Hi friends. First of all, I thank all my loyal readers and friends for being there in the most dreadful time of my life. So many of you kept checking upon me to see if I was doing fine. It meant a lot to me. I've been trying to get my bearings about and as many of you said, my father would want to see me writing again, I gave it another shot. It might be laced with mistakes, might be confusing or not well-planned, even filmy at times, so forgive me if you feel so. 

Please note that it may not be possible for me to respond to all the comments from now on. But be assured that I read each and every feedback umpteen times and hold all your words close to my heart. 

This is for my papa- the man whom I love the most in this world and beyond! 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The sun slid down the horizon, sucking all its warmth, its golden light with it. So analogous to his life. Sameer was slumped against the side of his bed, still dressed in the trousers and the sweater he'd worn in the morning. The stack of letters, that diary were strewn open on the floor besides him.

He'd been locked in his room for hours now, ignoring calls for food, request for conversations with his mother or sister. He wanted to spend every waking minute of his being, in trying to capture the image of his daughter in his eyes- lest he never saw her again. His ears strived hard to preserve the echo of her tinkling laughter, her sweet gibberish as if his life thrived upon it. Now and then, he would stare at his palms- the palms that had unknowingly held his daughter numerous times and had not realized the magic it sent throbbing down his veins. And then his thoughts would veer off to Naina's supposed betrayal, the pain in her eyes, her confession of love for him. All those years he'd held her in the wrong only to realize now that she'd endured more pain than he could ever conceive.

He heaved in a deep breath, stunned at the direction his life had taken. How many more setbacks and surprises were in store for him?

Exhausted, he took the blank notepad again, eyed the diary and tried to imitate a few sentences. Then he brought the page next to the diary and compared.

Not exactly the same. Yet an uncannily similarity.

He scratched the lines away in irritation, pulled the notepad close to his chest, his head hanging in despair. Who could've plotted against him and Naina? Who could have been so vile? Had this diary not been there, Naina might have reached out to him and they could have been together- Naina, Diya and him. They could have been a family- a happy family!

He picked up the photograph that Meghnaa had supposedly sent him on his birthday.

"Damn!" He flicked the photo away.

He sat wondering how he could find Meghnaa's whereabouts. Who could have her contact number?

At that moment, the phone besides his bed gave a shrill ring. Sameer leaped to his feet, hoping it was Naina.

"Hello?" He breathed.

"Sameer?"

It was Munna, and Sameer felt his hopes dampen. For the first time in life, he wasn't pleased to hear his voice.

"Yaar Munna...abhi thoda busy hun...baad mein baat karein?" Sameer lied. He was not in a condition to talk to him.

"Kis cheez mein busy hai? Mausi ka phone aaya tha...tune shaadi tod di? Tera dimag theek hai?" Munna raged at him.

Sameer sighed. "Yaar, baad me baat karte hain na Munna please! Kal...kal milenge...matlab baat karenge...pakka!" With this, he slammed the phone down.

He took three deep breaths, then grabbed the notepad and began scribbling down an action plan. The top of the list started with:

1. Search for contacts of Sudhir, Rahul, Meghnaa, Tibrewal.

***

That morning in Delhi when Sameer got to know the truth about Diya's parentage, Naina's love for him, the truth behind her betrayal, an unexpected encounter happened in the daily market somewhere in Ahemdabad.

"Preeti?" Swati chirped at the woman standing next to her, buying vegetables.

The woman turned towards the person who'd called her. Instant recognition lit up her face.

"Swati?" she exclaimed with joy.

Preeti threw her arms wide open and the ladies embraced.

Swati's eyes scanned her friend from head to toe. Draped in a mustard yellow chiffon, her pallu resting over her head, bangles dangling in her arms, the bindi and the golden mangalsutra adorning her, she looked like some alter-ego of the cherubic tomboy she'd known.

"Tu toh ekdum aunty ban gayi," she laughed, to which Preeti grinned.

"Toh tu bhi to aunty hi hai!"

Swati laughed aloud. "So to hai. Tu suna. Itne din baad dikhi hai! Kahan thi?"

"Wo main Jamnagar mein thi...abhi abhi inki wapis badli huyi hai Ahemdabad, to kuch do hafte huye hain wapis aaye! Tu bata...Munna kaisa hai? Aur tere bacche...hain?"

"Munna bahot badhiya hai! Mihir hai mera beta...do saal ka ho gaya hai, itna shaitan hai kya bataun. Tu suna, tere husband, bacche sab kaise hain?"

"Sab theek hain! Do bete hain mere, ek chaar saal ka, chota wala dedh saal ka...bas sab inke aage piche bhaagte bhaagte...ghar ke kaam, pati ka tiffin, saas ki chik chik mein kab time nikal jaata hai pata hi nahi chalta," she laughed.

"Yaar tujhe dekh ke kitna acha lag raha hai...yaad hai wo purane din, wo chup chup ke filmy gaane sunana...wo teri Taiji ke thappad...," Swati beamed at her and Preeti happily reminisced along with her.

"Aur wo teri behen...Naina madam kab aayegi Ahemdabad? Ek baar baat bhi nahi kar sakti haina?" Swati complained.

Preeti's face paled all of a sudden. "Wo...wo Naina to States mein hai na...wahi settled hai...shayad hi kabhi aati hai...mehengi hai na tickets wagerah!"

Swati seemed taken aback for a moment. "Kya keh rahi hai? Naina to Dilli mein hai na? Uske husband to wapis aa gaye the na States se?"

Preeti's heart skipped a beat. Naina is in Delhi?

She quickly tried to regain her demeanour. She couldn't spill out the secrets to people outside the family. As if they and Naina herself hadn't been through enough humiliation themselves.

"Ohhh haan...haan...aayi hai wo...main bhul gayi...uski saas kaafi beemar hai na isliye....aayi huyi hai...lekin busy rehti hai saas ko leke...toh...toh baat nahi ho paati."

