Rising

ɪ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ꜱᴇᴇɪɴɢ ɪᴛ ʀɪꜱᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ꜰᴀʟʟ, ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴜɴ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴍᴀʏ ɪ ꜱᴀʏ, ɪᴛ'ꜱ ɪɴᴅᴇᴇᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘʀᴇᴛᴛɪᴇꜱᴛ ᴡʜᴇɴ ʟᴏᴡ, ᴄʟᴏꜱᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ɢʀᴏᴜɴᴅ. ᴏɴʟʏ ᴛʜᴇɴ ᴅᴏᴇꜱ ɪᴛ ʙʟᴇᴇᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ʀᴜᴘᴛᴜʀᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ʙʟᴜᴇ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴡʜᴇɴ ɪɴ ꜱᴜᴄʜ ᴀ ꜱᴛᴀᴛᴇ, ᴏɴʟʏ ᴛʜᴇɴ ᴡᴇ ᴀᴅᴍɪʀᴇ ɪᴛ. ɴᴏᴡ, ᴛᴏ ᴀꜱᴋ ɴᴏɴꜱᴇɴꜱᴇ - ᴡʜɪᴄʜ ɪꜱ ᴘʀᴇᴛᴛɪᴇʀ, ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴜɴʀɪꜱᴇ ᴏʀ ꜱᴜɴꜱᴇᴛ? ɪɴ ᴍʏ ʜᴜᴍʙʟᴇ ᴏᴘɪɴɪᴏɴ, ɪᴛ ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴜɴʀɪꜱᴇ, ꜰᴏʀ ᴏɴᴇ ɴᴇᴇᴅꜱ ᴛᴏ ᴡᴀᴋᴇ ᴜᴘ ᴛᴏɢᴇᴛʜᴇʀ ᴡɪᴛʜ ɪᴛ, ᴀɴᴅ ꜱᴘᴀʀᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ʀᴇꜱᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴀʏ ɪɴ ꜱᴡᴇᴇᴛ ᴍᴇᴍᴏʀʏ ᴏꜰ ɪᴛ.

. . .

Ivan had forced you to sleep. Knowing there was no point in disagreeing with him, you listened and did as he demanded. It didn't take you too long to do so - shrouded in his warmth, safe and sound, it wasn't hard to shut your eyes, relax, and at last fall asleep. Ivan noticed that you did so with an unwavering, serene smile, so he fell asleep soon after, equally as satisfied.

Hours later, you had woken up well rested. You felt almost no fatigue or strain, contrary to what you might had expected at first. And indeed, one might think that the act itself could have been more tiring, but in truth - it didn't last long enough. Maybe some other time it'll be different.

You remembered what he told you last night. Your life was now one with his own - your future was a coherent line from this point on, and, you realized, smiling to the idea like a fool - you won't ever be alone, ever again. It was all thanks to him. Just as he told you, you had days ahead of you to prove your undying love to each other. There was no need to rush, because the moments you were meant to enjoy now became your entire life.

Soon you opened your eyes to look at Ivan's sleeping form. You began thinking of how in fact you felt... refreshed. As if you had gotten rid of another little burden you had no idea you had been carrying. Funny, how... this, all of this made you feel so fulfilled. Love? It was no wonder why people chase after it so desperately. However, in your case, there was no need to run after it, hunt it in a frenzy and weep once you take a short glimpse at it. Your love came to you, on its own accord, when you least expected it, where you least expected it - and you didn't do a single thing. You were just being yourself. And Ivan fell in love with that.

You were lucky. Way too lucky. But didn't every being deserve to feel this way, in the end? To love and be loved?

You pat Ivan's head. He shifted, and his lips morphed a content smile. He opened his eyes, just a little, and wished you good morning, his voice a bit raspier than usual. With a kiss on your forehead, he enveloped you in a hug, and asked you: "How are you?"

"Great, and you?" you softly questioned.

"Same," he responded, rubbing his hands over your bare back. You felt him wrap his legs around yours, which helped your cold feet warm up a little. He buried his nose into your hair, taking in your scent, as you did his. The natural smell of sweat might sound appalling to some, but to you, it felt just fine. You liked it and you were used to it by now.

Left in silence, you two did nothing but enjoy each other's company. As it happened, your mind wandered off, snapping you back to reality. So you had to interrupt it all with: "Sorry, but, what's the time? Did we wake up too late?"

"Too late? I'm sure Dostoyevsky would understand our situation, if that's what bothers you."

"Dostoyevsky would understand? You mean, you'd tell him that we..?" you choked, imagining the dozens of ways it could go wrong.

