She looked at her sides. "Do you think your father would help me? Will you help me?"

I was stunned by her proposal. "You want to go to the police for—"

"Harassment," she answered conclusively and I laughed.

"My father couldn't help his son from going to jail and you think he will help a criminal's daughter with harassment lawsuit?" She was insane and I admired her gullible mind. "Nobody will take you seriously, given your reality. However, don't lose the fight. No matter what happens, fight back." I slid behind the wheels and keyed in.

She nodded in silent agreement and smiled. "I'm Sambhavna Gupta, by the way."

"And I don't care. You kill or get killed," I muttered. "The choice is yours." I drove out of the parking lot.

*

Plenty of women in the community and all I wanted was Vaanya. How did that happen? I was either going to lose my mind or lose myself in her—either way, I was the losing game.

I stood outside near the secluded hall extension, smoking and watching Vaanya in the parking lot of the CSU campus from the fifth floor. She knew I couldn't stay away from her and I had to block my second thoughts. Things had changed—my dynamics to be precise but more than anything, I wasn't the same person anymore.

I stayed rooted, my arm over my chest as I exhaled a dense fume of smoke. "Man, I need your help with something," Kunal told me as he walked to me and I turned my gaze on him as he stood beside me. "You're the only guy who can."

It had been a pain in my ass when fuckers started to count me into their fucking mess. I supposed it was the protocol when I was the proclaimed criminal in the crowd. Pressing on the butt of the cigarette joint, I remained silent to hear him out.

"Bhasin has to go down." Kunal looked like hell.

"I can't jump from one mess to another," I gritted my teeth. I had too much to deal with already. "I'm done cleaning one shit after another."

"Do you have any idea what a sick fuck he is?" he threw back. "All I'm asking is for your help but if you don't join me, I'll survive."

"That's the point, you won't." Goddamn it. I needed a breath first.

"So you expect all of us to just be?" He snatched the joint from my hand and pushed it in between his lips for a desperate drag. "Do you have any idea how hard it's been for Ishani? She didn't deserve half of what she got from that bastard."

"You think I don't know that?" I locked my eyes with him. "He deserves a lot but he won't get any out of me."

"Don't tell me you sold your soul to those rich bastards." I looked at him like he had pissed on the floor. "Look, I don't want to wait to put the ducks in a fucking row as Ishani would advise. I don't want to kill him and you will make sure of that."

I let out a breath and hooded my eyes as I argued, "he's a close friend alright."

He jerked his chin at me. "Why do you always defend him?"

I didn't know what my feelings were for Aagnay, but I owed a lot to him. "I don't want to be a part of this business. I don't want to be involved."

"But you are involved," he threw back. "Aagnay is your best friend and you're closest to him. You can make sure he pays the restitution without losing your focus."

"I'm not involved," I bit out and took my cigarette joint back from him.

He smiled. "You can't just let a girl live in hell even if it's for Bhasin." He shrugged. "I'll tell you what I have on my mind." I ran my hand over my face, ready to punch him in his fucking face. I leaned away from the banister and he caught my arm. "This needs to start soon."

"Listen, Bhasin isn't easy," I warned him. "And neither is he going anywhere. I'm not stalling but I have to sort through issues rather more pressing at the moment." I stormed out of the hallway and down the stairs.

I peered at Vaanya through the window on the second floor. A smile playing on her lips as she probably spoke with Jia over the call.

Vaanya was in my body, my mind—I looked at her as she tucked a tendril of her hair behind her ear as she locked her car. She was starting to course into every aspect of my life.

I had agreed to jump right in with her—agreed to keep it under wraps but she didn't deserve that. She didn't deserve a secret affair with a fucking criminal. She deserved respect; she deserved the world and how was I going to give it to her?

Vaanya was a driving force who challenged me—she reminded me that she was too good to be with anyone in the world and I couldn't lose. I wasn't afraid to lose her because I knew she had been the little devil all along. I just up my game to play along with her.

*

"I was hoping I would run into you."

I ducked down to slide out of my car and shut the door before removing my Tom Ford eyewear. "Before you say anything, know that I'm working on it."

She searched my face as I braced myself. "Are you?" Ishani rocked on her feet and her eyes flared. "Why can't I see the aftermath?"

"You tell me," I threw back and her face shriveled with confusion. "You had none other than Kunal get on your fucking little game of fight or flight?"

