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OLIVER FLETCHER

PAST
JUNE 2019

Now that my first year of university was over and I had a few months off for summer, I had no clue what I wanted to do with my time. I was still paying for my halls accommodation so I didn't want to go home just yet considering money was fairly tight at the moment.

But as Max spent the weekend moving his stuff to his friend's house, I decided to take the train down to see my mother. Ever since she gave me that scare with the overdose I had been weary of her, making sure I took time out of my day to message and call when I could.

She seemed better, she had been prescribed new medication for her mental health which I was pleased about, started seeing a therapist and getting out a bit more.

I wish I could say that I had come down to see her more but completing my work was building up on me, the stress was like no other. Guilt built up in my body at the thought of not being here more, maybe I needed to be better. Especially now Max had graduated, I would have more time.

As I approach my mothers front door I grasp the bunch of pink roses in one hand as I raise my other to knock. After a few moments it swings open and my mum stands, smiling back at me.

"Oli," she says as she holds out her arms, stepping forward to embrace her body.

"Hi mum," I say as I wrap my arms around her body. "How are you?"

"I'm well," she nods, squeezing onto my shoulders tightly. "How are you my love?"

"I'm good," I say in return, pulling back slightly. "Just pleased to see you."

"Me too," she smiles, her eyes crinkling at the sides. I noticed how heavy the bags under her eyes were, shades of blue and purple like she hadn't slept.

I frown but move the roses to her hands. "I got you these," I say brightly.

Her dull eyes float down to the flowers as she beams at me but her exhaustion shone through. "Oh Oli, thank you so much. That is so sweet of you."

"That's okay," I shake my head.

"Come in and I can put them in a vase." She pulls away from the door and turns, walking down the hall and into the kitchen.

I shut the door behind me and follow her, watching as she fills up an obtuse vase with water and places the flowers inside gently. "There," she grins back at them. "How beautiful."

"Glad you like them mum," I comment.

"Let's sit and we can have a good old catch up," she nods towards me, flicking the kettle on as we walk towards the living room.

I place myself down onto the green material sofa, my mother sitting in the armchair across the room. She reaches across to a cupboard and takes out a bottle of pills, dumping a couple onto her hand and throwing them into her mouth.

She grasps a cup of water and swallows. "The doctor gave me some more pills," she tells me before lowering the glass.

"What are they for?" I ask curiously as I shuffle up into my seat.

"Anxiety, depression," she lists. "Everything really."

"How many are you meant to be taking?"

Her shoulders shrug. "A couple."

"Mum—"

"Anyway, how have you been my dear?" She grins at me, her eyes falling limp. "I haven't seen you for a while."

"I've been good," I nod, still eyeing her suspicious behaviour. "I've been really busy with university work, I had no idea how hectic this year would be."

"You managed well though, didn't you?" She asks.

I nod instantly. "Of course, Max helped a lot."

"Max is your boyfriend?"

"Yes," I nod. "He was here when I came over."

My mother ponders for a second, her eyes roaming over the living room. "Oh yes I remember," she grips onto the arm of the chair tightly.

"I took him to go see dad," I tell her. "It went really well."

Something in my mothers eye twitches at the mention of my dad and I swallow harshly. "You went to see your father?"

"Yeah," I breathe out. "He asked for us to come over."

"So you're seeing your father more than you see me?" Her voice raises.

"What?" My heart beats harshly in my chest at her sudden distress. "Of course not."

"I've been sat here struggling and you've been off seeing your father?!" Her voice snaps out of nowhere.

My eyes blink back at her in shock. "Mum," I try to gage her attention but she doesn't have any of it.

She continues to shake her head over and over, her eyes flicking between objects in the living room. "You-you never come to see me," her body shakes. "You ignore that I even exist."

"That is not true," I shake my head towards her, feeling tears sting my eyes. "I am always calling you, texting you. Making sure you're okay day and night."

"You are never there for me!" Her voice booms through the house.

My lips part to take a breath, seconds away from hyperventilating. "How can you say that?"

"You bring up y-your father but you are the reason that he left!" Her voice screams at me, her eyes flicking with tiredness. "You are the reason that I am like this!"

Tears drip from my eyes, no longer able to control my emotions. "He didn't leave because of me," I say barely above a whisper. "He loves me."

