chapter twenty / season three episode fourteen.

IT FELT LIKE THE WORLD WAS AGAINST AMELIA LEVINE, CONSTANTLY. It was a pretty dramatic thought to have, but we've all had it once or twice in our lives. Amelia felt like she woke up with the thought at the back of her mind everyday.

Because, everyday felt like it was getting worse for her. Especially in this past week. It had started off well, with her and Aaron Hotchner staying late nights to do paperwork together and feeling better than she ever had before: with the work she was doing, and truly feeling like she belonged at the BAU. Which had then digressed into her being late for the first time, Aaron Hotchner now hating her guts, Charlie Beaumont deciding to air her dirty laundry and her Mom's cancer returning. (Which by default included a trip back to DC, which then resulted in many comments whispered by her Dad and many tears shed)

Everything felt wrong. Everything had gone wrong for her. And now she couldn't sleep, she could barely stomach a full meal, and she could barely go one whole hour without her Dad calling her to update her on Martha's condition.

Amelia kept her mouth shut when speaking to Thomas, only settling for simple answers like 'Yes', 'No', or 'Okay'. She had to bite her tongue, (a woman was good at that) because an upset would only harm her Mom. And Amelia knew to be kind to her Mom. It was just harder being kind to Thomas after all he'd done, after all he'd said.

Good-for-nothing-

It hadn't mattered that Martha had cut him off. Amelia knew what he wanted to say, how he wanted to curse her. Good-for-nothing...

What was Amelia Levine good for? Be honest, because it hadn't felt like she was good for a lot of things anymore. Her own Unit Chief didn't like her, it was only a matter of time before he managed to get her fired, it was only a matter of time before he listened to Charlie and Amelia could barely even take care of herself.

So, truly, she was good for nothing.

She couldn't work, couldn't live... She could never do anything right. Which was just reinforced by her eyebrows furrowing when Spencer Reid walked into the office at this hour. It was usual for Spencer to be early, but it was unlike Spencer to be here at this time.

(Which was ironic considering Spencer hadn't expected to find Amelia here at this hour, either. And the bags under her eyes, the multiple cups of coffee, and the dim light in her eyes told him all that he needed to know.)

"Good morning." He greeted nonetheless, with confusion laced in his tone. Or, that's what Amelia thought it was. It was more his concern than anything else. "What are you doing here?"

Spencer was opening the draws at his desk, making sure he'd gotten all he'd need for his trip with the Unit Chief to interview a prisoner. That's why he was here early, so that the pair could get on their travels at an appropriate time and get home at an appropriate time.

Amelia didn't need to be here for another two hours.

Spencer knew she was here because she was avoiding sleep. He just knew. It was like his sixth sense when it came to Amelia, a woman who couldn't cope without at least a solid seven hours of rest. A woman who was forcing herself to work two hours early so it distracted her from focusing on the fact she couldn't sleep.

Spencer would rather she was playing chess at home.

If Amelia had been at her apartment, it would've told Spencer that the woman wasn't on the verge of a complete mental breakdown, but being at work at this hour in the day told him otherwise.

He worried for her.

"Just, uh," She stretched to conceal the yawn that threatened to spill from her lips, "Catching up, I had a lot of paperwork that I couldn't answer this weekend and stuff."

Spencer hummed, not believing her lie for one second, "You went home, didn't you? How was it?" He was asking questions that would end up with him on thin ice, it was risky, a dangerous question to be asked. But he needed to know, because if he didn't he'd only worry more. Spencer already knew it hadn't been a good weekend, it never was, but he hoped that by asking Amelia the question in the empty bullpen that maybe, just maybe, she'd open up.

"It was alright." She said. She lied, "Same old, same old." That part wasn't a lie, she carried on the tradition of returning home from DC bawling her eyes out and feeling like a worse person than before.

Traditions!

Spencer nodded his head, not utterly convinced, "How come you had to rush out so quickly?"

Amelia had completely forgotten in the midst of her panic that Spencer and Penelope had still been in the office, watching her scan her calendar to check the date they'd heard her fear. And she hadn't responded to any text messages asking about it. She'd been too busy crying.

The woman tensed in her seat, "It was just family business, you know? And my Dad really needed me to come home."

Family business. Spencer nodded his head, he wasn't convinced.

