//

At school-

"So what's Hamlet supposed to do?" Mr. Turner asked. "His uncle offed his father, his mother's sleeping with his uncle, his girlfriend is completely schizoid, and people are dropping left and right."

"Sounds like Thanksgiving at my house," Shawn said.

"So Hamlet is faced with a terrible dilemma, and he freezes like a bunny in the high beams."

I see Cory pass a note to Shawn. "Whose that from?"

"I don't know. Cory told me to give it to you," he answered, handing it to me.

"For me?" I ask, looking at it.

Oh, I understand. 

***

In Mr. Feeny's class. "October, 1962. Young President Kennedy is faced with a seemingly impossible dilemma. Mr. Hunter, what were his options?"

"Marilyn Monroe or his wife?" Shawn asked, getting me to chuckle.

"You never disappoint, Mr. Hunter."

"Thank you."

"Ah, a note for me," Cory said. "See, Betty, you're not the only one-"

"Pass it to Betty."

Cory slams it on my desk.  "Do I have an unlisted desk or something?"  

***

At lunch, I found my brother. "Hey," he looked up from his lunch tray. I place the notes on his tray. "Those are Stacy and Linda's notes, they told me to pass to my 'hot brother'."

"Hot?" he smirked, opening them.

"Wait, those notes were for Zack?" Cory asked.

"Yeah, they think he looks good now that he's got glasses," I answer.

"I do look good," Zack spoke, following me and the boys to our table. Stacy, Linda. Linda, Stacy. Two girls want me." He slouched. "I've never been so depressed in my whole life."

"I know. Two beautiful girls both want you, poor guy," Shawn told him.

"There's gotta be a hot line you can call," Cory said. "Of course, with your luck now, a girl would answer and she'd want you."

"Gross," I mutter.

"If I reject Linda, she'll get upset, and there is no way I would ever want to see a pout on those beautiful full lips," Zack sighed, looking dreamily. "Actually, it looks pretty good."

Cory and Shawn looked where he was looking. "Where do you see that?"

"But-But what if I reject Stacy and she flips out, gets a sex-change operation and comes back as a really angry man seeking her revenge?" I sent him a look. "Hey, I've seen it happen on TV."

"Why are we still discussing this?" I ask.

"Because it's important."

"Zack, just choose," Cory told him.

"I can't."

"If the man says he can't, he can't," Shawn adds.

"Yes, you can," Cory adds. "You did at lunch."

"What? When?"

"When you picked meat loaf instead of chicken. How did you do that?"

"Well, I couldn't decide. I saw my sister grabbing some, I got an idea that I'd have my sister buy me some..." he trails off, looking off.

"She's back?" Shawn asked, this time all of us, trying to imagine.

I literally saw a light bulb go on in my brother's head. "Jackpot, I got an idea." 

I look at him. "You had a idea."

"It's a brilliant one." He clutches his head. "Oh, it hurts."

"Thought too hard?"

"Kind of."

***

For some reason, Zack still followed me and my friends. 

"You are a sick and twisted individual," Cory told Zack after he shared his plan.

"Yeah, I second that," I add.

"To you guys. To him, he's a visionary," Shawn says.

"Why are you-" Shawn sends me a wide eyed look. "Oh..."

"It can't work," Cory says.

"It's bulletproof. I start dating one of the girls while one of you go out with the other one," my brother continued. 

"Why can't Archie date one of them and not one of my friends?" I ask.

"'Cause he only dates girls that he actually likes," he lowered his glasses to the tip of his nose, looking at me.

"Oh shut up."

"I can't, I'm taken," Shawn said.

"Again, why do you want me to date?" Cory asked.

"That way she's off the market until I'm ready to date her," Zack said.

"What, you want me to keep her fresh until you're ready for her? What am I Tupperware?"

"Matthews, my sister knows you. What else do you have to do?"

"What do I have to do? I'll have you know,my calendar is chock-full."

"Of what?" Shawn asked. 

"Well, look, right here," Cory opened his calendar.  "I mean, I got Lincoln's birthday, and after that I got 'Lincoln's birthday, traditional,' and then there's, uh, 'vernal equinox' and, uh, 'Cinco de Mayo' and 'reorder calendar pages.' See, I'm so busy I can't even talk to you now."

I laughed as Zack said, "So you're gonna do this."

"Oh, obviously!"

"You're a lifesaver. Thank you, Matthews. I owe you," he said, removing the glasses.

"Yeah, yeah. So, Zack, just choose. Which one am I baby-sitting, meat loaf or chicken?"

"Uh, I haven't thought about that."

Shawn stepped forward. "Okay, try this. Whichever one comes up to you first, you'll go out with her, because that means she likes you better than the other one."

Linda came up to my brother. "Hi, Zack."

Zack turned to face her, quickly putting on his glasses. "Linda." He leaned towards Shawn. "Thanks, Hunter," he whispered.

"Linda, congratulations," Cory said, making Zack push him behind him.

"For what?" Linda asked.

"For looking...very Lindacious today. Isn't that enough?"

"Not for me. Call me."

"What was that all about?" Cory asked. "I thought she was the one."

