In the late Fall of 2020, the pandemic was in full swing. Things were starting to feel strangely normal, but not even strangely. Just normal. Not going out as much. Being homebodies. Watching the news together every night for updates that we already knew from the internet, but it was a daily assurance that everyone knew the same information. 

By then, we'd started quarantining together. We'd became a couple in August, but could not stand to be away from each other. By the end of October, we were in Tata's apartment and I never left. Even though I'd hardly been there before, it began to feel as strangely normal as the pandemic. How weird, how we adapt to even the most abnormal of situations. But, I felt so comfortable with him. That must have had something to do with it, in both situations.

Almost every day, Tata would still go out. Doing something or other, a necessity. His job was still outside of our home, and he had to maintain it. I never thought of my being on Youtube as a passive blessing. I made money without doing anything, by the videos I'd already made being watched. My short TikTok videos did the same. If I released another video, more money would come in. It wasn't a lot, but it was enough to sustain us and the bar's expenses. Some of Tata's family was helping the bar financially as well, but it wasn't something he wanted to talk about. I understood that part was embarrassing for him, so we told ourselves the lie that it was my Youtube channel, something we could be proud of. At least it was covering our frugal personal expenses. I was proud of that, myself.

Almost every day, I'd make a sandwich for Tata's lunch that he could take with him. He'd be wearing his mask and latex gloves to prepare to go out. I'd hand him the bag with the sandwich in it and kiss him like I was some kind of house husband. It secretly made me proud, too. 

However, there were some days where it would go wrong, and I would have to keep myself from laughing. Because, some days I'd get a phone call and it soon became routine. My phone would buzz in my pocket, and then-

"Yuuuki..."

"Hmm?" Pressing the phone to my ear as I did laundry, as I washed the dishes, as I sat on my piano bench. 

"You were right, I should have taken two sandwiches."

"Two sandwiches?"

"Yeees. Ahhh. I'm so hungry. There's nowhere open nearby. What should I do?"

"Come home and get your second sandwich." Suggestive. Wiggling my eyebrows even though he couldn't see it.

"Ahhh. Yuuuki." 

Teasing him. I loved it. 

"Hmm. Is there a grocery store nearby?"

"I don't want to spend money."

A common answer. We didn't really have it to spend. It pleased me that he didn't like to spend money we didn't have. 

"Hmmm."

"Hmmmmmm." A worried tone in his voice.

"You can get Umaibo. It's twenty-four yen."

"Nnnnn. Don't want Umaibo..."

He was being cute. Taking a way too cute tone. I couldn't stop how much I was smiling. He was having fun with me, too. I tried to imagine him. Maybe he was wiggling his body, like he did when he was being way too cute like this. Just one of the many things I love about him.

"You can get a cup ramen from 7-11."

"Nnnnn. Don't want cup ramen..."

"Get some nana-chiki."

"Nnnn."

"You love convenience store chicken. I bet a 7-11 is open near you. Get a nana-chiki. We can spare it. You're hungry."

"Nnnnn. Too fattening."

I chuckled into the phone finally. I knew this was what he really wanted. My laughter was the best food for his spirit. He laughed with me, warming my body. He was so satisfied.

"Go on. Get some chicken. I'll make another video. We won't have to worry. I want to record 'Mother Sea' from Ponyo anyway. I bet it'll be popular, since it's a Studio Ghibli song. Get the chicken. When you come home, I'll make some curry udon."

"Mmmm. I want some curry udon now."

An instant upturn in his voice, excitement there. I was grinning so much. 

"Then come home and get some. What are you supposed to be doing now?"

"I'm going back to the bar. I bought some fairy lights. Cham wanted them for the livestream you're doing with him in a few days. I'm going to string them up on the stage."

"Well, that was a little selfish of him. Where did you go to get the lights?"

"Daiso. There wasn't a big selection, but I got enough."

"Hmm. Daiso is a big store. I don't know if you should go in there anymore. I worry. A lot of people go in there."

This daily worrying about him being exposed to the virus. We were careful, but we couldn't be all the time. He didn't often go on the train or buses, at least. He stayed close to home. 

"I like when you look out for me."

Blushing immediately. A pause. He sounded so satisfied again. I let out a small puff of air as I went into a new smile. 

"Mmm, okay." He started again. "I won't go into Daiso. If we need something like this, we'll order from Amazon. I just needed it right away. Cham asked for it today, and it does make sense for the performance. It'll be pretty to look at for the viewers. Maybe it will make them come back again."

Even fairy lights were magic if they could attract viewers. I respected that, but I still didn't want him going into Daiso. 

"Okay. But, we'll definitely use Amazon from now on."

"Yeah."

"Please wash your hands when you get to the bar." Worrying about him like this, even though he was wearing gloves and his skin hadn't been exposed. Still, we had to be overly cautious. You never knew when it could hit...

"I'll wash my face, too."

I closed my eyes, so pleased with him. He understood my feelings. From home, there wasn't much I could do to protect him. 

"Good. Um, go get some chicken, okay? I want you to eat."

"Okay. I will." Every word was sincere, so full of feeling for me. Trying to assure me, to ease my worries.

"Okay. Um." Almost saying I love you. Hesitating. He hadn't said it to me, even though we were this cautious with each other. Worrying about each other, every day. I worried about him more than I did for myself. I wanted him to eat more than I thought about eating. I wanted him to be okay out there desperately. 

I wanted to say I love you, but I wanted to make sure he felt that way first. A different kind of fear.

"I'll go to 7-11 now. It's a few blocks away. I'll text you when I'm there."

"Yes, text me. I'll be waiting."

"I definitely will. Bye bye." Such a cute way to say good-bye, said in English. 

"Bye bye." Repeating him. They say when you copy the one you love, you truly love them. 

The call would end, but I'd stare at my phone afterward every time. Missing him. Waiting until he texted me again to show he was still okay. Usually, he'd text me within seconds. It was just another assurance.

I knew he felt the same way about me, but we were hesitating. Waiting for the other to make a move. But really, in everything we did, we were making moves. There was just no formal label on it. This we were doing every day. 

Just like magic, like every time, the text would come. 

I made it to 7-11!!! <(>w<)> !!!!!!!

Making me smile. This man I love. Only then, could I go on with the task I'd been doing. Fully assured that he was okay.