"Whew, if looks could kill." I glared at Chase as he stood by my side.

"Fuck off." I knocked my shoulder against him and left the room to get some fresh air.

It was officially media day for the 2020 racing season and just my luck, Erik fucking Jones was a part of the small group of drivers that got to go through the rounds first here at the Hall of Fame.

Seeing him made my blood boil and seeing Dani by his side made me feel empty inside. She never told me what promotion she got at work when we hung out that night I kissed her and stupid me, didn't put two and two together. She's been at Joe Gibbs for a few years now so it was only time before she got the job she always wanted.

I just... fucking Jones?

I guess I was hoping for it to fizzle out. It's been a few weeks now and I know they've been on more dates and judging by the way she was just hanging on him as they waited for the next interview, things aren't ending any time soon.

I ran my hand through my hair and blew out a breath. I was craving nicotine and something strong, both of which, I can't have at this moment.

"You look like an addict going through withdrawal." Of course, Chase would follow me outside. Sometimes I'm grateful that he's my friend, but today, not so much.

"I'm not an addict, Chase."

"Have you talked to her since that night?" Chase offered me a piece of gum and I gladly took it.

"She won't return my texts or my calls."

"And why do you think that is?"

"Hell if I know!" Chase looked at me and dropped a bomb I wasn't ready to face just yet.
"You're telling me one thing, but doing the opposite. If you claim to love Madison as much as you do, this shit wouldn't be happening with Dani and you would be happy that she found someone. You need to stop this shit or come to terms with that maybe, just maybe, you like Dani more than a friend because at this rate, you're going to lose her and I know you don't want that."

Chase didn't even give me a chance to respond and the daggers I was giving Erik a few moments ago were now directed at Chase.

Fuck him. He doesn't know what it's like to be in a loving relationship and then have someone unexpectedly flip your world upside down. I was constantly torn between doing what I know is right and wanting to explore a revenue I never knew existed before. I shouldn't want to go down that road but every time I was around Dani, I felt that pull.

Did she feel it too?

I sighed, walking back into the Hall of Fame, and decided to focus on the matter at hand. I had a lot of interviews and photo shoots to get through today and I was not going to allow this to distract me. If anything, it might be time to move on.

If I could.

**

I sat against the wall in an empty room with my eyes closed when something small fell into my lap. I looked down to see a pack of Swiss Rolls and when I looked up to see who threw them at me, my heart stopped.

"Is this seat taken?" Dani stood a few feet away from me and pointed to the spot next to me and I shook my head no. She hesitated for a second and then sat down. I closed my eyes again and held my breath so I wouldn't smell her perfume.

It seemed to wrap around me like a vice anyways.

"Miss you," she whispered, grabbing the snack pack off of my lap and opening it. She handed one to me and began eating the other. "I'm sorry for ignoring you. I hope you can understand why." I took a swig of my water, searching for an answer. I couldn't tell her how hurt I'd been because that would sound ridiculous. We both needed a break from each other to clear our heads, so I understand.

"I do," but my head isn't clear, not even the slightest. I can feel the heat radiating off of her body as she pressed up against me, even through my firesuit I could feel a current.

"Can we put what happened in the past?"

"Is that what you want?" I looked at her, searching out her hazel eyes but she wouldn't look at me.

"It's what's best."

I didn't like that answer but I ignored it anyways, especially when It felt like she wasn't answering truthfully herself.

But what was I expecting? I'm with Madison and she's with Erik.

End of conversation.

"Sooo, Erik?" I said, popping the Swiss Roll into my mouth. She sighed, melting against me, and laid her head on my shoulder. I was acutely aware of how we looked to others if they peeked into this room, but this is how we've always been. I'm not sure we should be doing stuff like this anymore when I want nothing more than to pull her into my arms.

"Yeah, I mean, it's still pretty new. I was surprised he even asked me. I've worked there for years and he never once noticed me."

"Maybe he noticed, but couldn't pluck up the courage to ask you."

"You think so?" She sounded hopeful like she couldn't believe a guy would be into her.

"I'm positive, you're amazing Dani. You don't need me to tell you that." Danielle finally looked at me with a small smile on her lips. I couldn't help but stare at them a little too long before I met her teary eyes.

"I should go," she whispered, her eyes darting between my lips and my eyes. The energy between us shifted and I felt myself being pulled into her. "I need to go, Ryan." She made no move to leave as she stared down at my lips and moved even closer.

"What are you doing to me, Dani?" I breathed as my lips started to ghost over hers but I never got a response as she tangled her fingers in my hair and pulled me into her as our lips crashed together.

Her tongue licked into my mouth and I moaned tasting that sweet chocolate we just shared.

Just as quickly as she kissed me, she was up and on her feet leaving me a little breathless and turned on.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that, um, I have to go." I watched her walk out the door wondering if I should run after her.

And do what, Ryan? Tell her how you feel?

I knocked my head against the wall and groaned. I don't even know what I feel at this point.

