Title: Here Without You
Pairing: Chanyeol/Baekhyun
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst, Romance
Word Count: 3.3k words

Summary: Chanyeol is very thankful for everything Baekhyun does. For not asking questions, for not judging him, for always believing in him. To have him by his side is a blessing.

Notes: I made this in the middle of missing ChanBaek and listening to Here Without You by 3 Doors Down, it's kind of an old song now but still one of my faves! Listen to it while you read this~

I tried to write this one shot as realistically as possible, so probably, maybe, this situation kinda happened at some point. >< Happy Birthday, Chanyeol! We all missed you!

*

"Hi, this is Chanyeol. Sorry, I'm not on the phone right now. I'll get back to you as soon as possible...."

"Hi, this is Chanyeol. Sorry, I'm not on the phone right now. I'll get back to you as..."

"Hi, this is Chanyeol. Sorry, I'm not on the phone..."

"Hi, this is Chanyeol. Sorry, I'm not..."

"Hi, this is Chanyeol..."

Baekhyun sighs, finally abandoning his phone after listening to Chanyeol's voice through the voicemail for the twenty-seventh time this day.

The slow ticking of the clock on the wall is now the only noise that accompanies him tonight. It's already late, eleven in the evening to be precise, and the faint taste of coffee lingers on his tongue, keeping him wide awake. The dim-lit dressing room seems to be too spacious for only one occupant; and this dead silence is mentally killing him. He's exhausted yet he needs to keep going. He has to. For himself. And for him.

He needs strength. Please. Just answer it now.

Probably, this is his eyes' fault. They've long fallen tired at how long he has been staring at his phone screen. His messages, they're still unread. Calls are left unanswered, going straight to voicemail. The last text he sent was this afternoon, asking if Chanyeol has already eaten, but then, just like yesterday, and the day before yesterday, and the day before that day, and the week before that week, and so on---he still hasn't heard of Chanyeol yet.

Baekhyun has been keeping track. It's been exactly eighteen days since Chanyeol stopped responding. It's close to three weeks since that thing broke out.

He feels incomplete.

"Baekhyun?" A soft, light, and careful knock on the door ensues. Baekhyun turns his head towards the sound and glares at the door as if boring holes on it, "Are you ready? We're going live in ten minutes."

His lifeless reflection stares back at him in the mirror, and Baekhyun releases yet another exhausted sigh. Fingers run through his styled hair, squeezing his eyes tight and leaning against the hard backrest. "Yes. I'll be there." Standing up from the pivot chair, he promptly follows the PD with the door closing silently.

Darkness fills the room. The unlocked phone on top of the coffee table has its screen on, showing the opened messaging app illuminating a small portion at the corner.

Chanyeol, have you had lunch yet? I'm recording right now.

Chanyeol, answer my messages. Please.

Don't stay up too late.

Were you in the studio? I was calling and you didn't pick up again.

Chanyeol, I just got home.

Chanyeol, I drove to my vocal lessons by myself. Hyung had somewhere to go.

Chanyeol, the jacket shooting was done.

I went to the gym yesterday. Were you there?

Chanyeol...

Call me when you read this.

I'm so lonely without you.

Baekhyun's cheeks have gone completely numb from faking too much smiles in front of the camera while he was livestreaming with the SuperM members. Finally, his last schedule for today is done. He doesn't have to put on a mask anymore, pretending to be always happy, energetic, and lively.

His facade crumbles down once he's alone.

Forehead hitting the car window, Baekhyun mindlessly scrolls the thread of missed call history to Chanyeol's number. His manager respects his privacy by not saying a single word as he drives in peace, considering it's two at dawn. The orange street lamps passing by as they venture the highway of Hongdae is making him even more lonely; days and nights are becoming too mundane and meaningless. His main reason has lost its purpose.

Chanyeol is not here with him. Physically. Emotionally. He's close to being shattered.

"Sleeping?"

Baekhyun lets out a dry chuckle. He meets the manager's gaze in the rear-view mirror.

"Do I have a schedule for tomorrow?"

"Not until ten in the evening. You have vocal lessons, though. Why'd you ask?"

His fingers curl and uncurl on the seatbelt and his heart skips a beat, his chest feels lighter than usual. "Go home first, hyung." A smile, although not big, settles on his mouth, "I'll drive."

"You have somewhere to go?"

"Yeah."

"Where?"

Blush colors his cheeks.

"You... already know where."