"I'm having as many people on my side as possible," she shot back and I sneered at her remark. "Even if that includes someone like Kunal." She sighed. "He isn't half as bad as you make him sound."

"Yeah?" I turned my head to hide my laugh. "Then why don't you ask him to help you?"

"You know why." She jutted her chin in defiance and I smirked. "Besides it's comforting to have more people alright? I had nobody when shit went down with me."

"And you have my sincere empathy." I locked my car and headed inside my boathouse. "However, indulging Kunal is a low blow Ishani. Do you intend to settle a score with Aagnay?"

She halted in her tracks, startled when she looked at me. "No." She shook her head in denial. "No, of course not—I mean—I had that thought cross my mind once and I want Aagnay to pay but at the same time, I can't."

What the hell was the matter with her? I looked at her like she had turned into a fucking ghost. "Did you discuss that with him?"

I couldn't have managed to drag Kunal away from Aagnay's hellfire even if I wanted to. Aagnay had been there for me when nobody was. He had arranged my bearings at the juvenile center, buying people out to make it as easy for me. I owed a hell to him. He had been my brother all my life. Aagnay wasn't a bad guy—he had his reasons to be that way.

"Uh...yeah." She shrugged and went on, "but I didn't think he will take it so seriously. What's on his mind?"

I grunted exasperatedly as I ran my hand through my hair. "Here's what you do," I demanded. "Go back to him and talk him out of his notions because if you don't, he will lose whatever he has and you don't want that."

Her face was struck with terror as she looked away. "Shit. Yeah, I'll do that but I hope you don't forget that we have to do something. I can't be there for fuck's sake Ranveer. You have been to jail. You know how it feels like or maybe you don't because you did commit a crime while I'm the victim here."

My jaw steeled as fury thundered in the pit of my stomach. "Sure," I sneered. "Seek refuge from a fucking criminal who is nothing but a surety to your security."

She softened as realization dawned on her. "I didn't mean it like that."

"Like hell you didn't," I bit out and she stepped back. "You are lucky I'm even agreeing to this arrangement because I don't owe a goddamn dime to you. Go throw your audacity on someone's face and leave me the fuck out of it."

"I'm sorry alright," she muttered as she followed me into the foyer of my boathouse. "You do understand how hard it has been for me. I didn't deserve what I got." Neither did I.

"Face it. Ishani," I turned to look at her. "Life is fucking unfair. We make wrong choices. Shit blows up on our faces and we suck it up, and move on." I threw my keys on the coffee table and peeled my jacket off. "I'm done talking to you. Get the fuck out of my house."

I didn't wait for her as I strode through the foyer to my bedroom.

Vaanya

2020

The next morning dragged by with slow torture. It was suffocating to spend another minute in my home which was supposed to be my safe heaven. My sister wasn't talking to me and my mother was devastated. None of them joined me over breakfast and I decided to head to the campus early and spend some time at the library until Ranveer showed up.

We had started to sneak in and out to secluded spots in the campus, away from the prying eyes of the people. It had a certain thrill to be doing that because the fear of getting caught by someone and being scandalized was overwhelming. It would have dented my reputation and it wouldn't have served any purpose to Ranveer's. But there was something about the forbidden that got me off. I sought that thrill more than anything and I needed a fix right away.

When I reached the campus, I found my Economics professor in the class alone. He was a man in his mid-forties or so I'd assumed. I was his favorite student which wasn't surprising—everyone simply loved me. I was thirty minutes early when I entered the hall and took my seat silently.

He smiled at me. "Good morning," he said and glanced at his laptop in front of him. "You are far early today."

"I have nowhere else to be at this hour," I told him and my phone buzzed on the front compartment of my bag. "I hope that's not a problem."

"Of course not," he told me and chuckled. "I like early birds. Did you finish your assignments?"

I nodded silently and checked the texts in my inbox from Maira. I had to meet the girls—I needed my friends after the horrible night I'd had. "However, I'm very nervous about the upcoming tests. I'm already slacking behind and I have to find a way to catch up."

He glanced at me. "You failed your surprise test last time," he reminded me and I lowered my gaze.

"Yeah, it's been hard to focus," I muttered lowly without meeting his gaze.

"How would you want me to help you with that?" he asked and I was taken aback by his direct offer. I was glad to be his favorite student.

"Well," I began and turned my phone off before I met his gaze over the screen of his laptop. "Is there a way you can tell me about the important details of the course that I should be focusing on, any important questions that I should pay attention to?"