My mother scoffs at my words. "That's what you think," her eyes roll. "But you don't know all the things he used to say to me about you."

"Why are you doing this?" I shake my head in disbelief. "Why are you being so nasty?"

"Because you're a shit son," she spits as she draws herself to the edge of her seat. "You are a shit son."

Her words brutalise my heart, every inch of me turning numb as endless tears fall from my eyes. She continues to blast words at me but I can't hear anything she says, watching as her body falls droopier and droopier.

After a few moments she slumps back into her chair and presses a hand to her forehead. I could tell the medication was making her drowsy, there is no way she should be taking that many pills at the same time. Especially the same type.

I sniffle and call for an ambulance, I didn't know what else to do. No matter how many horrible things she had said to me, I couldn't just leave her in this state. This was the last place I wanted to be.

I stare at her for a few moments before raising my phone to my ear and listening to the emergency services options.

PRESENT
MAY 2021

My whole body ached as I opened my eyes, a loud thumbing vibrated through my head at an alarming rate. I grunt and roll, not expecting a tight hold to keep me in place. My eyes widen further, then realising that I wasn't in my room.

I was in fact in Max's. My hands shuffle to push myself up, hating that my stomach flipped and I could still taste the acidic Jager bombs that I downed last night.

Why the fuck was I here?

My eyes float down to Max who was sleeping in nothing but his boxers beside me, his messy hair laying on his pillow. After a few moments his eyes flutter open as he looks up at me and smiles.

"Good morning," he tells me.

I silently grunt at the sound, my body felt like I'd been run over by a train multiple times. Why do I do this to myself?

"Here," Max grumbles out as he pushes himself up from the bed and reaches to his bedside table. Retrieving a glass of water and a packet of ibuprofen. "How you feeling?"

My eyes study him for a second as I take the water and tablets. "I've been better," I admit, my throat burning as I speak.

I pop out two tablets and place them into my mouth before washing them down with water, my tongue feeling grateful for the cool liquid. My mouth tasted and felt like the Sahara desert, I'll never know why I enjoy drinking so much when I feel like this after.

Max takes the glass from my hands and places it back down, I glance towards the bed and notice my clothes scattered across the floor. My face burns in flames, struggling to breathe. Oh God, what did I do last night?

"How did I get back here?" I ask after a few moments.

Max's brown eyes flick between mine gently. "Well you called me after leaving the bar, you tried to walk home..." he trails off. "So I called you an Uber and you came back here."

"Oh," I say quietly.

My eyes draw from his bare chest to his clothes on the other side of the floor. "Did we sleep together?" I question before squeezing my eyes shut at the sheer humiliation.

"What?" Max says in disbelief. "No, of course we didn't."

"Did we kiss?"

"No, we ate cheesy chips and cuddled." Max says instantly, my eyes slowly look up at his.

An uncertain look on his face as he watches me. "Oh," I say again, nausea slowly decreasing inside of my body.

"I'd never take advantage of you Oliver, you know that right?" He moves his head closer to mine, his tone almost desperate for me to believe him.

"I know," I nod quickly. "I was just thinking about what I would have been doing to you."

Max cracks a smile. "Well believe me, we just made food, I listened to you chat shit and we fell asleep."

"I'm sorry if I ruined your evening," I mumble out pathetically.

Hangxiety was in full swing and I wanted to throw up all over again.

"You didn't ruin anything," he tells me sincerely. "If anything you made my night better, you scared me when you said you were walking home. It was like two in the morning and the walk was over an hour."

My cheeks hurt from how much blood had run to them, why was I so stupid?

"Yeah I don't make great decisions when I'm drunk," I admit as I lower my gaze.

"I'm just glad you rung me," he says after a few moments.

I clear my throat quietly and nod, bringing my eyes back up to his.

"Do you remember anything from last night?" He asks delicately.

My eyebrows furrow towards him, his words sparking something inside of me that I didn't like. "Not really no," I admit.

Max blinks back as me as he shuffles underneath the sheets, he heaves out a sigh and looks back at me. "You know that you told me you loved me?" He breathes out quietly.

Everything inside my body freezes at his words, taking my breath away completely. Attempting to swallow but I couldn't even do that, panic washes over every bone in my body.  This was too much, far too much.

