pairing ‣ Noah Wisetkaew x Hannah Zhao

prompt ‣ "I caught someone trying to steal a bottle of Coke and they're trying to flirt their way out of this and they're really bad it but boy am I really attracted to them at the moment" convenience store AU

notes ‣ am I actually capable of writing something other than Quinton x Harrison AUs? apparently if it's a convenience store AU about Noah being himself (so basically pansexual!Noah and greyaromantic!Noah and demiboy!Noah) and Hannah being happy in East Asia. thinking back, this is actually such a self-indulgent fic that's now almost nine thousand words, but anyway, I hope you enjoy, and happy Valentine's Day!

* * *

JULY

Noah saw a lot of weird things while working at the convenience store near an all-female high school. He once saw an elementary schooler open three bottles of Sprite just so his older sister would be forced to buy them. He once saw a girl with platinum blonde hair dump a boy between a question about what movie they were going to watch and a question about what flavor of chips they should buy. He even once saw two girls offer to make out in front of one of the girl's boyfriend in order to get him to buy tea for them.

None of that was considered weird compared to this.

Summer vacation just started, and since the majority of the customers, in some way or another, had a relation to the all-female high school less than a block away, summers were less busy. The few people that walked through the front doors wore shorts and a shirt with short sleeves or a tank top, not business suits, not school uniforms, not even casual clothing, because people wanted to be more comfortable in the hot, humid weather. That was just the norm.

The only customer in the store right now begged to differ. The teenager, who probably went to the all-female high school nearby, wore a black hoodie, with the words Welcome to Night Vale in white on the front, and black ripped jeans, which reached all the way down to their ankles. Their Huáwéi phone stuck out of their back pocket, and wire ran from the audio jack to their left ear as they kept one hand in their hoodie pocket and used the other to browse the meager pen collection. Noah watched as they eventually settled on three 0.38 millimeter Chénguāng pens, walked up to the register, and put them on the counter. Noah rang the items up, watching as the teenager wiped their forehead with the sleeve of their hoodie, their sleeves unrolled and almost covering their hands.

It was almost noon. In July. They had to be the weirdest person to step foot into the store.

"That'll be seven yuán," he said, and the teenager's gaze, originally on the ground, shifted up to him, brown eyes wide as though they weren't expecting that, even though it was fairly standard in any store to say the price. Then, eventually, they reached into their hoodie pocket and rummaged for a ten yuán bill. Noah handed them their change, and they stuffed their pens and change into their hoodie pocket and turned to leave, not bothering to say a goodbye or a thanks.

Normally, this would the end of a transaction, and Noah would go back to staring at the clock and calculating how much long until his shift was over, but Noah had noticed something, as a professional. "Excuse me," he said in a partially confident, mostly bored voice, watching as the teenager froze where they stood, eyes widening in horror, "but you need to pay for that bottle of Coke." They had pocketed a cold bottle of Coca Cola earlier before perusing the pen display, and although Noah didn't see them do it, his suspicious grew when they hadn't taken their left hand out of their pocket the entire time after opening the refrigerator, but it hadn't been confirmed until right now when they stopped dead in their tracks. Noah didn't know why they would purchase the pens and not the bottle of Coke, but he wasn't here to judge.

The teenager, only a few meters away from the counter, turned around to face Noah, and their left hand, which was holding the bottle in their pocket, didn't move. "I didn't buy a bottle of Coke."

"That's why I'm asking you pay for it."

"It's just a bottle of Coke."

"It's four yuán." If the ten yuán bill was all they had earlier, Noah knew they didn't have enough. Noah had only given them three yuán back in change.

As if on cue, the teenage blushed affectionately, as someone would in an anime. "Oh come on, it's just four yuán. I'll definitely owe you one if you do me this favor." They whispered definitely as though they were sharing some sort of dirty secret, and although Noah knew what point they were poorly conveying, he pretended to be oblivious.

"You can do me a favor and pay for it."

They closed the distance between them, leaning on the counter with their right arm, and flirtatiously batted their eyes a few times, as if it was going to earn them a free bottle of Coke. "Hey, what's your name?" Their voice was softer now. No one had ever flirted with Noah before, so he wasn't sure if they were doing it right or not, but based on how his parents used to talk to each other, Noah concluded their technique sucked, but their effort almost made up for it.

"Xuē Nàdiē," he said, not entirely sure why he chose that name, because that was his Chinese name he hadn't used since junior high, and while no one except his family called him anything anyway, he normally would've introduced himself as Noah, since that was the name he always used. It was always Noah, not Xuē Nàdiē, not Nadech.

"Oh, cool." They paused, not sure what they were going, but eventually carried on. "That's such a beautiful name. Your parents really picked out a name that fits your aura. Do you want to know my name?" Just for the sake of keeping the conversation going, Noah nodded. "It's Hannah. You know, while I do have a Chinese name, doesn't Hannah fit me perfectly? It's the perfect name for a girl like me." Girl was a gendered word, so he could safely assume for now that they were a she. However, it was her name, Hannah, that he focused on, because that name sounded awfully familiar. He was sure heard that name a couple of times, here and there, among the students who occasionally shopped at the convenience store. She was quite a topic of discussion, but he can't remember why.

