"When you truly love someone,

Love them with your soul,

Then the feeling never stops.

Never."

-Unknown

✪☮✪☮✪

"So it wasn't a dream."

I had been resting my eyes for about five minutes when Rick's croaky voice brought me back into the here and now. I opened my eyes and found him gazing at me with those bright baby blues that always made me melt when I was just a teenager.

"You're awake," I smiled, tears shining in my eyes, before I called for Morgan. "You don't understand how happy I am to see you awake. You scared the crap out of me, Grimes. We thought you were dead."

Before Rick could say anything in reply, Morgan walked into the room, with his son following behind and wielding a baseball bat.

"Got that bandage changed now. It was pretty rank," Morgan said, as he stepped further into the room. Duane came to stand behind me, trying to look as threatening as possible as he guarded me from my best friend, who was still tied to the bed. "What was the wound?"

"I told you already. He was shot three months ago. He was in a coma for a month before all this mess."

"You checked him for a fever?" Morgan asked me, directing his gaze to me instead of Rick.

"Feels cool enough," I said, after I had reached forward and gently placed a hand on Rick's forehead. "Fever would've killed you by now. You're lucky, Rick Grimes. Two months you've been sleeping in that hospital, all alone."

Morgan pulled out his knife from his back pocket, and showed Rick the blade as he sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Take a moment, look how sharp it is. You try anything, I will kill you with it. And don't you think I won't," Morgan said, as he reached over Rick to cut the rope that bound him to the bed. "T says you're her best friend from her school years, that you're a good guy. I hope she's right."

Rick looked over at me, as he rubbed his sore wrists and I smiled at him, trying to reassure him that I hadn't brought him into a house with a crazy murderer.

"Come out when you're able." Morgan said, as he ushered Duane out the room again, though I knew he was still reluctant to leave me in here alone with my old friend.

I watched silently as Rick sat himself up, and then he glanced at me again. Like he still thought I was a dream. I climbed to my feet, only to perch on the edge of the bed, wrapping my arms around my best friend, tears building in my eyes again. Rick leaned into my embrace, and I felt his arms circle me, one hand on the small of my back, the other tangling itself in my hair.

"I thought I'd lost you," I sighed, as I held him as tightly as I could, without aggravating his wound. I gave him one last squeeze before I let him go. "Morgan's cooked some stew or something out there, so come get something to eat when you're ready."

I was almost out the door when Rick called my name. I turned back to him, standing in the doorway.

"How're you here?" Rick questioned.

"Don't be an idiot, Rick Grimes. You get yourself shot, where'd you think I'd be?" I smiled at the grin he gave me, clearly my answer had made him happy in some weird way, but that made me happy as well. I was just happy in general. My best friend, who I had thought was dead, was alive and well and grinning like an idiot. If we took away the fact that his estranged wife and son weren't here as well, and the walkers, and everything bad that had happened in the past two months...life would be great.

I moved into the dining room, and began helping Duane set the table for dinner. We were lucky that King County was pretty much abandoned, because people had left kitchens full of food that we were able to help ourselves to when walkers weren't roaming around. Morgan and I took it in turns to go out scavenging, though I tried to do the supply runs more than him. He had a son to think about, and I didn't really have anybody.

Until now. Now I have Rick.

"Who's this guy again?" Duane asked me, his voice quiet. We couldn't make too much noise now that it was dark outside. The walkers would tear the house down otherwise.

"He's my best friend." I replied, just as Rick walked, still a little unsteady, into the room with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders. I smiled at him and gestured at him to sit down.

"He a Ranger too?" Duane questioned.

"He look like he was a Ranger?" I poked fun out of Rick, causing all three men, well two and a half men, to crack a small smile. "I worked with guys who could probably snap his skinny butt in half. Big guys who packed a lot of muscle and could kill a man dead with just a sharp poke to the chest."

"My butt's skinny?" Rick questioned, and I let out a quiet laugh.

"Is he blue?" Duane asked, and I nodded, ignoring Rick's inquisitive glance.

"We're all five by five here, little D. Rick ain't in any condition to be red. Plus, you don't know him like I do, " I replied, running a comforting hand over Duane's dark hair, trying to give as warm a smile as I could muster. "He's as blue as blue gets."

"Red and blue? Five by five?" Rick asked, as he hovered around, with both Morgan and I watching him closely, but for two different reasons. Morgan still didn't know if his son was at risk, and I still didn't know if Rick was okay.

"Army terms. Blue is true, red is dead. If you're blue, you're a friendly. If you're a red, you ain't so friendly. Five by five is just a radio signal we used, it usually means everything is good or you're okay," I answered him, as Duane and I took our seats at the table. "I left one war to come fight a completely different one. New battleground, new insurgents, new rules of combat. The whole world has truly gone to shit."

