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OLIVER FLETCHER

PAST
FEBRUARY 2019

I would be lying if I said I was ignoring all of my university work, stressed didn't even come close to how I was feeling. So I decided to cook some food, anything to take my mind off the essay that I should be writing.

The smell of tomato passata was wafting up into my nose from the frying pan, along with the mushrooms, peppers and onions. Considering there were only six people in our halls, the kitchen was relatively quiet.

Most people would whack in a microwave meal or chicken nuggets into the oven, I didn't blame them. I usually do the exact same but today something felt different, I wanted to be productive in a different form.

Max had text me saying that he had the worst day with classes, the pressure for his end of year projects was getting to him. So I invited him over, sounding like he needed some company right now.

Just as I begin to plate up with the tomato sauce, vegetables and spaghetti, topped with a sprinkling of parmesan. The front door to our flat is knocked and I instantly rush to answer it, feeling overwhelmed the second I set eyes on Max.

He's face looked glum but the second he sees me his eyes light up and that sends my heart straight into my stomach. "Hey handsome," he smirks towards me strolling straight into our kitchen.

"Hey," I smile as I shut the door behind him.

I watch as he shrugs off his jacket and drapes it over the back of one of the kitchen chairs. He turns to me suddenly and captures my cheeks between his cold hands, pressing multiple kisses to my lips.

"It's smelling good in here," he murmurs against me.

"Well I hope you're hungry," I grin up at him, pulling away from his hold.

Max lets out an almighty groan. "I'm fucking starving," he lets out.

I peek over my shoulder and smile, picking up both the plates and turning around to him. Placing our dinner down onto the table in front of him, his eyes looking down to the food and then back up to me.

"Oh God, Oliver," he says with a long exhale. "You are too good to me."

"Sit," I beckon to the chair his jacket was sitting on.

Max didn't have to be told twice, he pulls out the chair almost instantly and sits down. I pass him a fork and he instantly digs into the food, I can't help but smile. Sometimes it's the little things to help improve someone's mood.

"So how was your day?" I question as I dig my fork straight through a mushroom.

His eyes look up at me as he chews on the pasta. "Honestly, it's not even worth talking about." He mumbles out.

"You sure?"

He sighs and pushes back into his chair. "My art professor is just being a dick, not listening to a word I say about my final project. It's like he's trying to push his ideas onto me, he's just doing my fucking head in."

My lips frown. "That's shit," I tell him quietly. "Don't listen to him if he's clouding your vision, go with what you want."

Max looks up at me and nods. "I know," he says. "I just hate not being listened to."

"It's okay," I reach out to grip onto his wrist. "We don't have to discuss it anymore, I just wanted to make sure that you were okay."

The corners of his lips twitch up at me, his fork twiddling in between his plate. "I'm okay now I'm here," he says gently.

Feeling my heart beginning to beat rapidly again.

We eat the rest of the dinner as Max asks how my day was, so I filled the air with my essay and project. Not that it was anywhere near as important as Max's work but I presumed he wanted to hear something new and not remind himself of his professor.

Max drops his fork onto his plate and stretches out his body before rubbing his stomach. "That was bloody amazing," he comments. "You make me happy."

His hand extends to graze the back of my hair, slipping his fingers through my hair. My eyes focus on his, having to take a breath before I ended up hyperventilating.

My lips smile and I take both of our plates and stand from the table. "Let me wash up," I say as I place them down onto the counter beside us.

Max's chair scrapes against the floor alarming me, his body towers over mine and he slips his fingers into my hand. The other cupping the side of my face as he takes a moment to admire every little feature of my face.

"I really like you Oliver," he says deeply.

I swallow softly as I stare up at him in awe.

"I really like you and I want you to be my boyfriend," he says as he flicks his thumb across my cheek bone. "Will you be my boyfriend?"

My lips stretch out into the widest grin, flicking my eyes between his. "Yes," I nod, feeling my heart pound aggressively against my chest. "Yes, I'll be your boyfriend."

Pressing up onto the tip of my toes to plant a kiss on his lips, over and over until we were both breathless. "Sorry it wasn't really that romantic," he mumbles against my skin.

I laugh quietly. "When do we ever do romantic?" I respond with a shake of my head.

Max's eyes glance down to me, our lips only an inch apart. "True," he nods. "But I wanted to make it special, I just couldn't hold it in any longer. The more I look at you, the more I wanted to ask."

My shoulders shrug. "It doesn't have to be at a candlelit dinner in a fancy restaurant to be special, this is special. So special to me."

He presses his forehead against mine, our skulls crashing for a brief second. "I'm so glad that I saw you at Bailey's Lounge on your first day," he smiles, closing his eyes as he remembers back.

