"Good morning, John Adams High. After a 10-year absence, we've dusted off the console and put Patriot Radio back on the air!" I recognized Mr. Feeny's voice on the lunchroom speaker. The sound of someone burping sounded came on before I heard music. "And with me here, my engineer and wacky side-kick on the morning zoo, Mr. Alvin Meese."

"Thank you, Mr. Feeny, you're a great friend to radio-" I recognized Meese's voice.

"That's enough, Alvin. Nobody likes a mike hog. And now, because the halls of our school beat with the lively heart of contemporary youth here is the happening sounds of Mr. Michael Bolton."

Nature sounds came out, making me cover my ears immediately.

"Ah! Make it stop! Make it stop!" Cory yelled to Shawn.

"My ears are going to bleed!" I yell.

"It's hard to cut the wires with a plastic spoon," Shawn said back, trying to.

"Just rip the whole speaker down!" Cory screamed.

"Hey, guys. Try this knife," someone said, but I wasn't paying attention.

"Thanks," Shawn said, taking it, but we all look at who it was. The three of us point and gasp at Mr. Turner. "Down," he told Shawn who did so and handed back the knife. "Come on, guys. The station's only been on five minutes. Is it really that bad?"

"Oh, just wait, Mr. Turner," I tell him.

"And now, a little change of pace. A blast from my past this is Mr. Perry Como," Mr. Feeny spoke through the speaker before classical music is played.

"Look, Mr. Turner, you clip the wires and we'll cover for you," Cory tried to negotiate.

"You don't like what you hear? Get on the air and do better," Mr. Turner suggested.

"Us? On the radio?" Shawn questioned as we followed Mr. Turner.

"Yeah. See if you can't squeeze it in between doing nothing at school, and nothing at home."

"What are you saying? We don't do anything?"

"You know, we should think about that," Cory said as I agreed.

"I don't wanna," Shawn objected.

"No, Shawn, maybe he's got a point. I mean, maybe if we became radio personalities, then we'd have...personalities."

"I don't wanna do nothing."

"Look, Shawny, radio is just sitting around talking," I tell him.

"Like we are now?"

"Yeah."

"Maybe you have to push a button," Cory adds.

"How hard?" Shawn asked.

"Like this," I show him, pushing my finger forward through the air.

Shawn began to follow my movement, now curious. "Hm?"

"Yeah, cutie," I smiled.

Both boys pretended to start pushing buttons.

"Are you kidding me?!" Mr. Turner exclaimed.

"Okay, we'll do it," Cory spoke for us.

"We're naturals," Shawn said.

"We got it all down," I add.

"I've got a radio voice," Cory said.

"And I've got a radio face," Shawn says.

"And I've got both," I comment.

"So when can you get us on the air?"

"If you guys are serious about this, I'll talk to Feeny after lunch," Mr. Turner answered.

"And now for you kiddos, Menudo," Mr. Feeny announced, playing another track.

I look to my favorite teacher, "You were saying."

"I'll talk to him now," Mr. Turner got up.

***

At the radio station, we got in and had Sara to interview since no one else wanted to do it.

"Hi, I'm Cory Matthews, along with Shawn Hunter, and Betty Cooper, and we're back with the most interesting show topic they would give us: Meet your student council. Our guest today is Sara Fairburn, secretary-treasurer of your student council. And according to Mr. Feeny's program log, we'll be discussing the cancellation of the ninth-grade spring dance. Now, Sara, I imagine there's quite a story here," Cory said.

"No. We just ran out of money."

"Is it just me or are you already bored?" Shawn asked me.

"Oh yeah," I answer.

"So we're gonna have a bake sale and try and save our dance," Sara added.

"Ah! Fascinating. Go on," Cory ushered.

"That's about it."

"Ah, come on. What are you hiding?"

"Stop badgering her," Shawn told him.

Cory covered the mic. "I gotta badger her, we got nothing else to talk about."

"Ugh, this show stinks," Shawn complained, lying his head down on the desk.