"Swear." Duane nudged me under the table, and I muttered my apology.

"This place...Fred and Cindy Drake's?" Rick asked, as he padded into the living room, holding his blanket around his naked torso.

"Yeah. Being in your place felt...wrong and pretty much everybody packed up their stuff and hit the road just before the army was overrun. I wanted to stay close." I answered him, as he moved further into the living room.

He was just about to reach out and moved one of the window covers when Morgan stopped him sharply.

"Don't do that," I watched Morgan's words make Rick pause, his head turning back to gaze at us in confusion. "They'll see the light. There's more of them out there than usual. I never should have fired that gun today. Sound draws them. Now they're all over the street. Stupid, using a gun."

"It was my fault you had to fire a shot in the first place. It all happened so fast, there wasn't much time for thinking things through." I replied, my eyes on him as he sat down. Rick had made his way towards us, and now was staring at us like we had grown two or three heads over the space of three minutes.

"You shot that man today!" Rick stated, and Morgan, Duane and I exchanged looks. Rick weren't getting it. This world he had woken up in, it wasn't the world he had left behind the day he got shot.

"Man?" Morgan scoffed.

"It weren't no man." Duane added, receiving a dark look from his father and an amused look from me, as I knew where this was headed.

"What the hell was that outta your mouth?" Morgan scolded his son for his poor English.

My eyes darted to Rick, which only added my amusement, as he was clearly incredulous that this supposed murderer could talk so casually about killing and then berate his son for poor grammar at the same time.

"It wasn't a man."

"You shot him in the street out front, a man." Rick pressed, and I cleared my throat to get my old friend's attention. When his pretty blues were on me, I tried to explain things to him.

"That wasn't a man, Rick. That was a walker. That's what we call them, at least. He wasn't alive, not properly. Just sit down and eat something, before you give me a brain aneurysm outta worry."

Morgan spooned some stew into Rick's bowl, and I pulled out Rick's chair for him, which he quickly collapsed into. He was still weak, and he was still covered with a thin sheen of sweat, but I still couldn't take my eyes off him. He was real. He was here. He wasn't dead. Rick was alive. I wasn't gonna let him out of my sight ever again, not for one second.

Rick was about to tuck into his food when Duane interrupted him.

"Daddy, blessing."

"Yeah." Morgan smiled at his son, taking his offered hand. I took Morgan's hand, my eyes still on Rick, as he seemed a little frustrated that we were doing this. It was probably because his stomach was so empty that it was working off his fat.

It was Duane's way of holding on to some normalcy, so if he wanted to say grace, then we would say grace. Rick reluctantly took Duane's hand, and I held mine out to him, noticing he didn't actually hesitate to hold mine. I smiled warmly at him, and listened to Morgan as he began the blessing.

"Lord, we thank thee for this food, thy blessings. And we ask you to watch over us in these crazy days. Amen."

"Amen." We all chorused solemnly, before beginning to tuck into our food.

We ate slowly, trying to savor every morsel. We would have to move out soon. The town was almost picked bare to its bones, finding food in the empty houses was becoming difficult now. Most people took what they could carry and anything that was left we had mostly eaten already, bar a small supply in the kitchen and an emergency supply I had left hidden in one of the bedrooms upstairs that would be easily barricaded should a few walkers try break in.

"Hey, Rick, wasn't it? You even know what's going on?" Morgan asked him, and my eyes flickered between the two men. Morgan was looking at him curiously, and Rick just stared back impassively until he answered Morgan's question.

"I woke up today in the hospital, Thea found me and that's all I know." Rick said, as he dropped his eyes to his bowl. I took his free hand in mine, and squeezed it gently, trying to show him I was here.

"But you know about the dead people?"

"Yeah, I saw a lot of that. Out on the loading dock, piled in trucks."

"He's not talking about the ones we put down, Rick. The ones we couldn't, the walkers. Like the one Morgan shot today. The man in the suit." I said, keeping my voice as gentle as I could as Rick looked up at me with that confused puppy dog expression that made me want to melt and cry at the same time. It was like trying to explain death to a four-year-old.

"Cos he'd have ripped into you, then T, tried to eat you, taken some flesh at least. Well, I guess if this is the first you're hearing it, I know how it must sound." Morgan added, and I could see Rick trying to swallow this information.

It would sound crazy to someone who only thought this sort of stuff happened in the movies or in comic books, but this was real life now. Real people getting bit and turning into real monsters. A horror movie come to life. It was like a never ending nightmare now.

"I told you, Morgan. He was shot three months ago. He was already in a coma a month before the outbreak hit." I murmured, spooning some stew into my mouth and swallowing it without tasting it. Everything tasted so bland now anyway. Spices and crap like that were practically the most precious of luxuries now.