Amelia decided there was no time better for a topic change, "What are you doing here? You don't have any paperwork to catch up on, do you?"

"Oh, no. Hotch and I have that interview at the prison with Chester." It had been said by Spencer in a tone that implied Amelia had been told this once before, weeks in advance, but with the events of the last week (the week in which the world had totally turned against her) Amelia had forgotten every important date known to man.

It was no wonder she'd gotten the doctor's appointment for the wrong month.

She clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth, "Right, yeah. It just, uh, slipped my mind."

The one thing that hadn't slipped her mind was the way the man entering the bullpen hated her guts. Well, at least Amelia thought he hated her guts. (She was quick to assume.)

Aaron Hotchner came striding into the bullpen, his frown planted firmly on his face and his briefcase held tightly in his hand. Somebody was having another bad day. And Amelia was hoping Spencer didn't end up on the receiving end of it, like she had the last time.

The Unit Chief spared Spencer a nod of acknowledgment before gazing at Amelia. (She swore she saw a flame ignite within him) (She'd had three hours of sleep, she was delusional) "Levine? What are you doing here?"

Amelia stared at him, for a second too long for it to not get noticed by Spencer. It was as if she was trying to decide whether to speak or just shrug. Whether to make a fool of herself with an angry man, or to adhere by the angry man's rules.

She was already adhering to one angry man's rules. Another one's couldn't hurt?

She shrugged in response and picked up her pen, clicking it.

The clicking of her pen being the only sound heard in the bullpen as she looked down at the file on her desk. Luckily, Spencer hadn't been looking closely and just followed her lie of the paperwork. But, Amelia had been staring at her cold case for hours on end, it usually helped lull her to sleep (someone get this girl a therapist) but today it hadn't worked. So, she decided she may as well try to solve the case that was as old as her.

"Are you coming with Reid and I?" It almost sounded like hope, Reid thought. His frown had been turned into a straight line, and a hope (not fire) was ignited in his eyes. A hope that he could apologize: that all their progress the last few months hadn't been wiped away because of a bad day.

Amelia shook her head, "Just getting some paperwork in from the weekend." That's if you call paperwork a cold case.

Hotchner returned to his frown, "'Course, you went back to DC?" The Unit Chief refused to call it 'home', because Amelia avoided the use of the term anyway.

She nodded her head, a tight smile on her lips. "Yeah. Family business."

Agent Hotchner thought family might be a stretch, but who was he to judge? This morning his son had clung to his arm and begged to stay another week with his Dad, the man had simply peeled his son off and handed him over to his mom, waving at his crying son who lived the life of two houses.

He nodded, before turning sharply to Spencer. He couldn't apologize with the boy here, and he was running out of time to do so anyway. His apology would have to wait. (Waiting would send Amelia crazy.) "Reid, we need to go."

"Oh!" Reid double checked his satchel before nodding at Agent Hotchner, "I'm ready. Just had to make sure I had my sanitizer."

Spencer squeezed Amelia's shoulder, muttered a 'See you later' and headed towards the elevator. Aaron Hotchner stayed put for a second longer. Fighting the battle of whether to speak, or to stay silent.

"Don't stay too late today, Levine." It came from a a place of care for her, a concern for her well-being.

Amelia had heard it like a warning. She nodded her head, yet it was filled with fear. Fear that she was going to get fired, that he hated her guts, that she wasn't good at this job and she had no reason to stay so late today.

Agent Hotchner had just wanted her to get a good night's sleep for once.

Amelia thought he wanted her gone. She stayed put in her chair, staring at the cold case beneath her until the words muddled all into one and were simply just a background for her.

Not only did the world hate her, but so did her Unit Chief.

✺

The sound of the glass door opening at least two hours later did not draw Amelia's attention. People had come and gone from the BAU within those two hours, but Amelia hadn't cared who it was. She was completely wrapped up in the depths of her mind.

And it was a scary place to be when you were Amelia Levine, with nothing good enough, or nobody dressed brightly enough to pull you out of the depths of despair.

Not even Penelope, who squealed loudly at the sight of Amelia Levine perched over her desk, "You're here! You're really here! I have been messaging you nonstop, and I got nothing back so I really didn't know if you were going to be here today, but I'm so glad you're back because we need to catch up."