She ran her right hand through her hair, out of nerves or habit, Noah couldn't tell, and her left hand was still holding the Coke bottle in her hoodie pocket. Noah was sure her hand would be bright red from the cold by now. "You know, the idea of a boy and a girl meeting in a convenience store is such a romantic idea, isn't it? It won't be something to make a movie out of, but it's certainly something to write home about, isn't it?"

Noah frowned. Now that she was talking about romance, Noah was lost. Noah didn't participate, didn't believe, in romance. It never seemed to work out in his family, among him or any of his relatives, and the only crush he's ever had in his life in junior high was ruined by the norm of heterosexual romances. It didn't matter, though, because romance never lasted. There was no reason to fall in love or romance a person because romance was a parasite. Love was a parasite.

And, remembering what happened to his mother, he promised himself he would never get infected, not even by this girl in front of him, whom he may be very attracted to at the moment.

Not that it mattered. Even though attraction didn't mean love or romance, this attraction he had toward her would go nowhere. That was what mattered. He couldn't act on this attraction. He couldn't act on these feelings.

Look what happened to his parents. Look what happened to his mother.

Therefore, the next words out of his mouth was a surprise: "Pay for the bottle of Coke, and I'll go on a date with you." Even though he didn't mean to say that, it was apparently the right thing to say, because Hannah pouted in what Noah read as a woe-is-me, don't-you-like-me manner.

"Ah, come on, Xuē Nàdiē. I would love to go on a date with you, but I don't have the money for the Coke."

"You can use Wēixìn to pay for it."

"I don't have money in my account."

"Then don't buy the pens."

"Do you even know me?"

No, I don't know you. That's why we're having this inane conversation. "You can buy them next time."

She stared at him, as though not understanding his point, but he didn't back down. Eventually, she gave in and sighed heavily, taking the bottle of Coke out of her pocket and placing it on the counter, drops of condensation falling down the side of the bottle. Her hand, like he hypothesized, was bright red from holding the cold bottle. "Fine, here's the Coke. I'm sorry I don't have enough money to pay for it, but I thought maybe you'd give it to me if I wasn't able to steal it. I am an excellent flirter, and people say I'm very attractive. I normally don't steal, I'll have you know. I just haven't had Coke in a couple of months, so this was supposed to be..." Her voice traveled off when she realized where she was taking that sentence. "Anyway, I thought I was very attractive, but apparently not. Are you asexual?"

He blinked. If she was knew what asexuality was, maybe he could tell her he was pansexual, but did it really matter? It wasn't like anything could happen between them. She was harmless enough, and although she didn't succeed in getting her Coke, she had still put her all into trying.

That was what made her attractive: not her flirting, not her appearance, but her zealous passion.

But he couldn't pursue this. He couldn't do anything with these feelings, these emotions, no matter how much he longed for it. They had to stay customer and employee, stranger and stranger, forever, so he said, "You're just not good at flirting."

She scoffed. "The milk tea place next door would've totally fallen for my flirting. My flirting is A1." He didn't know what that meant, but he didn't show his confusion. "Hey, you look my age. Where do you go to school?"

"I don't go to high school." He stuffed his hands into his apron pocket, which hid his fidgeting hands, and watched as her shoulders fell.

"Oh. Er, sorry about that, then." An awkward silence filled the room. The earphone was still in her left ear, and Noah was starting to suspect she wasn't even listening to anything. "This isn't an excuse, but education is told to be sort of the only way to a successful life nowadays."

"It's fine." Noah didn't really care about the assumption. He was nineteen, and he couldn't care less about any of this even if he tried. He couldn't care less about settling down or finding a romantic partner or having sex or anything other "adult" thing.

None of that ever worked out for his family so far. Noah didn't really believe he could be the first.

"Oh. Okay." She bit on her bottom lip, not realizing she was even doing it, and unlike anything she did when she was flirting with him, that was what made his heart beat a bit faster. She was so beautiful, but he couldn't do anything. She was a student. She had to study to go to university. He was just going to drag her down. He was just going to distract her. He was just going to take her down that road his family always went down. "Anyway, um, were you serious? About taking me out on a date if I bought the Coke?"

He took his hands out of his apron pocket and drummed his fingers against his thighs. He had been genuine about the offer at the time, but love was useless. Love didn't save people. Love didn't magically make things better. Love didn't have magical properties where everything just came became us against the world. Anything in the media that said love changed your entire life and made it so that everything in your life magically better - that was all a lie. Love was hard work and patience and discipline. There was nothing about chemistry or passion or fate in love. At least not in real life. "Why?"

She flinched at his cold tone, but he tried to bring himself to not care. He tried to remind himself what happened to his father. What happened to his mother. What would happen to him. "I..." Nervously, she ran her hand through her hair again. "No reason. I have to go, but I'll be back for the Coke, though. I may not have enough money this month, but next month, for sure, Xuē Nàdiē."