Swati was stumped. From what she and Munna had heard from Sameer, Naina had come back to India because her husband had lost his job and his visa had expired. As far as she knew Naina was worried about her daughter's health and Sameer had never mentioned a mother-in-law staying with her.

Preeti sensed Swati's confusion and decided to take a hasty leave. "Chal chalti hun main. Milenge fir. Tum log wahi rehte ho na? Munna ke ghar?"

Swati nodded, but before she could prod her further, Preeti was lost somewhere in the crowd milling about.

Lost in thoughts and struck by Preeti's odd behavior, Swati collected her bag of vegetables and made her way back home.

As she stirred the lentils in the pot, Preeti's mind drifted back to the past- the days when she and Naina were friends more than sisters, and then all that had happened with Naina during her wedding. Her eyes teared up as she recalled the treatment her sister had received. Even she hadn't gone up to help her. This was how furious she'd been with her. She hadn't imagined that Naina would ever get involved in a scandal like this. And then Sameer's betrayal. If she could lay her hands on that Sameer, she would personally see to it that he suffered the fate he deserved. But Naina? She was in Delhi? And she had a husband? Was she happy? It seemed that she was in touch with Swati, but hadn't called her up once? Well, what could she expect after the way they'd left Naina to fend on her own.

Preeti's heart grew heavier as those traumatic days flashed before her eyes. All these years, she'd been wondering how Naina was, if she was even alive. She stifled a sudden sob. And at that moment, she knew she wanted to meet her sister and ask for her forgiveness, if she even deserved it.

That evening, Swati was surprised to see Preeti again, right at her doorstep, seemingly on the verge of tears.

"Preeti? Kya hua? Aa andar aa," Swati ushered her inside.

Preeti turned to her with misty eyes and asked, "Naina. Naina kaisi hai?" And then she broke down sobbing.

It was late evening when Munna barged into the room in anger and slammed his bag on a table nearby. Pandit was towing behind him.

"Swati!" Munna called out into the hallway. "Mausi ka phone aaya tha dukaan pe. Keh rahi hain ki Sameer ne apni shaadi tod di hai. Phone kar rahe hain to kehta hai abhi baat nahi karega. Muh pe phone kaat diya. Aur tabse receiver hata ke rakha hua hai. Is ladke ka to mujhe kuch samajh nahi aata. Jitna samjha lo, sab vyarth hai ispe."

And it was then that they turned to the sofas and registered a woman sitting next to Swati. Their eyes popped open as they recognized her.

"Preeti? Tu?"

Swati's face had a look of urgency. "Munna, Pandit. Sameer ko bahot badi galatfehmi huyi hai. Aur Naina ko bhi."

And then the two women sat them down and Preeti narrated everything that had happened after Naina had got back home from Mumbai, the revelation of her unwanted pregnancy and the consequences it had on their family.

***

Each minute ticking by the wall clock resounded heavily upon Naina's ears. She sat cuddled on the mattress in the hall, her feet tucked beneath her knees, a cup of tea forgotten in her hands.

Diya slurped on the Maggi that she'd got for dinner, but for the first time, didn't seem happy about it. She realized that her mother and Sameer uncle had had a huge fight, and somehow it had something to do with her. Was it because of something naughty she did? Even on coaxing her mother, she did not get an answer.

Naina sat still like a leaden figure, gazing at the wall in front of her, lost in thoughts of the bygones, the happenings of the day, her brain rummaging through the web of facts and feelings, trying to separate the black and the white. She closed her eyes and the visuals flashed crystal clear in front of her eyes, as if all that had happened only yesterday.

It had been a week after that the results were out that Naina returned to college. Her family, who had also been visiting her bua dadi, had come to take her home. The atmosphere hadn't been cordial. They had been berating her at the way she'd behaved, mingling with all the wrong kind- people were talking about what she'd done. What was the need to get involved in that mess with Shefali? She was never a good girl to begin with, her taiji reprimanded, what with all those tiny shorts and mini skirts. And a girl like Naina to be involved in things related to her would only bring a bad name upon the Agarwal family. Think about Preeti- she's to be married soon. Think about your own future!

Naina didn't like her family looking down upon Shefali, but dared not speak out against them. Inwardly, she was happy that Shefali was fine, her life was harmonious again, and that her family had let go of the topic after a few days.

But Naina had been a little early in thanking her stars. For she was soon to find out that she was pregnant, have a brutal revelation about Sameer's casket of truth and lies, his betrayal towards her. In short, her entire world was poised to fall apart real soon.

As her family went to the hostel and college administration for no dues, Naina helped her aunts in packing her stuff. All this while, she'd been dying to meet Sameer. Finally citing some excuse about returning some books to the library, Naina evaded her family and went off to meet Sameer and confront him with a cool, level head. When she met Rahul outside his hostel gates and got to know that he'd left college without even informing her, she was taken aback.

Was he still angry at her? Is that why he hadn't responded to her messages? Or had he simply forgotten to do so? But how could he forget her all together- it's been days since they'd spoken! She tried to ask Rahul about Sameer and his whereabouts as discreetly as possible, but the latter simply replied that he'd gone home. Infact, Rahul remembered a package that Sameer had left behind and requested Naina to give it to him back in Ahemdabad when she met him there. After all, he snidely suggested, she seemed to be the closest to him in college.

Trying not to give much thought to the jibe, Naina secured the package in her bag and went back to her family. The day she reached Ahemdabad, she again tried connecting with Sameer on his landline, but no one answered the phone. She alternated between trying to contact him and waiting for him to make the move and apologize for being out of touch. Days flew by and she still hadn't heard from Sameer. While she kept Sameer's possessions safe and tried her best to return it to him, she was growing anxious by the day at the absence of any communication from him.

