Look out for the <>!

We didn't speak as we walked back home but I didn't mind. I liked the silence as it allowed me to be in my own head space and sort out my thoughts. 

As we got closer to home, John finally broke the silence. "I need to get back home to Mary, Sherlock said that he'll be here in the next 30 minutes. Are you ok by yourself?" John asked. What he meant to say was, are you going to kill yourself in the next 30 minutes? Can I trust you on your own?

I rolled my eyes at him to try to shrugged it off but he had a point. "I'll be ok," I said as walked over to my blank sheet of paper and picked it up. "I have this to write."

John nodded at me and then looked around the room as if making sure it was safe. "Ok well, I'll let you get to that then. Oh and Sherlock wanted to ask if you found your phone yet?"

I looked at him with a frown. I hadn't seen that phone since Kale died. I didn't remember where I put it last. I tried looking for it but with no luck. I just didn't know where I put it. It was driving me mad but on the other hand I didn't care to have it back. I felt free without it, like nothing was there to weighing me down. I liked being off grid again. "No I haven't found it."

"Look for it, ok? I'm getting tired or relaying messages to you," he smiled, trying to make a smile come to my face as well.

He tried so hard to make me feel better but yet it wasn't working. I forced a smile to come to my face but I think it was more like a grimace. "Ok, I'll look."

"Good. I'll see you tomorrow," John said and walked out the door, closing it behind him.

<>

As soon as he was gone I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water. The emptiness of the room held me like a vice grip. I looked around the room as I drank and saw a pair of socks laying in the corner of the room there were Kale's. I didn't realize I dropped my cup until I heard the glass shatter on the ground. I sank to the floor, feeling a wave of sadness crash over me. I was alone and I didn't think that this would hurt so much. My hands gripped around the shattered glass causing it to break the skin. I held it tighter until the physical pain was all I could think about. 

I picked the glass up and tossed it into the trash then looked at my bloodied hands. I shook the over running water, hoping to wash out the blood but as I watched my hands continue to bleed, I knew that there would be no way to hide this from Sherlock.

But maybe I didn't care to hide it any more. All I felt was pain and I just wanted it to go away. I looked at the butter knife on the table, for a second it called me towards it, but I quickly looked away. I told John I was going to be ok. I shook my head to clear my mind. I had to at least finish this case then I can end my life, I owed that to Kale to at least finish it. I wiped my tears from my eyes and with a heavy heart, went over to pick up the socks. With his socks in hand, I walked into my room and saw Kale's stuff shoved in the corner.

I hadn't touched any of it since he died. I walked over to his duffle and picked up his shirt that was laying over the bag. I held it against me as if I could feel the heat of his body on it. I breathed it in and it smelt like him still. Before I knew what I was doing, I put it on my dresser and opened his bag. On the top of all his stuff in his bag laid my phone. I felt my heart race as I looked at it. He put it here on purpose. He wanted me to see it here. He must have done something to it.

I picked it up and turned it on. The phone beeped signaling that I had a message. He left me a note. My pulse quicken even more, looking at this phone, for the first time in days, I felt alive again. I got into my voice mail and hit call. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and put my ear to the phone.

On the other line I heard a shaky breath. "Aurora, I guess by now you have realized that I am gone, and you finally looked into my things. There is a lot I want to tell you but I'll just start with the things you need to know. You have to know that what I did was for you. It was either going to be me or you when it came down to it, and I rather it be me. Before you say something sharp I want to explain myself. You have so much potential that you haven't tapped into. You have a department full of friends and a solid job and people that love you. I have none of that, I only have one person in this world and I couldn't let that one person die. You are so much more valuable than I am, I'm expendable." When he said this his voice cracked. "I know what I am getting myself into, this has been a long time coming and it needs to be done."

I shook my head at him. In my minds eye I could picture him sitting on the bed in front of me, talking to me. "No, it didn't." 

"You need to listen to me. Rori, you have to get him, you have to kill Moriarty. You can do it. You just have to be strong, he's smart but you can out smart him. Being here with you made all the missing pieces clicked for me. He kept you alive for something, you just need to figure out what that is. I left some other messages for you and notes. They will only open during different times. I just hope these will help you. Oh and Aurora, I love you with all my heart."

The phone clicked and the voice on the other side said, "There three new messages. Push one to listen." and suddenly Kale who was sitting on the bed disappeared in thin air.

I frowned, I needed him back. I was just about to hit one but then my phone clicked off. Ran out of power. I felt like throwing the phone at the wall in frustration but then I realized that I need this phone now more than ever. I need the messages on it. I needed them to keep me sane. 

"Rori, I'm home, are you here?" Sherlock's voice rang out.

I walked out of my bedroom with my phone in my hand. I was still in shock. I looked at him with a sword in his hands, but I didn't care what he had just done. All that was on my mind was Kale's voice.

"Anything interesting happen?" He asked trying to make conversation, he was starting to get better at it.

I looked at my phone and then back at him. "I found my phone."

"Great to hear," he said and put the sword on the table. It was silent for a few. He was trying to think of some small talk. It was almost entertaining how he was trying so hard to be normal, for me. Was I really worth that much to him? "Mycroft wants us in for tomorrow. I told him no. we'll meet with him another time."

I shook my head at him. After hearing Kale's voice I suddenly found the fire that I needed again. I was going to do all I could to kill him.

"Remember the funeral is tomorrow. We should focus on that first."

I frowned. I didn't want to go. Going would mean that something that seemed so dream like was actually real. I didn't want to face my fears there but I knew I had to. "Fine. Well I need to write that eulogy. " I turned to walk back in my room, knowing what I was going to say. I think I finally got my thoughts sorted out.