The technical analyst pulled a chair up to sit beside Amelia's desk, frowning at the response by Amelia. Or actually, the lack of response from Amelia. To make sure she was still alive and breathing, Penelope poked the girl on the arm, tentatively, "I really hope you aren't one of those open-eyed-dead-people because that is going to be a real problem."

Amelia exhaled deeply, pulling away from the staring faces of Katrina and Harry Adler, who had stared back at her for the last two hours. The faces that reminded her she was good-for-nothing. The whole reason she set her goal to join the BAU was to find their daughter, and throughout it all Amelia had felt not one step closer to finding who stole Daisy Adler.

Good-for-nothing...

"Thank goodness, you're alive!" Penelope cheered, clinging on tightly to Amelia's hand, squeezing them and relishing in their warmth. "I missed you. And I was so worried about you, are you okay? Why did you have to go out to DC so urgently?"

Amelia ran her hand down her face, "I, uh, it was just a family emergency." At least it was a change from family business. "Something to do with my Dad, and he demanded my presence." She rolled her eyes.

Penelope believed the lie that fell from her lips, because every member of the team knew what Thomas Levine was like. They knew if he called, Amelia had to go.

And Amelia also knew nobody would care enough about Thomas to ask him questions.

Penelope nodded her head, "Did the weekend go smoothly?" It was Penelope's way of skirting around the question of: 'What has he said to you?'. Thomas Levine would always get mean with his only daughter, they all knew that. And somehow, Penelope needed Amelia to tell her the truth about what her Dad says so that they can work through it together.

And so that Amelia won't sit at her desk spiraling because she thinks she's good-for-nothing. Not that Penelope knew that exact detail at that exact moment.

The conversation needed to change, too many questions about home was too much. "What was your real problem you had?"

Penelope grimaced, "Oh, you heard that?"

"It was hard to miss." Amelia commented, making Penelope snicker.

"We have a problem." Amelia didn't like the inclusion in this said problem, because she was already about to walk the plank with Hotchner and she feared this may be the final nail in the coffin. "Remember Kevin? The tech analyst? You kept on calling him Keith?"

"Keith, yeah?"

"I'm fraternizing with him."

Amelia blinked.

Penelope blinked back.

"Why is that a 'we' problem, because I am most certainly not fraternizing with him?" Amelia said, she was going to express her opinion that Penelope could do ten times better on a day where she wasn't totally exhausted.

Penelope looked over her shoulder, Rossi's office door was shut (even though the man had already been in the office hours earlier, not that any of the agents knew), "I, uh, may have been fraternizing with Keith when Agent Rossi knocked on my door."

"I don't like where this is going."

"And Agent Rossi came in, talking about a case he asked me to look into and Keith walked out..."

"I still don't like this." Amelia insisted.

"Me neither!" Penelope cried, "I mean, what if he reports us? Think of what would happen—"

"Penelope," the girl was too distressed to realize she hadn't been called by her nickname, "If Agent Rossi is to report you for fraternization, I will get you a good lawyer and we'll sue him, because the hypocrisy would be abundant. Half of the fraternization rules are made because of him."

"That's exactly what JJ said." Penelope muttered, bringing her hand up to chew one of her nails.

Amelia slapped it away, "Believe me, David Rossi is not going to report you for something he's done a million times."

"And, JJ's here?" Amelia asked, a puzzled expression on her face. She hadn't seen the liaison walk in, but then again she'd been dazed for the past two hours not noticing who came in and who went out.

"Yeah," Penelope nodded, "She's been here at least half an hour." The technical analyst reached out and felt for Amelia's temperature, making sure the woman didn't have a fever, "Are you feeling okay? 'Cause when I came in you didn't exactly look like you were in planet earth—"

"I'm fine." (Totally.)

"Are you sure—?"

Thankfully, the entrance of Derek Morgan and Emily Prentiss forbid Amelia from answering the question. The man walked in with his arms open, and his stupid smile on his face, whilst Emily rolled her eyes and kissed Amelia on her cheek before striding to her desk.

"Good morning sunshines! How we all doing today?" He questioned, dumping his bag to stand behind Amelia and squeeze her shoulders, "Miss me? Have a good time—?"

"It was fine." Amelia cut him off, "It was a family emergency which is sorted now."