She was thinking too much. That's why she was getting these sharp headaches these days!

One day, curiosity got the better of her and she opened the package that Rahul had handed out to her. She was appalled at the contents of it. With trembling hands, she opened the diary and read through. It was Sameer's handwriting, yet she couldn't believe the words that were penned down. She extracted the pictures, the love letters and an hour later, felt her brain go woozy.

Again that damned headache!

How is all this possible? Sameer was cheating on her?

No!

She refused to believe the diary, the letters, the photographs, her heart sure that there had to be some logical explanation behind it all. Even when all the proofs, his actions, the way he'd behaved with her at Bandstand swerved towards the sane and logical conclusion that Sameer had infact been using her to satisfy his lustful fantasies, Naina remained decisive that she wouldn't believe it unless he admitted it himself.

She would confront him, speak to him and if he agreed to it all, as Shefali had said, she would overcome her love and begin life afresh. But if Sameer was able to explain it all, she would believe him, ignoring what others had to say. With this resolve in mind, she agreed to Bela chachi's suggestion to observe the Teej fast along with Preeti.

If our love is true, I would get Sameer as my husband. Otherwise, God would bless me with the one who was meant for me all along.

Fighting numerous conflicting thoughts in her head, she observed Teej and went to the temple to pray to the Gods to deliver her from her predicament- more so, to return Sameer to her. But that turned out to be the day she discovered that while she was debating the veracity of Sameer's love, a baby carrying his traits was blooming inside her belly.

Naina had been nearly three months pregnant when her family discovered her dreaded secret. Weeks after getting a confirmation on the pregnancy test, Naina had been jittery with fear on what next step to take. It was difficult to get privacy as it is, with numerous guests and workers and her family members swarming about in the house for the preparations for Preeti's marriage. A sudden urgency to get in touch with Sameer now gripped her.

Where was he? He couldn't be angry at her for so long. And even if he wasn't interested and had actually been cheating on her, it wasn't like him to completely ignore her. On the contrary, she expected him to be utterly brazen about it all- admit to his dalliances (if true) as if it was evident all along and Naina had been the one who'd misconstrued their casual relationship as something serious.

Naina had made several trips to the outside PCO on some pretext or the other to get in touch with Sameer. She enquired at his home multiple times, but either the phone kept ringing or no one picked up. There were times she felt she heard Pandit pick up the phone and then she immediately disconnected. She couldn't bear to speak to Pandit. What if he found out and this news got spread amongst her schoolmates as well? She and her family would be dishonoured in public. And how would Pandit and Munna look at her? They'd probably think that she went around sleeping with people. The image she'd developed for years in school would be destroyed in an instant.

Sameer had never even confided in them both about the relationship he'd shared with her. Come to think of it, wasn't that odd? Munna and Pandit were his best friends, and closest to him after Naina, as he proclaimed. Why didn't he tell them about her? Why would he want it to remain a secret? Or was it because he saw no future ahead for their relationship. Perhaps it was only a transient phase for him? And what's more, wouldn't he have told them that she was at least his friend? But he hadn't as far as her knowledge went.

No, no! She shook her head. Focus on the problem Naina. Everything will get clear once you speak to him.

Her calls went unanswered for the next two-three days. If Pandit was home, then Sameer should be too. What about Ramdhari? Where is he? And nanu?

It was important for her to get in touch with Sameer as soon as possible. Every day spent waiting was an added risk. She was afraid her family would find out. What if she started showing already? Was it possible this early in a pregnancy?

Braving herself for the showdown, Naina summoned the courage to visit his house. She rang the bell a few times but got no response. Seeing her waiting outside for a while, an elderly neighbour informed her that no one stayed in the house anymore. JayPrakash ji was not keeping well and the entire family had permanently relocated to Delhi a few days ago. Even the servants seem to have gone to their respective villages for a few weeks.

This was a shocker to Naina. He'd moved to Delhi? Permanently? Nanu wasn't well? But why didn't Sameer tell her about it? He had not responded to her messages in college, then that folder with all those letters, that diary. Come to think of it, Rahul had explicitly stated that Sameer had neither mentioned her name nor left a message for her.

Naina was appalled. He had not tried to contact her once? He knew her address, her phone number. Knowing him, she was sure he'd have tried to get in touch with her somehow- especially when things were going tough. She knew he was deeply attached to his Nanu (well, as per his own narrative). Even if his grandfather's failing health was worrying him, Sameer would have surely confided in her, his best-friend, with whom he claimed to share every single thing in his life. He would have sought reassurances from her, he might have cried in front of her. He would have listened to her suggestions attentively, because that was the Sameer she knew, or the one she believed she knew.

Over two months had crept past since the day she'd last met him, yet there was no sign of Sameer, no message from him. Her heart sank lower. She had failed to contact him. He would have surely missed her presence by now and the least he could do was call her up at home and let her know about his situation. But he hadn't.

Had that all been true? Had he betrayed her like he'd the other girls? Where would she go now?

Preeti's marriage was due in less than a week. There had been hordes of guests in her home that day, chatting with each other post-lunch, when Naina began feeling queasy again. The sight of the Rasmalai being served around wasn't helping her senses. Quickly she got up and went to the washroom and as expected, she puked. She tried to get a hold on her, but felt weary and stumbled onto the bed.

Bela chachi, who'd just come in with Naina's bowl of Rasmalai was alarmed seeing her condition, "Naina beta...kya hua? Ulti huyi hai tujhe?"

"Nahi chachi," she quickly lied, "Wo bas thodi badhamzi ho rahi hai shayad. Bahar ka bahot khana ho raha hai na."

Bela chachi nodded understandingly. "Chal yeh thandi thandi rasmalai khayegi? Shayad behtar lagega?"

Naina averted her eyes from the delicious sweet. She scrunched her eyes and nose and shook her head, trying to stifle another urge to puke.