He opened his mouth to say goodbye, but he closed it, unsure if he could do that to himself. To her. And so she turned around, left the store with the three pens she bought in her pocket, and was soon out of sight.

* * *

NOVEMBER

Noah had came to realize at a very young age that the deep and meaningful platonic relationship people had in the media was unattainable for him. The kind of friendship where they were childhood best friends, or the kind of friendship his classmates in junior high seemed to have, was a distant dream in the next universe over, because now he was past childhood, so he was past ever having a childhood friend. He had never even gotten close.

Even having an adult friend seemed far-fetched. Every other person his age in Shànghǎi was either preparing for the Gāokǎo or attending university at the moment. Noah had no chance. Because no one out there was like him.

Noah was an outlier.

Most days he didn't mind being the outlier. He couldn't pursue a romantic relationship because he knew it would just end in flames. He knew it would him heartbroken. And he couldn't pursue a platonic relationship because he knew that would end like how his parents ended. He couldn't follow down his mother's path, who cared so much for someone and loved someone so much, but it only ended with a broken heart and pieces of a life that barely fit anymore.

He didn't want that for himself, and he didn't want that for Ava, who was sitting across from him in the cramped booth in a corner of a Kentucky Fried Chicken. She was happily sipping on the limited time drink, and as he bite into his spicy chicken sandwich, he decided that this was all he needed. Familial love, storge, was enough.

"Is there anything else you need to do today?" he asked, eating the remaining quarter of his burger and then wiping his fingers off on a clean white napkin. Noticing his sleeves had fallen, he used his wrists to push his hoodie sleeves up his arms again.

"Can we go to the stationery store?" Uninterested in eating, she poked a piece of vegetable with her chopsticks, contemplated eating a bite of the rice, and then went back to her limited time drink. "I want this one pen that erases ink using friction."

"Okay." He took her tray from her, because it didn't look like she would finish it. She handed him her chopsticks. "Can you buy me a pink pen?"

"0.5 millimeter?" It was a rhetorical question, because Noah had never been a fan of the thinner pens. He always felt he was going to break the tips. "Yeah. Can I go now? You can just meet me there."

Noah nodded, and Ava, holding the limited time drink with her left hand, the cold condensation dripping onto her hand and fingers, got up with the black purse that their mother gifted her a couple of years ago. What their mother hadn't gifted Ava was the knowledge of where the purse came from; it, left abandoned in a closet until that day, had been an anniversary present for their mother from their father before Ava had been born.

"Okay. I'll spend less than ten yuán, for sure."

From experience, Noah knew it was a lie, but he didn't bother to tell her that. "I'll meet you there."

Ava smiled and left the restaurant, the bell at the front entrance ringing when she walked out. Noah finished off the rest of her lunch. While she normally ate three-quarters of the meal, she left almost half of it today. Maybe she just wasn't hungry? That seemed unlikely, but he decided to let it go and bit into one of the remaining pieces of chicken. Looking out the window, he noticed the autumn leaves were already scattered along the sidewalk, despite the fact he remembered it being summer just yesterday. What had happened that summer? He had worked at the convenience store, like usual, but something else had happened.

Oh, right. Hannah, the girl who tried to steal a bottle of Coca Cola, had visited the store. Her school was less than a block away from where he worked, and although she promised to buy a bottle of Coca Cola some time in August, the leaves grew orange but she never made an appearance.

Not that he cared. Not like it mattered. Not that anything would happen if she did come.

Finishing the rice and vegetables quickly, Noah picked up the tray of food, made sure he didn't leave anything in the corner booth, and threw his trash away. A child, no older than seven, who had previously been playing a video game on a smartphone, was staring at him and pointing, and Noah, thankful he shaved his legs two nights ago, hurried away. He didn't mind children staring, because their looks were mostly curious and full of wonderment, but their stares usually lead to adults staring, and adults always gave Noah pointed looks of disapproval.

He didn't need their disapproval. He already knew he was abnormal. He always knew he was the outlier.

Thankfully, there was nearly no one on the streets between KFC and the stationery store. He entered the stationery store and looked around for Ava. Unable to see her, he decided to walk around the store for a bit, hoping she would soon make herself visible, but instead he saw another familiar figure, holding five pens in her hands, three of them dark blue, one of them red, and one of them black.

He was about to turn the other direction when she looked up and noticed him, staring at him like a character would in a movie. Unable to tear his gaze away, Noah stared back at her, and eventually, he heard it.

Laughter.

People normally laughed at him on days like this, and although he expected it, it always stung. The worst part of it was he wasn't used to Hannah staring, Hannah laughing, because she was barely a recurring figure in his life, so anything she did was new, fresh, uncharted territory.

And as she laughed, Noah's desire to leave the stationery store, to leave the city, to leave the country, grew, but then when she brought a hand to her eyes as though to wipe away tears, he realized she wasn't laughing maliciously. A grin was plastered all over her face.

