Tatum's POV:

A few weeks have passed and my emotions were all over the place. It's still hard to be without them,especially after that dream I had. I've been out more though. I went to all the places Brandon and I used to go. I spent hours in those places reminiscing all the good times we had together.

It felt amazing to see them again, for one last time. Sadly it was the first and last time I got to hold my baby. It felt transcendental to hold him in my arms. I wish I had more time with them.

I'll never be able heal from the loss of them, I'll just have to learn to live with it.

Soft knocking on my bedroom door pulls me from my thoughts.

"Come in."I say and sit up on my bed. The door opens and my dad walks in with a big box in his hands.

"Hey. We took all your things from the hotel a few weeks back. I didn't think you would have been ready for it then, but I think you are now."

He sets the box down in front of me and sits at the edge of the bed. I pull it closer and open it up.

"There are a few other things in the storage room. Clothes and so on." My dad says.

It's a few of Brandon's things.
I reach inside the box and take in the first thing I touched. It's a black knitted sweater I bought him when we were younger.

I close to me and breathed in it's scent.

"It still smells like him." I say while closing my eyes and take another sniff and breath it in deeply. I've always loved his scent.

"He used to wear this sweater every winter even when it wasn't that cold. He just looked for a reason to wear it, until it didn't fit him anymore. I can still remember he's reaction, he said 'I grew man muscles.' I didn't even know that he still kept it after all these years." I say smiling at how innocent we used to be and how easy life was.

"He loved you very much Tatum." My dad says.

"And I didn't love him enough."

Tears start to build up in my eyes making my vision a bit blurry. I pull his sweater closer against me, holding it tightly. Tears roll down my face tardily.

"Tatum stop being so hard on yourself."

"But it's true."

"No it's not. Brandon was always happy with you no matter what."

I set the sweater down in my lap and see what else is in the box.

I burst into tears as I pick it up. I cover my mouth with one hand and lift it up out of the box.

"Dad. We...We bought this...f...for our baby." I gasp out between crying. It still hurts so much.

Not being able to keep it in anymore I let go,"Dad he would have been such a great father."I cry out and can feel my breath shortening. My father came over to my side and hugged me. I fell into his arms and cried out.

"All he wanted was a family. He was so happy. He didn't even get a chance to be a dad because of me. It's not fair!" I cry more, the words spilling out from my deepest emotions.

"Daddy, I miss him so much. How can he be gone?!"

"It's okay. We'll get through this." Dad says and caresses my back.

"All you have to do is remember how he was when he was still with us. Keep good thoughts about him in your mind."

"I loved him so much. I love him too much to let him go!" I say and then his words suddenly comes to my mind. "I can't rest in peace until you are okay. I can't go unless I am sure that you are happy again."

Tatum pull yourself together! You have to try harder. You can't let your emotions drown you. You have to try for them, so that they can rest in blissful peace.

I full away from my father and wipe my tears away.

"What should I do with it?" I ask.

"It's up to you. What do you feel you should do with it?"

"I think I should give the baby clothes to someone who needs it. It's brand new too. I have no use for it anyways." I say sadly.

"Yes I think that's best." My dad says.

I put the baby clothes to the side and reach in the box again. Our microphones.

"I assume you'll keep that?" My father asks.

"No, I have more than enough of Brandon's things. I think I should give this to Benjamin."I say and run my fingers over Brandon's name engraved in the silver mic.

"It's a funny memory that we shared. I think Benjamin would want it." I say,my tears starting to subside.

"I'll take it to him if you'd like?"

"No. It's okay. I'll do it. I haven't seen him since the day of... I'll take it to him." I say. I haven't seen Brandon's father since the funeral. I couldn't even look him in the eyes. I took his son away from him.

"Okay then. When will you go?"

"I'll pack a few things of Brandon's into a box and take it to him afterwards."

"Do you want me to drop you off and pick you up later?" Dad asks.

"Yes please. Thank you dad." I say and hug my father.

"For what?"

"For always being here."

"Of course it's my duty. I'm your father."

"Well it seems that that duty doesn't occur to mom." I say disappointedly. My mom is never here. When I need her the most she decides to stay away.

"Don't say that. Your mom loves you. She just needs time to process everything as well."

"Yeah you're right." I sigh.

...

I knock on Benjamin's front door hesitantly. Come on Tatum. You have to do this. You have to face your problems head on.

After a while the door opens.

"Tatum?" Benjamin says shocked once he sees me. I can see the hurt in his eyes. He's still grieving.

"Hey. I brought a few of Brandon's things that I thought you would want."I say and he nods.

"Come on in." He says and smiles sadly.

He closes the door behind me and we head into his living room. I have so many memories in this place too. Brandon used to sit at the bottom of the staircase when he was feeling down. He never told me what it was about, but I knew too well. He yearned for a mother. He never spoke about his feelings with that topic and carried on like it didn't bother him, but I knew that it affected him more than he let on. I always used to cheer him up though. I used to come to his house 24/7 just to check up on him. To make sure that he was okay and he was always happy to see me. I didn't really have to do anything I just had to be there with him. That is how much he loved me. How am I ever going to go on without him?

"Tatum Come on." Ben gestures me towards the living room. He doesn't look like he used to. He was a happy guy. He's been through so much in life and is still standing.

I walk into the living room and set the box down on the coffee table.

"It's just a few of Brandon's things I thought you would want. I kept a few of his things too. I hope you don't mind." I start.

"No no it's okay. You're privileged to keep his things. You meant so much to him. Thank you."