Bela chachi noticed this and assumed that it was because Naina had been working too hard and eating too erratically. To help get her some rest, she put her to sleep.

It had been early evening when Bela came to check in upon Naina. She touched the crook of her neck and her forehead once again.

"Ji bukhar tez ho raha hai! Doctor ko bula dijiye!" She requested her husband.

When Naina awoke, she realized a middle aged lady with thick, framed spectacles was smiling at her. "Koi nahi beta! Relax ho jao. Bukhar kam lag raha hai ab...," she said to Bela.

Naina was alarmed. It was a doctor! What if she discovered her pregnancy and informed her family?

Immediately, she sputtered, "nahi, doctor aunty, main bilkul theek hun...chachiji main theek hun...bas thoda hararat ka bukhar aa gaya hoga!"

Bela hushed her. "Naina tu apna khayal nahi rakhti hai. Dekh rahi hun...jabse hostel se aayi hain kuch theek se nahi khati peeti. Aaye din teri tabyat kharab ho rahi hai. Doctor sahiba, aap itniman se checkup kijiye."

The doctor nodded assuringly at Bela and turned to Naina to check upon her symptoms. Naina answered vaguely. Then she took her pulse. Surprised, she checked it again. The doctor then requested Bela for some privacy, and asked some pointed questions to Naina. She conducted an internal check-up despite Naina being unwilling. The colour drained from the doctor's face.

"Tum married nahi ho haina?"

Naina swallowed a lump in her throat. Slowly, she shook her head.

"Tum jaanti ho na tum pregnant ho?" she asked sternly. Tears spilled from Naina's eyes as she nodded.

The doctor was in a dilemma. "Naina. You need to see a gynaecologist. Tum second trimester me ho. Yeh jiska baccha hai, usse baat huyi hai tumhari?"

"Mera usse contact nahi ho paa raha hai," Naina sobbed.

"You don't have time Naina. Aaj nahi to kal tumhari family ko yeh baat pata chal jayegi. Yeh ab zyada din nahi chup sakti. Aur mera suggestion yahi rahega, if he's not interested, get the child aborted before it's too late."

Naina's blood-red eyes shot up. "Abort?"

Sweat stained her forehead as she realized that was the only option she would have if Sameer refused to accept her. Her hand flew to her belly. Would she kill the baby? Could she? She shivered.

The doctor fished in her purse and held out a card for her. "Yeh ek gynaecologist hain. Meri pehchan ki hain. Main inse baat kar leti hun. Give her my reference and ek baar unhe consult kar lo. Agar medicines se hi baat ban jaye to theek hai. Naina, yeh condition kaafi crucial hai. You need someone by your side- emotionally, even financially. Koi hai tumhari family mein jismein confide kar sakti ho? Someone who can help you out?"

Naina shook her head.

The doctor sighed. "Tumhe jo karna hai, bahot jaldi karna hai. Take care. Main chalti hun."

She collected her purse and instruments, and made for the door. As she opened it, the doctor was taken aback, for Bela stood there with a tray of tea and some biscuits in her hand. Her face was ghastly pale, and she stared at the doctor in shock. The tray was trembling in her hand.

The doctor immediately turned to Naina, who looked up and noticed her chachi standing in the doorway. Her heart skipped a beat.

The doctor, hoping against hope that she hadn't overheard the conversation between them, remarked, "aap chinta mat kijiye. Thoda hararat ka bukhar tha. Naina jaldi theek ho jayegi."

Bela did not respond. Instead she stared at Naina strangely- as if she was seeing her for the first time.

She finally turned to the doctor. "Naina pregnant hai?" Her voice came out in a whisper.

Naina turned pale. Chachi knew!

The doctor gave Naina a sympathetic look. And then turned to Bela, pressed a hand on her shoulder for support and nodded.

The tray with the tea on it crashed.

"Karamjali!" Taiji held her by her hair as Naina shrieked. "Mar kyun nahi gayi kahin kuwe mein?" she hollered.

Preeti flinched. No one moved to save Naina.

Bela stood unmoving, leaden like her husband. Naina's dirty secret had rattled her, shaken her core of beliefs, her faith in her. Had she failed as a mother or had Naina failed as a daughter? She could not tell which. The girl who'd been a stellar example for all girls of her society and school, the one whom her classfellows looked upto, the girl whom the teachers admired, the girl who'd always made them proud- much more than their own daughter- that very girl had brought upon such deep misery and shame that Bela had never believed she could experience in her most horrific dreams, forget her lifetime. Her upbringing had failed. A part of her was mulling over when did she deviate from the rightful path.

Rakesh was glowering at Naina with murderous rage in his eyes. He wanted nothing better than to strangle the daughter who'd brought disgrace to their family.

Taiji slapped Naina hard again. She crashed against the wall from the force of it.

Arjun muttered a feeble, "Taiji please...use chot lag rahi hai!"

"Tum chup raho Cirket Kumar samjhe!" Taiji was beyond herself with rage.

"Bata kiske saath muh kaala kar ke aayi hai? Bata kaun hai iska baap? Bolti kyun nahi? Zabaan nahi hai kya muh mein? Ab yeh mat kehna tujhe pata hi nahi!" Taiji spat again at Naina, who shook in fear, unable to mouth anything.

Tauji stood with his hands crossed and asked, "Bataogi nahi to is samasya ka samadhan kaise niklega? Arey khandaan ki izzat dubone se pehle humein hi zeher de deti. Apni behen tak ka khayal nahi kiya tumne? Parso shaadi hai iski- apne saath saath ise bhi dubaogi kya?"

Overcome with a spurt of horrifying rage, Rakesh pushed her to the floor.

Preeti stepped in, "Tauji, uski haalat...," but she could not complete her sentence. Naina turned to her, begging for forgiveness, but Preeti found it unable to pardon her. She helped her up, but distanced herself the next moment.