"You look great, Xuē Nàdiē." Hannah, who possessed more beauty and passion than possible, laughed a little bit more. "Really, I mean it. A1 skirt. A1 outfit. You look so good in a skirt. I don't even look good in a skirt."

He gestured to her high school uniform, which she was wearing right now. "You look good right now," he said, aware he sounded more flirty than he intended, since he intended it to not be flirty at all, but Hannah didn't notice, or maybe she didn't mind.

"That's because I'm a shining beacon of academia, not because I look good in a skirt." She tilted her head to the side, looking down at his black skirt again and then down at his legs, as if noticing he had shaved. "Don't the stares bother you?"

Although he liked to pretend they didn't, they did. "What are you doing here?"

She laughed again and moved closer to him, closing the distance between them until he was painfully aware of how much beauty was standing so close to him. "Buying stationery, obviously. I'm almost out of these colors, and I need them for my notes. I love the Chénguāng GP-1008." She put a pen in front of his face, but he barely caught a glimpse before she moved on. "Oh, that reminds me, I need to buy more notebooks. I'm almost done with the one I'm using for math right now. Integrals are really killing me right now."

"Oh," he said, not sure what else to say, and not only because he didn't know what integrals were. It had been months since he last saw her, and he had built up this image of her in his head, this fantasy of her to fulfill, because she had been a blank canvas last time. Though he was sure that his fantasy could not live up to the reality, because even with the little information he knew about her, part of his soul felt like they've known each other for lifetimes.

"Anyway, that doesn't matter. What are you doing here?"

He opened his mouth to answer that question, but then he closed it. He didn't know what he was doing, because nothing could happen between them. She knew what integrals were. She was trying to get into university. She liked stationery and studying. She didn't seem to be cursed to never have a successful platonic relationship with anyone and, as a result, never have a successful romantic relationship with anyone.

Suddenly seeing Ava one row down, he called her name. Ava looked up, three pens in hand, and her eyes lit up when she saw him. She made her way to their aisle, smiling widely, so Noah said to her, "This is Hannah." Then, to Hannah, he said, "This is my younger sister, Ava."

Hannah reached out to shake Ava's hands. "Ava? That's a pretty name." Ava stared at Hannah's hand for a moment before taking Hannah's hand in her own, awkwardly but surely. Ava's grip was limp. "It's nice to meet you, Ava. I'm your older brother's friend. Does he wear skirts often?"

Ava shrunk under Hannah's direct attention, which was relatable, so Noah handed Ava his wallet. "Go buy your pens. I'll wait for you." Nodding, Ava left to purchase the pens, and Noah frowned as he turned to Hannah. "We're not friends."

"Yeah, you're just a guy I know who likes to wear skirts," she scoffed. "Oh, come on, we're somewhat friends. We're close enough that you would have to get me obligatory chocolates for Valentine's Day, Xuē Nàdiē."

Noah realized why nothing could happen between them. She thought his name was Xuē Nàdiē, so he just had to tell himself that they had no meaningful connection, even though she was interested in him enough to stay that he should give her something for Valentine's Day. He just had to tell himself nothing could happen. Even if something could, he didn't understand why she'd pick him. She could probably get anyone she wanted. She didn't need him to give her some validation that she was beautiful, that she was smart. Why did she have to have an interest in him, even if it was platonic?

"We're not close." He just had to keep the appropriate distance between them. He could not fall into that hole. He could not distract her from school. He could not go through what his mother did.

She shrugged, as though not caring at that statement, even though a moment ago, she seemed to have cared a bit too much. "Do you know they have Black Day in South Korea? You know, because it's Valentine's Day, White Day, Black Day."

"You won't need to know that for the Gāokǎo."

"Who cares about that?" she asked, but they both knew she didn't mean it. No one that academic, who went through several pens a month and cared so much about stationery, didn't care about the Gāokǎo. "You should wear a skirt next time we meet. I'll count that as my Valentine's Day gift."

"I'm not getting you a gift."

Ava walked back from the front counter, holding out his wallet and asking him when they were going to leave. Noah took his wallet back, about to tell Ava that he wasn't sure when they were going to leave, but Hannah took Ava's question as her place to make things less awkward.

"Well, I have to go. It was nice talking to you." She paused, unsure what else to say, and then added, "I guess I'll see you around!"

Noah watched her retreating figure and wondered if he was ever going to see her again. The likelihood of meeting her by chance, for a third time, seemed unlikely.

"She was wearing the uniform for the all-female high school, right?" Ava asked, walking with Noah out the store. Noah nodded. "I think I've heard of Hannah. My friend said she's bisexual and that she'll leave you for a girl if you date her."

"That's not how being bisexual works," Noah simply replied, trying very, very hard not to think of the implication of Hannah being an outlier as well.

"That's what I said." Ava sighed. "Do you like her?"

He immediately opened his mouth to say no, but he wanted to give Ava an honest answer, so he thought about it for a second. He liked her, but would he like her enough to decide she's worth pursuing a relationship with? Even after she's done with the Gāokǎo? Even after he gets over his fear of rejection? "I don't know."