Ivan blinked at you, seeing that you were disturbed by the idea. "If you want to keep our relationship a secret, that's alright," he squinted his eyes, continuing, "but I doubt we weren't heard last night."

You shook your head, suddenly feeling terribly ashamed. You completely forgot that there were other people in this complex aside from you two. What if they actually heard you? Oh, how would they look at you now... you couldn't bear to be detained from your former pleasant position.

"Calm down, (Y/N), dear, I'm sure everyone would understand," he caressed your cheek gently, making you look into his eyes and furrow your brows.

"Everyone?" you repeated, doubt audible in that single word.

"Well, not everyone. But those who matter to us would understand. I assure you."

"How can you be so sure?"

Ivan chuckled awkwardly. "I'd know, because before, there has been.. a situation... or two."

You let out an "oh" and didn't ask any further. On second thought, you wouldn't be surprised if Dostoyevsky had a sex slave. The rest of the bunch didn't seem too innocent either.

"So, are we getting up?"

"Mm, alright," Ivan huffed and lifted himself from the mattress. You did the same as him, and, not knowing what to wear, you just collected the clothes that were around the room, while Ivan simply chose some things from the closet. All the while, he was staring at you, baffled by your actions. Or perhaps he was just checking you out? You glanced towards him a couple of times. Perhaps he was equally as mindblown by the entire thing as you were. "I can just hop to your chambers and fetch you something proper to wear, can't I?" He suggested once he got dressed. You turned around and glared at him, holding a pile of messy fabric. "You could've suggested that earlier, you know."

"Sorry," he laughed awkwardly. "Anyway, I shall be off now. Your room is unlocked, yes?"

"Yeah." Out of context, it would appear silly to leave your room unlocked, but there was no reason for you to lock it. Hardly anyone here would dare steal anything - especially now that your name had gotten more notable. Also, there was nothing inside that could possibly interest the imaginary thief.

"Oh, and, the clock is right up there, if you haven't noticed it," he pointed to the opposite wall and your gaze followed - landing on the machine only to read it's almost 9 in the morning. So, you weren't too late, luckily.

"Should I bring you anything else?" Ivan asked, and your mind began working. What was it that you needed for the morning routine?

"Well, now that you ask... yeah," you began counting on your fingers, "toothbrush, toothpaste, hairbrush, chapstick, moisturizer, deodorant, pe -"

"I'm definitely not going to remember that. Would you then just go to your room after you get dressed and finish the... bathroom duties? While I finish mine?"

Bathroom duties, is that how he called them? Incredible. "Yes, of course, that's a great idea too."

He walked up to you, pressing a kiss on your forehead, and left the room with a "goodbye". Now that you were alone, you threw the clothes onto the floor and fell down onto the bed, still naked. Once there, you began laughing like crazy, clutching the sheets beneath you. You couldn't help it - all the happiness you felt came out in form of an eloquent ring of your laughter. In a minute, you calmed down, and you buried your face into the fabric, the fabric that belonged to him and smelled of him. Wonderful, heavenly was the way you felt.

It didn't take Ivan too much to return. He was holding a (F/C) dress and underwear, and he spoke bitterly, his face showing trauma, "Nikolai saw me carrying these and he began screeching. Loudly."

You snorted. "So what did you do?"

"Run, what else?" He chuckled awkwardly and you laughed.

"The way things have started, I can't wait to see how the rest of the day will turn out," you told him as you took your clothes from his hands, pecking his cheek. "We most certainly will have fun today, don't you think?"

"I think we won't be the only ones who will be amused, sadly," Ivan sighed, watching you get dressed for a while. Then he spoke again. "Anyway, let's meet in the hall at ten - Dostoyevsky is probably taking his morning nap now so he won't be angry if either of us is late."

"Morning nap?" You shook your head. "I didn't know master actually sleeps."

"He does, but very little. Never mind him, dear," he kissed your hair and gave you a quick hug, "I won't bother you, so you should go now and finish preparing yourself."

"Yeah, I can't wait to brush my teeth so that I can kiss you," you giggled and stepped to the door, but at the very moment you were about to leave, he took your hand, squeezing it firmly. You looked at him, confused, and anticipated whatever it was that he wanted to do.

But he simply said: "You look beautiful," and let go.

. . .