Naina looked up imploringly at chachaji, but he was expressionless, stoic. She saw defeat and disappointment reflected in his eyes. As if her betrayal had killed a part of him. Naina lowered her eyes and sobbed.

"Mujhe maaf kar dijiye. Main samajh nahi paayi sahi galat!"

"Oh bai! Sahi galat nahi samajh paayi? Ladke ke saath gulcharre udaate waqt tujhe khayal nahi aaya kya sahi hai kya galat? Ram ram ram, na jaane kabse chal raha hai yeh paap! Main na kehti thi mat bhejo bahar padhne ko, lekin meri sunta kaun hai...?"

Taiji turned to Bela, "Kyun Bela? Bahot naaz tha na ispe! Kahan bhul aayi yeh tumhare sanskar? Aur dikhao ashleel filmein!"

It was then that Bela broke down. Tears gushed out of her eyes.

"Naina, maine kya kuch nahi kiya tere liye? Sagi maa se badhke tujhe pyaar kiya! Aur tune kya kiya? Hamare vishwas ko, hamare bharose ko, humare guroor ko aise chaknachoor kar diya? Sahi kehte hain log," she sniffed, "apna khoon apna hota hai aur paraya...paraya hi rehta hai!"

Chachaji placed his hand over her shoulders to console his sobbing wife.

Naina shook her head vigorously, "nahi chachiji, chachaji. Please mujhe maaf kar dijiye!"

"Arey maaf karne se tumhare pet mein jo kalank pal raha hai, wo mit jayega kya?" Taiji slapped her hard again. "Ab naam bata mujhe us ladke ka!"

Tauji tried to calm everyone down and think rationally. "Dekho beta, tumhari Taiji sahi keh rahi hain. Agar tum naam bataogi to hum uske ghar pe baat to kar sakte hain jaake. Agar wo shaadi ke liye maan jaata hai to Preeti ke saath lage haath tumhara bhi byah kara denge. Baat sambhal jayegi!"

As all pairs of expectant, dismayed and livid eyes bored into her, Naina lowered her eyes and whimpered, "S...S..Sameer!"

Arjun lifted his gaze in shock. "Sa...Sameer?" Preeti's eyes too widened.

"Arey bhai kaun Sameer? Pure desh mein is Sameer ko kaise dhundhenge? Kahan ka rehne wala hai? Kya karta hai?"

"S....Sameer Ma...Maheshwari."

The room suddenly fell silent.

"Sameer Maheshwari?" The words tumbled out of Arjun's mouth in utter shock.

Everyone turned to Naina in alarm. "Sameer Maheshwari? Wo JayPrakash Maheshwari ka naati?"

Slowly, Naina nodded her head.

"Hey bhagwan. Yeh din dikhane se pehle mujhe utha kyun nahi liya tune?" Taiji shrieked in agony looking up at the ceiling.

"Bhabhiji! Rehne dijiye. Is waqt kisi ko marna chahiye to wo yeh hai. Rukiye main hi apne haathon se hi yeh shubh kaam kar deta hun!"

As Rakesh leaped towards Naina, Anand stepped in and pushed him away.

"Chod mujhe Anand. Aaj bhi iski tarafdari karega?"

Anand shook his head. "Nahi bhaiya, aaj main koi tarafdari nahi kar raha. Baith jayiye aap. Iske liye mere mann me koi sahanubhuti nahi hai ab. Par aap iske liye apni tabyat nasaaz mat kijiye."

Rakesh muttered in anger, his voice choked with tears. "Arey tabiyat ki baat kar raha hai? Man to karta hai ki iska muh dekhne se pehle pankhe se latak jaun. Mujhe yakeen nahi hota ki yeh mera khoon hai. Paida hote hi apni maa ko kha gayi aur ab baap ki jaan lene pe tuli hai!"

Naina was racking with sobs.

The whole family was troubled at the events of the day. Preeti, urged by her sisterly instincts, moved to console Naina when Anand suggested, "Ek baar JayPrakashji se baat karke dekh lete hain. Wo bhale insaan hain. Shayad kuch samadhan nikal jaaye?"

"Anand babu, baawle to nahi ho gaye ho? Wo kitne rayees hain jaante hain na aap? Chahein to pure Ahemdabad ko khareed sakte hain wo! Ek se ek crorepati ladkiyon ki line lagi hogi usse byaah karne ke liye! Aur wo apne eklaute pote ka byaah isse karenge? Arey wo ladka hai ladka...sach bata tune use yeh baat batayi hai? Tu kabse jaanti hai yeh...kaunsa mahina chal raha hai...usne shaadi se inkaar kar diya hai kya? Kahan hai wo? Kya kehta hai wo?" Taiji bombarded her with questions.

"Mujhe nahi pata!" Naina shouted exasperatedly. "Mujhe nahi pata...!" she repeated, shaking her head, sobbing uncontrollably.

"Nahi pata kya matlab?"

"Main...main bahot din se usse baat karne ki koshish kar rahi hun, lekin...," she whimpered, "...uske ghar pe ya to koi phone nahi uthata ya fir kehte hain wo nahi hai ghar pe...unke ghar ke naukar bhi nahi hain ghar pe....wo Dilli chale gaye hain sab."

"Ek baar lagao phone. Hum dekhte hain!" Tauji commanded, putting a hand up to quieten his wife's protests.

Naina dialled the number slowly and handed the phone to her Tauji.

Ramdhari picked up. "Ji kahiye...!"

"Main Narendra Agarwal bol raha hun!"

Naina's eyes lit up in hopes at getting a response from Sameer's home. Was someone back at home?

"Ji?"

"Mujhe JayPrakash Maheshwari ji se unke vyapaar ke silsile mein kuch baat karni thi!"