He thought he won't be the least anxious, but it's become the total opposite now that he's arrived at Chanyeol's condominium building. The agonizing elevator ride is causing his stomach to uncontrollably churn for a certain reason, and the awaited ting of the opening door jolts him in surprise. It's not even the first time he's coming here yet he's acting strangely unfamiliar. Covered in thick coat, black mask, beanie, and hands full of groceries he picked up from the convenience store nearby, he exits the elevator and tries to calm down.

It's been a while since he felt this way.

Baekhyun mutters a silent prayer that the door's passcode is still the same, so when the beep signifies his entrance to accept him into Chanyeol's unit, happiness secretly flows in him.

Taking off his shoes and leaving them by the doorway, he walks in his socks as he pads into the disarray living room. Turning on the lights like this was his own home, he makes a beeline straight to the kitchen and places the stuff he bought on the clean table and in the empty fridge. Every inch of this vast place smells like Chanyeol and has traces of Chanyeol, yet the appearance of the individual he has been yearning to see can't be found anywhere.

Grabbing his phone from his pocket, he dials Chanyeol's number for the umpteenth time, patiently waiting for it to hopefully ring--- and fortunately, he hears the device vibrating faintly from somewhere closeby. Following where the ringtone is coming from, he is greeted face-to-face by Chanyeol's bedroom.

Baekhyun's throat is running dry at every second passing by of him blankly staring at the doorknob. It's like his courage has left his soul this instant. His sweaty palm finally meets the cold metal after a minute of contemplation, deciding to twist it without knocking.

He steps forward inside.

Chanyeol is here.

He is not empty anymore.

The darkness of the room doesn't stop him from taking more steps closer to the bed where Chanyeol is lying and sleeping, cocooned inside his blanket like it's a protective skin. It's two something in the morning or probably three; he knows he's not supposed to exist here yet he can't help being selfish. Mask, beanie, and coat scattering on the couch nearby, he quietly plops himself sideways next to a sleeping Chanyeol.

Now he's relieved, seeing Chanyeol in flesh right here. Right now.

"Chanyeol... It's been a while...."

Studying Chanyeol's facial features this near and in pure silence adds up to the piled-up longing Baekhyun has been feeling. He basks in the familiar comfort Chanyeol's presence brings him, although it somehow breaks his heart witnessing the man in this godforsaken state. The weight loss is evident on the way Chanyeol's pale cheeks have puffed in, meanwhile the dark rings underneath Chanyeol's closed eyes indicate countless sleepless nights. In moments like these show how much of a human Chanyeol is, and despite that, Baekhyun still admires that part of him.

Something urges Baekhyun to put his palm on Chanyeol's face to gently cup the man's cheek. Using his thumb, he lightly caresses it while looking fondly at this vulnerable person being all delicate and defenseless, unlike the strong and confident persona Chanyeol portrays on stage that many people adore.

"Chanyeol, I'm here to see you..."

Slowly and weakly, Chanyeol cracks his eyelids open, finding Baekhyun smiling face-to-face at him only a hairsbreadth away. Sensing the warm hand pressed on his face, the scent of mild perfume and car air freshener coming from Baekhyun wafts into his nose. No words nor questions come out of his mouth, he just keeps wordlessly looking at Baekhyun, like the male didn't pop out of nowhere in the middle of the night inside his bedroom.

Baekhyun retracts his hand and perches it on his side instead. Chanyeol's dull and void expression doesn't surprise him, but it indeed hurts a lot, as though he is faced with a totally different person. Chanyeol's lack of enthusiasm upon seeing him sends a pang in his chest.

"This..."

Baekhyun waits, blinks, breathes---but he never says anything.

"...dream feels too real," Chanyeol finishes in a whisper.

"Dream? This is real. I'm here right now."

"Baekhyun?"

"Hm?"

The heat emanating from Baekhyun's body inches away proves Chanyeol that yes, this is definitely reality. Recognition instantly flashes in him, and Baekhyun can trace a very slight excitement on the way Chanyeol accepts him within his personal space. The attempted smile doesn't even reach Chanyeol's eyes, and to Baekhyun, it hurts. His chest feels heavy. How could smiling be so difficult for Chanyeol now? When before it would be as easy as breathing?

Chanyeol tries again but it doesn't work out. It's as if he can't move the muscles on his mouth to form a wide grin he has very used to effortlessly do for nine years. It's just too hard now, too suffocating--- it's too painful.

"Have you been well?" Baekhyun asks the first generic question, and he is aware it's pretty ironic to say that in a situation like this. He wishes he doesn't offend Chanyeol by finding it sarcastic. His intentions are genuine and he knows Chanyeol understands. It's just, he wants an answer. Anything. Out of Chanyeol's mouth. Just to hear more of his deep soothing voice. Desperately. "Why aren't you answering my messages?"

