"I miss you so much Michael" I whispered once again in the phone and hugged a pillow, pretending it was him.

"Are you crying Susan? Please don't cry" He said to me concerned. "Half the tour is over. Three more month and we'll be back together again."

"I know..."I sighed. "I just wanna hug you, but I can't, it's terrible." I wiped away a tear. Of course I missed much more than his warm hugs. I longed for his presence in the house, that felt so lifeless and silent without him. His smile, his humor and his comforting touches.

"Susan, I promise when I'm back I'll give you the biggest hug. I won't let go for an hour!" He chuckled. I smiled about his silly promise.

"Ok, I'll remember that Michael. But tell me, how are you? Where even are you?"

"In Brazil. We have two more shows here and then our next stop is in...let's see, gosh I have no idea." He sounded a little overwhelmed.

"Are you getting enough sleep?" I asked. I was worried about his health. He had told me how touring always took a toll on him.

"I'm ok. It's better than my other tours, at least now I get to talk to you sometimes before I fall asleep, that helps." He smiled.

"You're sweet" I bit my lip and lay back against the headboard of the bed.

"I miss you Susan. Now tell me something" He waited for a moment and I could tell he was smiling. "Are you...pregnant?" he said in a whisper.

I felt like somebody had just punched me in my stomach and guilt came over me.

"uhm...no I'm not" I fell silent. I only heard Michael sigh on the other end of the line.

"But, why not?" He finally said, sounding desperate.

"I...I have to tell you something." I decided and closed my eyes, biting my lip nervously. I had hoped he had forgotten about it.

"After, you know, that night...I wasn't sure anymore if I was ready. I have to think about this, you know?"

"What do you mean?" He asked silently.

"I...I took the pill when you fell asleep, I sorry, I just-"

"You took the pill? But I told you I don't think you are too young" Michael sounded hurt.

"Michael, I need time to think about it. It's a big decision." I explained.

"Is it because of me? Don't you want ..." He swallowed. "Don't you want me to be the father of your kids?"

"NO! Michael, or course not! I absolutely want you to be the father of my kids. Don't even think of yourself that way. But, like I said, I want a little more time with you before we have kids. Just like two years or so, a couple of years. I'm only 24 baby."

"Years? That's so much Susan!" I heard him try to hold back tears, his voice sounded hoarse.

"Michael?...Michael are you crying?" I said, feeling even guiltier.

"No..." He said, but he was clearly struggling against tears. "I just want to talk to you about it in person. I'm sure we find a solution." He took a deep breath and after that he seemed a little better.

"Alright" I said and tried to smile to make myself feel better. "So you're not angry with me?"

"No, I was never angry with you Susan. I am just confused and...shocked. I always dreamed about you and me as parents of kids. I dream about it on tour nearly every night you know? And we are always such a happy little family in my dream. And you know...I also thought it would happen in real life."

"It WILL happen Michael. Just a little more time ok?"

"We'll talk about " Michael said. "But what about you, what are you doing all day long?" Michael asked.

"Hmm...What am I doing? I'm reading, currently learning about astrology a little." I chuckled. "Oh and your chef is teaching me how to cook some little meals. And, of course, I sit around and miss you." I sighed.

"Aww...I wanna be with you Susan. I miss your tenderness so much."

I giggled at that. "Michael, you remember your promise right, for when you come back?"

"Sure, I said I'll hug you and won't let go for an hour" Michael smirked.

"Yes, and .... Is that hug, with or without shirt?" I asked with a big grin on my face.

"Uhhh dirty talking!" Michael exclaimed in a giggle."Lemme see... what would you prefer?"

"Without" I whispered.

"Ok promise" He smiled. "I'm looking forward to it, I already have goosebumps just thinking about your touch on my skin" He whispered.

"Michael stop it!" I giggled. "don't tease me"

"Sorry baby" He laughed. "I love you so much...now I have to finish, it's time to sleep here"

"Goodnight baby, what time is it there?" I asked.

"It's 4 in the morning...I couldn't sleep. I miss you Susan"

"Aww miss you too, now go and sleep honey, you need your rest."

Michael just giggled and whispered a last goodbye before he hung up. I put the phone down and just stared up at the ceiling for some minutes. I had told him. I knew he would be disappointed but I didn't expect him to be this sad. Maybe it was because he was going through a stressful time, but still. I needed advice, I couldn't handle this alone.

I picked up the phone again and called my friend Cassie.

"Cassie McRoy" she answered.

"Hey Cassie, it's me, Susan. I...I wanted to tell you something, I really need your advice on" I began. I must've sounded quite worried because Cassie quickly offered me to come to my house.

"I'd love if we could talk in person. It's just, gosh I'm sure you won't believe me. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about this earlier but, it's a secret ok?"

I had not told her that me and Michael were a thing, so she didn't know at all what was going on. Even though Michael and I had agreed on not telling anybody, I felt like I had to let Cassie in on it now, especially because I wanted to discuss my thoughts with her.

I told her to drive along the road that lead to the gate. Even though it was nearly an hour drive from where Cassie lived, she was kind enough to come by.

I went to the gate and waited for her. As her car stopped in front of the door her eyes widened.

"Girl what are you doing here! Are you a complete stalker now!" She laughed and looked around. "Susan, I knew you were a fan but, that's crazy! Are you waiting for him in front of his house? Why do you want me here?"

"Cassie...this is my secret" I tried to smile but it wasn't easy. I broke our promise. I told her about my life with Michael. But I just had to, I needed to talk to somebody. I dialed the code so the gate would open again. Cassies eyes nearly popped out of her head.

"You are living here?!" She brought out. I nodded and we drove with her car to the main house. "Wait a second, is Michael Jackson here?!" She looked around as we entered the house. "Come on, tell me what's going on!"

We sat down in the living room and I told Cassie the whole story. From when I first arrived at Neverland and his relationship with Lisa, how she treated Michael, how I helped him and became his girlfriend and then I showed her the ring on my finger.

"You are engaged" She simply stated and her mouth dropped open before she began to smile widely. "Girl, I can't believe this!" She hugged me. "This is one crazy story! You are engaged to Michael Jackson. Michael...Jackson"

I nodded. And then I told her about the fact that he wanted kids while I didn't feel ready yet. She totally understood me and told me to do what I felt was right for me.

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"Absolutely. Don't do something you're not ready for. Kids are a big responsibility and they will completely change your life and you as a person. If you feel like you want to enjoy this stage of your life a little longer, he has to understand it. And you are young, he is your first serious relationship, you need to enjoy each other a little. Especially since you won't see him for so long, imagine he comes back and you don't have him for yourself, I mean, I totally understand you. And after some time you can have babies and he will be so happy."

Meanwhile in Brazil Michael was sleeping with a big smile on his face. He was dreaming the same dream he had nearly every night: Susan and him, playing with a little baby.

Suddenly Michael moved around in bed.

His wonderful dream seemed to take a turn to the bad. In his dream, Michael was playing with his kid, Susan stood beside him – with a miserable expression on her face.

And suddenly another woman appeared. She had curly black hair and dark skin. Michael knew her very well. It was his background singer. She was walking straight to him with a smile on her lips. She began playing with the kid and Susan still stood beside Michael. Then Michael took the baby boy in his arms and wanted to hand him to Susan, but she rejected and didn't want to hold him, so Michael turned around and gave him to the other woman. She smiled and took the kid in her arm, gently rocking him until he fell sleep. The woman was Siedah Garrett.