Chapter Twenty-Four: Solo.

I hold my phone in my hand. Still in shock and broken.

My phone bings with the announcement of a new text message. The message is sent from BLOCKED. This time, the video, proving that my pain is just getting worse. The video automatically downloads and begins to play when I open the text, validating that the voice in the audio from the phone call is in fact Jake.

"All sh-she was... was a gg-goooddd fuck..."

"Wh-who e-eendded up be..ing all..so batshit crazy."

The words play over and over again through my phone's speakers and my head.

He loves me.

He wouldn't do this to me.

He can't.

I've gone into a state of shock combined with physical numbness and internal ache. I don't want to believe he classifies me as crazy. I've tried my best to be as normal as I can for myself, him and every else around me. I'm taking my medication. I'm controlling my mind as much as I can. I... I... I'm doing as much as I can, but it doesn't seem like it's enough for him to not frown upon my illness. I sit on the bed, bringing my head to my hands as my shoulders shake.

I don't feel him, enter the room. I forgot all about counting his time back and lost sense of time.

"Sky? What's wrong?" Jake crouches down at the edge of the bed.

He pulls my head from my hands, cupping my wet cheeks with both of his hands. I don't fight him not because I want him to touch me, but because I'm too distraught to do something about it.

I shake my head, hiccuping a breath between all the tears and silent sobs. If you want to hit me where it hurts the most, just criticize and judge me for my bipolar disorder and that's what he did in that recording.

"No. Talk to me." He demands. "You were happy just a few minutes ago. What happened?"

I take his hands away from my face, cleaning my cheeks with my forearms as I reach for my phone. I unlock it, playing the video once again. This time for him.

"I doonn'tt... fucking care any...more." His voice emits from my phone for the third time. "All sh-she was... was a gg-goooddd fuck..."

Jake's face remains expressionless as he continues to listen and watch the video of him struggling to stand up straight as a group of strangers surrounds him. Tears silently continuing to fall.

"Wh-who e-eendded up be..ing all..so batshit crazy."

He rubs his mouth and his chin with his hand and continues to watch.

"Happy fucking New Year!" And the clip finally comes to an end.

Jake's hand goes from his mouth to his hair, still not demonstrating any emotion or response to what he just saw which only scares me more. The room is filled with silence and tension radiating from us. I'm waiting for him to say something, something that would at least somehow minimize the pain and humiliation I'm feeling.

Jake drops his hand to his hands, avoiding eye contact. "Holly filmed it." He stops. "I don't.. I don't remember everything, but I remember enough to know it was her."

My hopes of my hurt being dissipated vanish.

"Is that what you think of me?" I question. "Look at me, Jake!" I yell, desperate for him to answer my question.

"No! It's not what I think of you!" He yells, abruptly standing up. His voice resonates through the room. "I'm hammered, pissed out of my mind in the video to the point I don't remember that! You know me. Do you think I would speak of a woman that way? Especially you, Sky. As much as I could have hated you or anyone at the time, I wouldn't bad mouth you or them to a group of strangers. I would never disrespect you that way."

The room returns to a tense silence.

"Well, you did." I murmur, defeated.

"That's not me. That guy, in that video, is not me." He shakes his head. "Last time, I drank that much... Mom and Dad had died. I hated them just as much as my drunk self hated you for leaving me.

"I'm... I'm sorry." He murmurs, acquiring my defeated tone and not looking at me. "For hurting you and not controlling my drunk mouth. For the fact that I don't remember anything and you found out this way. I'm sorry."

With a defeated sigh, he turns to leave and exits the room. I'm left in our silent room with the despair of our fight still lingering around me. I don't know what to do or what else to say to him. He explained himself and I'm capable of forgiving him because I love him, but would that be the right thing to do? Forgive and forget?

Jake has been more than amazing as my boyfriend.