They stay like that on the bed, no one dares to adjust position, get up, nor avoid eye contact. Baekhyun's hair has turned too light now, which only means he has bleached it many times, which basically means he is super busy and hectic.

But why is Baekhyun here? Why does he have his head resting on the pillow like he was about to fall asleep? He was just in Youtube few hours earlier though, and Chanyeol has troubles setting apart that image from the fact that Baekhyun is now here, lying beside him and sharing his body warmth. Doesn't he need to go somewhere else other than this shitty place? Did he miss him?

Oddly enough, Chanyeol can't bring himself to ask those trails of questions like how he normally should be doing. He lets them sit in his mind but he doesn't mutter anything. Baekhyun is waiting for his reply and he deserves a response. An honest one.

"I don't have the courage to contact you," he confesses.

Baekhyun is not supposed to tear up because of that, but he does anyway, knowing Chanyeol must be scared by himself, all alone, surrounded by the four walls of his room. Chanyeol must be bottling up all his negative emotions without anyone to hold him and comfort him, he tends to do that--- always. He must be very frightened of the probable ways about how people view him due to that ridiculous, straight-out-of-a-fanfiction story spreading like wildfire on social media.

"Baekhyun," Chanyeol calls faintly, and finally, he is talking, yet his voice is trembling. But either way, he is starting to spill out his feelings, "The company already abandoned me."

"No," Baekhyun shakes his head aggressively, holding Chanyeol's shoulders that appear smaller than usual, "Don't say that..."

"They told me to shut up..."

"What?"

"I can't even defend myself as if the rumors about me were true..."

Baekhyun is furious and he's now crying. He is so fucking angry, not at Chanyeol, but to all those people who had the audacity to hurt this pure and soft-hearted person. How dare them make Chanyeol suffer?

"Don't cry... I already cried enough," Chanyeol mutters, and he's now the one who's caressing Baekhyun's face soaked with angry tears. It burns, not on his skin, but in his heart. He hates this, not Baekhyun, but the situation he is in, "They're not worth your precious tears..."

"You are worth my tears," Baekhyun says, pressing his palms hard on his eyelids as if to attempt stop the salty liquid from streaming down his cheeks, "Ah, fucking hell. Fuck SM. Fuck all of them... Those bastards... who hurt... the most important to me... I'm gonna make them all pay..."

Chanyeol's heart leaps, his worries and anxiety disappearing with the dust in the air.

"It's okay... I'm fine now."

It's always been Baekhyun's words that fix a broken him.

"No, you're not!"

"Yes, I am. Don't be upset anymore."

Above anything, what right does Baekhyun have to feel this way? Does he want to hear apologies or explanations? From the company? From the people behind this? He cares so much about Chanyeol and he wants to protect him, yet all he can do is simply cry for the man who's been running on his mind all day in the past three weeks. He can't even relieve Chanyeol's pain unlike what Chanyeol did for him back then.

This is really unfair, to be powerless and to be used as a tool. He hopes he can do something, anything, to make the world turn around in a snap of a finger.

Right now, he yearns to pull Chanyeol in a tight embrace, kiss his lips, and make love to him, but sadly, he can't. He doesn't know if he's even allowed to do that, especially in a situation like this. Meanwhile Chanyeol's voice, it doesn't sound like this before. It's too raspy and gargled in the worst possible ways, like Chanyeol hasn't been talking to anyone for so long.

Chanyeol shifts, reaches out for something on the night stand which turned out to be tissues, and wipes away Baekhyun's cherished tears. Seeing Baekhyun cry and hearing him curse is nothing new, yet the sound of his voice and the touch of his skin sends assurance that they're all in this together.

He's never alone after all.

"I know the truth," Baekhyun firmly says without a single hesitation. "You didn't do anything wrong, and I'm always on your side."

Chanyeol smiles, cracked and chappy lips tugging upwards with ease. It's a real one this time, and to Baekhyun, it's a victory. His heart now feels full, and warm, and happy. Tears are gone in a matter of seconds as long as it's for Chanyeol.

"Thanks. I know you're gonna say that."

"Of course, I'm your--" The next words are trapped inside Baekhyun's throat. Chanyeol is staring intently at him, and it results in the butterflies inside his stomach to go haywire. He gets up instead, sits crossed-legged, and recovers with a playful and light-hearted smirk, "I'm your life confidant and you can't live without me."

Chanyeol is very thankful for everything Baekhyun does. For not asking questions, for not judging him, for always believing in him. To have him by his side is a blessing.

"Yeah. I can't live without you."

