'Point of restitution.' 

Ranveer

2020

I walked towards the window after taking a hit from my joint and watched Vaanya flit out and about my front yard as she got off her car.

It was nearly one in the morning, what was she doing in my boathouse?

Warmth spread through my chest and down my body, making my heart beat harder. I didn't trust myself in the same room with her. Looking into her eyes, I thought I could trust her and I did and that cost me more than what I could have afforded. Her presence was complicating my present dynamics. She was a mistake that I didn't wish to commit again.

The rustling of footsteps near the threshold of the foyer caught on to me and I straightened, tightening the towel wrapped around my waist before I pushed my fingers through my damp hair to comb it. Damn it.

I had warned Vaanya to steer clear of me, as much as I admired her resilience, I also despised the fight inside her. I didn't want to break her.

I stood near the glass window as I deliberated over my options silently and she walked through the door of my living room. Vaanya was dressed in red.

My favorite color. It was the color of passion but it reminded me of violence.

I let my eyes fall over her, in the middle of my living room, seated on the center sofa. Her eyes shifted towards me to catch my gaze and then shifted from side to side. Was she uncomfortable or displeased? Either way, I couldn't have cared any less about that.

I leaned over the center table, picking up the lounge pants that I had tossed earlier in the evening. Slipping my legs in, I pulled them up to my waist and whipped the towel from my waist. "Is there a reason for your visit?"

Her eyes were dark, lurching over me and I threw the towel on the floor. "You don't think we both owe a conversation to each other?"

I exhaled harshly, aggravated by her tug of war. "What makes you think I care about that?" I picked my joint from the ashtray and took another hit.

"Because you do," she shot back and I pinned her down with my gaze. "You have been ignoring me since years straight, Ranveer. I want to change that."

I combed my damp hair with my fingers. "I knew you were inexperienced but I didn't take you for being stupid too." I didn't care if I offended her. "There's a reason I have been avoiding you and you know why. Don't make this any more complicated than it is."

"But it's not." She pushed to her feet and slid across the coffee table as she walked to me. "You have to know the kind of guilt I live with but we have always been best friends, we have always been together." She reached for my hand and I deflected her move. "And I'm done waiting."

"No you have been patient, I have been in a juvenile center," I lashed out and she backed away. "My patience is wearing thin and I'm exhausted." I exhaled the smoke and moved my gaze away from her face. "You know exactly why we shouldn't be seen together."

"So you just want me to be a sitting duck? Act like I don't—" She pursed her lips and shook her head. "I will do anything to make it right Ranveer. Let me be here for you." Goddamn it. Vaanya made it impossible for me.

"You will only fuck this up," I told her and took another drag from the joint. That night...it was on me. I brought that upon myself and I had to find a way to correct my means. "You should leave me alone Vaanya. There's nothing I have to offer and there's nothing I need from you." I turned my gaze back on the windows and peered at the night city.

"Tell me something," she began as I pressed my forehead against the cool glass and I breathed hard. "Do you think we can still go back to the way we were?"

Everything had changed beyond the point of restitution. Giving another chance of restoration would have directly resulted Vaanya in jeopardy and I couldn't afford that.

Noting my silence, she said, "I got my answer." I saw her reflection over the glass as she fetched her bag from the sofa and began to head out. "I came here at this hour to talk." She stood near the sofa and faced my back. I just shook my head. My restrain was starting to betray me. "To see if we can still fix this but I see you don't want that." The burn of the smoke sat in the back of my throat as I took another hit. I couldn't bring myself to speak another word. My throat tightened. "But get this Ranveer, I will not stop until we find our way back to each other."

I winced furtively. I knew that—I knew her insistence but I wasn't going to worry about that.

"You have no idea how hard it's been without you." The hint of mischief and allure in her eyes faded into a searing pain that I failed to stand. "We both have been through our separate hells but that doesn't mean we can't find a common ground to fix this."

"You're wasting your breath." My gaze caught hers through the reflection and she shook her head.

"You are wrong this time." And then she walked out of the room while I hesitated to follow her—tell her how desperately I wanted her to be with me but I knew better.