Derek raised his eyebrows at Penelope. "I was just asking, Sunshine."

Amelia suppressed an eye roll, "Yeah. You're just not the first person to ask me this morning."

"I was the first!" Penelope cheered, swiveling in the chair to turn to Emily, who was staring up at Rossi's office, "Did you hear that, Em?"

"What the—" Emily muttered, abandoning her coffee and approaching Rossi's office, in which she saw the mess he'd left behind, the paper spilled all over the floor as if he'd scrambled it in rage and worst of all: Rossi wasn't even sat behind his desk.

It was quickly unraveled by Emily and Derek who had pressured Penelope into answering their questions that Rossi had flown out to Indianapolis trying to solve the twenty-year-old cold case he couldn't solve twenty years ago.

And JJ had offered the BAU team the jet.

So, it was Indianapolis here we come! (Even if Rossi was undoubtedly going to hate them for turning up)

✺

Amelia knew exactly why this case had remained on Rossi's mind for twenty years. There was no evidence, nothing at all. There was barely a suspect pool and only a minute profile that many would've been suspicious of twenty years ago. It was a case that settled in the back of your mind and came back to bite you on the long nights.

Where the image of three children left without their parents haunt you.

It's a case that left you needing to figuring it out because you needed to give people closure.

A cold case drove people insane. In Rossi's case it drove him to anger, a need for closure (whether that be for himself or the three children who witnessed their parent's death) and a need to drink in the hotel's bar, which was where the team had found him after landing. They hadn't had much to talk about on the flight over, considering there was a partial fingerprint and that was it.

"If you're buying, I'm drinking." Emily said, catching his attention.

Amelia believed they were starting out with the wrong tone. Rossi was sat with a glass of whiskey, a sad and angered expression planted firmly on his face. Rossi wasn't happy, this case had haunted him for twenty years and now he wanted someone to pay.

And that was not him paying for the drinks.

"I don't think any of us could afford this place otherwise." Derek and Emily stood behind Rossi, with JJ just beside Derek and then Amelia, who leant against the bar picking at the skin of her nail beds.

She knew Rossi was likely to snap, and he'd be just another angry man in her life but she just had to wait for it. And then it would be up to her whether she spoke, or remained quiet.

Amelia was sure she was going to remain quiet.

"Go home." Rossi them, without even sparing a look at them.

"We thought you might need some help." Emily replied, her gaze flittering over to Amelia to see if the woman was going to dare help them out.

Not yet. Rossi's tone implied he was angry at them, angry at the world and angry at himself. Amelia had been on the receiving end of that so many times that she knew it never ended well.

Maybe one day she'd pluck up the courage to fight against anger.

"You're wrong." He was dejected in his mannerisms. His shoulders were slumped, his finger circling the rim of his glass and a refusal to look at them.

"C'mon now, Rossi." Derek sounded like he was about to plead with the older agent, "Bounce some theories off us. Fresh eyes can't hurt."

"This isn't even a BAU case." The old man shook his head.

"Maybe, not yet," JJ told him, "I can make anything a BAU case if I want to. It's about paperwork and I know the paperwork."

Rossi swiveled in his seat, looking at them one by one before he asked: "Why do you care?"

Why did they care? Great question, Rossi. Amelia had cared about this case since Penelope had revealed it's contents, and that it was the case that plagued Rossi night after night. She knew what that was like. A case that never ends, that feels cold to touch because you failed. It makes you feel like you're good-for-nothing, if you can't save this case, who can you save?

(Anyone, but not everyone.)

Amelia couldn't save Daisy Adler. She couldn't even find Daisy Adler. The Adler case had been cold for twenty-nine years, and Amelia would never be able to provide them the closure she so desperately sought to give them.

David Rossi had taught Amelia about that case. That they can't save everyone, but they can try and find any form of closure for parents, significant others, siblings or even friends.

Rossi couldn't save the Galen parents. He couldn't turn back time to before the murders and stop them from being turned into unrecognizable messes. But, he could get fresh eyes on this and give the Galen children that final piece of closure.

And maybe then Amelia would be able to do the same later in life.

Emily glanced at Amelia: the woman who had decided to speak even in the midst of David Rossi's anger.