"You mean when I sassed you?" I chuckle.

Max grins. "I liked the sass, I liked that I had to try hard to get to know you. It just made me fall for you more."

My lips tilt to kiss the tip of his chin. "Guess I'm good at leaving a lasting impression."

"That you are."

PRESENT
FEBRUARY 2021

Jamie and I came back from our walk around town, we didn't speak about Max or my emotions. We spoke about rubbish that didn't even matter but in a way it was best, otherwise I would have been bawling my eyes out the whole way.

Inside I felt like a wreck, sad wasn't even a good description. I felt empty and numb, betrayed and sick to my stomach all over again.

Just wanting this pain and agony to go away so I could get back to my life without having to think about him every two seconds.

When we get back to our apartment, Jamie insists we order in some food to try and perk me up. I was relieved, I could not be fucked to make anything right now and I knew I needed to eat. My hangover was still dragging me through the dirt.

We settle on ordering a pizza and it was due any minute, we sat laying in front of the TV watching a new series on Netflix that Jamie was interested in. I wish I could say the same but I couldn't really get into it like he was.

My phone chimes in my lap and I don't rush to look but when I realised, I wasn't really interested in what was going on on the TV.

Max's name flashes across the screen and my heart pangs, quickly looking over at Jamie whose eyes were glued to the screen.

It wasn't a message, it was a voice note, my lips purse as I press the phone to my chest and swing my legs off the sofa. "I'm going toilet," I announce.

"Want me to pause it?" Jamie reaches for the remote.

"No, no," I shake my head. "You can just fill me in." I tell him before crossing the room towards the door.

Once I was alone in the bathroom I put down the toilet seat and sit, raising the phone up to my eyes and pressing down on the notification. The voice note that was over a minute long, my hands begin to shake as I press down on the play button.

Crackling starts and I don't breathe, purposely not playing it too loudly so Jamie couldn't hear.

"I know you hate me," his voice starts. "I hate me too for what I did to you. I see the hurt in your eyes, in your body. I don't want to keep saying I'm sorry because I know it frustrates you but I am, I think about you all the time."

My eyes fixate on the wall in front of me as I listen to his rough, strained voice, shamelessly sending shivers down my spine.

"I know you were drunk last night but I want to explain whilst we are sober, face to face. Somewhere public if you like, I just want you to know why I did what I did. It was never to be malicious or to hurt you. It was the opposite." He sighs out, his voice struggling slightly.

My lips part as I let out a shaky breath. Tears gathering in my eyes again but refusing to let them drop. I had given up far too many tears for that boy.

"If you come to hear me out and you never want to see me again, hear from me again, then I will respect your decision. But I'm not going to leave without putting up a fight, I fucking miss you Oliver," he exhales sharply, one of my tears rolling out of my eye without permission. "I want to put this right, I have so much to make up for. So please just meet me somewhere so we can talk about it."

The voice note cuts off and I say routed to the toilet seat, not realising that my legs had started to shake. My hand raises to wipe my eyes as I push down on the flush, the water swirling around beneath me.

I exit the bathroom noticing that Jamie had already paused the series, he turns to me from his phone and does a double take. "Have you been crying?" He questions as he pushes himself up the sofa.

My head nods. "Yeah," I say as I sit back down onto the opposite sofa. "Max just left me a voice note."

Jamie's brows furrow towards me. "Saying what?" He questions.

So I play him the voice note before locking my phone and placing it down beside me.

"What are you thinking?" He asks me with a side smile.

I shrug. "What do you think?"

"I'm not going to tell you what you should and shouldn't do but if you want closure then maybe it would be wise to go. Then hopefully you can move on knowing the full story." He explains.

My head nods. "I thought the same," I say quietly. "I need to know before I go insane Jamie."

"Then go but call the shots, tell him when and where, what time. Build it around you, not his schedule. He's the one who needs to be showing you that he is sorry." Jamie says strongly and I knew he was right.

Gathering my phone between my hands, clicking onto our messages. Looking down at my thumbs as they hover over the screen.

Oliver

Fine, we can talk. Tomorrow at the Costa on Hayes Lane, 2PM.

Max doesn't take long to message me back, feeling my heart beat inside my throat at his response.

Max

Okay, see you then

A deep breath escapes my lips as I drop my phone into my lap, suddenly feeling severely anxious.

"Have you done it?" Jamie questions.

My eyes look up to him and I nod. "We're meeting tomorrow." I tell him.

"Do you want me to be on standby?"

I shake my head. "No it's okay. I can do this alone but thank you." I smile towards him even though it hurt me inside.

Tomorrow was soon and I was already panicking.

Fuck.

. . .

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