In 2020, Christmas time was much more subdued than before. We weren't exactly on lockdown, but it was highly advised that we only leave our homes for essential activities, and only essential workers were asked to go to work. 

Well, we weren't essential workers. Drag queens really aren't, are they? Not like a grocery store worker or especially a doctor or a nurse. However, my Tata would tell you different. But, even if he wanted to entertain everyone and keep their spirits up, he still didn't want to cause anyone to be sick. That was the greatest risk. So much was still unknown about this. No one was vaccinated. A vaccine wasn't even on the horizon. 

I'd moved in with him in July. It was too much of a risk for me to keep coming over to his apartment and he to mine. His apartment was much larger than mine, and after a while I was basically living here anyway. It was only a matter of bringing over my things, and I didn't own much except for a rather large collection of CD's. I was actually rather lucky that I didn't get Covid during that time. I was coming over so often, braving taxis, because the trains were too much of a danger. Not to mention, the taxis were hideously expensive. He'd paid for a lot of it, but I felt bad about it. 

Things were getting serious, as well. I admit, it had started as needing someone. Missing that closeness. He was always so open with me. He'd started talking to me more often, because he was so convinced this thing would be over with quickly. Maybe he wanted the pandemic to be over quickly. Either way, he was talking to me about the music he wanted me to play for upcoming events. Such as, what would Cham want for this event? How about Darla? Or anyone else? How comfortable was I with shifting my style? I'd only started there a couple of months before. He could see I was still shaky with it. So, these conversations were more like coaching, and I found myself beginning to expect his calls every day. Pretty soon during quarantine, my days revolved around them.

He later told me that his days revolved around those calls, too. Was it too early to call me? What if I was eating lunch? What if I was in the bath? Well, I didn't care if I was eating lunch or in the bath. I'd answer no matter what. 

I started going over to his place instead of the phone calls. That's when things exploded. 

By Christmas time, we were a couple. It wasn't as intense as I thought it would be. When you're around someone all the time, don't you tend to fight? Get on each others' nerves? Step on each others' toes? It wasn't that way for us, somehow. He never wanted to fight with me. Even if I did something stupid, such as accidentally ruin something of his, he understood. He understood, for example, that it was an accident. 

His maturity about such things was unrivaled, and I suppose that's because he's eight years older than me. At first, I thought that age gap would be a problem, but I find I strangely enjoy it. He's much more level headed than someone my age. He doesn't want to play games. He's tired of games. It's so refreshing that I don't even know which way is up sometimes. And he's patient with me, because he knows I'm younger. I know I'd be fighting with someone my age. I never thought this sort of age gap would be the right fit, but here we are. 

Not only that, but our conversations. They're what started all of this. He takes the time to think things out. We'll pause sometimes for a while, thinking carefully of what to say next. The cozy feeling that brings to the conversation is unparalleled. Being right next to someone and not feeling the need to talk. You can take all the time in the world, and they'll be right there trying to listen to you. That patience is the difference. That's love. 

So, what kind of present do you get someone like that for Christmas? Especially when you can't go out, and they intercept all of your Amazon packages? Yuuuki, your new shaving kit came. Yuuuki, the cat toys you bought arrived! They're so cute! Ohh, Yuuuki, here's that cassette tape you were talking about, that recording you were talking about came. Let's listen to it right now.

It was all because of a conversation.

The TV was on as usual. It was a cooking program about baking cakes. Maybe I'd bake a cake for him for Christmas? Was that enough? He didn't really enjoy cake, though. He liked to maintain his body. He valued what went into it. I was struggling to come up with ideas, though. There were things he liked. But, none of it seemed like enough. He liked club music, but I didn't know enough about it to get any of it for him. He liked old jazz, but he'd combed through my own collection of that and was satisfied, plus there was all the jazz and club music he could ever want online to listen to. He'd never mentioned a specific artist that was precious to him. It's not as if he'd want a signed album or anything like that. 

I was thinking about what he'd possibly get me for Christmas, how he'd be sneaky and that's adorable, when he plopped down next to me with a glass of wine. It was a white wine, I remember. 

"Here, taste this. Is it good?" he asked, immediately handing it to me. I took it and sipped. It tasted like any other wine I'd ever tasted, because I secretly had a stupid palate. I can't tell the difference, I can only taste the alcohol and that's all my mouth wants to focus on. He was more one for tasting individual notes and really appreciating it. No wonder he owned a bar, right? He wanted to share those things with the world. Maybe a grand bottle of wine was the right choice for his present, then. But, where would I get the money? We were barely surviving as it was. 