I knew I had to hurt her to protect her. I couldn't reel her back to ruin her this time. I had to hate her.

*

I pulled the collar of my jacket away from the heat of my neck as I marched into the nightclub. What the fuck was Kunal's problem? Did he think he could videotape every woman in Mumbai? Hell, I was sick of his antics.

Aagnay was on the balcony over the VIP lounge as I walked to him and set my hand on the marbled counter at the bar to order drinks. "I can't focus on this event," he said, straightening his suit jacket as I placed my order for scotch.

"My mind isn't ready for a media frenzy," I told him and leaned away from the counter. "I have been preoccupied lately."

He placed his hands on the counter and leaned to look at me. "You name the person and I'll buy him out."

"I need to get my head straight," I muttered and downed the double shot of scotch.

"Are you okay?" he asked as I bowed my head and let the alcohol burn the pit of my stomach. "I'd like you to be on this with me. I need that Veer."

"I'm listening," I told him and straightened immediately. "What is it?"

"We have to find a way to deal with Ishani," he said and I ran my fingers through the top of my head before I sighed. "It has to be discreet and clean."

I downed another shot of scotch and nodded. "Have you asked her about it?"

"There's nothing to ask," he gritted out, agitation and aggravation crossed his face and I crossed my arms over my chest. There was a wall between us. Aagnay was twisted and I didn't question his ways. "We are only leaning towards the right course of action even if she isn't in complete approval of my ways."

I turned my gaze on him as we moved towards the crescent sofa across the vast space. "How gone do you want her?"

"Buried," he said as I nodded. "I don't want another set of complications."

I drank from the glass and sat on the sofa. "I'm assuming you have devised a plan."

Aagnay shot me a look, smiling. "That includes you just as deep as I am."

Amusement lifted the corners of my mouth as I raised my brows. "My sources are your sources," I told him and raised my glass before I downed the remainder of the content and swallowed them. "Where do we begin?"

*

Dad took a seat in the garden of my family home and Mom sat across me. I crossed my arms, feeling an ocean of difference between us because, after so many years, my sister was at a different college in a different city. Everything was fucked up.

It was because of me—because my parents feared she would have a hard time dealing with people who saw her as a juvenile delinquent's sister because my reputation had spread, just a sight of me also made up the effects that caught on the vices I wasn't willing to indulge into.

My father shot me a look, smiling. "How's college?"

"So far so good," I replied and turned my gaze on my mother. "Did you speak with Vedika?"

"That girl! She spent the whole night partying last night and woke up sick this morning when I called her." Mom leaned back to her seat and Dad laughed. "All because you have to spoil your daughter like that."

Dad scoffed. "She's a teenager. Cut her some slack, will you? I'm sure she had a good time and all that matters is that she is safe and happy. Isn't that right, Veer?"

Mom huffed and the corner of my mouth lifted in amusement. The back and forth bickering between my parents was a personal favorite of mine not long ago—it still was, but the appeal had faded over time when I brought dishonor upon my family. There's no way I was ever going to forgive myself for that.

I nodded, reaching for the cup of Darjeeling tea on the coffee table.

Mom rolled her eyes. "Talking to you about anything is futile."

Dad laughed and folded the set of newspapers on his lap. "You tell me if something happens in the college okay? Do you need anything at your boathouse?"

"It's alright Dad," I muttered to the mouth of the steaming cup of tea and blew on the surface of the beverage. "However, my visit has a purpose."

His lips quirked and he straightened on the bamboo sofa. "To meet your poor father you barely pay attention to?"

"You don't have to remind me how horrible of a son I have always been," I threw back and he laughed lowly, fetching the cup of tea from the coffee table. "And I did visit to meet you both." Smiles spread on my parent's lips as if I had just made their day. It ripped me apart to see their joy on something as simple as my visit. After the fall, I couldn't bring myself to face them.

A proud IPS officer and his doting wife—a perfect mother of two had raised a fucking drug peddler. If I could have—I'd had taken a quiet leave from their lives for the better but my parents were more functional than I had hoped for.

