Chapter 12

I would like to say that I've lived life with no regrets, that regret is just not part of my being. But that's the thing, I can't say that. No matter how much I want to be able to, I just can't. The reason is because I do regret a thing or two.

Well more like a lot of things or two.

And that regret eats away at me. Always sitting there in the back of my head, tauting me with my mistakes, and no matter how hard I try, I just can't shake that soul crushing feeling. So, I learne to live with regrets, I've learned that alcohol makes me numb, it makes me forget the regrets on my mind and make new ones to replace the space.

I've learned that waking up in the bedroom of one of the few friends that never tried to change me, wearing one of his oversized t-shirts, and not remembering a thing from the night before, that seems to go to the top of the list of regrets at the moment. I work up the courage, and finally look over to the side to see Nick sleeping soundly, shirtless, and the feeling of regret makes a deeper sting in my chest and head.

My head is killing me, the throb of the hangover finally punishing me for my sins, and the need to run to the bathroom over takes my body. With my head in the toilet, I feel my hair get pulled away from my face, and a warm hand rub soothing circles on my back. When I finish, I lift my head and put it against the side of the tub, the cold helping me ease the pain. While Nick slowly runs his fingers through my hair, making me feel relaxed.

"Nick," I whisper, turning towards him.

"Hmmmm?"

"What happened last night?" I ask in a small voice, afraid of the answer.

Nick chuckles, "You don't remember?".

"Wow Quinn, I didn't know I was that bad in bed. We had hot steamy sex, and you don't even remember it." He said wiggling his eyebrows at me.

I groan, and he just chuckles, "I'm kidding, but you did try and rape me, kept tugging at my pants and saying that it wasn't fair."

I groan again and he just laughs some more. "It was cute, but I don't want have sex with a drunk girl- it'll probably be too sloppy." He says a smirk playing on his lips.

"Shut up, my head is throbbing." I groan, and he gets up and gets the aspirin, handing two tablets to be and a little Dixie cup of water, then goes and sits next to me and I lay down. My head in his lap, and he just strokes my hair as I close my eyes. At least it wasn't what I thought.

We fall into silence, sitting one the floor of his bathroom, neither of us saying a single word. It's not an uncomfortable silence, but more of an agreed silence. For me it's because of the hang over, and for Nick, I'm sure it's with curiosity running wild in his head as to what happened last night before he came and got me.

And though I remember, I wasn't ready to talk about it. I wasn't ready to say what was going to come out of my mouth. I wasn't ready to let the tears fall out of my eyes, and I wasn't ready to hear the truth pass through my lips. It hurt too much right now.

"Want me to take you home?" Nick asks, and I shake my head.

"Okay, well why don't you get a shower and I'll make breakfast?" I just shrug, but that's good enough for him, and he gets up, and extends his hand for me to take. Once I'm up, he walks back into his bedroom and then quickly returns, carrying a pair of sweats, a tshirt, and a towel.

After he leaves again, I do my business, and I let the pellets of hot water wash away the reminders of regret that are stirring up in my brain, refusing to subside and allow me to think about anything else.

Once I was done, I got dressed and padded my way to the kitchen, the smell of bacon and eyes invading my sense, making me want to puke again. I wasn't ready for food, so I just settled for coffee and sat across from Nick as he ate.

I was looking out the window, watching the rain strike the window as it hits it, and couldn't help but let the actions of last night play in my mind. I didn't even realize I was crying or that Nick had gotten up until he sat back down across from me, handing me a tissue and setting down the box.

"What happened?" He asked me, looking at me with concern, and I just shrug. Still not ready to talk about it. "Quinn, don't just shrug. What happened?" He pushed.

"N-nothing." I hiccup, trying to hold back the tears

His face hardens as he asks again, "What happened? It obviously isn't nothing."

"Will happened." I say as another tear makes it way down my cheek.

Nick rolls his eyes, but still walks over to me, pulling me into a hug, "I still don't understand why you continue to let that jackass hurt you."

"I don't know either." I whisper, but I know why I let Will hurt me. I know that deep down I want him to follow after me. I want him to run after me when I leave him, I want him to comfort me every time I get mad at him or upset with him.

But I know he won't. That's not who he is. He doesn't chase the girl, the girls chase him, and I refuse to be one of them.