**

"Hypothetically, what if I did?" I played with the label of my empty beer bottle, peeling off one of the corners before moving on to the other.

"You need to be a little more specific there, buddy." I sighed, not wanting to have this conversation with Chase but I really needed to run this idea by someone. Either to stop me or to encourage me.

"Hooked up with Dani, just so she got the experience." Chase finally looked at me and I didn't like the expression he was giving me.

"So we're back to that conversation."

"She kissed me today."

"I thought you two weren't talking."

"We weren't... but then she came by to apologize and one thing lead to another and she kissed me."

"So now your logic is to sleep with her?"

"Fuck, man, I don't know!" I slammed my beer bottle down in frustration. "I just need her out of my system and this might be the best solution."

"Is that what you think?"

"It's what I'm hoping." I sighed in defeat.

"If you went through with this, hypothetically, what's going to happen?"

"She gets the experience she wants and I'll get over this urge to be with her."

"And what's going to happen if you want more?"

"That's the whole point of this, I don't want more and I'm doing her a favor." Chase began to shake his head as he finished off his beer.

"This is fucked up, Blaney. I think you need to leave her alone and focus on your relationship with Madison. If not, you're going to lose both Dani and Madi."

I knew I shouldn't have said anything to Chase. I was just thinking loud and as the words left my mouth, it sounded like a shit show. Well, that's just how my life is at this moment because this shit show was now pacing in front of Dani's apartment door contemplating this idea.

"Ryan? What are you doing?" I didn't answer her as I walked into her apartment. I went straight to her liquor cabinet, poured myself a shot of whiskey, and let the contents burn my throat. "Are you okay?"

"What if we just fucked?"

"I'm sorry?" She looked at me baffled and I knew that came out wrong.

"You want experience? Let me give it to you." I took another shot, hoping it would make me more buzzed than I already was but it did nothing but light my insides on fire.

I looked at Dani and regretted it the moment I did. She wore yoga pants with an oversize shirt that hung off her shoulders, her short hair was piled up on top of her head with her red lips caught between her teeth. My eyes watched as her red toenails advanced my way and suddenly red was my favorite color because that's all I saw when I looked at her. Red means stop, but in this case, red means go.

The whiskey in my blood had me closing the distance, my hands finding her hips as I pinned her up against the wall.

"Ryan?" She gasped, her hands coming up to my chest and looking into my eyes.

"I know this is crazy and I shouldn't even be offering this, because believe me, it's fucking crazy."

"What are you on, Ryan? Are you drunk?"

"Drunk Ryan would have you laid out on the kitchen counter with my head between your legs as you scream out my name." I looked pointedly at her and she gasped at my bluntness. "But sober Ryan wants to offer you that, and so much more."

"What do you mean?" She asked carefully. I moved my hands to the small of her back, pushing up her shirt until I felt her warm skin, and placed my fingers into the top of her pants.

"Experience, Danielle, that's what you want, to be more confident, right? Let me do that for you. Let me show you how a woman should be touched." I dragged my fingernails up her back and back down. I had to hold in a groan when I realized she wasn't wearing a bra. "Let me show you how to bring a man to his knees and pleasure you with only his tongue," I whispered this into her ear and she balled my shirt in her hands in response. "I can give you the one thing that you've been desiring, a man showing you how good it would feel to have something strong and thick between your legs."

"Fuck."

"I can give you all of this, Dani, and so much more."

"Why?"

"Isn't that want you'd want?"

"I shouldn't want this, Ryan, you shouldn't want this." Danielle's lips grazed over mine and I could feel her cool breath.

"Tell me you don't want this and I'll back away. I'll never bring it up again. I'll never look at you through lustful eyes and I'll never think of you late at night when I can't sleep. It will all end, just tell me the words."

"You think of me late a night?" I could hear the surprise in her voice and I hated that. I wish she wouldn't doubt how beautiful she was like it's not possible that a guy would get off to the thought of her. I've always been told it was an honor when someone did that, she needs that mindset.

"More often than I'd like to admit." Dani closed her eyes and bit her lip. I moved in closer, my nose brushing hers. "Just say the words and I'm yours, or I walk away, it's your choice."

My heart was beating so hard in my chest that I couldn't help but wonder if she felt it as she dug her fingernails into me.

"Madison?" She asked, not looking up.

Don't say it.

"What she doesn't know, won't hurt her."

"Guess we're both going to hell then." I barely registered her hands moving up my chest to the back of my head before she pulled me down and sucked on my bottom lip. "This means nothing, right?" She begged, looking into my eyes for confirmation.

"Nothing," I lied.

Everything.

It means fucking everything to me and I don't know why. I don't know why my heart does a funny flip when she whispered yes against my lips, agreeing to our little arrangement. I don't know why my soul rejoiced as her lips found mine in a passionate kiss. I also don't know why I want this so badly, but I do, so fucking much.

If I can't have her, I don't want anyone else.

"Let's get started then."