A/N: thank you WyvernInk

Roxy opened the door to her new apartment, located on the fourth floor of the dingy apartment block and ushered Evie in.

"Where should I put the box?" Evie called out, the sound muffled by the enormous cardboard box in her arms, coming up to her eyebrows. Roxy resisted the urge to laugh.

"On the counter tops is fine. I'll sort later." Roxy said, reaching down to whip her shoes off, using them to prop the door open. It'll be a bitch to get the furniture up the stairs...

Following Evie out, they headed back out to the parking lot, to Roxy's open boot. They lugged a suitcase and two more boxes back into the apartment room. Evie turned to Roxy. She was dressed in leggings and a thin exercise hoodie, and Roxy thought she looked the epitome of athleticism.

Should it bother me that I'm so attracted to and invested in a girl who may be straight? Roxy wondered. But she was pretty sure there was more to Evie's sexuality than Evie let on. Their chemistry, the sneaky looks Evie stole when she thought Roxy wasn't looking, not to mention the sexual attraction.

Everyone's on their own journey, Roxy reminded herself.

"Isn't your uncle supposed to be here soon?" Evie asked, leaning against the kitchen bench. Roxy's uncle had a pickup truck, and they'd spent the better part of the morning loading it up with her stuff. Before she could answer, the sound of tyres on gravel could be heard from below.

Roxy stuck her head out of the narrow window overlooking the street, and sure enough, there sat her uncles white pick up.

"Bingo." She said, walking out the building, taking the stairs two at a time, Evie following behind. As they reached the bottom and Roxy's uncle stepped out of his truck, Roxy looked over at Evie. She was fidgeting, gently sucking on her lower lip. The action made Roxy want to grab Evie and kiss her.

She's nervous. Roxy realised this was the first time Evie was meeting any of her family. And since Roxy had been raised by her uncle, he was like a father to her. Roxy reached over and gave Evie's shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

"Hey Roxy." The big man called out. He wasn't tall, but big bone structure and a sizeable pot belly, combined with a larger than life personality, seemed to enhance his size. He patted the rear of his truck, filled with her crap. "Gotta delivery for you."

"Thanks Tuck." Roxy said, walking up to Tuck and giving him a fist bump. She placed her hands into the back pockets of her scuffed and faded jeans, turning to Evie who trailed behind. "This is Evie. She's helping me move."

"Nice to meet you Mr Adams." Evie said, the poster child of politeness. She even held out her hand. Roxy's eyes widened, but it was too late. Tuck had held out his hand to shake, and then pulled the girl into a bear hug. Over his shoulder, Roxy made eye contact with an alarmed Evie.

Roxy shrugged. It was an apologetic, I-tried-to-warn-you shrug.

Tuck pulled back and whistled. "Got yourself a purebred, upperclass missy. That's my girl. Call me Tuck." He laughed and Roxy waited for Evie to correct him. But she didn't. Another point to the secretly-a-lesbian scoreboard.

They began to unload the truck, starting with the smaller items: a coffee table, couple chairs, a dresser, a bedside table, rug and TV, before tackling the larger stuff. Roxy eyed the two seater couch, the double mattress and bar fridge. She rolled up the sleeves of her unbuttoned checkered shirt.

"Right. Let's start with the mattress cause it's the lightest, and hit the fridge last." Roxy spelled out the game plan, and they set to work.

An hour later, the three stood in Roxy's kitchen, admiring the jumble of personal effects scattered throughout the place. The mattress and couch were a tight squeeze to get through the doorways, but it was the fridge that was a real pain to get up four flights of stairs. Roxy was glad she'd only invested in a bar fridge, not a real one.

"I'd offer you guys something to drink, but all I've got is tap water." She said apologetically. Tuck clapped Roxy on her shoulder.

"Don't stress about it kiddo. I should be heading off anyway, I'll leave you two to get familiar with your new home."

"Oh, no it's not like that. We're just friends." Evie corrected after a moments pause, an unidentifiable lilt to her voice. Point 2? Roxy tried to analyse it, but Evie had already continued on: "It was nice to meet you Tuck, and good thing you could help us get that furniture up here. I was pretty sure that couch was gonna become a stairway feature."

They both laughed, and Roxy was struck by how nice it was to see them getting along so well. A girl her family agreed with, liked even. What a change.

As Tuck was about to go, he pulled Roxy into a hug.

"She's a keeper." He whispered into Roxy's ear. She grinned.

"I know." And with that Tuck walked out of the door, down the stairs and was gone.

Roxy turned around to Evie staring at her, curiosity written all over her face. When Roxy didn't tell Evie what her uncle whispered to her, Evie said: "your uncles nice, I like him. It's also so nice how comfortable your family is with you being gay."

The words were steady, measured. Wow, she's grown so much. Roxy thought proudly, thinking back to when they first started hanging out, and Evie could barely say the word "gay" or "lesbian" without her voice shaking.

"Yeah, it is. I was really young when my mom died, and my dad just couldn't look after me on his own. So Uncle Tuck and Aunt Trixie raised me along with Leslie and Cameron. I think having such an unconventional family made us all more open-minded, realising that it was family that was important. Not what the family looked like." Roxy supplied and Evie smiled, compassion shining in her eyes.

Uncomfortable by the emotion there, Roxy turned away and surveyed her new space, clearing her throat. It was cozy, a bit on the small side but more than enough for her needs. The front door opened onto the small kitchen and main living space, all open plan. On the other side of the kitchen, making an L shape, was space for a dining table as well as three doors. The one on the right led to the master bedroom, the middle one to the bathroom, and the door on the left revealing a second bedroom.

"Wanna help me unpack?" Roxy said and Evie grinned. From the lounge to the bedrooms to the kitchen, they worked hard until every box was empty.