"Fair enough," Ava said, reaching into her purse to check to see the three pens were still in there. He saw she bought him his pink pen. "I'll support you either way."

She could say that because she didn't know what happened to their parents. Noah knew better.

* * *

MARCH

Noah had to work during Chūn Jié, so instead of visiting their relatives in Chóngqìng with Ava, Noah stayed in the city, working all day at a family friend's restaurant, busing tables, serving food amongst the loud chatter in the restaurant. Then, at the end of the night, they paid him for his work, gave him tupperware full of niángāo, and sent him on his way back to his family's apartment.

He usually didn't think himself as a lonely person, but that night, eating microwaved jiǎozi by himself at the wooden table, he wondered if things could be different.

There was no answer to that question, though. Soon afterwards, Ava came home, Chūn Jié ended, and Noah went back to work at the convenience store. He watched out for Hannah, as though the law of averages would suddenly become valid, but she never came. He hoped to see her, even though he knew it was unlikely, and found himself hoping every day around noon. He thought of her almost every day, even though thinking of her only reminded him of his parents, of his own loneliness, of his habit of alienation. He thought of her laughter when she saw him wearing a skirt; her hands, always seeming to be holding pens; her brown eyes wide as she realized he had caught her in her act of crime.

How long ago had it been since she had stood in the middle of the store, bottle of Coke in her pocket, hand red from the cold soda? Had it really been on a few months?

Before Noah knew it, it was Valentine's Day, and Noah was sure she would come and claim her present - not that he had a present for her, but she would believe the idea that he would get her one and at least visit - but she never did. She never even came back to buy that bottle of Coca Cola she had promised to buy. She just never came back, and they barely even knew each other, so he shouldn't have cared. He did care, though, and it bothered him that he hadn't seen her since that day in the stationery store.

Sitting on the edge of the curb, cars driving a few feet in front of him and people walking behind him, he felt lighting a cigarette. This was that part in the movie or television show where the male love interest lit a cigarette, but Noah didn't smoke, nor would he ever smoke, so he wasn't going to smoke. Instead, he leaned on his left arm, his left elbow pressing into his thigh, and checked the time on his phone with his right hand. Half an hour until he was supposed to pick up Ava from her classmate's house.

What was he going to do until then?

He got up from where he was sitting, turned away from the stream of cars in front of him, and walked toward the library. He had the day off, but he had no hobbies, no interest, nothing to do. His entire life was taking care of Ava. Once she went to university in Chóngqìng, he would live just to make a living. He would be left in their small apartment, the apartment that belonged to their parents, the apartment their parents never visited until their business trips were cut short.

Sighing, he found an empty bench near the library and sat down to play Candy Crush Soda Saga on his phone. He was halfway through a level that required him to clear all the chocolate when someone stood in front of him, blocking the sunlight from him.

"Are you playing Candy Crush Saga? I love that game."

Noah didn't have to look up to know who it was. The voice was distinctly Hannah, the girl who seemed to mean more to Noah than he cared for, in a way that he didn't fully understand himself. "Me too," he said, watching her stare at his cell phone screen upside down, her hair almost in front of his face. In cut-offs and her Welcome to Night Vale sweatshirt, she looked less stuffy than she did in her school uniform. She looked comfortable, relaxed.

"I'm further into the game than you are."

"Cool." Noah wondered what the media was talking about when people said that they could smell someone when they were close. He couldn't smell Hannah's shampoo from where he was sitting.

Hannah gestured for him to scoot over, so he did. She sat down, legs uncrossed. Noah had thought she would be the kind of person to cross their legs when they sat. "What are you doing here?"

"You didn't come on Valentine's Day."

"You did get me a present!"

"No."

"Hm." She sounded like she didn't believe him. "Well, then, you missed me." Then she smiled warmly, like she was sharing an inside joke with him. "I think that's better than a present."

He stuffed his phone into his pocket, no longer entertained by Candy Crush. "What are you doing here?"

She leaned back, her entire body language screaming that she had no intention of responding to that question. "You know, you should give me something for White Day, since you didn't for Valentine's Day."

His hands still in his pocket, he shifted his hands slightly and felt the back of his right hand brush against the wrapping of a white chocolate bar. He didn't even eat chocolate, but it had been on sale for White Day, so he impulsively bought it. Taking the chocolate bar out of his pocket, he handed it to her. He wasn't going to eat it, and she obviously wanted some sort of present.

She laughed at the gesture. "I don't eat chocolate," she explained, as she took the white chocolate bar anyway.

"Chocolate is more healthy than Coke."

"I didn't drink the Coke, did I?" Hannah tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "You know, I'm supposed to be checking a book out from the library. It's for school."

"You're a shining beacon of academia."

Hannah nodded, a little bit crestfallen. "You know, I have an older brother and a younger brother. They both want me to do well on the Gāokǎo."

"Everyone wants to do well on the Gāokǎo."

She stared at the grass below her feet. "My entire family has done well on the Gāokǎo. My parents came from nothing, but the Gāokǎo is what got them to who and where they are today. I need to do well. If I fail, if I don't get into Qīnghuá or Běidà, I don't know what I'll do."