"I don't know. I panicked. I can't decide," Zack rubbed his forehead. "Shawn, how do you do this?"

Shawn shrugged. "I don't know, I'm a one woman man now," Shawn glanced at me.

I roll my eyes with a smile.

"Fine. You know what? You take Stacy, I'll take Linda," Cory told Zack.

"No. I want Linda," Zack replied.

"Fine. Then I'll take Stacy."

"No," Zack told him.

"Zackery, you're being greedy," I say as I cross my arms.

"No, I'm not and don't call me that here."

"Fine. I'll go out with Debbie," Cory told him.

"I want Debbie."

"There is no Debbie."

Zack paused, confused as he and Cory both walked away. "Somewhere there's a Debbie."

"Now, that we're alone," Shawn placed his arm around me. "I'm taking you on a date tonight."

"Are you telling me or asking?" I ask with a smile.

"Asking."

"Then, I'm waiting."

Shawn huffed. "Betty Cooper, will you go on our first official date to go see a movie...maybe?"

"Clueless?" I question.

Shawn made a face. "A girl movie?" He then paused. "Oh, girl movie is the time when most make-out. Oh Betty, will you go with me to see a girl movie?" I smack his shoulder. "What?"

"Yes, you dope," I smile, blushing slightly. "I'll go with you."

***

After the movie, I came home with a smile on my face.

"What's with the goofy grin?" Zack asked who was sitting on the couch causing me to jump because I didn't notice him at first.

"Uh, nothing," I lie before walking over to the couch. "Where's mom?"

"At work still."

"Hey, Zack. What would you do if someone asked me out?"

Zack looked up from his homework with a careless expression. "Why did Archie ask you out again?"

"No," I answer, sitting down. "If it's some other guy-"

"Why did someone ask you out?" he asked, quickly, tossing his glasses on the table. "I'll kill 'em."

"Wha-chill, Zack. No one asked me out," I lied.

"Oh," he relaxed before picking up his glasses. "So I threw my glasses for no reason?"

"Looks like it," I answer. "Why do you not care if Archie asks me out?"

"Because he's my best friend, I've known him since we moved here. I trust him with my life and I trust with him with that, I trust him with my little sister. He's a good guy."

I smiled. "Aw-" Then, I looked at him. "I'm not your little sister!"

"Technically, you are. By six minutes."

"No, we're twins." I clear my throat. "Anyway, if I guy asked me out that wasn't Archie-"

"Then, I'd kill 'em or see if Harley Keiner will do it for me. He knows how it can be when total strangers date their baby sister-"

"Zack!"

"What?"

***

At school, me and Shawn were walking together.

"You have to admit, Clueless was pretty good," I tell him.

"I mean, it's not a movie where someone's head gets blown up, but it was okay," Shawn answered.

I stopped walking. "Wait a minute, did my Shawn Hunter admit a girl movie 'was okay'?" 

"Don't get use to it."

"If you're gonna date me, you're gonna have to get use to watching girl movies."

"Like last week, when you made me watch Dirty Dancing?" I nod. "And let me guess, you're also gonna make me watch 90210 when it comes on TV?"

"Yes, I am," I admit with a small chuckle.

"I really don't like you," he jokes.

For a moment, I forgot that we had hidden our relationship from everyone except Cory and my mom. I wrap my arms around him. "That's a lie and you know it," I tell him.

"Is it?"

"It is because you like when I do this." I pressed my lips to his. I should've waited until we weren't around other people because- 

"HUNTER!" 

I jump apart from Shawn when I hear my brother yell at the top of his lungs. I look behind Shawn to Zack's face starting to turn red from anger and Stacy beside him looking very shocked.

Shawn looked to me. "Oh no."

"Shawn, run," I tell him.

"You're dead, Hunter!" Zack yelled, dropping his stuff and chasing after Shawn who had already started running.

***

After making sure Shawn wasn't dead after escaping my brother, we went to Mr. Feeny's.

"Young and inexperienced, he finds himself caught on the horns of an agonizing dilemma, and so young President Kennedy, charged with keeping the peace, fears that his inexperience may bring about the destruction of the entire world."

"Oh, give him a break! This was his first big crisis. It wasn't his fault he liked the girl," Cory outbursted.

"Cory," I say, nervously.

"Mr. Matthews," Mr. Feeny spoke.

"Yes?" Cory asked. 

"Put your head down. It's nap time."

Cory listened.

***

At Chubby's, I tried to get Zack to get along with Shawn. Shawn tried to look casual nearby while I tried to talk to my brother at his table.

"Zacky, hey, bro. Heard it was going rough with Stacy," I tried. He narrowed his eyes at me. "Okay, look." I sat down across from. "Today was not how I wanted you to find out-"

"That you and Shawn kissed? No, it wasn't. How long you've been dating him? A day, two?"

"Three weeks," I tell him.

Zack scoffed. "Surprisingly."

"What? What does that mean?" I ask.

"Look, I know Shawn, okay?" he answered. "Shawn is the type of guy who makes out with his date on the first day and dumps her the next. You get caught up in your feelings and when someone hurts you, you cry for days. When Shawn breaks up with you, he's gonna leave your heart in pieces and I don't want to see that happen."

