"Tara?"

"You're done?"

"Yep." Tango ko habang kinukuha ang bag namin ni Ayang na nakapatong sa ibabaw ng bilog na lamesa. As Callie and Ayang come out, I checked the outlets and shut down the light before following them.

Nang tuluyan akong makalabas, agad na bumungad sa akin ang tunog ng bawat patak ng ulan. The sound of the rain hitting the pavement was deafening, drowning out all other noise. The streets quickly turned into small rivers, and the air was thick with the scent of wet earth.

"Kukuhanin ko lang yung kotse,"

Tumango ako at napalunok nang may maalala. "Wala kang payong?"

Are I sounding worried now?

"Nevermind. Hintayin ka na lang namin dito."

Naka-hinga ako nang malalim pagka-alis niya. My eyes fluttered shut, letting out a shaky breath.

"Ma, look, Attorney sir handed me his hoodie,"

Bahagya akong natawa nang makita na halos hanggang tuhod niya ang hoodie na 'yon. Mukha siyang hanger. But still cute.

"That's nice," Pisil ko sa kaniyang pisngi.

"Yep, Ma, and he's also nice,"

Natigilan ako. "I . . . I know right."

Only the sound of rainfall could be heard during this short time of silence, which lasted barely a few seconds before Ayang spoke.

"Gaano na po kayo katagal magkaibigan ni Attorney Sir?" She gulped. "Kanina po kasi, nagke-kwentuhan kami tapos All of the things he says about you are accurate, so he seems to know you well. Mula sa mga paborito mo at sa mga ayaw mo po, Ma."

I felt a lump form in the back of my throat.

A feeling of numbness crept over my body, as if I've had been plunged into icy water. My chest felt tight, like a weight was pressing down on it.

Tanda niya pa rin ang bawat maliliit na detalyo tungkol sa akin . . .

I wore a smile that didn't reach my eyes, as I struggled to keep up appearances in front of Ayang.

"Ma?"

"Ah, I think . . . a year or three —umh no—four. Yep, almost four years."

Right, Four years.

Tumango-tango ang babae at tila ba namamangha.

She only asked as to our friendship's existence. Hindi 'more than' a friend.

Hindi nagtagal ay huminto ang puting Mercedes sa harapan namin ni Ayang. Callie and I immediately locked eyes as the car window gradually slid down.

"Tara, Ayang nak," Suhestiyonko at inalalayan sa pagsakay ang aking anak bago ako sumakay.

We were silent the whole trip. Hindi naman matagal ang byahe pero dahil naipit kami sa traffic, medyo natagalan kami makarating sa patutunguhan. Callie has only ever drove me once, twice today, but he appears to be familiar with the route to my place.

Ganoon ba talaga ka-talas ang memorya niya?

"Sa black na gate," Turo ko sa harapan ng bahay at agad naman niyang inihinto doon ang kaniyang kotse.

I turned to face Ayang who was resting in the back seat. I pressed my hand to my forehead, feeling the weight of the day's stress and fatigue. Ayang seems to have slept peacefully.

"Let me carry her."

I made a firm shake of my head, signaling my disagreement or disapproval. "Hindi na, baka masiyado na akong nakaka-abala sa 'yo."

"Kailan ka pa naging abala sakin?"

My forehead creased in confusion, as I struggled to make sense of what I was hearing.

"Okay, I'll let you." I gave a resigned sigh, accepting the situation even though I didn't like it.

Bumaba ako dala dala ang payong na pinahiram niya sa akin at sinundan siya papunta sa back seat. I held the umbrella over them while he slowly and gently lifted Ayang. Inihatid niya kami sa tapat ng pinto at binagbag ako ng konsensya nang makita siyang basa sa ulan.

"Thank you," I heaved a sigh, as if trying to expel all the negative thoughts and feelings from my mind. "Pasok ka."

Napatigil siya. He continue to look at me with that gaze. "Avoid doing anything that makes you feel uncomfortable."

"Uncomfortable?" I pretended I didn't know anything. "I-I'm not!"

Tiningnan ko ang lalaki at ilang segundo ang nakalipas bago ko siya mapapayag sa ideya na 'yon. He took off his shoes and followed me inside. Hindi ako nakatingin sa kaniya ngunit nakikita ko ang reaksyon niya habang nililibot ang paningin sa aking bahay.

Humugot ako nang malalim na hininga at bumwelo bago hinarap ang lalaki. Nakita ko ang pagtigil niya sa paglalakad at minata ako.

I heave a sighed. "Umh, May damit si Adonis diyan, you can borrow it."