"Cold cases drive people crazy, Rossi." Amelia couldn't believe those words had fell from her own lips, hypocritical much? "And you're going drive yourself insane if you don't let a fresh pair of eyes on this case. And we're a team."

The word felt dislodged in her throat. The team headed by the man who hates her guts, the team who didn't really know her at all. The team...

The team Amelia had promised herself to open up to, and yet has never felt further away from them in this moment.

"A team cares about you, and what drives you insane. And let's it drive them insane too. That's what we do, Rossi." Her hand formed a fist, before returning to normal. "A team helps each other, and you deserve to give the Galen kids closure on this case. And you deserve that closure too, knowing you did it."

"That you solved the case."

Cold cases drive people insane, Amelia. Take your own advice and maybe utilize your team.

✺

The case was brutal, it was really no wonder why David Rossi continued to be haunted by this case twenty years later but there was really nothing to go on, just Rossi's incredible memory of that night.

The screaming of the children that he can never forget. The axe that was bought months before Christmas was the reason why he never put up a Christmas tree.

The team were sure the man would be able to put one up this year. They'd make sure of it.

Their first stop was turning up at the children's house, all the team stepped out of the SUV but Connie, the eldest's attention was only on Rossi. "Yeah, you need to stop this." Her voice raised with tears in her eyes.

"Excuse me?" Rossi asked, as her two siblings stood in the doorframe of the front door.

"Look, we thought that if we didn't call you back the last couple of times that you would just give up and leave us alone." She explained her anger towards him, his constant messages for the last twenty years had just been the reminder that their parents had died.

And that the killer hadn't been found. Wasn't it a cruel world? And wasn't the world just against it's own inhabitants?

"I know that it hurts, but I'm only trying to make sure someone pays for your parents' deaths." Rossi said.

"We don't care anymore." Connie shook her head, "It's been twenty years. We need to be able to move past it. Please."

Her anger was understandable.

So much so, that David said, "I won't bother you kids again."

"And you'll stop it with the gifts?" If Amelia had known he'd been this obsessive with the kids she might not have persuaded him into letting them work the case with him.

David turned back around to face her, "Gifts?"

"What are we supposed to do with a bunch of toys that remind us of the worst days of our lives?"

"I never sent you any gifts."

At the confirmation that Rossi hadn't actually been the creep sending the family toys every year, the team were invited into the house to see the collection the Galens had gathered over the past twenty years. It was a mixture of bubbles, teddies and many other small items.

Cheap items.

"We threw a lot of them away." The youngest sister informed them, as Amelia picked up a bottle of bubbles and one of the teddies.

"At first we kind of liked it." Connie admitted, "But, then it just became a bad reminder."

"These are incredibly cheap, aren't they?" Emily asked, plucking the question straight from Amelia's lips.

Amelia inspected them closely, "They're almost like the cheap stuff you win as a prize. How do you receive these?"

"They're usually left on the front porch at night. Mine was found in my car this time." Brave.

"So, he's following you." Rossi deduced.

"There was a pickup outside the... where I work. I just, I always thought it was you." Connie said.

"What do you remember about the pickup?" Rossi asked.

"All I saw was the shape and the headlights," Connie told them, honestly.

Derek was an obsessional crimes specialist, and informed the family that this offender was a guilt ridden offender. Someone near enough begging for their forgiveness after the crime that had been committed twenty years ago.

"They're a bit childish, don't you think?" Amelia shook a bottle of bubbles, "Teddies, bubbles, small puzzles. This isn't exactly an adult audience."

Amelia never really had teddies as a child. Or bubbles. She has crosswords and jigsaw puzzles, not the game where you twisted the device to make the ball fall down the maze. Thomas had remarked it was something to do with clutter builds dust.

Amelia knew it was just because he was allergic to fun.

Derek nodded his head, "It's rare, but an Unsub who feels this much guilt sometimes commits the crime unintentionally. They tend to be developmentally disabled, extremely low-IQ offenders and generally, well, they're physically large and they're very strong."

"Strong enough to hurt somebody accidentally."

"Like Lennie, in Of Mice and Men." Emily remarked.

Derek nodded as Rossi spoke, "He needed help then. There wasn't a fragment of evidence left at the scene. That's not low-IQ."