He was smiling at me, though. Waiting for my opinion. So, I said a winning line that I said sometimes. "Wow, I can't believe this wine was eight hundred yen. Tastes so much more expensive."

"Oh, doesn't it?" he was so satisfied with that. He took it back and began sipping pleasantly. I was just watching him as he watched TV, happily drinking his wine. 

What in the world would I get for him? It was only a couple weeks until Christmas. Surely he'd thought of something to get for me-

He was bouncing on the couch. I was completely distracted by this. "Yuuuki," he sighed. His glass was almost empty, so did he want me to get him some more wine? I'd be happy to. I was about to get up off the couch, when-

His arm descended onto my elbow and squeezed. 

"Hmm?" Staring into his cute eyes. They definitely wanted something from me.

"What are we going to do for Christmas? Mmm, I want to do something romantic. I never have a boyfriend at Christmas. I want to go somewhere with you, but we can't go somewhere." 

My ears would have been perked all the way up like a cat if I had been a cat. 

"Oh, yeah?" I asked, smiling at him, adjusting closer to him on the couch. 

"Yeah."

"Where would you want to go?" The wheels and gears were spinning in my head. Recording information.

"Mmm. I don't know. I like the Roppongi Hills illuminations. Do you know them? Near Tokyo Tower. All those lights on the trees. My eyes could never figure out if they were blue or white, or if my eyes were playing tricks. Are they blue?"

Was he colorblind? Of course they were blue. Or, maybe he was being wiser than me, and therefore being mysterious. I chose to be quiet and listen. Encouraging him with my smile and nod. 

He thought for a little bit, this part of our conversations that made me feel warm all the time. Was he remembering these lights? How many times had he been there? I'd never gone there. I wanted to go there with him. How much I longed to see those actual memories reflected in his eyes, so I could see them, too.

And then...

"Ohh, I want to go there with you," he sighed. "I just want to go there with you. We can walk together hand in hand, all the way to Tokyo Tower if we want to. Then, we can walk all the way back to the beginning. I'd walk all night with you. It's so romantic. I want to take you to see the lights."

It was too perfect. This sudden idea. How would I do it, though? 

I took his hand and he gave me a small smile, replacing the melancholy look he'd had. I squeezed it, and he squeezed back. He had a beautiful wish, and it was so simple. If it hadn't been for the pandemic, we could have even gone right then. It would have been as simple as calling an Uber or jumping onto a train together. But, it seemed impossible, because doing anything seemed impossible.

Well, by Christmas Eve I knew how to make it possible and neither of us would have to go out and get sick. But, making it possible had been a feat of brain power for me. I wanted to ask how he would have done it, but he was the one I was meant to surprise. Still, how I ached for his advice. It just told me how much I loved him over and over again and how right this was.

By 8pm, I'd had enough of waiting. It was time to implement my plan. I stood up from the kitchen table where we both were and he looked up, startled. "Hm, Yuki?" he asked. "Are you going to the toilet?" He paused in his working. He was even working on his laptop on Christmas Eve. 

"Nope," I said, unable to stop myself from breaking into a sort of evil grin. "You are."

"Huh, what-" His big eyes were all I saw as I grabbed his arm and started leading him to the bathroom. He didn't protest, because he already trusted me 100%. It's one of the things I love about him. 

I pushed him gently beyond the bathroom door and then closed it with a tiny click behind him. With a coin, I locked it from the outside by inserting it into the little slot and turning the lock. It was more performance than real threat. He could easily unlock it from the inside. 

"What are you doing?" I could hear his grin from inside the bathroom. He knew I was doing something highly suspicious. There'd be no real element of surprise for this part, I knew that. Still, I was so excited. 

"Nothing. But stay in there. Are you comfortable?" I leaned against the door, listening for him. 

"Yes." Such a satisfied and happy yes. 

"Good. Not hungry or anything?"

A small giggle. "No, we just ate."

"Yes, that's true."

More small giggles. I braced against the door and then the wall like a super secret spy and went on my way to his open laptop. This part I had planned out when he was asleep. From what I could tell, he hadn't found anything I'd done on there.

Casually, but checking the door of the bathroom down the hall every now and again, I clicked around his computer and the printer started up. 

"Is that the printer?" he called from the bathroom. 