Without saying another word I slide out of the bed and reach for my clothes, noticing how my hands were trembling aggressively.

"What are you doing?" Max asks sounding confused.

"I need to go," I mumble out as I grab my t-shirt and attempt to slide it over my head.

I could hear Max get off the bed and approach me. "Oliver, we can talk about it if you want to," he tells me gently.

My head shakes continuously as my throat burns, tears clouding my vision.

Max grabs onto my hands and drops my jeans. "Stop trying to push me away," he demands.

"Let go of me," I growl out as I look up at his face.

He shakes his head and backs me into the wall, stopping me from moving all together. His eyes roam my face, noticing how distressed I currently was. Slowly he licks his bottom lip and sighs. "You said what you said Oliver, you don't need to run from this."

My lips wobble as I stare back at him. Of course I loved him, I've always loved him. I never stopped. I could never stop.

I lower my head as silent tears roll down my cheeks. "Hey," Max whispers as he clutches my face between his warm hands. Gradually I pick up the courage to look him in the eyes. "I love you Oliver, I love you so much that it fucking hurts."

My teeth dig into my bottom lip to stop myself from crying again but it was no use, I couldn't stop. "You are the only reason I came back to London, you were the only reason that I got up everyday because I knew that if I stayed out there long enough to get to see your face again, then I'd do it. I can't do life without you Oliver, I can't do it."

Max's eyes started to glisten as he speaks, his jaw tensing in attempt to not lose himself but he wasn't winning.

"I can't do it either," I mumble between tears.

He lets out a strained sigh. "Then what are we doing?" He questions deeply. "I want to be with you and I know that you want to be with me. I don't want to keep being pushed away, it hurts to see you like this Oliver."

His pleading voice broke me into a million pieces, I open my mouth to talk but instead avert my gaze. My lungs couldn't breathe, I couldn't inhale as much as I wanted. So I tried to stay calm.

"Love isn't always enough Max," I sniffle, wiping my damp eyes.

Max's face falls, he blinks once and an array of tears drip down his cheeks. "What can I do Oliver?" He questions desperately, cupping my face with his hands again. "Please tell me what I can do to fix this."

"I need trust, I need safety, I need to know that you're never going to leave me again," my voice strains as I speak. "I can't go through that again Max, it will fucking kill me."

He lowers his forehead to mine and closes his eyes, watching his jaw click as his cheeks remain damp. "I will never leave you again Oliver. Seeing you hurt like this is enough to haunt me for the rest of my life, knowing how much pain you've been in. I couldn't do that to you again, I can't. Even if I had to, I'd fight with everything I had to stay right by your side."

My lips quiver as a tiny cry erupts from my chest. "Being with you feels so right but I'm just so scared Max, I'm so scared."

Max sighs and replaces his forehead with his lips, kissing me delicately. "I know you are baby," he hums. "I want to prove to you that I mean what I say. Asking you to trust me is a big commitment, I understand. But I want to spend everyday making it up to you, until you even forget why you were scared in the first place."

I part my lips to breathe, flicking my swollen and damp eyes between his. Seeing Max upset was a rarity and it was breaking my heart, we both deserve to be happy. The pain and sadness was clear, anyone could see it. No matter how hard he tries to cover how he really feels, you could see the agony behind his eyes.

"Please just give me a chance Oliver," he tries again. "A chance to prove to you that you can trust me."

My lips purse as I clench my eyes shut and attempt to control my breathing.

"But if you want me to leave, I won't bother you again."

"No," the words fall quicker than I intended to. "I'd never forgive myself if I let you walk away now. Not after everything."

Max's lip curves slightly. "So what are you saying?" He raises an eyebrow. "You'll give me another chance?"

"Yes," I whisper out gently. "I'll give you another chance."

. . .

Read up to chapter 30 on Patreon
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Link is also in bio!

Hello my loves! Ow sad Oli is not my fav

Do we trust Max won't leave again?

He is too cute and when I think about him, I genuinely don't think anyone loves anyone more than Max loves Oliver. His persistence and patience gives me life and I adore writing about them!

What do you guys think so far?

Do we want drama because it will be coming mwhahah

Hope everyone is okay, I'm recovering from covid currently:(((

See you guys on the next one, love Sav x

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