He gave a hesitant nod, showing that he was uncertain or hesitant. Pakiramdam ko, nagaalangan siya dahil may nobya siya. Tama, hindi ko dapat ginawa ang mga desisyon na 'to, baka makasira pa ako ng relasyon ng iba.

"Magpatuyo ka lang saglit . . . tapos pwede ka nang umalis." Ani ko at mabilis na umakyat sa itaas. My chest was tight while looking for clothes that'll fit him.

Hindi naman siguro magagalit si Adonis kung manghihiram si Callie sa kaniya. Isasauli rin naman ito agad.

I smiled when I saw a white t-shirt. T-shirt lang naman ang basa sa kaniya at hindi ang pants. At sa tingin ko ay pwede na 'to. Kadalasan kasi sa damit ni Adonis na mayroon dito at puro polo, iilan lang ang t-shirt.

"Ito, andoon yung CR." Turo ko sa direksyon ng banyo. Tumango naman ito at naglakad patungo sa CR.

I shrugged my shoulders. Habang naghihintay kay Callie, tumungo ako sa kwarto ni Ayang upang kuhanan siya ng kumot at unan at muling bumaba.

Hindi ko alam pero dapat ko bang timplahan pa ng kape si Callie? O 'wag na? Oo, 'wag na. Baka hinahanap na siya ng nobya niya.

Napabusangot ako lalo na nang makitang may kausap si Callie sa kaniyang cellphone. I slapped my forehead in frustration, feeling the sting of my own foolishness.

Ano naman kung may nobya siya? Hindi naman na big deal 'yon lalo na ngayon na may kan'ya kaniya na kaming buhay.

Oh Lyn, don't show him you still have feelings for him!

"Kane, sa'n ka?"

I don't know but I spontaneously sighed in relief.

"I went to see Reese at the mental hospital. Why?"

Napatigil ako sa pag-ayos ng kumot sa anak kong mahimbing na natutulog nang marinig ang pangalan ng babaeng . . . matagal ko nang gustong makita.

How is she? Tama ba ang narinig ko? o na-mishear ko lang? Kasi what she'll do in the mental? O baka naman . . .

"How is she?"

Mabilis kong inayos ang pag-kumot kay Ayang at siniguradong komportable siya sa kaniyang tinutulugan bago kuhanin ang walis. Just to get close to Callie and overhear their phone conversation, umakto ako na nagli-linis.

"Sabi ng psychiatrist niya, unti-unti raw bumabalik sa normal ang kalagayan niya. And I can see that."

"That's nice. Bibisitahin ko siya kapag may bakante ako."

"Nasaan ka ba?"

"Lyn's house,"

"Shit, ayan na ang manok ko!—"

When Callie realized I was behind him, he hung off the phone and appeared shocked. Maski ang sinasabi ni Kane ay hindi niya hinayaang patapusin dahil sa taranta na nadarama.

"Kanina ka pa?"

Kinagat ko ang itaas na bahagi ng loob ng labi ko at marahan na tumango. "A-Anong . . ." Bahagya akong napatigil. " . . . nangyari kay Reese?"

Whatever happened back then, she will always be my sister.

"What do you mean?"

I'm not sure whether he's just pretending to be confused by what I'm saying.

"Narinig ko lahat," Nilunok ko ang bara sa aking lalamunan. "Bakit nasa mental si Reese?"

"Ah," Paulit ulit siyang tumango, bahagyang lumikot ang mata sa buong bahay. He then sighed. "Mauuna na ako." He disrespectfully grabbed his belongings and left the room by walking out the door.

I was even more puzzled by the fact that he remained silent and appeared to avoid the question. Binitawan ko ang hawak kong walis at sinundan ito palabas.

"Sagutin mo muna tanong ko bago ka umalis."

Napatigil siya sa paglalakad, nananatiling nasa silong. He looked down as he again turned to face me while swallowing three times. "Hindi mo gugustuhin kapag nalaman mo."

"Sabihin mo na lang kasi—pinapahaba mo lang usapan ih!"

"Gusto mo talaga?" Nakataas ang mga kilay niyang tanong.

I just nodded in response to his question and he gave a little fake laugh.

"Yung sa kumakalat na pictures namin sa social media, nag-mukha kaming naghahalikan doon pero . . ." Mariin na pumikit ang lalaki. "While she was leaning against the wall, waiting for my sister's hospital results, bigla siyang nawalan ng malay for some reasons,"

My heart skipped a beat with disbelief, as I heard something shocking or unbelievable. May kung anong kumirot sa dibdib ko.

"Hindi naman 'yan ang tinatanong ko!"

