"Wow, you get a lot of potatoes for the price, huh?"

"Uh huh."

"Hmm."

Darla was poking at his breakfast potatoes. We were at a more Western place today for brunch. What did I order? Looking down at my plate. Oh. My fork poked at my uninteresting salad. An afterthought of an order, after I didn't know what to eat. Too in my thoughts. 

"Where's Yuki today? At home?"

Looking up at him. Caught off guard. Yuki...

"Um." Thinking. Knowing where he is, how surreal it is even though it's so normal. Everything's a blur. Scratching my head. "He's with Cham and Io. At the bar. Cham's show. They're working on it."

"Ah, I see."

He paused, something he'd been doing. I waited through it. Feeling a weight on my chest. 

He was waiting for me. To say something. I'd been the one to call him to brunch. It wasn't our usual brunch day. The restaurant had a dark blue wallpaper, a maroon and white striping going all around like a ribbon on a gift. Vaguely nautical, but also vintage. The colors were like a muted French flag. We liked this place. We went often. But it felt so surreal. 

My hand was on my chest. Feeling that weight. Staring down at my food, much forgotten. 

"You weren't yourself yesterday. Yuki, either. Very strange." His fork pressed against his plate, a small puncturing sound with a stop. Amplified. 

Blinking for a long time.

He went on. "Mhm, yes. I noticed. Lots of us did. Is that why you wanted to have brunch?"

Oh. 

More pause.

His breath being let out. "What is it? You can tell me. Did something happen? Did someone die?"

Die.

My head was shaking back and forth before I knew it. Rapidly. Messing up my hair in it. I didn't care. 

"No, it's not that. Good."

I didn't get much chance to breathe.

"But, if it's not that, then what had you acting this way? Honey, you've hardly touched your salad. Now, I don't much care for salad, either. But, surely you'd have eaten some to be polite. I'm paying, after all."

He was right. I would have.

"Hmm. Not going to talk? Alright."

He wasn't offended, just probing. My heart was pounding. My silent breaths were matching in kind.

"It's Yuki." Said too quick. What would he think? That we were fighting? It was the opposite...

"Oh, Yuki? What did he do?"

I knew it. I shook my head. 

"Oh, okay. He didn't do anything? What about him?"

I liked that his questions were taking time. 

"He um..."

A pause. His hand appeared, taking mine. Affection, out in public. Too intimate. I didn't care... I needed my friend. 

"He um..."

"What happened, honey? You can tell me."

Yuki and I had talked about it. Special permission to tell Darla. To ask his advice. A situation where we needed someone older. Feeling like kids lost in infinite space. Needing his wisdom. His wise words. Maybe there was some comfort there that we didn't know about. 

"He um... He's anemic, and..."

"Ohh..."

"And um..."

His hand squeezed on mine. I didn't dare look at his face. If I did...

"And um..." A big breath inward. Prepare. "And um...he might have cancer."

Utter silence. Like we were on the phone and there was suddenly nothing there. But we were face to face, except I wouldn't look at him.

Instead, I saw his other hand join mine. Both of his hands holding my hand. I realized my other hand was still above my salad, hovering in the air for nothing. I wasn't going to eat. How could I eat?

I expected him to say, we'll get through this. And it'll be okay. We'll do our best, we will fight.

But, he didn't. Instead, it was silence for a while. 

Everyone else in the restaurant seemed happy. Eating, clinking plates and silverware. Conversations that we'd never hear again. People we'd never see. So busy in here. But, I didn't see them. It sounded muffled to me.

He just held my hand. I stared down at my food, and he just held my hand.