"Ji, wo ab yahan nahi rehte. Unki tabyat kaafi kharaab hai. Unka parivaar wale unhe leke Dilli chale gaye hain jahan unka ilaaj chal raha hai!"

Tauji heaved. "Ji Shukriya! Unka Dilli ka number mil sakta hai? Badi meherbaani hogi...wo kya hai na bada zaruri kaam hai...to JayPrakash ji nahi to unke parivaar se hi baat ho jaati toh..."

Ramdhari seemed undecided for a moment and then remembering Vishakha didi's instructions on relaying important messages to her, decided to share the phone number of Somani residence with Mr. Agarwal on the line.

Tauji deftly noted down and confirmed the number twice. He turned around to his family and said, "Delhi hi shift ho gaye hain. JayPrakash ji beemar hain isliye!" He gave Naina a cold look, who sat sniffing slowly, back to fearing the worst.

The bell rang in Somani residence. Mr. Somani picked up the phone and Tauji introduced himself as a lawyer from Ahemdabad.

"Ji kahiye? Kya kaam hai?" Mr. Somani replied tersely.

"Ji wo...wo aapke bete aur hamari bhateeji ke silsile mein baat karni thi...," Tauji broached the topic slowly.

"What? Kya baat?"

"Ji...behtar hoga yeh baatein thodi aamne saamne ho jayein...!"

"Mere pass time nahi hai...aapko jo bolna hai phone pe boliye!" Mr. Somani respondedly curtly.

Tauji looked around at the expectant faces of his family and at Naina's sobbing state. The sight of her enraged him further. He was a reputed lawyer in the city. People flocked to him, showered him with praises, gifts, looked upto him in admiration and with respect. This was the first time in his life that he was being spoken to in such a condescending manner- all because of her.

Still, keeping the welfare of his family in mind, and realizing they belonged to the girl's side, that too, a middle class one bearing an illegitimate child, Tauji bit back his retort.

"Ji darasal, aapka beta aur hamari bhateeji college mein mile the...un donon me...me prem hai...!"

"What nonsense is this?" Mr. Somani hollered.

Tauji contained himself once again, already sensing this wasn't going to go well. "Ji...hamari bhateeji aapke bete ke bacche ki maa banne wali hai...bhagwan ke liye hamari baat sun lijiye. Hum majboor hain..."

Mr. Somani turned purple with rage. "How dare you...?"

"Ji...humein bhi yeh jaanke bahot bada dhakka laga hai...aap in donon ki shaadi karwa dijiye...humse jo ban padega hum aapko denge...hamari ladki bahot guni hai..."

"Guni...haha!" Mr. Somani mocked. "Wo to dikh hi raha hai kitni guni hai. Agar itni hi apne khandaan ki izzat ki parvaah hai to beti ko thode sanskar dene the...na jaane kiske saath muh kaala kar ke aayi hai aur paison ka lalach itna ho gaya aapko ki socha hamein fasaya jaye! Impossible!"

"Dekhiye aap please meri baat sun lijiye ek baar. Bacchein hain. Jawaan hain. Galti ho gayi unse!"

"Not a chance! Mera Rohan bahot sensible hai. Use apni family ki izzat ka andaza hai."

"Rohan? Ji Rohan nahi..main Sameer ki baat kar raha hun. Sameer Maheshwari. Aap unke pitaji hain na?"

"Sameer?" Mr. Somani's face became further livid. "Hadh hoti hai is ladke ki!" he mused and then blared into the receiver.

"Dekhiye, Sameer mera sautela beta hai. Ab maine uski parvarish to ki nahi, lekin ek baat main aapse keh dun- Sameer ke liye yeh aam baat hai. Aise calls to humein har cheh mahine, saal bhar mein aate hi hain. Sameer aawara hai aur na jaane kitni ladkiyon ke sath aisa kar chuka hai. Unfortunately, aapki beti, bhateeji whatever bhi isme fas gayi. Meri personal rai yeh rahegi ki aap jaake is bacche ko abort kara dein if it's possible. Aur agar aap paalna chahte hain to you're free to do so. Lekin humse ya Sameer se koi financial aid ki umeed mat rakhiyega. To be honest, Sameer se shaadi karke to apni ladki ki zindagi barbad mat hi kijiye. And dhyaan rahe, blackmail karne ki koshish ka anjaam aap samajh hi sakte hain. Agle din Ahemdabad ke saare newspapers mein aapki beti ki izzat ka karnaama chap sakta hai. Good bye!"

With this, Mr. Somani slammed down the receiver. "Fraud kahin ke! Dekha ladka aawara hai, ameer hai to fasa lo. Khud ki betiyaan sambhalti nahi, aa jaate hain hamara naam kharab karne, huh!"

Tauji turned towards the family white-faced and left the room. When the rest of the family heard what Mr. Somani had to say, they were broken with despair. The ceremonies for Preeti's wedding were due from the next morning. Naina was advised to stay as much indoors as possible and not come near the gossiping relatives, especially the elderly women, who could tell a woman was pregnant by her face.

Arjun gave an earful to Naina as well. He reprimanded her for being so careless and such a disgrace to their family. How could she sleep with him- betray them all, do all these heinous things right under their very noses? She'd broken their trust. And as for Sameer, he declared, if he ever saw him in Ahemdabad again, he would rip his hide off, probably kill him.

Naina listened to every one of the humiliating taunts silently. She knew it was all her fault. She had indeed deceived her family. What was supposed to be a very special and joyous occasion for them all, had turned into an ominous event. All their plastered smiles were fake, trying to guise their worry. Bela chachi and chachaji spoke to her only in front of their relatives, and that too, they kept themselves as formal as possible. As for Preeti, Naina cursed herself for ruining the most special day of her life. She hardly smiled all throughout the wedding. The chirpy girl was gone. Though she helped Naina whenever she needed, Naina noticed her warmth, her sisterly affection had evaporated. She was shocked that Naina hadn't bothered to share the truth about Sameer with her. Now she wished she had. Maybe she'd have advised her sooner. She might have confronted Sameer about what the relation had meant to him. She would saved her sister from the disaster that was now imminent. Instead, Preeti lost the trust she had in Naina.