Noah didn't know what to say. This seemed so oddly personal, but they were bonding right now, weren't they? "I'm sure you'll get in." It didn't mattered if they were bonding. He was stuck hoping this relationship would go somewhere.

"I hope." She pushed herself off the bench, trying to project a more positive attitude. "Anyway, I'm going to check out that book now. You can come, if you want." She walked toward the library, not waiting his response, and Noah stared at her retreating figure for a few seconds. Then, he checked his pockets for his wallet and cell phone and followed. He had nothing better to do anyway.

She went up to the second floor of the building, into the foreign language section, and entered an aisle. She looked like she knew where she was going with one hundred percent confidence. However, once she began searching for the book, she proved that she didn't know where the book actually was. Eventually Noah couldn't just stand there and offered to help. "What's the book called?"

"The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger."

He actually read that book in junior high, albeit in Chinese, but he didn't say that aloud. Searching the shelves with her, he eventually found the small orange paperback with the title printed neatly on the spine. He pulled it out and handed it to her, and she looked at the cover and grinned.

"Thank you!" She smiled brightly at him, and he smiled back, thinking it was the right thing to do. However, right after he smiled, hers fell, and she couldn't meet his eye. "Can I do something?" Her voice was quiet, forlorn, and Noah was half-afraid someone would walk into the aisle at that moment, see them alone, and lecture him for breaking her heart. He nodded regardless of that fear.

Her eyes lit up, and she put her plan into action. He knew what was happening before it happened. She took a few steps forward, closer to him, so his back was against the bookshelf, and leaned forward, which was the most obvious sign, and kissed him, putting her left hand on the back of his neck while her right, between them, held the book. She was doing this because she wanted to, and it was something else entirely. He never thought he would ever kiss someone, much less kiss someone like Hannah, and he leaned into the kiss, a fluttering feeling in his chest growing, until he noticed something.

Breaking the kiss, he raised an eyebrow at her. "Why do you taste like Coca Cola?"

Her cheeks didn't flush, nor did she avert his gaze. She maintained eye contact, unfearful. "Coca Cola flavored lip balm, obviously. I don't drink Coke, but it's a really close compromise."

Noah rolled his eyes, but grinned anyway. "I love it." After a moment, he shyly asked, "Want to kiss some more?" She responded by kissing him in return. He grinned even wider into the kiss, and they continued this way, for the longest time, for the shortest time. He hadn't ever kissed anyone before. He hadn't ever felt romantic attraction before. But all of this, from the butterflies in his stomach to the the taste of Coca Cola on her lips, felt so familiar, like he's been dreaming of this his entire life, but it also felt so distinct, because it was Hannah, and dreams couldn't live up to Hannah.

Familiar but different. That was how the last few months felt like. Because it was Hannah. Because Hannah was a comet, on the edge of his periphery, but always there nonetheless.

She pulled away, only a breath away, to regain oxygen in her lungs, eyes remained closed this entire time, and she exhaled a quick, "Xuē Nàdiē," her voice quiet and so intimate and he was making out with Hannah, his hands were around her waist, when he heard himself say:

"Noah."

Hannah stopped what she was doing, opening her eyes, and they stared at each other. She seemed to be reading into his soul, and he felt a bit afraid, a bit embarrassed. Her body was touching his, and she wasn't pulling away. Noah had always imagined this was the moment the other person pulled away, disgusted by him, but Hannah wasn't disgusted, and she was right there, just a breath away, as beautiful as the day he first met her. Noah wanted to kiss her again, so he brought his lips closer to hers, but she stopped him, removing her warm hand from his neck and increasing the distance between them from nothing to a few steps. His arms, previously around her waist, fell to his sides, and he knew this was the moment. He ruined anything they could've had.

"Did you just say Noah?"

"I'm not Chinese," he blurted, "and my legal name is in Thai, but I go by Noah. I only went by my Chinese name in school because it was easier for everyone-"

"Oh!" She grinned brightly, her eyes sparkling in the light, and Noah remembered this was what he saw the first time they met. That irresistible excitement for something she was passionate about. "I can't believe it! I have a Chinese name too! That I use for school as well, because it's just easier, right?"

"Right," he confirmed, and he realized that maybe he didn't ruin everything. "I'm too much of a coward to go by my preferred name."

She moved closer, and they were in the position they were before, Noah's back against the bookshelf, his arm around her waist, her hand on the back of his neck, their lips so close they were practically touching. But practically touching and touching were just a hair away from each other. "Too much of a coward to make a move?"

"Do you really want this?" He only now realized Hannah was taller than him, even if it was only by a several centimeters.

Raising an eyebrow, she sarcastically quipped, "No, I'm doing all this on a dare."

"This doesn't mean you get free Coke."

"Then what am I doing this for?"

"I don't know. The Coke is the most important part of this transaction."

"Do you really think so?"

"Why else am I kissing you?" he teased.