I lied my head on Shawn's shoulder as if he were my pillow as I watched Cory, bored. "Now, Sara, you mentioned a bake sale. What is the profit margin on a cupcake?"

"Heh, what are you talking about?" Sara asked.

"Shawn, help me. Shawn! Betty!" Cory urged quietly.

I ruffle Shawn's hair, sitting up. "Shawny, wake up!"

He sat up quickly. "Oh. Oh, Betts, I dreamed Cory was doing the most painfully boring radio show in the world." He pointed to Sara. "And you were there. And you-oh."

"All right, now let's hear what you, the listeners, think. Call us. Now. Please?" Cory asked.

The phones didn't ring. "No one's calling. Let's go home," Shawn said, but I pulled Shawn back down in his seat.

"No. Sara, a bake sale has its dark side, doesn't it? I mean Fat. Cholesterol. What about that?" Cory questioned.

"I don't know. I'm just a kid," Sara answered.

"Does she not know? Or choose not to know?"

"You know, no one else wanted to do your show."

"Cory. Cory, Cory, we have a call," I tell him as one of the phones rang.

Cory pressed to answer. "Hello, you're on the air." The man on the other end spoke a foreign language. "I'm sorry, sir. I believe Ludwig and the German Hour follows us. Call back later."

"Can I go now?" Sara asked once Cory hung up.

"Yeah, sure. What's the point?" Shawn moped.

"No, stay," Cory told him.

"Look, we have another call," I point out. "Better not be someone who speaks something I don't know."

Cory answered. "Hello, you're on the air."

"Hi, this is Spencer," the caller said.

"Oh, thank goodness," I say.

"Spencer! I believe you're a first-time caller to the show," Cory said. "You have a question for Sara?"

"Yes, I do," Spencer asked. "Sara, are you still going with Joey DeRuza?"

"Why do you ask, Spence?" Sara asked.

"Sorry, kids, but the topic is a bake sale," Cory said. "Dance salvation or death by cake."

Me and Shawn share a look before he grabs the mic. "Sara, I believe the man asked you a question. How about an answer?"

"We broke up last week," Sara replied.

"Well, I've liked you ever since last year, and, um..." Spencer trailed off.

"Oh this is too good, I want in," I told Shawn who moved the mic to me. "She's smiling, Spence. Continue."

"So I was thinking, uh..."

"Come on, Spence, if you don't ask this red-hot babe out, I will," I tease, but Shawn gave me a look. "I-I mean, my brother will."

"Are you doing anything this Friday?"

"No! And I'd love to. I'll meet you at the soda machine right now," Sara said, standing up and getting out.

"All right, we have a date!" Shawn exclaimed.

"Guys, no one's interested in this," Cory told us, shutting off the mics. "We promised Turner we'd stick to the topic."

"Cory, we hit on something that works. Look at the phone lines. They're blazing! People are listening to us," Shawn pointed out.

"Big deal, Shawn. A bunch of lonely guys are calling for a girl who's fixed up and gone."

"It's a huge deal," I say.

"Well, I'm not gonna blow a career in radio for a bunch of lonely guys."

Five girls came in. "Are you the guys on the radio?" the first one asked.

"Yes, we are," I answer.

"Could we be on the radio, too, and talk to boys?"

"That's why we're here!" Cory said, immediately taking a seat as we follow and he turned on the mics. "Cory, Betty, and Shawn back at you with...Lunchtime Lust."

"Let's meet our next contestant," Shawn spoke. "You are?"

"My name is Jasmine Fontana," the girl said into the other mic.

"If it isn't, it should be," I giggle. "We'll take the first three callers and hook one of you up with..."

"Jasmine Fontana."

"She sure is," we all say.

***

Eventually, Zack came in.

"Not only does Jasmine pull straight A's, but she loves to fish wearing nothing but hip waders and a bikini top," Cory spoke.

"If this sounds like the girl for you, call us, Cory, Betty, and Shawn, the hottest show on ra-di-o," Zack spoke, leaning over my shoulder.