Almost an hour later, you found yourself standing next to Ivan, still as a sculpture. You both were staring at Dostoyevsky who wasn't wearing his distinct ushanka, thus showing off his overly greasy hair. He seemed more tired than usual - eye bags appearing as two dark holes in his skull, lips dry, gaze unfocused (nothing new). Along with his voice which was drained of tonality from exhaustion, he looked and sounded like a living corpse when he spoke: "You two are going up today to shop for groceries. This place is running out of food, and I can't listen to people... and Nikolai, complain about it anymore."

You had to smile - this was the reason why he needed you? It was quite adorable, in a way. And the task would be super interesting.

"Why the two of us, if I may ask? I was the one who did it until now, along with some other people, and everything was fine" Ivan asked.

"Because..." Fyodor rubbed his temple and let out an aggravated sigh, "as Nikolai said... your taste in salami is terrible... and the corny bread you've bought is awful as well, so awful that he couldn't make a single sandwich with it... and that... that... what did he say, now, oh god," he began biting his finger, staring up at the ceiling, "... he said he was toast. So, if a woman were to go with you, maybe you'd pick different things..."

"...Oh. I see. Very well." Ivan sounded deeply offended.

"Also, just seeing you two together..." the dark haired Russian began, making sure to look at you as he bit on his thumb vacantly, "it's good."

His weak, astonishingly meek appearance encouraged you to speak up. "You sound as if you ship us."

"Oh, yes!" his eyes seemed to sparkle a bit, and you found yourself dawdling at the sudden surge of energy he got, but it disappeared in the very next sentence. "Might I add, you made a lot of noise while bringing down the erected sail."

You gagged. You literally had to cover your mouth.

"The cameras in other rooms picked up the sounds. Try to be a little more quiet next time, will you? I know you will, Ivan," Dostoyevsky nodded at him with approval, then switched his lifeless gaze to you, "but will you, (Y/N)?"

"I will, I swear. I'm sorry," you quickly responded.

"No need to apologize. You're not... troubling me... much," he yawned. "I should go now and try to... rest. I count on you two, and you two only, to fill out our almost empty storage," with that, he left, allowing Ivan and you to stare at each other in uncomfortable silence.

"...Well, isn't that just nice?" You asked.

"What exactly? The privacy intruding thing or the shopping mess?" Ivan sighed.

"Shopping mess? Why mess? I think it's going to be great, we'll have fun," you told him, gingerly thinking of every detail of what is to happen up there. You two will go out in public, as a couple.

"No. (Y/N)... let me explain. We are in the middle of nowhere. We have to walk a while until we can get decent transport to the city. Only there can we buy enough to satisfy the needs of this place. And then we'll have to carry all of it back here! Before, I had some people to help me, but now, it's only you and me - as Dostoyevsky clearly stated - so it won't be easy. And I can't let you carry the load. But it will be too much... and it'll take so much time..." he swung his head to the side, pursing up his lips.

"Oh! That sounds like a big problem, doesn't it?" A familiar voice was heard from behind, and you turned around to meet him, your friend - Nikolai, leaning against the wall. You smiled at him immediately, whereas Ivan didn't seem too pleased to see him - probably because he still disliked what the jokester had done.

"Nikolai!" You beamed, and he reciprocated your own joy with an energetic wave.

"What are you suggesting?" Ivan asked him without a proper greeting.

"Well, I genuinely wish to help you," he chirped.

"And how would you do that? By rolling down the aisle in a cart? Knocking down a shelf or two? Because in that case, we won't be needing your help" Ivan glared at him, now evidently dissatisfied. And Nikolai stared back at him with equal defiance. "No. I'd like to help you transport the goods so that you two can have more time for each other. Also, I'll buy food that I like, therefore, everyone will like - and to top it all, Dostoyevsky won't be having sleepless nights full of my rants anymore. It's a win-win situation. For everyone!"

Now it was Ivan's turn to be taken aback. He let himself smile at the offer, as he couldn't possibly allow himself to refuse it. However, he made sure not to seem too merry, as you could notice, and he asked: "Why the sudden kindness?"

Nikolai crossed his arms, looking at the other Russian with usual calmness. He gave him a grin, a quick look to you, then spoke: "For now, I would like to simply support love."

"What do you mean by "for now"? Will you turn against us?"

"By that I mean, I won't support you forever. I can't, because I'll get bored of it, eventually," he laughed, "I help you now, as love, when young, is pretty to both its beholders and the spectators. However, don't forget that this is a situation of personal interest mostly. Do I like peanut butter or jam in my sandwich more? Or perhaps both together?" He placed a hand on his chin, acting as if he pondered, but immediately answered his own question: "I wouldn't know, because there's none here!"

"Yeah, that is all... correct. But in order for everyone to get bored, Ivan and I have to stop loving each other. And I assure you that this won't happen," you spoke up, earning a sorrowful look from Nikolai.