"They're out there now in the street?" Rick questioned.

"Yeah. They get more active after dark sometimes. Maybe it's the cool air or...Hell, maybe it's just me firing that gun today. But we'll be fine as long as we stay quiet. Probably wander off by morning," Morgan informed him, before he shifted forward slightly, clasping his hands together and his tone getting a little softer. "But listen. One thing I do know. Don't you get bit. I saw your bandage and that's what we were afraid of. I know what T told me, but anything coulda happened to you in the hospital since it was overrun."

"The bites kill you. You contract a fever and it burns you out. Only after a while, you come back." I supplied, eyes on my half-eaten stew. I was sitting directly across from Duane and I couldn't look him in the eyes as I spoke about the sickness that took his mother.

"Seen it happen." Duane said, and I didn't have to look up to know the heartache that would have filled his sweet face.

"Why don't we finish our food before it gets cold? I haven't been risking my neck for crappy canned food so we can stare at it." I said, finally looking up and forcing a smile onto my face for Duane and Rick.

From then on, we ate in silence, the only sound to be heard was Rick's sometimes haggard breathing and the clinking of spoons on china. Once the food had been consumed, Duane and Morgan went to wash the bowls up, while I set up a bed for Rick on the floor in the living next to mine. We slept in there, all together, because the bedroom was tainted by the death of Morgan's wife, and so we could watch each other's backs when one of us was on watch.

"Okay, so you're all set up over here," I said to Rick, keeping my voice quiet since we were in the front of the house now. I saw Morgan walk in and smiled at him and Duane. "Is it alright if you take first watch?"

"You got it. Get some sleep, I know you ain't been getting a lot of it. Maybe with your friend here, you'll actually listen to me for a change." Morgan said, making Rick chuckle at my expense.

I rolled my eyes as I settled down on the thin mattress, pulling the thick blanket we had taken from upstairs over me. Duane followed my lead and settled in for the night. The kid crashed out nearly instantly, but he probably wasn't fully asleep. No one slept soundly anymore. Everyone was on edge when night fell. Walkers got more active at night. Everything was quiet for a long time until the two men started to converse quietly. Probably didn't realize I was still awake.

"So you and Thea, huh? Just old friends?" Morgan questioned, and I inwardly rolled my eyes. Morgan and I had become good friends since he and his family had quite literally stumbled into my life. One thing I had learned about him was he was actually quite nosy.

"We've been best friends our whole lives, yeah." Rick said, and, even though I knew it was irrational and stupid because he was married and I'd come to peace with that years ago, my heart still ached a little from his words.

"The way she talked about you...I figured there must be more than what she was saying."

"Coulda been when we were kids. Too scared to ruin what we had, I guess," Rick replied, and I tried my hardest not to beam in what was supposed to be my sleep. Instead, I pretended to shift in my sleep, so my back was now facing them. "Things probably woulda turned out a lot differently if I'd asked her out, like my buddy told me to."

It was silent for a moment, but it just gave me time to process it all. Did Shane tell Rick to ask me out when we were kids? So why didn't he? Shane must've known that I woulda said yes, which is why he told Rick to do it, so why didn't Rick just ask?

"Carl. That your kid?" Morgan asked to change the subject, and I smiled slightly at the mention of Carl. I missed him.

"He's a little younger than your boy."

"I know," Morgan replied, and Rick must've given him a look of confusion as Morgan quickly continued talking. "T talks about him a lot. She's got three sets of initials on her wrist. Asked her who they were. Didn't seem to want to talk about the RG guy so much, but Carl Grimes wasn't so much of a sore spot. She's your boy's godmother, right?"

"Yeah. Only person I knew who'd love my kid no matter what," Rick stated, and I had to bite back another smile. He wasn't wrong. I'd kill for his kid. Carl was the sweetest, coolest kid I'd ever known and he was part Rick, which meant I'd love him always. "She know where he is?"

"I asked. She said right at the start, she sent him and your wife off in her car-" Morgan began to answer, but Rick cut him off with one word.

"Ex-wife." So it was true. They were on the brink of divorce. Rick always sounded happy when we spoke about him and Lori on the phone. I mean, I had guessed that the excitement had fizzled out, but that was practically normal for marriage. I didn't know that they were that unhappy to split up.

"T never said anything 'bout that. Anyway, she said she sent them following some cop friend in his Jeep. It wasn't safe here anymore and T stayed behind to help the army until they were overrun. Had to hide in a tank apparently for a couple of days until the herd dissipated and she managed to sneak back here. Set up camp and survived on her own until we showed up," Morgan chuckled, and I wondered why until he carried on talking about me. "Strongest woman I've ever met. The kindest too. Took me and my family in, gave us food and water and a roof over our heads. I'll never be able to repay her."

