Axel never came looking for me. After I drank the last of the gin I left. Maybe he forgot, maybe he thought I had already left. I didn't remember much after that.

I woke up in Axel's bathroom only long enough to stuff my head in the toilet bowl then everything went dark again.

"Fuck," I groaned, my face squashed into the bathroom rug, sprawled across the tiled floor. My stomach lurched again when I realized it wasn't the fucking rug, but my own puke. I gagged, pulled myself to the toilet, and emptied what was left of my stomach contents. Which was nothing.

Grabbing a fistful of toilet paper I tried to wipe the chunks off my face, but just ended up smearing it around. I gagged again and tried to puke, but nothing came up. I managed to stand up by pulling myself up, clutching the sink counter for support. The water I managed to choke down was worse than the acidic gin taste still left in my mouth. My hair was sticky with dried liquor and vomit; I almost puked again when I looked in the mirror.

My head was swimming, I just wanted to crawl back onto the tiled floor, but another glance in the mirror told me I might feel better if I showered. I stumbled to the shower and clawed at the knobs until water poured out. It took a few moments for the water to heat up, just enough time for me to run to the bowl again and stuff my head down into it. Another dry heave, another mouthful of nothing.

"Fuck," I moaned again and started to strip off my clothes. I left them in a pile on the floor, managed to skirt around the puke puddle and stagger into the shower. My knees gave out when I stepped under the water, I ended up sitting, knees to chest, letting the hot water wash out what it could. The water felt cleansing, even though I knew there was nothing strong enough to clean me. I let my eyes shut again, hoping the next time I opened them the world would stop spinning long enough for me to stand up.

"Annie, where the fuck are you?" Axel's voice shouted through the running water.

He stomped around the apartment for a moment and I heard the bathroom door fling open. I kept my eyes shut.

Axel tore open the shower door and grabbed at my arm, pulling me out and awake. I grudgingly opened my eyes and stared at him. The room was still a spinning carnival ride, but at least I didn't feel the need to empty my stomach again. I felt his eyes drilling into me.

"Where the fuck have you been?" he demanded, angry, worried, exhausted.

I stared up at him, confused. He was angry, his brown eyes flashing, both hands now grasping both my arms and squeezing tight.

"Where? What?"

"Where have you been?" he demanded again, tightening his grip.

"What? Here. I've been here," I rasped out, my throat sore. I could still taste the gin on my tongue.

His face instantly relaxed, his grip loosened and he pulled me close into him. I could smell a cigar on his breath, whiskey on his clothes, and something else.

I pulled back.

"Why do you smell like gun powder?" He didn't reply.

"Why do you smell like that, what happened?" I asked again.

Axel looked at me, his face softened, his eyes dropped to the floor. He took a deep breath.

"We had some trouble," he said evenly, "The Krew came by, the police got involved. Dog was arrested, Freak and Cole are in serious shit."

"What? Is it okay, are we okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, they can't trace anything back to us, Bench has one of the officers on our side, we're good," he breathed heavily.

I stared at him; aware I was still naked and getting cold. There was something else.

"I was worried about you," he swallowed, "The Krew was out looking, looking for you. Because they know," he trailed off.

"Because they know what?"

"Because they know I'm with you and they would do anything to hurt me," he hugged me in tighter, "They would do anything to hurt you."

"I'm fine, I was fine, I was here," I said softly moving into his arms. My wet skin soaked his shirt he didn't seem to care. I noticed he was shaking, I felt his heart racing.

"I know, I just, I know what he's done, what he'd do to you," he stared down into my eyes, concern filled them, worry flooded their deep brown abyss, "I couldn't, I can't let that happen to you."

The concern in his voice, the worry. It was strange to see such a powerful man unable to stop shaking, unable to keep his heart from pounding against his chest because of one stupid girl he was afraid for. It was strange that someone actually cared enough about me to be worried, for some other than me to be scared for my life.

It was uncomfortable.

I pulled away. The hair on my arms rose as Axel looked at me again, his eyes taking in every inch of my skin. He ran a hand over the scars on my stomach, gently touched the healed wounds on my arms. When his eyes met mine again I could see pain and sadness, guilt and anger.

I took a step back, watching him. Why did he care so much?

