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MAX COSTELLO

PAST
DECEMBER 2019

The last month has been hectic, crazy and quite frankly dangerous. I thought Jeff was done with all his dodgy shit when I gave him back the bag full of cash but that's when we started getting harassed.

Passive aggressive letters started coming through Jeff's front door, his parents at first were confused but he assured them it was a prank. Afraid that they would call the police and make this situation ten times worse.

During this time I moved out, I couldn't be associated with that shit anymore. All I did was hold a bag for him and drop it off, I didn't agree to do anything else. But that's where I fucked up, they remembered my face, learnt my name.

Jeff started panicking which only made me panic. He had fucked up with their money and lost ten thousand pounds. It took over forty five minutes to get this information out of him and when I did, I wished that I didn't.

I paced his living room, enough to leave prints in his carpet forever.

The threats started getting more violent and I told Jeff he had to sort this. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't think, I couldn't do anything without looking over my shoulder twice. Making sure that no one was following me and about to smash my head in with a hammer.

I didn't utter a word to Oliver, he didn't need the added stress. It wasn't fair.

Jeff said he'd sort it but I would only believe it when I saw it. The thing with Jeff is that he's a very leave it to the last minute sort of person, and in situations like these, it didn't work out well.

The gang went round to Jeff's house, beat him up and threatened to go after his family, to go after me and anyone I cared about. This wasn't going away and nothing was being done about it.

I screamed at Jeff, telling him to give back the money but he informed me that he was in so much debt that he can't even get out a loan.

Pure fear sank into my skin. They were going to hurt us, they'd hurt Oliver to get anything out of me.

Gangs like them don't care, they want people to be scared, that's how they throw around their power. By terrorising people and showing them why they should never be messed with again.

There is no way I could scrape together ten thousand pounds in the matter of a few days, I had my university debts to pay and my own rent. I'd be homeless and vulnerable.

Jeff stopped replying to my messages, calls, he was nowhere to be found.

I wanted to die. They would come after me next and I'd be done for.

Time was running out, they'd be after me soon. Tracking down my parents, my friends, Oliver.

Only one logical option popped into my head. I had to disappear as well. That was all I could think of. That's how I keep everyone I care about safe.

But leaving my Oliver, fuck how could I leave? No. I had to leave. To keep him safe. I had to.

Tears pricked my eyes at the thought of abandoning him but I didn't know what other choice I had, what else could I do? I had no more time and they were ready to hospitalise me at any given moment.

The last thing I wanted was to see Oliver suffering for choices I made months ago, for getting involved in this stupid shit. I should have said no. I should have said no.

I pack my belongings into a backpack, taking my passport and other needed documents. My hand turns over a notepad and I quickly scribble down my feelings, tears dropping onto the page as I sniffle. Writing the most heartfelt and heartbreaking letter I have ever written.

On the way I store it away in a locker in town that I had rented for the next three years.

He might not forgive me but maybe if he reads the letter he will understand my pain, guilt and sadness.

I take the first train out of the city, I didn't even know where I was going but anywhere was safer than this flat. Then once I've paid for a hotel and sat down to gather my thoughts, I could decide what I want to do after that.

Everything felt like chaos in my mind. I wasn't thinking straight, of course I wasn't. A dangerous and violent gang are fucking after me and I have no clue what to do.

Never in my life have I cried so many tears.

Oliver texts me late that evening and I didn't know if I should say something. The less he knows the better, that's what I convinced myself. He wouldn't understand, he'd try to get me to stay. I would stay and then put us both in danger.

He deserves an explanation, of course he does but I can't offer that to him right now.

I'm such a disappointment. When everything felt like it was going right in my life, everything came crashing back down.

I had to get as far away as possible, somewhere where I knew they couldn't find me. My finger flicks up the google tab and I type in 'Australian Visa'. I could get one in a week, that's okay. I could deal with that.

But first I had to suffer a week of knowing that Oliver is going to be fretting where I am, worried, heartbroken.

Fuck. The thought tears my chest in two.

Leaving without an explanation is a dick fucking move. But he can't know he just can't.

I hope he can forgive me because I sure won't be able to forgive myself.

PRESENT
NOVEMBER 2021

I haven't heard from Oliver in over a week.

After our little trip to the cafe, after he told me that he needed space, I dropped him back to Jamie's friends. Telling him that I was only a phone call or a text away. I would wait until he reached out to me, so I knew he was done with his thinking.

Turning away from him was rough, I didn't want to be away from him for a second. Especially after what happened to him, I wanted to keep him safe in my pocket forever and make sure that no harm ever comes to him again.

I worked shifts upon shifts to distract myself. Each day only made me believe that he was planning on breaking up with me but I guess he didn't exactly know how.

He can't trust me. I put him in the hospital and he can't trust me.

I can't even blame him, he deserves to be angry at me. I'm surprised he even wanted to spend a night with me at the hotel, sleep in my arms and cuddle together like nothing was wrong.