Pero hindi niya ako pinakinggan. "Sinubukan ko siyang saluhin—I put my hand on the wall—at iyon . . . nung nalaman niyang nakipag-hiwalay ka sa akin, sinisi niya yung sarili niya, She thought that maybe our breakup was caused by those photos,"

"Wala akong pake sa photos, Callie!"

"Shh, lower your voice, Lemerie. Baka magising yung bata."

Sarkastiko akong natawa. 

"She was pregnant that time—at hindi ako ang ama no'n. She was using drugs because of stress . . . a one-night affair with an unidentified man led to her being pregnant," He gulped. "She still has schizophrenia."

Tila tumigil sa pag-ikot ang mundo 'ko.

Isang butil ng luha ang nahulog sa aking pisngi at ilang segundo ang makalipas, sinabayan ng mga luha ko ang buhos ng ulan.

"Nasaan na yung anak niya?" Paos kong ani.

Where is my nephew?

Umiling siya at mabilis kong nakuha kung ano ang ibig-sabihin no'n.

Again. I lost another nephew.

"Lemerie." Tawag niya sa ngalan ko.

"Is it true that because of those pictures, you broke up with me?"

Natigilan ako. I was emotionally wounded, feeling as though someone had stabbed me in the back. Pinalis ko ang mga luhang naipon sa aking mata na nagiging dahilan upang lumabo ang paningin ko at nag-peke ng tawa.

"Ano bang klaseng tanong 'yan?" I breathed out a deep sigh, feeling the tension slowly leaving my body. "Ang tagal na no'n, Callie! Bakit ba hindi na lang tayo mag-move on!"

"Right—pero hanggang ngayon—palaisipan pa rin para sa akin kung bakit," I noticed the drop of tears that fell from his eyes, a silent testimony to the depth of his emotion. "Kasi . . ." He paused, his words caught in his throat—struggling to articulate the emotions he was feeling.

"Fuck! ang hirap maiwan ng walang dahilan!"

The words stung like a thousand needles, and I could feel the hurt etched on my face. It was as though my heart had shattered into a million pieces, leaving me feeling raw and vulnerable.

"Sa eight years na 'yon, do you think I've moved on?"

He looked like he was in so much pain that I couldn't respond. It resembled his face when I broke up with him . . . and for the second time, I couldn't take it.

"Hindi, Lemerie. H-Hindi."

"Umalis ka na, Callie!"

"Gabi-gabi, iniisip ko kung bakit kailangan mo makipag-hiwalay sa akin—If we handle all of life's challenges together—pero bakit mas pinili mong bumitaw? Ba-Bakit, Lemerie?!" Utal niyang tanong.

"Bakit?!"

I felt the hurt like a physical blow, aching in every fiber of my being.

"Bakit ako lang ang nagluluksa sa atin?!"

Tuluyan akong napahikbi, wala ng makita dahil tuluyan nang binalot ng mga luha ang mata.

"I waited for you,"

Humakbang ako palapit sa kaniya at nagsimula siyang itulak palabas, walang pakialam kung mabasa man ako ng ulan.

"And I still do."

"Umalis ka na, Callie!" Sigaw ko.

"Ma, Nahulog po ni Attorney yung wallet niya!" 

Mabilis akong napalingon sa likuran at nakita si Ayang na tumatakbo palapit sa gawi namin ni Callie. She quickly stopped running as the IDs from Callie's wallet slipped out as she was carrying it.

"Attorney Callie Zyphr Gessies," Narinig ko ang mahinang bulong ni Ayang sa kaniyang sarili nang mabasa ang pangalan ni Callie sa nilalaman.

Kinuha niya iyon at lumapit sa'kin. "Ma... hindi po ba si Attorney Geissies yung lawyer na nag-sabing pinatay mo raw si Tita Zafinah... who defends Ate Sharon in court?"

Napalunok ako.

"And Callie Zyphr... 'di ba po siya ang tatay ko?" Masusing tanong ng batang babae. "Ibig-sabihin po..."

Mabilis akong umiling at pinalis ang luha na naipon sa aking mata. I was about to speak when my eyes caught Callie who was nodding his head in response to what Ayang said.

Ayang smiled. "Right, Ma... he is not my Papa. You told me po kasi 'di ba na lahat gagawin ni Papa ko para ma-keep safe si mama. But... sinabihan ka po niya na ikaw ang pumatay kay Tita Zafinah..."

Hinawakan ni Ayang ang doorknob at bumaling kay Callie. 

"Umalis ka na po... 'wag ka na po magpapakita sa'min. I'm not tolerating a liar."

Nakita ko ang pag-hakbang paatras ni Callie, bakas ang sakit sa kaniyang mukha.

At nasaktan din ako nang makitang nasasaktan si Callie...

^________________^