"Never say that again," Mom bit out coldly and stood up. "Do you have any idea how much it hurts us when you are sad? Who do we have except you and Vedika? Do you think this is some joke?" She looked at Dad for back up and I turned my head to hide my silent wince.

"You know we are proud of you," Dad added instantaneously and the affliction of his tone stirred something else inside me—hate—I despised myself. "Sure we are not happy about the fact that you still indulge in drugs and it's risky and I would ask you again to quit it—"

"You don't have anything to be proud of," I fished exasperatedly. I didn't deserve them. "A disappointment will always be just that, disappointment."

"Enough," Mom snapped at me and I breathed hard, running my hand over my face. "Disappointment or not, you are our son and you can't run away from us even if you want to."

"You are a good kid, son." Dad's voice softened and I stared at nothing as I listened to him. "Tell me, one person who hasn't made mistakes—"

"Exactly," Mom insisted. "I'm proud of you alright? Both of us are whether you believe it or not. Now tell us what happed with Aagnay."

I didn't register the period when we indulged in a detailed conversation about Aagnay's bearings. I ran the plan by both of them to check for loopholes and noted the better course of action under the circumstances.

Dad leaned back to his seat and Mom stared at me blankly. "Good God! Bhasins are..." She rubbed her temples and chuckled. "Wow. I must admire their audacity."

That made me smile and I jerked my chin at my father. "So I take it's decided then?"

"I will have to make a few calls but it's not impossible," he said and met my gaze. "Make sure you don't end up as the scapegoat."

I finished the tea and set the cup on the table. I shook my head. "Don't worry about that," I answered and faltered, lowering my gaze. "I should go."

Mom looked up at me as I stood up. "Do you still have that dangerous bike race to get to this evening?"

"As a matter of fact, I do," I answered and caressed her face. She was the best woman I had known. "And I will take care and call you as soon as I get back to the boathouse. Don't worry, okay?" I turned to my father. "We will meet this weekend?"

His returning smile was resolute. "We certainly will. Don't miss the lunch with us. Call me if you need anything else."

I nodded in agreement as I began to walk out of my family home.

*

Vaanya

2020

God, my mother! Her boyfriend was the worst man I had ever met in my whole life. They weren't even married and he was already at our dinner table acting like he owned our lives.

My father had left us a few years ago after he and my mother got into a nasty fight. My mother decided to settle with a fortune for her alimony and opened her press company to run her news channel and publish her newspapers. She was the media mogul in our community and everyone loved her. I was happy for her success—happier that we weren't broke now that our father had abandoned us but with my father shoved out of the picture, my mother had grown distant and cold with her daughters. She didn't pay attention to us as much as she used to and that hurt.

I had just finished eating chicken stew for lunch that my mother had ordered online and Rakesh—my mother's lover spoke up. "Have you decided on your electives yet?"

I placed the fork on my almost empty plate with a clatter. "I don't see why you should know anything about that."

"Vaanya!" my mother snapped. "That is not a way to speak with—"

"Who?" I snapped back. "My father?" Her lips thinned and Jia caught my hand under the table. "I'm sorry but he can't replace him," I said and looked at the bald man across the table. "No matter how hard you try."

"That's unacceptable," my mother bit out and tossed the napkin on the table. "Are you forgetting the decorum? In this household, we happen to have one."

I rolled my eyes and leaned back to my seat. "Does that decorum also include bringing another man to our dinner table? How does he even qualify to be a part of our family dinner is beyond me honestly."

"Well, I decide that." Her tone was resolved and at the same time, Jia said, "it isn't all that bad if you look at it. I mean the food is nice." She smiled at my mother and her boyfriend and I gaped at her.

"How are you even okay with this?" My mother didn't bother to take care of us and Jia had been turning a blind eye away to her constant negligence.

"Because I want to move on," she told me, and my chest deflated. "Can you at least try to move on? For me? Please?"

I was trying alright. I just didn't know how to picture another man who was trying so hard to replace the man I grew up with. I despised him, not because he was my mother's boyfriend but because he was sinister and I knew it. I had known that he was only sticking around my mother because she had money—she was the leading journalist who was popular in the whole country. There was no true love—she was blinded by him.