Maybe he needed his last little fix of me before things were done for good. But it wasn't enough for me because I didn't want just a little bit of him, I wanted all of him, all the time.

I had two hours of my shift left, serving drunk customers was definitely the last thing I wanted to do right now. But still, it kept me occupied.

My phone vibrates in my pocket and when I have a spare moment to myself, I take a quick look at it. When Oliver's name flashes across the screen I almost have a heart attack,

I can't work my fingers quick enough to open the message.

Oliver

I'm ready to talk

Panic floods my mind. He's ready to talk... to talk.

Fuck, everyone knows what that means. It's so fucking blatantly obvious what it means.

Even my hands begin to shake from the sudden fear that rushed through every inch of my body. I quickly punch out a text and chew down on my lip anxiously for a reply, hopefully a fast one.

Max

Okay, where?

Oliver

Would you come to Eric's house?

Max

Yes I'll come over after work, I finish at six

Oliver

Okay see you in a bit

The next two hours couldn't go quick enough. My stomach bubbled with paranoia and discomfort. He could say anything to me and I just had to accept it. I fucking hate this.

When I say goodbye to my work friends and head out, I head straight for the station and get the train over to Eric's house. He didn't live too far from Oliver's apartment but the journey still felt torturous.

Every little idea flicked into my mind and I couldn't turn them off. I wanted to filter all the bad ones and focus on the good, but that was near impossible.

As I reach Eric's front door, I brush my knuckles against the wood gently. After a few moments it unlocks and Oliver keeps his head around the corner, when his eyes settle on mine he pulls it back.

"Hi," I exhale a little breathlessly.

"Hi," he glances at me once and looks away.

Oliver looked better than he did last week, complexion clear and skin refreshed. The bandages were now wrapped differently, his fingers were peeping out of the white plastering and it was mainly covering his palms.

"You look well," I comment with a smile.

"Thanks," he nods and shuffles his feet. "I feel better."

I stand awkwardly outside, digging my hands further into my pockets as I look back at him.

"Come in," he shifts out of the way of the door. "Jamie and Eric are both at work."

"Sure," I say as I step into an unfamiliar home.

I don't take much notice of the interior because all I cared about was the conversation we were about to have. Was my heart about to be smashed into a thousand tiny pieces?

"So what did you want to talk to me about?"

Oliver stands in the middle of the kitchen and huffs out a breath, his gorgeous green eyes settle back on mine. "I love you Max," he says effortlessly. Just hearing those words made me catch my breath. "I am so stupidly in love with you."

"I'm stupidly in love with you too," I say straight after.

His lips wobble and that's when I wait for the catch. He wraps his arms over his chest and looks towards the wall, like looking at me was too painful. "But maybe this isn't right, I don't know."

I pause before jumping into saying anything. Oliver presses a hand to his forehead and he curses.

"You're scared I get that," I take one step closer but Oliver doesn't glance my way. "I fucked up. But maybe we can work through this. Please don't end things, I only want what's best for you. To protect you and to love you."

Oliver pushes away his tears before I get a chance to see them. "I just can't wrap my head around what happened, Max. I can't."

I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around him in this moment but I knew I shouldn't suffocate him. As much as I wanted to, comfort him. He needed to make this decision.

"You're still confused," I offer. "You don't know what to do and that's what is making you upset."

Oliver clenches his eyes shut and looks up at the ceiling, anything to look away from me.

I route through my pocket and dig out the key that I've had a hold of since the second I left London, the key for the locker safety box.

"Do me a favour," I say quietly. "You make your decision, if you want to be with me, if you don't want to be with me, if you want a break or if you want to work through thing's slowly. But after you've done one thing."

His glassy eyes eventually flick to mine and he pulls his hoodie over his bandaged hands and raises one to cover his mouth.

"Take this," I hold out my hand and Oliver hesitantly raises his hand to meet mine. "It's for a safety box down by the post office."

When his eyebrows furrow deeply I know that he's confused, maybe even a little startled. He opens his mouth to speak but I cut him off. "Don't ask what it is," I close my eyes for a moment. "Just decide after you've seen what's inside."

Oliver tilts his head and eventually I let go of the keys. I step forward to press a delicate kiss to his forehead. "I'll give you all the time you need," I whisper against his warm skin.

I drop my gaze and leave without catching his eyes again, it hurts too much.

That was the exact reason why I wrote the letter in the first place, to show that I never left out of spite or malice. This might be the last chance I have to keep him forever but I couldn't bet on what he's going to say.

Maybe the letter might just give him an insight into how much I actually love him.

. . .

Read the rest of the story and epilogues over on Patreon
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Link is also in bio!

Owwww my babies:((((

Max giving Oliver the chance to decide what he wants for himself by going to see the letter in the safety box.

Next chapter will be in Oliver's POV. Who is ready to have their heart shattered by Max's letter and when he realises Max is gone?

Oh God, it's going to be an emotional one

Hope you enjoyed, see you all on the next one. Love Sav x

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