"This isn't a matter of love, this is a matter of life. And you can't expect life to treat you well, even if your love is absolute," he told you, furrowing his eyebrows ever so lightly. This statement, along with his benevolent attitude, left a stark impression on you.

Indeed, even if you blindly follow the principles of love, something can and will get in the way. Even this place you're at, it was a hole, and danger was bound to fall into it. You carelessly decided to discard it all and think of only one thing - love, happiness. You were too obstinate. Too selfish. Too stupid, to an extent, and certainly too blithe. Reality became null and only now did you realize it was full of endless numerals. It hurt both your eyes and your soul, and it left your mind in a daze (like Math).

"Nikolai, please, I'll try to sound as clear as possible, as ordinary talk doesn't seem to get to you: stop telling us nonsense and riddles. We don't enjoy them," Ivan told him. Did he in fact spot the effect those words had on you? Remarkable.

"Oh, but do you? Both of you?" Nikolai flashed a grin at him, and wiggled his eyebrows. "You've given me silent consent to the offer. And you accepted to take part in all of this is chit-chat."

"True," Ivan sniffed.

"We're listening to you because we're being polite... Besides, if you and Ivan have so much trouble talking to each other, why don't we talk alone?" You suggested, earning a hateful glare from Ivan. You noticed it, oh, if only you didn't do that - your heart sank the very same moment, your entire being shivering from the intensity of a single glare. What had you just done? You were able only to glance at Ivan, whose expression you couldn't read.

Nikolai however just shrugged. "We'll talk. But I'll do my thing and disappear now! Off to shop!" He swung the cape and disappeared, evidently avoiding the problem he had indirectly caused.

You turned to Ivan, whose half closed eyes filled you with further nervousness. "Did I do something wrong?" you asked, afraid of whatever it is that you had done - afraid that you angered Ivan so.

"No," he bluntly answered.

"Then why did you... look at me that way?" You inquired.

He sighed, looking away and spreading his arms. "Come," he ordered and you obeyed, diving into the hug.

"I'm sorry, (Y/N). I probably scared you, and I truly am sorry... but I, well, felt jealous. Do you forgive me?"

"Oh, I forgive you," you couldn't wait to say that, "but you're jealous of Nikolai? Seriously?" You laughed, tension already disappearing.

"I'm sorry... I believe it's also because I don't feel safe around that man. And I know you do speak with him sometimes, but it's exactly because of these random appearances of his, random silly ideas he gets, and the endless courage he possesses, that I'm worried. I hope you understand."

Well... the guy did have the guts to annoy Dostoyevsky - quite often so, as it seemed. 

"I do understand. But you know, Ivan? I can fend for myself. I also doubt Nikolai would harm me."

He hugged you tighter and reminded you: "Did you forget we're all murderers?"

"I didn't. But we're all humans too."

"Ah. It takes a human to make a murderer, of course, how blunt," he chuckled, "but let's not ponder about that too much. We've been given a great opportunity today, my dearest. Shall we go out?"

"Yeah! Of course!" You accepted the idea immediately. He was right - you should relax. Nikolai was a real source of trouble, after all. And no matter how much you enjoyed his nonsense sometimes, this time it was simply too much.

"And please, don't worry. You have no reason to. Alright?" Ivan cupped your cheeks, leaning in for a kiss, evidently.

"Yeah, I agree," you lied and waited his lips to reach yours.

. . .

Days have passed since you had last been on the surface. This time, however, it was sunny and warm - much to your pleasant surprise. Before being dragged down to the underground, you despised the Sun from the depths of your heart. Having clouds above you, listening to the rain, staying inside, it was all much more tolerable than sweating and burning. But only now that you spend day and night under artificial light did you learn that sun rays were something indeed special. What exactly, you couldn't really decide, but whatever it was, it forced you to smile.

In the moist air of the forest, you found your lungs full and your mind at peace. Birds were singing songs that you hadn't heard in a while, quite mesmerizing to your ear. And now that every sense of yours was content, what more could you ask for?

"When was the last time you were in a bigger city?" Ivan asked all of a sudden, breaking the long period of silence.

"I used to live in one before coming here," you responded.

"Oh. I see," he nodded, falling quiet. You were once again able to focus yourself on the nature, or rather - you didn't focus on anything at all.

But to be left alone, in a place so calm, won't it spur your imagination? Turn your state into pensive? Remind you - that you were indeed missing something?

. . .

A/N: A shitty chapter to make you doubt yourself because you should.