Hannah laughed gleefully, then closed the distance between them, and Noah could get drunk on her taste. His eyelids fluttered open and close, unable to decide on one or the other, and eventually he just closed them. What did people say about falling in love? Things came naturally?

Nothing about this would come natural to him. They could kiss for years, and he would still feel zoo animals burrowing into his stomach.

Maybe he was infected by this disease.

He pulled away from her, eyes widening at the realization, and suddenly he remembered all those moments - his mother and father screaming in their apartment, his hands covering his ears as tears streamed down his face, his apartment with the abandoned kitchen table with rings of condensation forever stained on the wood. "We can't do this," he blurted out, because everything that went through his mind in the last second shook him. He can't be infected. His family was cursed. "I... I can't do this. This can't go anywhere."

"Oh." She seemed to understand and let go of his neck, but the feeling lingered like mint gum. He wanted to feel her hand again, even if it was just in his own, but he couldn't. He can't be infected. Love didn't mean anything. His parents were in love, and now they barely saw each other or their children. Being in love did nothing. Love ruined everything, and falling in love with Hannah would just end with him being heartbroken.

"I'm sorry."

"Nothing to apologize for." She stared at the carpet, the book still in her hand. She looked like she was about to cry. "It's fine," she said, her voice barely level. "It's probably for the best. I have to study for the Gāokǎo. I can't be distracted. I have to do well on it." Noah wondered if he had to live with remembering this moment forever, disappointing Hannah like this, but this was the right move. In the long run, this wouldn't work. Eventually she would see that and leave him. Eventually he would have to understand that this was something he had to do. "I'm sorry, but I have to go."

His heart stopped as he heard her voice cracked, and before he could even open his mouth to apologize again, she was running away, running toward wherever her future was going, running toward a future without him.

* * *

JUNE

Noah had naïvely thought the convenience store wouldn't be closed for the Gāokǎo, but it was, so right now he played Candy Crush Soda Saga on his phone, neglecting the chicken sandwich in front of him.

He would be here with Ava, but with the Gāokǎo, a lot of junior high students, and primary school students, had school off. Ava had gone with a few of their cousins in university to Qīngdǎo. Noah, the only one out of them with work, stayed home in Shànghǎi, meaning now he was at KFC, alone.

So desperately alone.

He wondered if this was what his mother felt, before his father grew distant. Before his father poured himself into his work. Before his father ignored his intermediate family. Noah wondered if this was what his mother felt, before she poured herself into her work. He wondered if this was what his mother felt, before she grew too busy to even contact her own son.

It had to be similar to what he was feeling right now, but then again, what did he know? Sighing, he moved onto the next level. He was about to start his first move when he noticed someone slide into the seat across from his, taking his bottle of Coca Cola to survey the label. He opened his mouth to chastise them but then saw Hannah, in her high school uniform, sitting there, holding a half eaten white chocolate bar in her mouth.

"What are you doing?" he asked, and she put the bottle down in front of him and took the white chocolate bar out of her mouth. The top of which was coated with her saliva, but it was gone a second later when she sunk her teeth into it. Looking at the wrapping, he noticed it was the same brand as the white chocolate he gave her months ago.

"I think you owe me that bottle of Coca Cola, Noah." He loved the way she said his name, even though the action itself was the most mundane thing in the world, but no one called him anything nowadays, so it was refreshing to hear his name. To know he was still alive. Hannah grinned as she suggested, "It could be your Valentine's Day gift to me."

It was so weird. For the past few months, he had been replaying that moment in the library so many times. His lips still sore and buzzing from kissing her; her face, full of excitement and happiness, shifting into one on the verge of tears, the distance between them, and how little it seemed in hindsight but also miles away in memory. He thought about that moment so many times he almost forgot she was the happy and radiant and cheerful high school student she was. Like she was when they first met. Like she was when she first saw him a skirt. Like she was when she first kissed him. "It's not Valentine's Day."

"We could pretend."

"Girls typically gives boys things for Valentine's Day."

"Do you really believe in gender binary, though?" He didn't, but he didn't say that aloud. Hannah seemed to know this because she pouted and said, "Just let me drink the Coke."

He barely drink anything from the bottle, so he could easily give it to her, but it wasn't about the drink but what the drink represented. Hannah also seemed to know this. "I said you don't get free Coke."

"You realize I just took the Gāokǎo, right? This is my reward for finishing the Gaokao." She pointed at him with the bitten end of her chocolate bar. "I didn't eat this chocolate bar for three months in preparation for this day."

She kept his white chocolate bar for three months for seemingly no reason. She was certifably weird. "Why didn't you eat it?"

"I hardly eat sweets or drink soda. Once, maybe twice, a year. Coca Cola was supposed to be a reward for the Gāokǎo, but the convenience store was closed. Last year, Coca Cola was a reward for being top of my class, but you wouldn't let me buy it."

"You tried to steal it."

"I ran out of allowance money!" She sighed. "Never mind. I'm not arguing with you about something that happened a year ago. I'm a year older. You are, too. We don't need to argue about that."

He sighed. If she wanted to change topics, he would talk about something new. "Where did you take it?" he asked, referring to the Gāokǎo.