He's been considerate and patient with me and how I can turn out to be. He has never disrespected or been an asshole to me. You will always, eventually, hurt those you love. Even more than once in your lifetime. Jake happened to hurt me, but my love for him overshadows the hurt I felt from his words. Holly's intention has always been to drive us apart and I will never let her succeed. If Jake and I ever separate for sure, it won't be because of her.

I leave our room in search for him. The guest rooms are empty and untouched. Having checked the entire second floor, I descend to the first floor. The dim light of the kitchen and the lights from outside coming through the floor to ceiling windows illuminate the concept. The living room also deserted and quiet like all the rooms I've checked. It's moments like this I hate the huge plan of our penthouse. For all I know, he could have left for a walk or just left. I'm becoming worried and feeling more lonely the before as I search and search our big condo and come up empty. I walk to the hallway leading to the last unchecked rooms of the penthouse. I open the door of the gym room to find the lights out. I skip the laundry room classifying it as a stupid place for him to be in and continue to walk further to the end of the hall. I really hope he's in the pool or terrace because I'm not too far from being convinced I'm alone.

The pool is empty but the terrace door is opened half way, a chilly winter/early spring wind coming through. I walk outside and find him leaning against the stone mid wall with a glass on his hand. His back is to me as he supports himself with his elbows on the stone. He takes a drink and continues to gazed at the city.

"I thought you left." I speak, shy and unsure of getting closer to him.

I hug myself as a chilly breeze fills the air. Goosebumps erupting in my skin.

Jake doesn't even turn or flinch at my sudden appearance. His shoulders remain visibly rigid under his sweatshirt. The muscles tensed under his skin. I drop my gaze to the ground hurt at his ignorance. I blink several times to prevent the tears from falling and compose myself.

Unlike me, who's wearing short cotton shorts and a thin tank top, Jake is somewhat acceptably dressed to be outside with his sweatshirt and one and only sweatpants.

I walk to the other end of the terrace and sit on one of the chairs from the small tea table set we have outside. The cold night will probably guarantee me a trip down the sick road, but I refuse to go to bed with us upset with each other. I stare at my hands in my lap and remain quiet. He didn't acknowledge my words so I'm assuming he doesn't want my company at the moment but only silence. I feel myself starting to slightly shiver as minutes go by and Jake continues to sip the amber liquor -- illuminated by the lights of nearing buildings -- from his glass. It's ironic that he's out here drink one of the many drinks that caused our feud.

My body reaches it's limit to the point of freezing. I've waited as long as I could and he remained oblivious to my presence. My nails have turn blue and I'm sure my lips must be close to purple if they still haven't reached the color. I give up, standing from the chair. I rub my hands up and down my arms, attempting to bring heat to my overly cold body.

"I'm... I'm going to bed. Goodnight." My voice wavers at the end and I make my exit more quickly. I stop at the door dividing the terrace and the pool. "In case you're having any doubts, I still love you."

Right as I fully step inside, he says, "That's not the problem, Sky."

I turn abruptly at the sound of his voice, frustrated.

"Then, what is it? I spent more than twenty minutes outside with you freezing my fucking ass off wanting to put whatever this is to rest and not go to bed upset."

I sigh, taking a deep breath and rubbing my forehead. "We all make mistakes and one of yours was this one. But I know you love me and that's enough for me to forgive you."

I gulp the knot on my throat and grit my teeth as tears fall involuntarily down my cheek, psyching myself to stop. Jake's looking at me with an emotionless expression and I decide now I should definitely leave. "I'm going to bed." I repeat before adding, "Let me know when you're ready to accept the fact I can forgive and forget."

The words sound harsher than I intended.

I didn't think this was going to create such a big gap between us tonight. I'm willing to move on and I was the one who was primarily hurt. I'm trying to think and decipher what has him sulking in it. I make my way upstairs hoping that I'm stopped by his steps behind me, but they never come. I enter our room, shutting the door. I turn on Jake's nightstand lamp on his side for a dim light in the room.i draw the curtains from the floor to ceiling windows for privacy and block the morning sun in advance. I get into my side of the bed, somewhat still hurt.