Me and Shawn took calls as Cory asked, "You know, Jasmine, a couple of these guys have asked me if you're a good kisser and right now I don't know what to tell them."

"Well, um...Maybe I could help you," she flirted.

"Well, maybe you could." They both leaned forward, but Cory leaned a different way and came up to Mr. Feeny when he opened his eyes. "You know, you look different up close."

"Ludwig, take over," Mr. Feeny told the boy. "Schnell."

"Ja, Herr Feeny," he answered.

Cory stood up, "Mr. Feeny, this is our show."

"Not anymore," Mr. Feeny answered.

"Hello, it's Lunchtime with Ludwig. You may call up with your requests. I don't take them," Ludwig said.

"Out," Mr. Feeny told us. "Come on."

We exit the room as a group of kids clapped around for us.

"See, Mr. Feeny, everyone loves what we did," Cory tried to tell our principal.

"Not everybody. Consider your radio careers over."

Once Mr. Feeny walked away, I spoke, "Hey, boys. I might have an idea-"

"Wait, you want to continue this?" Cory asked.

"Yeah, how'd you know?"

"Why?"

"I'm bored, haven't done anything in a while and I may be in the mood for chaos."

"Well, that's we're good at, babe," Shawn added.

***

In Mr. Feeny's class ended shortly after the bell rang. He called to us as we packed up our stuff. "Oh, class, tomorrow we'll be discussing chapter 12 in your history books, which would be...The Bill of Rights. Oh, dear."

"Oh, the Bill of Rights, from the good old Constitution," Cory spoke. "And what was that amendment that came first in the Bill of Rights?"

"I don't recall, but I bet our teacher knows," Shawn said.

"Our teacher does know. Why don't we ask him?" I ask in a tone loud enough, hopefully for Mr. Feeny to hear.

"Oh, Mr. Feeny," Cory began in a light tone.

"Freedom of speech," Mr. Feeny quickly answered.

"Hey. Isn't that the one where you can say whatever you want?" Cory asked.

"Oh my Cory, I believe it is!" I say in a fake surprised tone.

"And doesn't it apply to everybody?"

"No," Mr. Feeny answered.

"Any kind of speech, right? Like, in a newspaper, or TV, or I don't know radio?"

"Yes, yes."

"Then something is just not making sense here, my friends," Cory sat on a desk and we follow in pursuit. "Weren't we just pulled off the air because of what we said?"

"Yes, we were. He says one thing and then he does another. He's being a hypochondriac," Shawn answered.

I place a hand on his shoulder. "Hypocrite, sweetie."

"Right..."

"What you said over the airwaves was inappropriate," Mr. Feeny told us.

"Well, according to this here Constitution, uh-uh," Shawn replied, picking up the book.

"Come on, Mr. Feeny. Don't you believe in what you teach us?" Cory asked.

"Mr. Matthews, the rights of the Constitution were intended for those with a sense of responsibility which I expected Ms. Cooper to have," Mr. Feeny said.

My face fell and Cory noticed because he whispered, "Don't listen to him. He's trying to guilt trip you."

"Well, if it doesn't apply to us, then why do we have to learn it?" Shawn asked.

***

"Hi, guys. I have to tell you this all the girls in fifth-period gym were talking about your show in the locker room," Jasmine came up to us.

"Girls were talking about us in the girls' locker room? Just tell me, were the showers on?" Shawn asked.

"It will be splitsville for us if you don't shut up," I smack his arm.

"Kidding," he replied.

"When are you guys gonna be on again?" Jasmine asked.

"Real, real soon," Cory answered before she walked away.

"We gotta get back on the air, man! How are we gonna get back on the air?" Shawn asked.

"I don't know about that," I say.

"Come on, Betts. You can't tell me you weren't having a bit of fun on the radio."

"A little," I answer. "What do we do?"

"Okay, I'm thinking. I'm thinking. I got it!" Cory exclaimed.