"Of course there is," he told me and shut his laptop with a quick snap. "I can even pass you with flying colors if you want."

That nipped my attention. "You will?" I pushed my phone into my bag and looked at him. "Well, that would be brilliant!"

He beamed. "I'm sure it is," he told me and I nodded.

"So where do we begin?"

"We will have to make a few adjustments for a proper arrangement and then we will go from there." His words gave me dreading pause.

"Arrangement?" Adjustments? What did he mean by that?

He leaned back to his seat and pinned me with his sharp gaze. "Everything requires an equal give and take Vaanya," he murmured and I gaped at him. "That shouldn't surprise you. You look like a woman who knows her ways around the world."

"I certainly do," I muttered and glanced at the halls to check if someone was overhearing us. "But—"

"You only have to decide how far you would go to get what you want and how badly do you want it."

I had always known him to be the one falling for my charms. I knew he looked at me when he thought I wasn't noticing him. I was aware that he had a thing for me but I didn't anticipate such a blatant advancement.

Quite frankly, his behavior didn't scare me or cause me a reason for discomfort. It thrilled me when he looked at me with so much need and greed in his eyes. I had to admit his offer wasn't half a bad idea because I was down for some thrill and what was better than indulging in forbidden debauchery?

I smirked when I met his gaze. "When do we begin?"

He looked shocked and pleased. "How about right now?" That was fine by me.

I had a secret side to my personality that nobody knew about me. It had grown on me over the years but I had learned to conceal it well under my mask of perfection. Sleeping with the professor spiked the adrenaline that lasted for over an hour. It made me giddy and jittery. I craved that feeling more than anything in the world. I was addicted to the thrill—I loved the fear of the unknown and I was getting off on that fear. The fear of people finding out—the dean waltzing into such a piece of information would have jeopardized me but that was the best part—danger.

*

I stared at Rakesh's car in the parking lot of my home after I hopped out of mine. What in the hell was he doing here? I shut the door of the vehicle and bolted inside only to find my mother and sister seated with him in our living room.

I was ready to explode when Mom's gaze pinned me and I froze to my stance. She looked ashen and ill—something out of her element. "Wha—"

"Sit," Mom demanded, gesturing me to join her across the couch and I obliged silently, ignoring Jia's gaze on me. She turned her gaze on Rakesh.

"As I was saying," he began. "I will take care of her and be there for her. You will not have to worry about her."

"You lived off my mother's scrapes," I bit out and Mom glared at me. Jia cleared her throat and confusion made my brows knit. What was going on?

A beat of awkward silence followed and I leaned back to my seat as I waited for someone to fill me in. "I understand you feel that way but I have a steady job and I can take care of her."

"But we have been taking care of her just fine." I groaned exasperatedly and looked at Jia. "Why are you here anyway?"

"Can you just let him speak?" Jia snapped at me and I scowled at her. She ignored me and turned to Mom. "Look, I know it's a lot but there has to be a way we can deal with this."

I looked back and forth between them. "Deal with what?"

"But you are too young and do you have any idea how it looks like?" Mom's fingers fumbled when she touched her temple. "I can't afford a scandal like that."

"Can you just tell me what's going on?" I bellowed and Mom sighed. "Why are you even talking—"

"Jia is pregnant," Mom announced and my stomach flipped. "And she doesn't want to abort it."

My jaw dropped as I stared at her, unable to process the brand new piece of news. "You are...what?" My whisper wavered as I stared at my sister who seemed like a stranger to me. "How could you?"

"I didn't mean to," she clarified and my visions blurred with dense tears. "It just happened, Vaanya and since it did, I don't want to give it up."

"But you aren't even finished with school," I shot back and wiped my tears quickly. "You're not ready for this. You don't know the first thing about pregnancy and you want to go along with it?"

"No, you don't know the first thing about me," she bit out curtly and I stared at Mom, asking her for some backup. "It's my body and I'd do whatever the hell I want with it."

"You're just a kid, you don't know what you're talking about," I argued, not caring about the tears anymore. It broke my heart that my sister had got herself into that soup. I wanted that man out of my life and instead, he multiplied himself to push back stronger.

"Mom?" I gaped at her helplessly and she shook her head. I wasn't sure what she was thinking but I was certain that I wasn't on board with this happy family picture. It was a train wreck!