"Why are you thanking me?" I asked confused. I thought he would be mad at me.

"For making my son's short life a happy one." He says and my heart aches.

"Benjamin I-"

"No. Tatum I know that you are blaming yourself but you shouldn't. Nothing of this is your fault. Brandon would want to see you happy again." Ben says. Brandon said that too.

"I saw him." I say and he looks at me questioningly.

"I saw Brandon in a dream and he looked amazing. He spoke to me too. He said the same thing that you did." I say and start to tear up.

"Benjamin the baby was there too." Tears stream down my face and Ben hugs me against his chest.

"It's okay. Let it out." He says.

"Tatum you are the closest thing I have to my son and grandson. So you have to stay strong. You're the only family I have left. Please try to be happy again,but not for Brandon, not for me, not even your baby, but for yourself."

"I will. I will." I say and break the hug then wipe my tears.

"Are you going to pack up his room?"I ask.

"No. I'll leave it just as it is."

"Can I go up?"

"Of course you can. I'll go through these and you can go to his room." Ben says and I nod.

I head upstairs to Brandon's old room.

I stand in front of his bedroom door. I take a moment before heading in.

Brandon was such a simple kid. He was easy going, happy, optimistic. He was a good person and deserved the best. I wish I could've given him that.

I sit down on his bed. The gray blanket spread out neatly. So many great moments in this bedroom. Some moments I wish came sooner. I look around the room and take everything in. Posters of Bryan Adams. Albums of Darren Hayes on the his Brown cabinet. Concert posters of Az Yet. He had great taste in music.

I throw myself back onto his bed and reminisce our perfect memories. We used to make a tent in his closet and hide underneath it whenever there were storms. Throughout our lives we always had each others backs no matter what. He was the best.

...

Benjamin came into the room and we had a talk about everything. It was nice to get a few things off my chest. It feels like this heavy weight is lessening.

Benjamin told me that Brandon left everything to me. All his properties, all his shares everything. I'll use it for charity to help kids who need the money.

I went to his house afterwards. I keep thinking to myself. What if I decided to stay, would that have changed the outcome of things? Would he still be here right now? He wanted to stay here in this house. Could things have been different?

I close the door behind me and stand against it, taking in my surroundings.

I walk further into the house and see the ghosts of our memories. They're so beautiful. I'm so grateful I had you in my life Brandon. I feel a single tear run down my cheek. It still hurts so much.

I run my finger tips over the counter tops in the kitchen. You used to take such good care of me Brandon. You always made sure I had my breakfast, lunch, dinner and desert. He was perfect. I could never have really deserved him. He was too good for me and this world. We've had so many moments here in this house. Funny moments, happy moments, sad moments and naughty moments to. I smile to myself reminiscing how kinky we were with each other. God I miss you so much.

I walk into the living room. I let out a heavy sigh. Look at how empty this place is. Brandon being gone shows in the sadness of the walls, the creaks in the wooden floors,the dust on the furniture and most of all it's deafening silence. I miss his laughter, how fun he was. He was up for anything. I never had a dull moment with him, he always kept me happy, always. I'll give life to this house again, I promise you Brandon.

My strides upstairs decelerate as I near our old bedroom door.

My fingertips reach the dusty doorknob. I turn it and push the door open.

I step in slowly and run my eyes across the room. All the furniture is covered with white covers.

I pull the white cover off of the bed, forcefully and throw it down onto the floor. I slump down onto the bed and burst out into tears. I balance my elbows on my knees and hold my head in my hands,letting it all out. The only sound echoing around the room is my loud cries.

I throw myself back onto our bed. The tears streaming down the sides of my face as I stare up at the white ceiling. I will be strong Brandon.

"I promise you I will." I cry out. I promise you I will live on for the both of you.

...

"Tatum. Tatum wake up." I feel big arms shake me awake.

I slowly pry my eyes open.

"Tatum.Thank goodness." I hear my dad's voice and he pulls me into a hug.

"What are you doing here by yourself?" Dad asks.

"I...I came here and then fell asleep."I say trying to recollect what has happened the past few hours.

"I was so worried. I thought that something bad happened to you."

"Dad I'm okay."

"Don't ever do that again, okay? You should have at least let us know or tell Benjamin that you were going to come here. We were so worried." He says, but I can hear the relief in his tone.

"I'm sorry. I just needed to be alone." I say. I look out the window and notice that it's dark outside. How long have I slept.

"I didn't know that I was going to fall asleep. I guess the comfort of this place consumed me."

"It's okay. Are you ready to go home yet?"

"Not yet. I have to do something first. To make peace with all of this. I'll never let go of Brandon, but I won't hold him in my heart with sadness anymore. I want Brandon and our baby to rest in peace." I say wholeheartedly.

"What is it that you want to do?" Dad asks, breaking the hug.

"The water lantern festival is tonight in Tropical Park."

"Olympia Heights?"

"Yes. What time is it?" I ask.

"It's 8:30."

"It's gonna start in 15 minutes. We should get going." I say and get up from the bed and adjust my clothes.

"We can go just after I've called your mother and Toby."

"Why?"

"I have to let them know that I've found you. Samuel has been looking for you whole afternoon already. I'm sure they'd want to know that you are safe." Dad says and I nod. He leaves the room with his phone in his hand.

I walk towards the door and rest the side of my head against the frame taking in this house for one last time.

"You ready to go?" Dad returns and I answer with a simple, "Yes."

My new teen fiction is out now! Go check out fall of the wind.

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