Rue is my spirit animal. Really, I relate to her on everything but the drug part. From counting tiles on the ceiling during dinner unconsciously to being sad for no reason to be sad about.

Most of the time, people around you can't really tell if you're depressed or not. And even if they do, they don't take it seriously. I'm not saying I have depression but every teenager sure has many times experienced melancholy out of nowhere right? Rain can be depressing, having no friends to talk to can be depressing, and according to episode 7 on euphoria, not peeing for 22 hours straight can be depressing too. Gotta say that time Rue was a stupid ass. But the problem is that you can't control your feelings nor your actions.

On sad days, I can't help but to just look outside from my window to the woods and the highway for 2 hours straight. My mind wanders, I think about myself, like what would I be like when I'm 20 or 25 or 30. Would I still be like this? Or would I be bathing in money, luxuries and maybe, just maybe starting to forget about my 17-year-old self? Forget about how my life was based on how I felt, not how people felt. I hope that I would live a life for myself and would actually not regret it at the end of the day. I hope so.

"Nothing in high school lasts forever." I remember Ali said that to Rue in the middle of the night at the pancake place. It hits me deep from the bottom of my stomach, it started with a small ache, never thought a single sentence would make me feel this way. I started to feel youth when I entered high school, the youth which people would talk about in books and movies, where heart-breaking love stories begin and where people's carefree spirits end. I don't know what it is, is it a period of time, is it a feeling or is it nostalgia?

When we talk about youth, it depends on whether we talk about the present or the past or the future that we would feel different about it.

If my 13-year-old self thinks about my future youth, all I could imagine was probably pinkish flowers and warm sunlight, sitting next to a boy that is totally my type, miracle stuffs you know, just like in the novels.

If I think about it now while I'm in the middle of it, youth is not full of happiness. It includes sadness, loneliness, and god-knows-what-was-that-about-ness too. The confusion of your own current life and the blurriness of your future would cover your feelings like all-the-time. As far as I've come to realize, youth is not all about being happy nor being in love. At some point in high school, you'll know that your life doesn't just end here and that you'll have to prepare for a tough life ahead. Youth would be amazing if not PERFECT if you don't have to think about what's next. But that's not gonna happen and you can't just live like the world is gonna end tomorrow. I know, youth sounds sad but hey, you can always get over sadness and hang out with some friends right?

If I think about my past youth when I'm 30, I would have a different way to feel about it I think. But I would be thankful for it, glad that I got through it without committing any crime or hurt myself like other kids. I hope so.

Rue is not perfect, she's is far from the ideal character that everyone would admire, but I admire her. Sometimes, you should be weak when you can't stay tough anymore. She may not be the most responsible character in the whole series but at least she tried her best to fight with her problems and I admire that. Rue may be high but she's is the sanest kid out of them all if you look closely. All the kids in euphoria fucked their youths up but not many of them really tried to fix it like Rue did. I have seen enough movies and tv shows to choose my one and only most relatable character, and it is Rue from euphoria.