"When have you ever seen that happen?"

"When you watch a sad movie," I roll my eyes. "And when dad left mom when we were five. We weren't suppose to understand how relationships work, but we did. We knew once he walked out that door, he wasn't ever coming back." I looked down at the table. "And seeing cry for days because of Shawn...might just break me."

At this point, Shawn walked over. "Hey, I like Betty more than any girl, I would never hurt her."

Zack looked at him with rage. "You," he barely managed to stand up.

I stood up. "Zackery Cooper, sit down or else," I spoke firmly. He listened, doing so. "I just want you to hear out Shawn, okay?" 

Zack looked to Shawn. "Speak, Hunter."

"Okay, you need to know something,"Shawn started. "I really like Betty. She's not a normal girl, she's totally awesome." I smiled at that. "And not to mention, really pretty," he looked at me as I felt my face turn red. "I mean, how many girls do you know, who like sports, skateboarding and awesome music? Not a lot. Betty is something special. I know how much she means to you-"

"Well, don't say it out loud."

"And I would never hurt her, not on purpose."

"Zack sighed. "If you ever hurt her-"

"Zack, if you don't leave him alone, I'll tell the whole school," I lean closer. "You still wear Spider-Man underpants. I'm sure Harley will get a kick out of that."

Zack's jaw dropped and he immediately smiled. "Kumbaya. Hakuna matata." He stood up, pushing Shawn into his seat. "Date, get married, have kids, I'll pay for the wedding." He leaned closer. "Just please don't tell him about my underwear." 

"Deal," I smirk.

He looked towards where Cory was having a heated discussion with Stacy and Linda. "Hey, it's my girls and my pal. I'll see you lovebirds later." He walked towards the table.

Shawn looked to me. "You're a genius."

I shrug with a smile. "I know."

"What did you tell him?"

"Something he doesn't want Harley Keiner to know."

He grinned. "Evil genius."

I shrug again. "Well, I learned from my best pal," I take his hand. 

"I really like my girlfriend," he said. My eyes went wide. "What? Too soon?"

"No, just shocked my boyfriend just said that."

"Good shock or-" He caught on. "Hey, I'm your boyfriend."

"Hope so."

"Matthews, that was not part of the plan," I heard Zack tell Cory.

"Uh oh," I say, watching them.

"Well, maybe I don't fit into your safe little plan," Cory said.
"Maybe that first day you came up to me in the hallway and said, 'Cory, baby-sit Linda for me until I break up with Stacy,' I should have just said no, but I was stupid." At this point, Stacy and Linda had came over. "I'll tell you something, pal." Zack made hand motions for him to stop talking. "I'm never gonna be that stupid again. Both of them, right?"

"Yeah," Zack answered. 

"I turn around, they're both gonna be there." He turned around. "Yes, they are."

"Linda, Stacy, we thought you left," Zack told them. "Boy, we really thought you left."

"I forgot my purse," Stacy said. "Wasn't that lucky?"

"Oh, yes, very lucky. Here you go," Cory hands it to her.

"Thank you." She hit him in the shoulder with her purse.

"What about him?" She hit my brother next.

"I don't know which one of you two is sleazier," Linda said.

Both boys pointed to one another. "He is!"

"It was your idea," Cory said.

"Well, you went behind my back, Matthews," Zack replied.

"That's 'cause I really liked her."

"Well, I really like them both."

"You two are-are-" Linda started. 

"Scum!" everyone including me said.

Zack turned to me. "I let you date!"

"Spidey!" I yell out.

"Okay..."

"You treat us like objects, not people," Linda continued.

"You're right. I'm real, real sorry,"  Cory admits.

"I just hope we can put this whole thing behind us and start fresh, okay?" Zack said. "Matthews, I'll thumb-wrestle you for Linda."

Stacy hit him one more time before walking away with Linda as everyone started clapping. Zack bowed.

"Zack, they're clapping because they hate us," Cory told him.

"Oh. Well, same to you!" 

I look to Shawn. "We need to sit with them, don't we?"

"We gotta," he replied.

"Fine."

I got up with Shawn, sitting with Cory and Zack.

"You know, I miss Linda already," I heard Cory say as I sat next to Zack.

"I miss Stacy and Linda," Zack admits.

"And Debbie?" Shawn asked.

"And Debbie," Zack agreed.

"There is no Debbie," Cory told him.

"Well, then how come I miss her so much?" Shawn asked.

"I miss her too, why?" Zack asked.

"Because you're nuts," me and Cory told them.

"So, here we are, just the two of us. Couple of dangerous guys," Zack said. "And girl."

"Me too?" Cory questioned.

"You? You are very dangerous. You're so dangerous, I am never gonna trust you with a girl again," Zack told him.

"Good idea," Shawn told him. "Nice job, Cory."

"So what you're saying is, I lose my first girlfriend but my best friend and my best friend's brother finally begins to respect me?" Cory asked. 

"Yeah," Shawn and Zack both admit.

"I'll take it."

I sigh. "You guys are too much."

***