Acknowledgement

I would like to express my deepest thanks to my intern Lucas.

In those carefree days before most of us were slaughtered by super-intelligent machines, Lucas was one of those annoying Mr. Peabody know-it-alls who wasted countless hours learning useless things like grammar and spelling and what words mean.

And in a world where anything you needed to know was a click away on Wikipedia or YouPorn.com, he actually memorized facts. Most of us found that pretty funny and, I admit, we all had a good laugh at poor Lucas's expense.

"Hey, Lucas!" we'd say. "What's the square root of negative pi?"

"Well, that's not actually a thing," he'd reply peevishly.

"Nobody cares, Poindexter, now go get us some coffee!"

Good times.

But as it turns out, I owe him an apology, because in the post-computer, post-Internet world, Lucas has proven an indispensable resource.

I literally could not have written this book without him.

Which is why I keep him in a padlocked steel cage next to my desk.

Thanks, Lucas! You're the best!