"What?!" Shawn and I ask.

"We gotta get back on the air."

I facepalm myself as Shawn says, "You're a genius!"

"I know!" Cory said.

"That's why we make such a good team."

"Hey, Mr. Turner," Cory greeted.

"I don't know you," he replied, walking past us.

"Oh, come on, what'd we do?" Cory asked.

"You upset the guy in charge. I mean, you know Feeny, he gave you responsibility and you guys abused it, now you're gone."

"Yeah, but you're the faculty advisor. Come on, you put us on once, you can put us on again," Shawn spoke.

"Now why should I stick my neck out for you guys?"

"Because we're your favorites?" I ask.

"Try again, Betty."

"I'm your favorite student?"

"Close, but no."

"Because you're the young, dedicated teacher who believes that kids deserve a second chance," Cory told him.

"That's me?" Mr. Turner questioned.

"Yeah, you didn't know?"

"Look, the only way you guys get back on the air is if I talk to Feeny."

"Yeah, like, you can talk to Feeny. He doesn't think straight, Mr. Turner. He doesn't even believe in the Constitution."

"Yeah. He totally ignores the first commandment," Shawn adds.

"Yeah, guys, just chill out, okay? It can't happen without Feeny. All right, now promise me you'll stay away from the radio station, okay?"

"Okay," I say, crossing my fingers behind my back. Sorry, Mr. Turner.

"Okay."

Cory turned to us once Mr. Turner was gone. "Like talking to Feeny's gonna help. He's just not gonna listen to anybody."

"He's insane," Shawn agreed.

"You know, it's the three of us. Just the Golden Trio. If we're gonna get back on the radio, we're gonna have to do it by ourselves."

"I agree."

"I agree, hesitantly," I add.

"But we're gonna need a lot of help," Shawn said before spotting- "Alvin! Tell me something, Alvin, you basically put that radio station together, right?"

"It's my baby," Alvin answered.

"Well, Pop, let's go see how Junior's doing," Cory said.

***

In the janitor's closet, the three of us, plus Meese were hiding with the radio equipment.

"Good morning, John Adams High!" Cory exclaimed in the mic. "This is Cory."

"And Betty," I spoke.

"And Shawn," Shawn yelled.

"The bad boys are back on the air!" we all responded.

"They tried to silence us, but we're back and we're louder than ever," Cory said before we all howl.

"You're listening to Pirate Radio," I suppose.

"Mr. Feeny wanted us to talk about the spring dance. We'll do him one better. We'll give you a spring dance!" Cory shouted.

"Right here, right now, Come on, everybody dance!" Shawn responded as I choose a disco song.

"Let's start a Bill of Rights for students!" Cory stated.

"The right to dance," I giggle.

"Anytime, anywhere," Shawn responded.

"You can hear us, but you can't see us. Where are we?" Cory asked.

"No, keep looking. No telling where we could be, Hey, did you check the boy's room?"

"Psych!" I cheer. "Like I'd go in there."

"Pirate Radio is being brought to you by the Constitution of the United States of America," Cory said.

"Void where prohibited by Feeny," Shawn replied.

"Our next musical selection is-" There weren't there. "Shawn, where's the tape?"

"Behind the bucket of janitor's mops," Shawn spoke too loudly. "D'oh!"

I cover my face in my hands. "You just killed us...again."

"Or is that a fake clue, because we couldn't possibly be that stupid," Cory said, but as he did, the door opened, revealing Mr. Feeny.

I quickly hid behind the boys as Mr. Feeny replied, "Oh, I think you're much more stupid than you give yourselves credit for."

"Don't move. Maybe he doesn't see us," Shawn spoke softly.

***

Me and the boys were ushered back into the student radio broadcast room.

"Mr. Turner, here are your protégés," Mr. Feeny told Mr. Turner. "You would assume responsibility for them, assume away. Ludwig?"

Ludwig stood up, "It was terrible Mr. Feeny."