So I continue to sit here, crying my eyes out.

~~~

The sound of my phone vibrating wakes me up. I look over and see Nick once again sleeping next to me this time hugging me tightly against his chest. He looks so peaceful sleeping, especially with his pitch black hair falling onto his face.

Smiling, I reach over and grab my phone without waking him up, and my smile instantly turns into a straight line. My happy mood disappearing.

Hey sweetness- don't forget we have cheer practice today. xCleo

Rolling my eyes at how she acts I pick up Nicks arm, replacing myself with a pillow and roll out of bed. Of course Cleo would act as if the other night never happened. As if what she did was cosher. But I guess for her it was, she is Cleo Price, the girl that lives or popularity.

Taking one last look at Nick, I silently close his bedroom door and make my way out of his apartment. Lucky for me I have a friend like him. He's been there for me through everything. From my friendless childhood to my freshman rebellion. All the way through my teenage prep dress up. And while he stood by my side, he also stood in the shadows, not wanting in as one of the many dramatic members, but simply just my rock too lean on. My secret friend.

One that no one could ruin for me. One that wouldn't get swept away with all the television worthy betrayal. One that stood back and listened to my complaints even when I was being a complete B to him. I really am luck to have him as a friend.

Sighing as I make my way home to pick up my cheer gear, I am continent with the fact that Nick dragged me out of his apartment late yesterday afternoon in order to pick up my car from Donovan's house. I don't have to walk in the light drizzle of rain right now, and for that I am extremely grateful, which makes my mood a little better.

However, as soon as I open the front door of my house, what little happiness I had gained on the drive over evaporates. The foryer lights are on full brightness, and the light sound of piano playing in the background is all to alerting. Not to mention the loud click of her heels can be heard as I try to dart to the stair quick enough to miss her.

But as soon as my foot hits the first step, her voice paralyzes me where I am. "Quinn, where were you?"

Turning around I meet the narrowed gaze of my mother, and her tightly pulled bag hair, and perfect pencil skirt and blouse outfit. "Out."

"That is not an answer young lady." She scolds, rolling her eyes.

I grip the banister tightly, holding back the urge to lash out at her. What is she even doing home? She's never home. So why is she now?

"I was out with friends mom." And she just rolls her eyes again, "Mom, I really need to go get ready. I have cheer practice and I can't be late."

She huffs out a sigh of frustration but waves her hand, dismissing me, and I quickly run up the stairs, and into my room. I change into my cheer shorts, tank top and quickly put my hair in a pony tail, grab my cheer duffle then rush back down the stairs. "Don't wait up." I yell over my shoulder as I slam the font door closed then into my car.

When I get to the gym, Cleo has already started practice, having the team doing one of the dances that she and I did not agree on. Rolling my eyes, I quickly drop my bag and make my way to front of the group, turning off the music.

When everyone finally stops they all look over to me with confused faces, while Cleo looks at me with anger all too clear on her face. I smirk at her then look at all the girls.

"Girls, just because we are cheerleaders does not me that any of us have to dance like hookers or strippers." I tell them, and quite a few nod in agreement, while the rest still look confused. I will admit, a few on the team are their stereotypes, clueless cheerleaders, but we are working on that. I promise.

"Quinn, babe, the dance that we were just doing was hot- which means that we'll win." Cleo says coming up to me with a wicked smile.

"Cleo, babe," sarcasm dripping, "That dance will disgust the judges. The judges panel is usually made up of retired cheerleaders. And we are not sex symbols. That dance shows that girls are objects."

She gives me a confused look then shrugs her shoulders, "So?"

I roll my eyes, "Just because you want to sexualize yourself, does not mean that our entire team does too."

Cleo then looks at the girls, then back at me, "Girls, who wants to do my dance?" She asks, and nine girls raise their hands. "And how many want to do whatever dance Quinn came up with?" Nine girls raise their hands, and Cleo smirks as if she's won.

Is she really this stupid? We have a total of twenty members on the team, including us. So nine and nine is a freaking tie.

"Looks like I won." She smiles, and I just roll my eyes.

"No, you didn't" I sigh, "We have a tie you moron."

"Well, I'm a higher rank than you."

Again I roll my eyes at her stupidity. "We are Co-captains. That means that we have equal power."

"No we don't!" She yells.

"Yeah we do."

"No!"

"Yeah"

"No!"

"Yeah"

"Why don't you guys put it to a vote at the pep rally next week?" One of the girls suggests and I just shrug my shoulders.

Cleo smirks, then decides "I like it, it brings in school spirit, and obliviously all the guys will vote for my dance."

I scoff, and roll my eyes. It's a surprise that my eye haven't gotten stuck. "Whatever. I'm done with practice today. If you want to do my dance meet me before school tomorrow." I tell them then grab my duffle and leave. This is honestly a waste of time at this rate.

Thank you so much for reading! The book has over 700 reads and has 46 likes! you have no idea how much all this means to me!

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