It's three something in the morning and Chanyeol, although it's dark and blurry, can make out how Baekhyun's eyes glimmer with sadness, anticipation, yearning, and a specific established emotion which is always understood between them. Choosing not to label that special feeling, both of them are reminded that it's been always there since day one.

"Baekhyun."

"Hm?"

Chanyeol automatically reaches for Baekhyun's hand, and Baekhyun does the job to intertwine their fingers together for a tight grip. Baekhyun's fingers are long, beautiful, slender, and a bit cold, but Chanyeol couldn't care less now. Casually, while staring at Baekhyun's pretty eyes, he fiddles and plays with his fingertips for the sake of having something to do, as if it's a way to compensate for his lack of explanation. He is this close to bringing Baekhyun's knuckles near his lips to plant gentle kisses on them, but sadly, he can't.

"I missed you."

Baekhyun needs to breathe.

"I missed you, too."

No amount of words can express how much Chanyeol badly wanted to hug Baekhyun securely, kiss his lips, lose control tonight, and own him for all he's worth. But he doesn't know if he's even allowed to do that, especially in a situation like this.

"Don't you have a schedule tomorrow? Solo? SuperM?"

"Not much... How about you?"

Chanyeol's lips part but nothing escapes. He can't bring himself to brag about his happenings, it's like he doesn't deserve to talk about it, even though he's not guilty. Everything was pure defamation and he was the victim. His members, his true fans, and Baekhyun-- they all know that.

"Have you been reaching out to your family at least? To Junmyeon hyung and the guys?" Baekhyun asks instead, receiving a nod from the man. Thank god.

"I'm really sorry for not talking to you for so long. It's just. When it comes to you, I end up..." Chanyeol apologizes one more time, talking in whispers and cutting himself off before he can even say something. "I mean, I was... a mess."

"I understand," Baekhyun smiles comfortingly. Pink blends in well on Chanyeol's cheeks, "You don't have to say it."

"I shouldn't have ignored you..."

"I was really worried, you know? But I'd always come to you whenever you ghosted me for more than two weeks. It's really unfair..."

"I'll make up for it all my life."

"Haha. All your life?"

"Yeah," Chanyeol gently squeezes Baekhyun's palm, his thumb and index sliding up to touch, circle, and size the width of the finger between Baekhyun's middle and pinky. He stares seriously at Baekhyun and speaks an oath, "All my life."

Baekhyun smiles.

He couldn't ask for more.

"I can't wait."

He's honestly glad Chanyeol didn't catch a cold these days, and the man also seems to be eating well too, even though he's thinner now. Also, Chanyeol's hair is a total mess, looking like a bed's nest, since some strands are sticking out weirdly in every direction. Match that with the little annoying stubble on his chin growing on his handsome face. Chanyeol probably needs a haircut and a shave the soonest.

"I didn't change the passcode," Chanyeol states, like he was emphasizing it clearly, "I'm always waiting for you."

"Yeah. I figured out."

Baekhyun subtly hopes Chanyeol won't notice the loud thundering noise inside his chest at that remark. The way the man is looking at him with a gaze so passionate yet sincere melts all his resolve, and Baekhyun declares he has totally lost. He can't act cool in front of him anymore.

"I'll read your texts later. I haven't been checking my phone," Chanyeol sighs, "It's like, it's about to explode with the amount of notifications..."

"Should I break it for you then?"

"Sounds good."

They both laugh.

"Are you hungry?" Baekhyun asks to divert the topic, Chanyeol shakes his head.

"Nope."

"Sleepy?"

"Maybe."

When Chanyeol's mouth opens up into a cute yawn, Baekhyun finds himself imitating him, too. He scoots closer to Chanyeol and brushes away the messy fringe falling delicately on his forehead. Chanyeol leans in to his cozy touch, one eye twitching while the other one keeps opened. Baekhyun heartily laughs under his breath; this giant is still as adorable as ever.

"I wanna sleep. I haven't had a nap since six in the morning yesterday."

"You were that busy?"

"Mm-hm. I'm so tired..."

"Then just sleep here with me."

Chanyeol willingly gives Baekhyun space enough for him to snuggle himself inside the blanket he is offering. They fall asleep ten centimeters apart, hands clasped under the sheets, hearts beating in steady rhythm, minds clear and empty.

The low buzzing of the air conditioning, the quiet dripping of water from the loose faucet in the bathroom, and the soft moonlight seeping through the curtains of the bedroom--- they're all different now compared to yesterday. Chanyeol has now the warmth of Baekhyun's hand tonight unlike the chilly nights he spent alone.

Finally.

He smiles.

"Good night, Baekhyun."

Baekhyun is here with him.

"Good morning, Chanyeol."

He's not empty anymore.

*

END