There was no doubt in my mind, as of what to do next. Michael had collapsed and was brought to the hospital. I had to go and seem him. I had to talk to him about what had happened and about the future.

This was my only chance.

I had to support him now through this hard time, I just felt like he was a part of me that needed my help, no matter our relationship status. I loved him. I couldn't take the thought of hi laying in a hospital bed all by himself, so alone and confused. He must've felt terrible now that the news were out that Siedah Garret had a thing going on with another singer while supposedly being Michael's girlfriend. I was sure he didn't know about that before.

I had to see him, I think that was the main reason why I picked up a car and began driving to the hospital. I had to see my Michael.

There were hundreds of fans in front of the hospital, screaming and chanting Michael's name, holding up posters with get well wishes written on them. There were even some that had Siedah's face on them and a big, red cross over it. I suddenly realized how hard it would be to actually get in! I went to registration and explained to the worker that I needed to see Michael, that I was from his family. A little white lie. Of course she didn't believe me and asked somebody to check with Michael if he knew a girl by the name of Susan Carter.

Finally, when the worker came back, I was told he would love to see me. I took a deep breath and chewed nervously on my lip in the elevator. A nurse opened the door to Michael's room and I entered. It was all silent.

Se closed the door behind me and I was alone with Michael. He lay on a little bed, a thin sheet covering his body, he had pulled it up to his face. I slowly came closer, just standing a couple of feet away from the bed. I had no idea how to start the conversation.

" Michael?" I whispered and nervously held my own hands. There was a chair beside the bed and I sat down on it. The blanket was pulled all the way up to his eyes, and he had his face turned away from me. I only saw the blanket slowly move up and down from his breaths. Slowly, he pulled out his big hand from under the blanket and searched for mine.

I held back my tears and lay my hand in his. He held my hand tightly, didn't say any words, until I heard him start crying softly. I squeezed his hand and suddenly he whispered.

"I am so sorry Susan....I'm horrible, I...I was so dumb, I'm an idiot, I...I am" he started sobbing and couldn't go on talking.

"No...Michael you're none of those things" I said, feeling so bad for him. He took this worse than I had thought. I had never seen him this devastated before.

"Michael, I just can't understand why you needed to be with Siedah" I said with a shaking voice. Why did you leave me for her?" I closed my eyes and tears rolled down my cheeks. I took a deep breath. "Listen, if you want to have children right this second, and if that's your priority, if it's more important than out love..."I stopped.

"No, it wasn't like that Susan." Michael said and turned around on his back, looking at me through watery eyes. "I would've never done this just because I wanted children immediately. I wanted kids with you and I wouldn't have left you just because you weren't ready." He said in a hoarse voice. "It's all my fault, I was so dumb. Everything Siedah told me, how she manipulated me"

"Do you want to tell me, Michael?" I asked and put my hand on his shoulder. He covered his face with his hands.

"You can't love me anymore...you'll hate me if I tell you." He whimpered. I didn't answer, I just slowly pushed his hands away from his face and kissed him slowly. He closed his eyes and I leaned in closer, kissing him passionately. We kept on kissing while tears rolled down his cheeks. I took his head in my hands, holding his cheeks.

"I sure can love you still" I whispered with tears in my own eyes.

"I will always love you, I know I am physically incapable of hating you" I tried to smile. "Perhaps we can't continue our life together how we had it before all of this happened, if the child is yours. Maybe we have to...live separate lived, but I will always, always love you Michael Jackson." I shook my head and kissed him again.

Michael took a deep breath and sat up slowly and I took a seat in the chair.

"Can you explain to me what happened on tour? Why did you never call me?" I asked, looking down at his thin frame. He had never appeared this weak, in a mint hospital robe, and glassy eyes.

"So much happened Susan... I wanted to call you, but Siedah started telling me these things, all this crazy stuff about you. She said that I was blind in love with you. She said that, I didn't realize you were...using me for money"

I waited a few seconds, taking it in. " And you believed her..."I just said.

"Susan, I was so stupid! She created this lie so perfectly, telling me I was always too gullible when it came to love. She knows about Lisa and me so she said there I was also blind and let her use me. She said with Lisa it was everything for lust. Then she said with you...it was everything for money." He swallowed. "And then she said, that you didn't want to have children just proves that you...don't love me."

Now I understood a lot more what had happened. "I would never do that Michael...not for money, not lust and not for fame. Do you see that it was Siedah all along who used you? She did this all for fame! She thought my having your kid she could become famous, not simply being a background singer!" I stopped as I saw that Michael leaned his head against the wall.

"Michael, are you alright? Come, lay down again...it's all a little too much" I said and held his shoulders. He lay down and I put the blanket over him, then held his hand.

"Susan...I'm so sad, so terribly sad. I'll go back to Neverland tomorrow, without Siedah of course. Until we know who the actual father of her child is I don't want her around. Susan...please come with me. Come back home. If it's really my child, I can divorce her and we can take care of the baby."

"No Michael" I brought out. " If this kid is yours, I'm sure it won't be that easy. Siedah has created this web, you won't get out of there so easily. If it's your kid then...I don't know if we can still be together" I bit my lip.

"Susan please...I need you" He had tears in his eyes. It was just too much for him, he was too sensitive. But I needed to be strong now. I had to tell him the truth about how I felt, even if it was hard. He had made a mistake. I couldn't imagine living with him and a child that belonged to this woman.

"Michael, I'll leave now. You can call me whenever you want. I'll be home tomorrow, so you have my number. We will see how this unfolds. I love you Michael" I said and got up.

"Don't leave Susan" He said and his voice cracked. "Can I hug you once more?" He whispered.

"Sure" I said and he held me in his arms. I stroked over his curly hair and closed my eyes.

"Call me tomorrow, ok? Keep me updated on Siedah's child situation." I whispered and pulled back.

He nodded and just looked into my eyes. "You're the only thing I have Susan" He said.