"Well, usually they're assisted by an older relative and it's always a parent. And this parent rationalizes that the Unsub would never try to hurt anyone. See, in a lot of ways, this type of Unsub, they're sort of overgrown children."

"JJ, when you get Garcia on the phone, tell her we're not looking for other homicides here. Get her to look into a string of less serious offenses in this area. Parks, playgrounds, involving children, but not necessarily children who have been injured or abused."

It felt like the pieces of this case's puzzle were slowly coming together.

✺

The toys were from the carnival. A clown had followed Connie after he had made her a balloon animal which hadn't looked right, to which her parents had dragged the kids home early from the carnival.

The day before the murders took place.

Carnivals always had an eeriness about them, Amelia thought that it still had that same eeriness even in the daylight as Derek, JJ and herself looked around the place as it started to be taken down and get ready for their next destination.

Even in the heat, Amelia shuddered.

"I can't believe people actually pay good money to play these fixed games." Derek commented, as they all walked together.

"Men." JJ responded.

"Excuse me?" Derek questioned with a furrowed brow beneath his sunglasses that made Amelia giggle. The quietest giggle he'd heard from her.

"It's not people. It's men."

"Is that a fact?" Derek checked.

"Probably." Amelia shrugged, "Only a man wastes $50 trying to win a $3 stuffed animal as a show of dominance." Amelia thought of it like those men who played guitars for you on a date, except this time with stuffed animals.

"You ever been to a carnival?" Derek asked the two women.

"Oh, yeah." JJ nodded, whilst Amelia's eyes widened.

"Me too. First place I had my first drink, and what about you sunshine?"

"I'd rather freeze then go to a carnival." She answered honestly, "The clowns..." she shuddered, and went to speak further but JJ cut her off.

"Clown."

"Yes, horrific clowns—"

Derek sighed, forcing Amelia's head to look in the direction of the clown who hadn't taken his makeup off from last night. Amelia nodded, "Clown."

The clown looked right back at them, dropping his clear plastic bag that he'd been dumping trash into and quickly took off from them, way to not act suspicious.

The three of them tracked him down, until he disappeared from their sight. He just vanished.

But, there was a stick left lying on the ground and Derek had spotted the disturbed ground and ordered JJ to go round to the end and Amelia to stick within the middle of them, all three of them with their guns raised as they pulled up the red and yellow striped tarp underneath one of the rides.

And there he was, screaming for his daddy, Derek wasn't listening as he pulled the man out of his hiding spot and forced him onto his back so that the agent could hold his hand behind him and force the metal cuffs onto him.

Rossi could only watch. After twenty years of feeling like the world was against him, the world never wanted to him finish this case and today it ended.

With the help of his team, his cold case was sealed closed with closure provided to the family.

Something he'd dreamed of for twenty years.

✺

The world was not against David Rossi, but it still despised Amelia Levine, which was clearly signaled to her on the plane on the way home. She'd tried to sleep, cure her of her tiredness from her weekend in DC, but the minutes kept passing her by with her eyes closed was another minute wasted not asleep.

Derek and Emily were being mindful of their volume as they played cards, only occasionally screaming of joy when one of them won, and screaming in 'sore loser' when one of them lost.

JJ and Rossi whilst seated at the same four seater, were only chatting minimally with the blonde liaison on the brink of falling asleep frequently on the way home.

Amelia had been insanely jealous of JJ when she saw the slow rise and fall of JJ's chest.

The universe definitely had something out for her.

Even further emphasized when Rossi decided to sit next to her, in the furthest corner of the jet where no-one could see her. She thought that would signal she didn't want anyone to sit next to her.

Clearly, Rossi wasn't reading the signs.

"Trouble sleeping?" He asked, even when they both knew the answer to that question.

Amelia only nodded her head in response.

"Big weekend?"

Amelia leant her head back, her toes curling inside her boots. "You wouldn't believe it." She remarked.

Amelia was sure anybody in the BAU would believe that her father had been harsh, horrid and wretched her to this weekend. On a weekend where she needed him more than ever. But, she would never tell anyone and she'd never forget what he'd said to her.

Good-for—

"You really wanted me to solve this case," Amelia wished the world hadn't been so against her so that she didn't have to discuss cold cases with the one man who had driven her to this career choice. "Why?"

He knew why. Rossi knew why.

Amelia shrugged, "Cold cases, you know?"