"Shhh," I called back to him. "You don't hear anything."

"No, I don't hear anything, on second thought."

"That's right."

More giggles, louder this time. He was so happy.

It went on for a long time, though.

"Are you printing porn, or?" he called out, fake suspicion all over his voice.

"I have an entire internet for porn," I called back, so casually. This got an huge burst of giggles from him. I was grinning so hard, watching the printer's progress.

Finally, the printing was done after a bit. I got the tape from a kitchen drawer and began my mission. No doubt he could hear the creaking wood all over the apartment. My footsteps, unable to hide them. After a while, Flowercoat was following me around.

"Don't tell Tata what I'm doing," I warned her in a whisper. "You didn't see anything." She went to go sit at the bathroom door, waiting for Tata to exit.

Soon, I was standing in the living room admiring my work. I'd even turned on my cellphone and set up the flashlight feature for one special part of this. I held out my hands to the room, and clapped my hands twice in prayer as I'd seen Tata often do, as he was much more religious than me. This time, however, there was a required prayer to the gods for this to work. Would it be enough?

I marched to the bathroom and bowed my head to this man I loved beyond the door, even though he couldn't see. My respect. Wanting to please him. My whole chest welled up in nervous butterflies. Like a rush from the ocean into my heart. So much pressure to get this right. 

"Close your eyes," I warned him gently. "I'm going to take your hands."

"Okay." Adorable. The lock unclicked and he opened the door, his eyes loyally closed. His mouth was slightly open though, unable to contain his joy at something even unseen. He had no idea what I was doing. 

His so warm hands met mine. They fit so perfectly. I led him sweetly out of the bathroom and he didn't open his eyes a wink.

"Okay, let's go to the bedroom. Don't open your eyes."

"I won't." So pleased already.

I took him there and we rounded our bed. Counting to three, I squeezed his hands and let one go. We were properly holding hands, as the couple we are. 

"Okay, open your eyes." 

As I watched, they opened curiously, and then-

"Ohhh, Yuuuki..."

My mouth was grinning so hard it was hurting my cheeks. I gestured to the whole room, raising our hands with it. "Your private tour of Roppongi Hills awaits," I said, chuckling in it. I couldn't contain myself.

"Yuuuki..." He was so in awe, because before him were about a hundred printed out pictures of Roppongi Hills from the year before. Those Christmas lights he loved, taped to every wall of our apartment. Stills from a high quality video tour of the Christmas illuminations I'd found on Youtube. Every tree, every light. Even people walking among the trees together, as if we were really there with them. 

"Shall we go together?" I asked him formally, starting to lead him. I could tell he was getting emotional. He was so beautiful in it. He nodded so desperately. So lovingly. 

We walked slowly together. Strolling along. The wood creaked under our socked feet, but we imagined we could hear the trees. We ignored the doorway of our bedroom and the door of our bathroom and pretended we could hear the voices of the other people. We rounded our kitchen table and I looked upwards and imagined the stars on this Christmas Eve night, how beautiful they looked while I held him hand in hand. 

And when we got to the living room, he paused in the doorway. 

His mouth was open, and I lead him to my cellphone. This last illumination, something he'd dreamed of two weeks ago. We encountered it together, and I took him into a hug. Adoring him, everything in me adoring him. His face pressed to my shoulder, loving me, too. 

"Tokyo Tower," I announced. "Look how it's lit up, so pretty. Just for us."

His arms just went so tight around me. His face rubbed into my shoulder. I waited for his words, but there weren't any. Just this warm feeling in my chest, this pause in conversation that I so loved. Just like every time. Rubbing his back, feeling him crying through my hands and arms, against my body. 

He loved my Christmas gift, but it wasn't done. Not by half.

"Well, okay, let's go," I announced, taking his hand again. I pulled him along, back out of the living room's doorway. 

"What- huh?" he asked, shocked now. He wasn't expecting that at all. Perfect. 

"You wanted to walk back and do it all over again, right? You told me that." Grinning too hard again. I knew I had him. 

"Yuuuki," he just said, his lip out in his tears. He was the most beautiful thing in the world.

 He sniffled along, as we went back all the way to the beginning. But, it wouldn't be over the second time. Because, he'd told me he wanted to walk for a long time with me in Roppongi Hills. And we did, getting into conversation. Smiling together, making him laugh by pretending I saw funny things on our walk. Him smacking my shoulder as I went too far, making him laugh as much as the night is long.