"Phew." Evie wiped the sweat off her brow and plonked down on the couch. She rested her feet on the coffee table and looked at Roxy. "Happy?"

Roxy, from her spot leaning against the door, looked around. Filled with her furniture and personal belongs, the space felt cosy and homely. "Yeah." She sighed and went and sat down next to Evie.

"I like it here." Evie declared, turning around and sitting on her knees.

"You can come over any time. You know, if you need a safe space after Gloria launches another spoon at your head." Roxy offered, the joke downplaying the gravity of her suggestion. Evie just nodded, smiling faintly. The silence stretched, and Roxy licked her lips, catching Evie's attention.

"E," Roxy began, swallowing nervously. "A couple days ago you were gonna ask me something. Before Kate showed up."

Evie looked startled. "Oh, right. Yeah I forgot about that..." she trailed off.

"What were you going to ask me?" Roxy asked, voice quiet and soothing, never taking her eyes off Evie's face.

"Um." Evie licked her lips and swallowed audibly, a deer caught in headlights. Come on Evie, be honest with me. Be honest with yourself. "I... I, um, I..." She went silent.

Roxy sighed and straightened up. "Never mind," she said and got up from the couch, straightening her shirt. She felt gutted, defeated. "I think you should go. Get back to your life before someone notices."

Pain flashed across Evie's face. "Rox, wait, I just-" but Roxy was tired of excuses and lies.

"I can't come out for you. You can't be honest with yourself about how you feel about anything, always letting someone else's opinions speak for you. The Evie I see glimpses of, is real. But you have to accept her and figure yourself out. When you do, you know where to find me."

Hurt and pain flashed through Evie's face. Then, like a switch, it flicked to anger. Evie stood up and stepped close to Roxy, until they were toe-to-toe. "How dare you. I'm trying and you're throwing it back in my face. This is your world, and excuse me if I'm cautious before I make the jump. Actions have consequences Roxy, you can't just blindingly stumble around, passionately fighting your way through life."

The words were like ice daggers, straight to Roxy's soul. Each heated statement made her angrier and angrier. "Well at least I'm not a fraud. And I'm actually living my life. Not watching it go by." She snapped in a emotion-fueled frenzy, immediately regretting the words as they came out her mouth. I've gone to far, she thought as she saw the devastation on Evie's face and the tears lining her eyes.

"Well then," Evie said quietly and her face shut down. Like an ice cold mask sliding over her emotions, she stared at Roxy. Cold, hard and unreadable. "If that's what you really think of me, I hope you have a nice life. Living it up." The words were bitter and dripping with sarcasm.

Evie reached down, grabbed her shoulder bag and jacket, gliding out of the room, leaving the door open as she left. And Roxy could only watch as if stuck to the floor. Minutes passed as the roaring in Roxy's ears grew louder.

Roxy screamed in frustration, kicked her couch and walked out the door, slamming it shut so hard the frame shuddered in protest. Needing to let loose, Roxy jumped into her car and gunned the engine, blaring her music.

Faster and faster, as houses and trees whirled by like coloured paint splotches, Roxy kept going. As if she could outrun what Evie said or her own emotions.

Roxy slammed on her breaks at a stoplight, heart pounding, and slapped her steering wheel. Getting out her phone, she shot off a text.

I need release. Meet me in 10. Roxy

Immediately she got a response, a thumbs up and love heart emoji. That was all she needed, and Roxy sped off into the disappearing sun.

—————————————————————

Evie made it halfway home before the tears started to fall. She pulled off the road and switched off her car as the tears came and came.

You fucked up Evie. Hurt someone you really care about, because you couldn't be honest about how you feel. Her mind was vicious, but spoke all the words her heart already knew. And boy, did her heart hurt.

Evie sobbed into the steering wheel, her head in her hands. The look on Roxy's face when I couldn't speak... like she'd been slapped.

But she can't make you admit feelings. She can't come out for you. Evie argued against herself, a bitter war that just made the tears fall faster and heavier. Stop. Stop this Evie, it isn't helping anyone.

Evie eventually calmed herself down and wiped the mascara off her cheeks. She started up her car again and headed home. Moving fast and softly to avoid her mother, she raced into her room and closed the door.

"EVELYN?" Gloria called out from downstairs.

"BUSY." Evie yelled back, and crumpled to the floor. She was all cried out, exhausted and sore, staring blankly at the opposite wall. At herself in the mirror which sat on her dressing table. At the teardrops on her lashes, the water marks down her cheeks, the red puffy skin and bloodshot, broken eyes.

"You always were an ugly crier." She joked to herself, the laugh turning into a whimper. Her mind continued to fling ugly accusations at her, which she accepted gladly, if only because it kept herself from voicing the deeper, uglier thoughts beneath. Yet like all things they bubbled to the surface.

Have I broken our friendship, ruined what we had forever?

Without even giving it to her, she broke my heart.

What have I done?

Evie wasn't sure how long she sat there for, staring at the reflection of a shell of a human being. But it had gone dark, the house had gone quiet. Elena had left some food outside her door, she remembered that, the untouched mac and cheese forgotten by her feet. And Gloria had tried to call her out again before giving up.

It surprised her, how empty her room felt. How alone she felt. When only two months before, she'd been perfectly content with this lifestyle. Had preferred it, actually.

Evie got up slowly, limbs numb from her position on the floor. Slowly, she trekked to her bed, only taking off her shoes and her bra before crawling underneath the covers. She went to place her phone on the bedside table and paused.

She thought about texting her. Had tried many times to compose a text, but each time she just didn't know what to say. Either the words weren't right, or there were no words at all. And deep down, beneath her fears and hopes and desires, Evie worried that there were no words to fix this, and there never would be.