I remained silent as she continued to eat and glanced at my mother. I knew well. That expression on her fine face indicated that she was mentally checked out. She had resigned from the conversation and was willing to have her boyfriend all by herself.

Rakesh turned his attention back on me and his smile split his face in half. "You did a splendid job at the Ahuja's dinner the other night. It's always nice to hear wonderful things about you."

"Yeah, my father raised me right," I muttered and Jia glared at me from sideways. I kicked my feet and forced a smile across my face. "I mean—yeah, of course! I only try to be the best."

"And you indeed are," my mother chirped. "You're my daughter after all. Remember to always make the best of your appearances. We certainly don't want a scandal now, do we?"

"Vaanya is the best," Jia added quickly and I genuinely smiled at her. My little sister was my favorite person. She was the only one I was concerned about. "But you're the worst when you're mad."

That made me chuckle. "Well, then you better make sure you don't give me a reason to be mad at you okay?"

She grinned as she finished her lunch. "Ah, you can't be mad at me. You love me too much to do that." And she was right.

"I have to go prepare for tomorrow's lectures," I said and pushed to my feet to head back to my room. I was in desperate need to be alone and away from them. I stepped into my room and sighed heavily after locking my door.

In the privacy of my room, I could be anyone I wanted to be.

*

The next day at CSU had been surreal with the girls. I was more than willing to meet Ranveer but he was ignoring me like I didn't matter to him. It shredded my heart to know that there was now a gulf of distance between us.

I had never forgotten him—I grew up loving him. He was my childhood love—my sweetest heart and he couldn't bear to look at my face. I was afraid he was going to hate me but ever since he had returned years ago, he had changed beyond recognition.

It only flared severe longing in my heart because he was everything I had sought in a man. Sadly, he had made it abundantly clear that we couldn't go back to our old ways and I thought it was only fair after everything he had been through. I wanted to steer clear of him and I tried—I tried to date other men but I always ended up looking for him in every man I had ever met. Nobody was Ranveer Goyal and I couldn't force myself to love another man except him.

*

At my home, my mother had invited a few people over for dinner for celebrating a little success at her workplace. She beamed at me as I walked into the kitchen and fetched a cool bottle of water from the refrigerator. "Wear something fine tonight, okay? Also, behave."

I forced a smile and sipped the water slowly from the bottle before I nodded. "You don't have to remind me to put up a front for your guests."

"I know but just in case," she said and began to set the plates on the dinner table. "If something isn't to your liking, don't forget to behave like how a graceful lady would."

I nodded and set the bottle on the dinner table across her with a thud and stormed back to my bedroom, ignoring my mother calling my name after me.

All my life had been about the good play—act like the angel of mercy and love. I had been raised to be the best girl in the whole wide world—so good that nobody could ignore me. Nobody cared what I wanted. I had to keep on giving—keep on loving; my kindness was my asset and I was born to spread happiness. Bullshit.

I was in desperate need of help—I needed a release.

I popped my head into Jia's room. "Can you make sure you stall for me tonight?"

She flipped through the pages of her magazine and looked up at me. "Is there somewhere else you have to be?"

"Yeah, I want to go shopping," I told her and approached her bed. "I'm not in the mood for tonight's dinner."

"But I was looking forward to good food and music," she grumbled and sat up. "Now I'm gonna be so bored without you."

"Aw," I smiled at her sweetly as she curled her lips to a pout like a silly little girl. "I'll be back soon, don't worry. Till then, you can spend some time with Mom and Rakesh while you enjoy the food, yeah?"

"Alright," she mumbled and I kissed her on her cheek softly and began to head back to my room. "Can you get me some chocolates on your way back?"

"Why of course," I told her as I halted at the threshold of her room. "And some brownies?"

She grinned and I chuckled. "Yay! You rock!"

I didn't rock. I just knew what people liked and I gave it to them even before they asked. It was an instinct I had grown over the years so I would never have to give out a reason for people to grow a certain disliking to me. After all, I was the flawless angel incarnate. 

~~~~

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