Her life was ruined. All because of Sameer. Naina seethed with anger, with hurt, at what Sameer had done to her. When Arjun had relayed Mr. Somani's exact words to her, she couldn't believe them for an instant. But later, as she thought more and more, it made perfect sense. The letters were proof already. Everything was against Sameer, except her heart, which still yelped to give him a chance. But the truth was impossible to deny now.

Sameer had indeed ditched her- like he'd betrayed so many other women in the past. Where had she been lost? She thought Sameer had spent most of his time with her. But obviously, that had not been the case. How did she know who else came into his hostel or where he was when he went out with his friends? Meghnaa was not enticing Sameer without reason. There had been something there as well. She was an utter fool- a fool who was harbouring another innocent life in the world- a life which would be filled with shame, the absence of a father. No, it was better to abort the child. She did not want to have anything to do with Sameer. She would start afresh. She would study more, try for the civil services. Or perhaps she would marry someone her family chose. She desperately wanted an uncomplicated life. Despite missing him from the core of her heart, she decided that she now preferred a life without Sameer.

Preeti's wedding was held with all pomp and show as decided, but the happiness had not been complete. No one from the groom's side or any of their relatives and guests sensed anything was amiss. The next day after the wedding, as per the plan, the family were due to travel to their ancestral village to take the blessings of their kuldevi and to convey their gratitude for the match and to pray for Preeti and Jignesh's happy and prosperous married life. Post which they were to travel to Vadodara and fix up an appointment for an abortion for Naina.

Half-heartedly Naina had agreed to whatever her family had planned. She had disgraced them. They were right. How would she and they all live in the society if she gave birth to this baby? Sameer had abandoned her. Why would he care about what happens to the child? If he had cared, obviously he would've gotten in touch with her.

She had secretly called up Shefali after Preeti's wedding and cried her heart out to her. Shefali was deeply empathetic and like the sensible friend she was, never once did she say, 'I told you so,' nor made Naina feel slighted beyond what she had already suffered. Naina informed her about her family's plans for an abortion in a private clinic in Vadodara, after showing face at the village for the post-wedding pooja. Naina said the option sounded sensible to her- practical even. She did not really feel attached to the baby. It was just a mistake. But the trembling in her voice told Shefali otherwise. When Naina finally asked for her opinion on the matter, Shefali softly told her that as a Catholic, she believed that it is a sin to kill.

"Abortion is a sin for us Naina. But if you think this is what is best for you, I'm with you."

"Tu meri jagah hoti to kya karti?" Naina asked hesitantly.

"Dilli jaati, us Sameer ka collar pakad ke uska muh noch leti." Then she sighed.

There was a pause for a few moments when Shefali spoke, "Naina, aisa bhi to kar sakte hain na ki baby ki kahin pe delivery ho jaye aur hum baby ke liye koi acha ghar dhundh lein- jaise koi aisa couple jiske khud ke bacche nahi ho sakte?"

The suggestion struck Naina as the mid-way out. She remained pensive for a while. But her family would not agree to it all. Steel yourself Naina. This is not the time to get emotional. You made a mistake. Accept it. Sameer is not going to come back. You cannot bear his child now.

They all went to the Kuldevi darshan the day after. All her family was there- with the exception of Preeti, who was now praying to her new deity with her husband and inlaws. All through the train journey, no one spoke to Naina. With her actions, she'd soon become an outcast in her own family. The love and pride that used to shine in the eyes of her chachaji and chachiji was replaced by a sorrowful emptiness, a shame and an anger at having their trust broken. Arjun, her brother, who was meant to be her savior through the thick and thins of life refused to meet her gaze. He'd explicitly said numerous times that seeing her in this condition made him feel like wanting to kill Sameer, and if he didn't tame his emotions right now, he might as well end up doing so. Her father, her tauji and taiji were more disgusted with her than ever, if that was even possible.

After the family did the darshan and prayed for a way out, Taiji saw a beam of hope. A family in the village had come to settle their ancestral property claims. They had an eligible young son, working abroad and it so happened that one of his cousin sisters who'd graced Preeti's wedding saw Naina there and was convinced that she would be a good match for her brother.

Upon hearing this news, the family felt as if their sorrows were finally over. A meeting was set up between the groom and Naina. The boy was a simple, young man, educated and very upright. He did seem to like Naina, but noticed that the attraction was one-sided.

Naina should have thanked the deity for the solution to her problems. Deep down, she felt sure that this was a man she could rely upon for life, one who would be a caring husband and a father. So what if she didn't love him. Maybe, one day she would forget Sameer and love her husband instead. But this was not what was stopping her. It was the fact that she would be entering this relationship on a profound lie. The person would be unaware of the presence of a child flourishing in her womb, and would be overjoyed to think it was his (in the rare event he believed the premature story). Naina couldn't take it anymore and risking her reputation and life, came out with the truth. She narrated to him the scenario about loving Sameer, and the child she was carrying and implored him to keep the secret to himself. If he was not okay with it, he could reject her and tell her family that their mindsets were not matching. The groom-to-be was startled at these revelations, not to mention disappointed. Yet, he felt that he could probably give Naina a chance, for she had been honest with him.

They say, man proposes, God disposes. So while the boy was making up his mind about Naina, her character and if he wanted the responsibility of someone else's child, his grandmother's trained instincts figured out the truth behind Naina's condition. That, and add to Agarwal family's unexplained urgency in having the marriage then and there, rose the suspicions of the groom's side. Finally, the alliance was refused by the boy's mother on some pretext of a horoscope mismatch which'd been overlooked before, and the boy could at best offer a helpless glance at Naina.