He wanted her to say it, confess she had one of her that was driving her insane too. But, Rossi had heard she was stubborn (From Jason, From Reid, From Derek), she wouldn't give up private information just like that. Just like he hadn't.

"Twenty years," he chuckled under his breath, "it took me twenty years to close this case. If you hadn't called me crazy, I might not of even thought about letting you on this case."

"I didn't call you crazy," Amelia muttered, picking at the skin around her nail, "I said it would drive you insane if you didn't get any help."

The case. Amelia. The case would send him insane if he didn't get help. Right?

"Have you got something to drive you crazy, Amelia?" He asked, his head turning to face her. His face held an expression that Amelia knew all too well. It was the one Derek Morgan and Penelope Garcia often wore around her, the face of begging to know more to pull down the barriers and let the private information fly off her tongue.

People tended to look at her like that a lot. Maybe they truly worried one day she'd go insane.

"'M not crazy." She defended. Rossi's words reminding her of her father who had once called her obsessive for just trying to send Daisy Adler home.

Thomas never understood.

Rossi would.

"Never said you were." Rossi shrugged, "I'm asking if you've got a cold case that is one day going to send you crazy."

There was something so concerning to David about Amelia. The agent that Aaron liked to keep a little too close, or the agent that Derek defended like no tomorrow and the agent that Penelope was in love with.

The agent Spencer could beat at chess, every match, and the agent that Emily watched like a hawk but never displayed it publicly. Or the agent that reminded JJ of her sister with her secrecy.

And yet, there was Amelia who remained oblivious to the love from her team. No. Her family. Amelia was Icarus and the sun was the BAU. She'd get close, bathe in her friend's sunlight and then she'd get too close. But, unlike Icarus she wouldn't die. The world just let her suffer with the distance she created from them, the secrets she kept, the barriers built up high and a hatred for living in a world so dark.

Amelia had very few good things in life. She had bottle of vodka, wine, and the BAU. She had Aaron—

She had Derek, Penelope, JJ, Emily, Spencer and David.

She didn't have Aaron or Jason. She didn't have parents who loved her, her mother was bound to die and she had a cold case she kept coming back to and being reminded that she was inextricably good-for-nothing.

The world was going to send her insane sooner or later.

"The case'll never get solved." She told him. "It's pointless."

Rossi frowned. He'd thought his case was pointless, and yet today it had been solved.

"You told me years ago that nobody would ever be able to find Daisy Adler."

Rossi would remember Amelia. He knew that. It was hard to forget Amelia. So, why couldn't he remember her?

"I was fourteen, you came to my careers day, San Francisco High. We had a lifeguard and plumber come in before you," She recalled the information like it was yesterday, "And they'd bored me to death as a fourteen year old who didn't know who she was, didn't know what she wanted to be. Then you came in, strolling in with the TV in your suit, shiny shoes and FBI badge."

"I sat up straighter in my seat on the front row." The corners of her lips twitched upwards, "And you ask me what the FBI stood for. You. Nobody ever asked me a question in High School, it was an unwritten rule. I answered and you got the whole class to applaud me. Then you moved on the topic of discussion to the cases the BAU solve, specifically the cases you can't solve."

David Rossi had almost forgotten he was the face of the BAU that used to go around the different states of America and discuss the role the BAU played in catching killers. He'd spoke to Amelia's class. San Fransisco was always one of his favorite places to visit.

He'd met Amelia years ago. The girl he thought hated his guts, the girl he thought would only ever see him as Jason's replacement. He'd met her first.

"You talked about Daisy." Amelia looked out the window of the plane, "How you couldn't find her, no-one could. She was gone. But, you could save other missing children and fill that hole Daisy left."

"You handed out your card and I went home, told my parents," she tensed at the exact memory that played in her head, the memory she would falsify for Rossi's sake, "I wanted to be a profilier, like you, went straight upstairs to dedicate the rest of my years to compiling evidence on who took Daisy, I made a profile, deliberated on whether she was alive."

"She's the whole reason I became a profilier." Amelia told him. It was something her parents probably didn't even realize. Nobody knew why she became a profiler. "Because, I wanted to give parents closure on what happened to their kids, find them, bring them home or at least tell parents that the Unsub was imprisoned or even dead."