"Why," I asked, "Why do you care?"

He reached for my hand. I backed away another step. He looked down, a flush of red passed over his face, it was a moment before he spoke. A cooling silence draped the room; my heart thudded against my chest.

"Because I can't, I don't, I-I..." he trailed off his voice quiet. This was a side of Axel I hadn't seen in a long time, not since we had been kids. I wasn't sure if I liked it on him now. He took a breath, stepped closer to me and looked me in the eyes.

"Because I think I'm in love with you," his voice sure this time, "I know I'm in love with you."

I stared at him.

"What? No, no, no one ever falls in love with me," I shook my head, "No, that, that doesn't happen to me."

Axel looked sad again, he dropped his eyes again.

"Well I did," he finally said, "I fell in love with every inch of you. I fell in love with everything that you are, everything that you might be."

"No, you just think you did. You fell in love because you thought you lost me, because you thought you lost something and found it had come back. No one loves me. Things like me don't get loved, we get used and hope we're not too broken when it's over."

"You aren't broken. I can love you," he was almost pleading, begging.

I didn't know what to think, to do. He couldn't love me, not like I was. The thing in me started scratching again, clawing, biting, spreading. Anger.

"You think you can put this back together?" I showed him my arms, my bare stomach, "You think you can heal these scars? You think you can take away this pain?"

"I can."

"No, you can't. No one can." My voice sounded small, weak. I didn't want to tell him these things, I tried not to, tried to close my mouth, but more hate came out, "You can not get rid of my past, you can not help my future, you can not heal me. You can't do anything for me."

"You aren't broken," he said again, "There is nothing to heal, nothing to fix in you. I just, I just want to be with you."

I wanted to be with him too, I wanted him to touch me, and hold me close, comfort me when I saw things that weren't there. Instead only anger.

"Really? I'm not fucking broken? Have you seen any of it? You think I wanted to drink a whole bottle of gin because it was fun? I'm just trying to forget, I'm just trying to get rid of him."

My hand pointed to where he was. He had come back after I sobered up. Watching silently, his brown eyes taking in everything just as they always had.

Axel whipped his head around, searching for someone who wasn't there. He glanced around, searching for something he would never see.

"Who?" he asked, confused, unsure again.

"You know exactly who. I already broke for them once and its happening again. You were there. I can't stop it. You can't stop it. People like me don't get to be with people like you."

"I don't care, I will do anything to keep you here, anything to keep you together."

"There's nothing you can do."

"I love you."

There it was again.

He looked at me, and all I wanted to do was crawl in his arms, let him take me to bed, let him love me. I wanted it, I wanted to be loved and protected. I wanted to be important to someone real. But I couldn't. I didn't want him to hurt more because of me, I had seen him break because of me before. I couldn't let it happen to him again. It was better if I was alone.

He doesn't love you. You can't love him. Don't hurt him more than you already have.

"No," I whispered it.

"No?"

"No, you can't, no."

"Annie, what do you mean no?" He reached for my hand, his fingers felt strong and safe. It pulled me away from him.

Just you and your brother. You can't trust this man.

"I-I can't," I stumbled through my words; the thing pushed harder, forced more out. Mean words, hurtful words.

"I don't want you to love me, okay? I just need you to keep doing what the fuck you're doing and leave love the fuck outta it."

He just looked at me. Confusion flashed across his face then nothing. His brown eyes searching my face for something I couldn't give him. I wanted to hold him, wanted to tell him everything I just said was a lie, that I wanted to love him and I wanted him to love me. But it held me in place, trembling, but unmoving.

"I don't know if I can do that, Annie."

When he used my name it felt right, like it wasn't some joke, like it belonged to me. I wanted so bad to let him, but I couldn't.

I left him there, standing in the cooling bathroom. Axel didn't move when I pushed past him, didn't move when I pulled on clothes, didn't move when I left the apartment.

Only the small shadow of a boy followed. 

****

Hey guys! Hope you've kept up with everything so far. If you can read this chapter and let me know if it seems realistic for the character that would be great. I've been struggling a bit with this one and maybe Twitch getting rid of Axel like that it out of character for her, I haven't quite decided!

Thanks for your continued support!