The distant hills and the clear blue sky look so much more heavenly from the edge of the bridge. No, not to jump off to actually see heaven, but just to get some fresh air, a little weird, I know. But welp, this is not my first time doing something like this. I climb up trees and sit on the branch, trying to befriend the young birdies, because humans are so damn disappointing. Sometimes I sit at the bank of the deepest part of the river and just so you know, the earth might as well grow back all the trees we have cut down on its own before I learn swimming.

Oh hey, myself Evans, a 16 year old guy who's somewhere between pessimism and optimism and both at the same time. I have an officially undiagnosed ADHD and depression (one of my ex-friend’s brother was a psychiatrist who had given the verdict of my terribly worsening mental health after our first conversation and hence that was the “unofficial diagnosis"). But do I seem to care? No. If anything which has stopped me from committing the forbidden thing is nature and nature only. You'll often hear me saying (note: i speak 10 human words but 1000 animal words in a day) “life is uglier than hell" until you leave me in my garden anytime in the day and see how fast my opinion changes to “thank you god for keeping me alive and to give me the privilege to see the sky and touch the grass and hear the birds sing".

I have this series of journals where I have been making an entry every day since my 6th birthday, the last birthday I had ever celebrated. Long story short, my dad passed away on that day of his chronic COPD and my mother exactly after a month of a heart attack due to the extreme emotional upheaval. Since then till I graduated middle school, I stayed with my aunt after which I moved back to our house and I live alone now. So now that you have a little glimpse of my life, you may realize why I love spending time outside in nature so much.

I remember, the first entry in my journal was the day just after my mother's funeral. I went up to the terrace alone at 1am with my diary, a pencil and a broken forlorn heart. I stared at the sky for more than an hour, trying to find my parents among the beautiful sparkling stars. Tears rolled down my cheeks sogging the first page. I hadn't realized it was morning already until I heard the crows caw and there was a faint light emanating all around. I had successfully filled 30 pages with tears and words which spoke how much I missed my parents which can tear even the devil's heart. A small sparrow came and sat on my head and kissed my messy hair just like my mother used to do to wake me up.

When I return home from school, it's when the sun completes its daily challenge of painting the clouds differently everyday before it goes down. If you ask me, I'd say the sun is the greatest painter of all time. Everyday, every corner of the world, for billions of years sees a different painting. And each one is like the hug you get from your bestfriend or your pet when you feel low. And the night sky? Oh, mia cara, what do I compare you to? You, my love, are the definition of beauty. If there was a way to intertwine my soul with nature, I might as well have done it by now.

And I have spent 10 years of my life like that. Trying to find everyone I have lost, my parents, friends, a stray injured dog I had rescued and myself, among nature. It shatters my soul to think about them but it heals me in a way nothing does. I wonder what I’d do when there'll be no trees, no cool breeze, no birds who'll sing me a lullaby? I might as well disappear into oblivion before I have to see such a day.

“Nature, O nature,
Take me along with you,
What's an earth if you're not there?
I'll be where you are…”