"And I look for Daisy in my own time, hoping I can bring her home one day."

Rossi glanced at her, "And do you plan on giving up on her?"

"How could I?" Amelia responded with a question, "She's out there somewhere. Just waiting to be brought home. The Galen kids were just waiting to know who did it, and today you did it: told them who did it, caught them."

"We." He corrected her, Amelia's eyebrows furrowed. "It's 'we' because we're a team. We work together and go crazy together."

Amelia was destined to go crazy alone. That's what the world wanted anyway.

Amelia glanced down at her clenched fists, "Nobody needs to go crazy with me, Rossi. I don't even work on the case that much anymore, and nobody else knows about it but you."

Amelia lied to him, not to his face because she couldn't bare to look at him.

"I'd prefer it if we kept it that way." She confessed.

Amelia would prefer to be kept in the corner of the plane, furthest away from everyone because it was what she deserved. She deserved for Agent Hotchner to hate her, she deserved to be hated by the world, she deserved to be the badness in a room.

And she deserved to go insane by herself.

Amelia would never subject anyone to spend more time with her than necessary.

✺

The team, not Amelia, were making fun of Spencer for not understanding that Penelope and Kevin were indefinitely a thing as the latter had requested that him and Rossi have a 'man-to-man' chat in Rossi's office.

Amelia had quickly packed her things away into her bag.

Derek stood near the edge of her desk, "I was thinking team drinks tonight?"

Emily groaned, from her seat at her desk, "Do not order any tequila shots this time, Morgan. I had an unsurvivable hangover the next day, last time."

Derek raised an eyebrow at Prentiss, "You're here now, aren't you?"

"Not the point." Emily remarked, leaning back in her chair to hear Amelia's answer, which then turned into Emily goading Amelia into going, "C'mon, Amelia, you need a few good drinks after a weekend in DC."

Just because it was true didn't mean it didn't hurt Amelia.

Amelia shook her head, continuing to pack up her stuff. (The quicker she packed away, the quicker she got away from the team and the quicker she got away from her hateful Unit Chief's glare.) "I can't tonight. I really need to clean and get a good nights sleep."

Penelope had been right in profiling that Amelia could not sleep after she came back from DC.

"You'll get a better nights sleep drunk." Emily pointed at the agent with her pen, and then a pleading smile on her face, "If you come, Derek won't make any of us do shots and I know that for a fact. I'll even get Rossi to come, which means he pays and we don't spend a cent."

Amelia scratched the back of her neck, "Not tonight. Maybe next time?"

Amelia had said that last time.

Derek hummed, watching her throw her bag over her shoulder, "You good, sunshine?"

"I'm good." She responded without skipping a beat, barely even processing his question and just automatically responding. "Just need some sleep."

Just need to leave before the world decides to make everyone else hate me.

Amelia forced herself onto her tip-toes, to kiss Derek's cheek. They both felt the forced nature of the action as she patted Emily's shoulder, before leaving the bullpen.

Not heading towards Penelope's office to say goodbye. Or JJ's. Or even waiting for Spencer to return from doing whatever to say goodbye.

Emily watched Amelia rush out into the elevator, "Is she good?"

"She always says so." Derek remarked, "Which often means she isn't."

Emily's gaze fell onto the wood of her desk, "Do you think she's going home to sleep?"

"No."

Amelia was not going home to sleep. She was going to pour herself a glass of wine, down it, then pour a vodka - neat - and sip on that for the next two hours.

Pondering on why the world despised her. With the whiteboard in her dining room reminding her that she was truly good-for-nothing.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:
FOUR MONTHS. it took me four months to write this. i'm embarrassed at how bad it is as well for 7k words

forgive me

also the next chapter is based off episode 15 which is the episode aaron is missing for like half the episode (miss you bae 😖) which the next chapter will follow but the chapter is very loosely episode based and mainly just follows aaron and amelia who meet up in the hotel after he arrives in pittsburgh, IF THAT MAKES SENSE?

mock szn soon. everywhere, everything may have slow updates i'm not too sure yet, but i apologize for a lack of updates this month. i love you all and am always so grateful for all your comments, votes and even silent readers!! you truly do make writing so much more worth it, and hopefully we're all getting ready for our journey in act two ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 (we have 5 more chapters) (im not even ready myself)