"You hurt me enough Vaanya," Jia said quietly. "Don't make it worse for me. I want to be happy and this is what I want. You either have to support me or you let me go."

"I choose neither, okay?" I wasn't going to lose my sister. Who did he think he was?

"That's not an option," Jia said and drank water from the bottle. "You don't have a say in my affairs anymore. Why don't you go to your room anyway? This doesn't concern you anyway."

My fist clenched on my side. "Don't you dare talk to me like that."

"No she is right," Mom added and my chest deflated as I stared at her and then at Rakesh's smug face. "Go to your room. I'll call you when I need you."

I didn't bother to exchange another word with them when I got out of the house instead and drove to Ranveer's boathouse.

*

Ranveer was almost shrouded in darkness when I walked into the living room. My breath caught in my throat as I watched him lean back to the sofa, bare-chested and a towel wrapped around his waist. It gave me the impression that he had just gotten out of the shower.

His lips tilted to smile as he exhaled the smoke from his mouth before I kicked my shoes off and walked to him. "You didn't leave for the race?"

"Mm." He tapped the butt of the joint to dust the ashes. "They canceled last minute but I'll be out in a while. What happened?" He moved his arm as I scooted closer to him, making room for me as I slid my arms around him.

I snuggled into his chest, not wanting to face the world right now. The events of the afternoon followed by the evening crashed onto me and I wept.

"Hey, what's going on?" He swiped my hair away from my temples and pressed his lips against the top of my head. "Vaanya...shit. You're scaring me. What happened?"

I leaned away from him and sniffled. "I—I'm exhausted Ranveer," I mumbled as he wiped the tears off of my face. "Grr...I'm so angry."

He narrowed his eyes quizzically. "Okay?"

"My family is nuts!" I pushed to my feet and began to walk back and forth. "They don't understand that their actions are going to ruin all of us—I mean, first my mother and now Jia? Can you believe his audacity?"

"I would if I knew what you're talking about." Ranveer's dark eyes searched mine and I sighed. "What did he do to Jia?"

"She's pregnant." I threw my arms up in the air exasperatedly and he stared at me blankly. "With my mother's boyfriend and she doesn't even want to consider abortion. That guy wants to whisk her away from our lives and I've never felt so helpless."

He took a long drag from the joint. "Did he force himself on her?"

"She refuses it but I'm sure he has manipulated her into sleeping with her," I clarified and he nodded slowly. "I found out recently and had him out of our house but now he is back with a bang—literally."

"I'm sorry you have to go through this," he muttered and exhaled the smoke in a rush. "That's fucked up but hey, it's your little sister. You have to be there for her no matter what. I'm sure that's what she wants."

I huffed. "And just be okay with the fact that she's carrying that sick man's child who claims to be in love with her?"

He arched a brow up questioningly. "Does she love him?"

"Yeah she does, or she says that she does."

He nodded and looked away. "Well then, you have let her be."

"How could you even say that?"

He hooded his eyes on me. "It's still her life Vaanya—"

"Which she deliberately ruined—"

"But you can help her now that the damage has been done beyond repair," he deadpanned and I narrowed my gaze on him.

"Would you say the same if it were your sister?"

"I'd definitely be there for my sister," he said solutely and took another drag, leaning back to his seat.

"Easy for you to say, that's not your sister. So," I muttered and rolled my eyes, snatching the can of soda from the coffee table in front of him.

"You have to give her some space," he told me as I popped the can open. "It already must be a lot for her. I'm sure she wasn't intending for it to happen but now it's there. If she wants to keep the baby then you guys have to be there for her as a functional family."

I thought about that and sighed in defeat. "What if we lose her?"

His lips curled to a smile. "That's your sister. You will never lose her. However, you can try to bridge the gaps with her and make it better for her. Stress isn't very good for pregnancy."

"How can I walk up to her and act like I don't hate that thing inside her?"

"That thing is your sister's unborn child." His tone was gruff and I pursed my lips. "I understand you despise it and the circumstances aren't favorable or easy but if you foster that kind of hate for your sister's unborn child, I don't see how you won't lose her."

I nodded slowly. "Yeah, you're right," I agreed and walked to him. "You're right. I have to set aside my differences and be there for her."

"And I'll help you in any way I can," he told me and nuzzled his nose to mine. His little gesture made my heart flutter in my chest. "Come on now, kiss me."

He swept me off my feet. 

~~~~

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