"To be fair, it wasn't my idea to tie you up," I tell the boy.

"I am not accustomed to being so ill-used."

"Yes, well you're young yet," Mr. Feeny told him before they both left us with Mr. Turner.

"So you catch our show?" Cory asked causing Mr. Turner to hum a yes.

"You got any constructive criticism?" Shawn asked.

"Constructive? No."

"Look, we just wanted to get back on the radio," I expressed.

"And you thought this was the way to go about it, as opposed to-Oh, I don't know, the way we agreed on?"

Shawn scoffed. "Oh, come one, Mr. Turner, there's no way Feeny was gonna listen to you."

"Amazingly, he did listen to me. And he was on the verge of giving you guys a second chance, then you demonstrated why you don't deserve it."

I slap a hand to my forehead. "D'oh!"

"All right, then, all we were doing was exercising our right to free speech," Cory responded.

"Oh, come on, the First Amendment does not give you the right to turn the school into a rave. You have responsibilities. Responsibilities to the school and to me," Mr. Turner told him.

"Look, Mr. Turner-"

"No, save it. We had a deal. Now, why was it so important for you to get back on the air that you were willing to shaft me?" Mr. Turner asked, sitting down.

"You wouldn't understand," I mumble, but he heard me.

"Pretend I'm stupid."

Shawn sat down, actually listening to his words. "We...went...on...the radio..."

"Pretend I'm smarter."

"Look, Mr. Turner, we're just trying to find our place. You know, we're only seventh graders."

"But you're students, isn't that enough?" Mr. Turner inquired.

"Come on, you remember what it's like?" Cory asked.

"Yeah. Everybody else seems to know who they are and where they belong. But for us? We're a bunch of nobodies," I sigh.

"And you thought being on the radio would help you?" Mr. Turner asked.

"Yeah, I mean if we're on the radio and everyone thinks we're cool then we don't get lost in the shuffle," Cory continued.

"You feel lost?" Cory and I nod. "What about you?" he asked Shawn.

"Yeah, sometimes," he answered.

"You know what? I bet a lot of people feel that way."

"Well, maybe they do, but I'm sure they don't wanna talk about it."

"Oh, I'm sure they do."

"How do you know?"

"Look at all the calls we have already," Mr. Turner pointed out.

"We're on the air?!" I bellow.

"Someone must've turned on the switch accidentally."

I smiled at my favorite teacher as Shawn asked, "They heard all of that?"

"Yeah," Mr. Turner laughed. "See, guys, you don't have to do Lunchtime Lust just to get an audience. All you have to do is be honest. People will listen to that, too." He answered the phone. "Hello, you're on the air."

"Yes, I'm a first-time caller," I heard Mr. Feeny's voice. "Love the show."

"You have a question?"

"More of a comment, really. I thought you did a commendable job handling a rather difficult situation."

"Thank you, caller."

"And I do have a question. I'm curious as to what you think the appropriate punishment would be for your three guests?"

Mr. Turner looked to us so I mustered up the sweetest smile I could give. "I'm thinking a week's detention," he answered.

"Couldn't quite hear that, seems to be some static on the line."

"A month's detention."

My smile turned to a frown, but we deserved it.

"Loud and clear," Mr. Feeny replied before hanging up.

"Well, you know, that's one man's opinion," Cory said. "Let's hear from some other listeners."

Cory picked up the phone, the oldest Matthews voice came through. "I say lock 'em up and throw away the key!"

I giggled as Cory told him, "Get off the phone, Eric."

"Guys, trust me, you got off easy. There's a lot worse that could've happened to you," Mr. Turner said.

Ludwig came in with two adults. "That is them, Father. The two American boys who tried to tie me up."

I kept sitting as they stood up. "Hey, he said, 'two American boys'."

***

Hi!

Just to let you know, I skipped Danger Boy because I didn't know how to fit Betty in when she or Shawn wouldn't be in it much. Heads up: six more episodes and we are onto season 3!!!!! 😄😄😉