Rakesh, Tauji and Taiji, incensed at the broken alliance, offered suggestions like dropping off Naina to an ashram somewhere near Sabarmati. It was Anand finally who suggested the logical procedure would be to get rid of the baby. It did kill his heart to think of such a brutal step, but after giving it a lot of thought, he trusted that it would be in the best interest of Naina, who had her whole life in front of her.

After the kuldevi darshan, it was planned that Anand and Bela would take Naina to Vadodra as per the appointment. Bela bailed out at the last minute, too emotional for a journey that would end a life.

At the end, it was Anand who took Naina to the clinic. All through another rickety bus ride (not at all safe in her condition), Naina keep churning over Shefali's words. Her hands would go over to her belly more than once and she knew she couldn't lie to her own self that deny all that she could, she did feel connected to the baby. The thoughts of blatantly killing a life- a sweet bundle with twinkling eyes, with cherubic hands and a dainty smile horrified her. She knew the baby was a practical impossibility- a hurdle in her life and that of her family's, and if she dared go against their decision, she would probably be ostracized from the Agarwal clan for the rest of her life. And yet, all she could think was that Shefali's thoughts did hold water. And then when she praying to their kuldevi, it was as if a motherly voice was prodding her on to keep the baby. Sameer's betrayal was not the baby's fault. Her succumbing to her carnal desires was also not the baby's fault. The baby had a right to live on its own terms, right?

As the bus grinded to a halt at the stop and they disembarked, Naina found herself glued to the ground.

"Chalo, khadi kyun ho?" came chachaji's terse voice.

She was going to murder a life. Fear gripped her senses.

"Naina chalo. Appointment ka time ho raha hai."

Be practical Naina! You cannot love someone that's not even born.

Hesitantly she nodded and started following him.

Three hours later, she found herself propped up on a bed in a shady clinic. She was dressed in a loose gown, her feet propped up into stirrups. After the initial checkup, the doctor had ruled out the effectiveness of a medical abortion, citing some health hazards to her case and recommended the surgical way to go about it.

Her chachaji agreed to it all and waited outside. As an assistant got ready to pierce her with an anaesthetic, and a doctor sat poised for the surgery, suddenly Naina let out a shrill, "No!"

The assistant and the doctor both looked up at her.

"Kya hua?"

Naina was palpitating, shaking her head. The assistant held her down as she tried to get up. Her forehead was covered in sweat.

"Daro mat. Dard nahi hoga zyada. Thodi der ka kaam hai. Tumhe pata nahi chalega."

"Nahi...main yeh nahi kar sakti. Main ise nahi maar sakti."

Minutes later, she was facing her chachaji. "Main is bacche ko nahi maar sakti chachaji. I'm sorry, mujhse nahi hoga."

Chachaji stood stunned for a moment.

"Dimag kharab hai tumhara? Iske sath tum kaise jiyogi, hum kaise jee payenge? Kitni badnaami hogi hamari...thoo thoo ho jayegi samaaj mein."

Naina hung her head in shame. "Yeh meri galti hai chachaji. Par main fir bhi is bacche ko nahi maar sakti. Isme uska kya dosh? Use kya maalum samaaj kaisa hai?"

"Naina, practically socho. Main tumhare jasbaat samajh raha hun. Par yeh tum bhi jaanti ho hum is bacche ko nahi paal sakte. Jo hua, bahot bura hua, lekin insaan ko zindagi me aage badhna hi padta hai. Tum ek naukri dekh sakti ho, aage chalke kisi ache ladke se, ek ache khandaan me shaadi kar sakti ho- lekin yeh sab nahi ho paayega agar tum is bacche ko janam dene ka sochogi."

Naina continued to sob. "Jaanti hun chachaji. Par main fir bhi kisi ki jaan nahi le sakti. Agar meri kismet mein yahi likha hai, to main isi ke sath jiyungi."

"Naina...tum jaanti ho na is faisle mein hum mein se koi tumhara sath nahi de sakta. Tumne socha hai ki yeh baat agar bahar aayi to hum sab barbaad ho jayenge. Preeti ki abhi abhi shaadi huyi hai. Bhagwan na kare uska sasural mein jeena mushkil ho jaye. Agar unhone Preeti ko wapis mayke bhej diya toh? Aur Rakesh bhaiya ki job, bhaisahab ki law practice, Pralay ka bhavishya- sab daav pe lag jayega, sirf tumhari ek zidd se," Anand tried to force Naina to think rationally.

But Naina was adamant. She said she could not brace herself to kill her child. She did not understand that affection that was seeping through her for something she'd never seen, never heard, never held, but she was sure she wanted to protect it from all the malice in the world.

They stayed there in Vadodara for a day more, wherein chachaji connected with the locals on options for ashrams for the helpless and widows.

The next evening, Chachaji brought Naina a bag full of supplies she might need, handed her most of the cash that he had, details of her destination in hand, and saw her off on a train from Vadodara to Jaipur. He hoped that she would take care of herself and then stoically informed that it would be better if she contacted him in times of extreme need or urgency only. As the train retreated from the tracks, Anand, his heart heavy with sorrow, kept wondering if he did justice to Naina. No matter how much their children wrong them, parents always have their back, and steer them onto the path of righteousness, away from misery. Yes, Naina had gotten herself pregnant. But she'd been young and naïve. She had fallen in love and been deceived by a spoilt boy.

But was he, Anand, bold enough to forgive her? She was helpless, needed him the most at this time, yet he had abandoned her.

Bela's words resounded in his ears, "apna khoon apna hota hai...aur paraya paraya hi rehta hai."

Would he have done the same thing had it been Preeti instead of Naina? Once his anger and disappointment abated, the question would plague him for years to come.