"You could start by shutting up and letting me sleep." I joked, keeping my eyes closed and not turning round to see their reactions.

"You been listening this whole time?" Rick questioned, nudging me.

"Girls eavesdrop. It's in our DNA. Get over it." I muttered, nudging him back with my foot.

That's when the car alarm started blaring outside. Both Duane and I bolted upright, both of us wary of the sound. Morgan grabbed his son, started to try and calm him down, while I moved into a crouch, my training kicking in, and pulled out my pistol.

"One of them must've bumped a car." Morgan uttered, as he held his son's shaking body against his side.

"Are you sure?" Rick asked, as he stood up as well.

"It happened once before. Went on for a few minutes," Morgan informed him, as all three adults moved to dim the lights. "T and I were going to disable the alarm after she got back from the hospital, but with all the excitement, we forgot."

Once we'd gotten rid of most of the light in the room, I moved towards the window, with Rick and Morgan on my six, and looked out of the tiny space that served as a lookout spot. I instantly spotted the car that was sounding off, and sighed, moving away from the window so Morgan and Rick could get a look.

"It's the blue one on the street, the same one as last time," Morgan said, as Rick checked it out, the alarm still blaring. I slumped down onto my makeshift bed, Glock still in hand, and, feeling more tired than I had in weeks, rested my head on my knees. Duane shuffled past me, going to stand with Rick and Morgan, finding another little gap to look outside from. "I think we're okay."

"That noise, won't it bring more of them?" Rick questioned, and I raised my head to answer him.

"Yeah, it will, but there's nothing we can do about it now. We just have to wait them out. By morning, most of them will be gone."

Suddenly, Duane gasped, and I braced myself, knowing that it could only mean one thing.

"She's here."

"Don't look. Get away from the windows," Morgan instructed his son, but, for a moment, it seemed like Duane was transfixed, stuck to the very spot where he stood. Morgan nudged Duane's shoulder, trying to get him to move. "I said go. Go on."

Duane turned, practically threw himself onto his and his dad's makeshift bed, and began to sob. I squeezed my eyes closed at the sound of it, feeling my heart ache for him. Just as I got up to move to comfort him, Morgan beat me there. He pulled his son into his lap, and wrapped his arm around his son, trying to get him to be a little quieter. If Duane cried too loudly, he'd attract the walkers, and there were too many out on the street for us to get away from or survive.

I turned away from the boy's suffering, focusing on Rick instead as he continued to watch the scene outside...until he stumbled towards the front door, squinting out the peep hole instead. I could imagine exactly what he was seeing. Jenny shuffling up the porch to the front door, her eyes wide and vacant and a large bite on her shoulder that probably still dripped dark blood onto her white nightgown.

"It's okay. Here, cry into the pillow. You remember?" I heard Morgan mutter to Duane, as he held his son to him and place the pillow above his head, leaving some space for Duane to actually breathe.

I could hear the heavy footsteps of Jenny now. She was right outside the door. The doorknob started to rattle and I held my breath and closed my eyes. Sometimes I wish that I had put her out of her misery when Morgan and Duane brought her here, but Morgan had wanted to be the one to do it. And then he couldn't. So now we had to suffer through this.

Rick backed up, and dropped onto the mattress next to me, his hand reaching out to grasp mine tightly. I looked at him, and saw the slight fear and confusion in his eyes that upset me. He had literally been thrown into this world with no clue as to what was going on or where his family was or why it was all happening. I mean, the rest of us had no clue either, but at least we had an idea what was happening. Rick had been in the dark for two months and was suddenly being blinded by the bright light we had all but burned his retinas with. I rested my head on his shoulder, seeking comfort from him as the door handle continued to shake, and he wrapped his arm around mine, pulling me closer to him.

"She died in the other room on that bed in there. There was nothing I could do about it," Morgan said, his voice breaking in parts from the emotional duress he was under. "That fever, man, her skin gave off heat like a furnace. I should've put her down, man. I should have put her down. I know that, but I...You know what? I just didn't have it in me."

Morgan was crying now, and my heart went out to him. While Rick wasn't mine, he was still the love of my life, and for two months I had believed him to be dead. I knew how it felt to feel that hopelessness.

"She was the mother of your child," I said, my voice just loud enough for him to hear me. "I should have done it. I shouldn't have left that burden on your shoulders."

"You've done more than enough for my family. I couldn't have asked you to do that. Not that."

The conversation stopped there. There was no point arguing with him. He was a man still grieving the loss of his wife, and he would never find any peace with it. Not with her reanimated corpse still walking around and coming back to the house each night.

The doorknob still rattled as Jenny tried to enter the house, and only when it ceased, did I allow myself to settle against Rick and fall asleep, hoping that now he was here, it would be enough to keep the nightmares at bay.

~*~