Blackness in front of my eyes. Thinking about what I'm supposed to be doing, but I'm too tired. 

I'm supposed to be making variations of Misora Hibari songs. Coming up with piano stylings, based on old recordings. Heizou will sing to my piano, finding the way. Tata was confident in that, but. I can't bring myself to get up from the couch. Instead, Misora Hibari songs are swimming in my mind. 

I was going to start a musical series on my Youtube channel. Trying something new out. Starting with The Sound of Music. "The Hills are Alive". Wondering if it would attract a new kind of fan. Expand the audience. Get people from Cinderella Bar seen even more. What kind of person would come and watch? But, I can't really think about that. Algorithms. Hashtags. Sleep.

I'm vaguely aware there's a cat almost above me. Above the couch, there is a cat hammock. A cat can get there by a series of walkways we'd installed safely so that the landlord wouldn't mind. Removable, but semi-permanent. Lupin is up there asleep. I feel like a cat, too. Wanting to sleep for nineteen hours a day. It never stops. 

Not hungry. Sleepy. It worries me. Am I sleepy, because I'm not eating? But there's no interest in eating. It's too tiring to eat. I keep thinking it's tied to when I had that stomach bug. I just still have that stomach bug. 

It crept up on me. This tiredness. 

I don't feel like I can show Tata this. It would worry him too much. Can I act like I'm alright when he's home? What a weird idea. Trying to hide from him, but is it for his own good?

It's just an underlying feeling of generally not being well. Maybe I have the flu. But people with the flu don't have "anomalies" in their blood. People with the flu are not anemic, and I suppose I'm tired due to being anemic. But if I'm this tired, does that mean it's getting worse? And to be this tired so quickly?

Is my doctor being too casual?

Am I worrying too much?

Am I stressed out, so I'm more tired?

I'm supposed to be practicing Misora Hibari songs.

Wondering about Tata. Where he is. He told me he was going to the bar to work out some things. Who's at the bar today? I want to go to the bar. I want a cold drink.

Can people with cancer drink?

Do I have cancer?

Maybe I don't know want to know the answer to that question, but not knowing is strange, too. But, if I have cancer, can I drink? My doctor must be too casual about this. But, he's a doctor. 

Hsssssss.

My eyes opened, and above me was a sight. Lupin's black paw was out, held there in the air with his mouth open and teeth bared. He hissed again at Flowercoat, who was approaching the hammock. It never really occurred to me if it could hold if they were both in it. If Flowercoat got in it with him, would it hold? We'd put it up there when Lupin was a small kitten...

Distractedly, I watched them. Mildly worrying about Flowercoat trying to get in there. Lupin hissed again and swiped, and Flowercoat stayed on the carpeted landing. Did it need to be dusted up there? Maybe the cat hair cleaned up?

Eventually, Flowercoat got into kitty loaf position on the landing and they settled down. My eyes were giving long blinks as I tried to stay awake, the distraction gone now.

Maybe if I turned on the TV, that would be enough distraction to stay awake. No matter what was on, it might be a good idea. Where was the remote?

"Heyyy."

I breathed a long breath, and my eyes opened. The light was on in the living room still, but I saw the curtains in the kitchen were dark. It was night time. Tata's strong hands were rubbing my arm gently. 

"Heyyy," he said to me again, a hushed tone. So loving. I rolled over and he was smiling. 

"Hey," I repeated after him. So much sleep in my voice. Croaky. 

"Hmm." The back of his hand was on my forehead, then it glided down over my cheek to the right underside of my chin, pressing there. Checking for a fever. He seemed satisfied after a few seconds. His hand went to my hair, which was no doubt dirty since I hadn't taken a bath today. 

Before I knew it, my eyes were closed again. 

"Are you tired?" he asked, so gentle again. Rubbing my hair. Something inside was so comforted by this, his familiar hand, that I wanted to just fall asleep once more.

"Hmm, yeah..."

"Were you asleep?"

"Yeah..."

His other hand slid onto my back under the covers, rubbing there, too. It felt like a small massage. My eyes impossibly closed even more even though they were already closed. Going deeper into wanting to sleep.

"Did you eat?"

"No..."

"Let's get something to eat."

"Okay..."

"I'll order some dumplings and rice."

"Hmm. I can make rice."

"Okay."

As soon as I said it, I didn't know how I'd do it. But, I'd promised him. Like floating in darkness, my body moved like it wasn't my body. Getting up, but falling back to the back of the couch. Sitting up finally, but my eyes were still closed. A weight depressed next to me, and I knew he'd sat down. His head found my shoulder, pressing there. Such a familiar thing. Warming my heart as it needed to be warmed. His arm wrapped around my front.

This told me he was worried. Holding me like this. 

I was worried, too.