"Shěnyáng. My parents are from there, but they live in Chángchūn now. I live here with my older brother, Samuel, and his family for school." She paused. "I mostly grew up in Chángchūn."

"Oh." This felt so wrong. She was in her school uniform, looking like the model student, and he was in jeans that had a hole over his left knee and a black Adidas hoodie, like some high school dropout. He wasn't even a high school dropout though. He was just a junior high graduate. He would never be anything more than just a junior high graduate barely making enough to cover everything but the apartment rent, which his parents paid for. "Can I eat the rest of your chicken sandwich if you're not going to eat it? It looks good." He nodded, and she picked up the sandwich and took a bite. "This tastes so much better than I remember it. Ugh, I want to work at KFC when I grow up now."

"You're a shining beacon of academia, and you want to work at KFC." He didn't say it like a question, but he should have.

"Academics means nothing. I'd rather do something I like than be a scholar. I want to do something like Welcome to Night Vale."

"What is Welcome to Night Vale?"

"It's an American podcast." Hannah finished the rest of the chicken sandwich and wiped her hands on a clean white napkin. "It's about this gay radio host who tells news about a town that's a little too strange for comfort." She tilted her head to the side. "What do you think of cheating?"

"Academically?"

"In a relationship."

"I don't care."

"You don't care?" she asked, and he knew he said the wrong thing, but he would rather tell the truth than lie to her. She looked like she expected him to elaborate, so he thought back to his parents. Neither of his parents cheated or did anything that would typically result in a divorce, but it sometimes felt that way, because their relationship was in such shambles that nothing made sense anymore.

"Relationships end for so many legitimate reasons, and cheating is one of them, but cheating isn't always about lack of fidelity."

"Right! In the media, where someone so much as flirts with another person and they argue and they break up, I just don't get it. If they talk it through, they could probably work it through, but communication doesn't make good drama, does it?" She tilted her head to the side. "Would you have a nonexclusive relationship?"

"I wouldn't, but nonexclusive relationships are valid."

"Hm," she said, biting into her white chocolate bar. "Are you a feminist?"

"Yes." What was with the questions? "Why do you care?"

Hannah contemplated answering. "I just... I want to do this." She bit her bottom lip and then looked him dead in the eye before looking away. She was so beautiful, so attractive. "You know, have some kind of relationship with you. We don't have to put on labels if you're not comfortable, but I want to be at least friends with you."

Noah stared at the bottle of Coca Cola between them on the table. Nothing about this relationship was the same as it was a year ago. A year ago, he might be sitting at home, listening to music on his phone. He might be traveling in Qīngdǎo, riding buses with his family. He might be doing anything else, but he was here, with Hannah, about to enter a relationship that might change everything he's known about love and romance.

"Do you want to? You know, have a relationship?"

He looked up at her and thought about it. His parents fell in love once upon a time. They enjoyed each other's companies. They had him, as an express of their love. They had Ava, in order to save their marriage. They didn't talk anymore.

Love, passion, romance only ended terribly. His parents was a prime example of that.

Somehow Hannah wanted him to write an antithesis.

Love wasn't going to solve his problems. He would still be broke, his parents would still ignore him and Ava and their marriage, his sister would still move out someday and leave him alone in the city, he would still have no high school education or have a chance to go to university. None of that will go away just because he was starting a relationship with Hannah. She would give him a chance at a friendship that could mean something, but that wouldn't erase all his problems or really mean anything.

"I want to wear your hoodie."

"The Welcome to Night Vale one?" Hannah grinned evilly when Noah nodded. "As long as I get your bottle of Coke."

Maybe their relationship could mean something if he wanted it to mean something. Maybe this moment could make him as happy as he wanted to be. Noah passed his half empty bottle of Coke to her, and she took it without hesitation. Maybe she was the weirdest customer ever to step foot in the convenience store, but he may be weirder for liking her. Maybe they were weird, but that was okay. They could be weird together.

As she drank from the bottle of Coke, unable to hide her smile as she did so, he thought maybe he was weirder for thinking that love wasn't worth this. Love may not solve all his problems, and love may not be without its flaws, but this feeling, these last four encounters with Hannah, was worth it.

And he wouldn't trade their encounters for anything.

* * *

endnotes ‣ Presented as a radio show for a strange town, Welcome to Night Vale is a podcast by Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Cranor. Usually taken by seniors in high school, the Gāokǎo is an academic examination held annually in China and is a prerequisite for entrance into almost all universities' undergraduate programs. Běidà is nickname for Peking University, and Qīnghuá is better known as Tsinghua University. Chūn Jié is a festival in China that celebrates Lunar New Year, and typically people in Shànghǎi eat jiǎozi and niángāo during this time. Chénguāng, known as M&G Stationery in English, is a stationery company that is primarily known for its pens. Shànghǎi, Chóngqìng, Chángchūn, Qīngdǎo, and Shěnyáng are cities in China. In East Asia, Valentine's Day (February 14) is typically observed by females presenting chocolate gifts usually to males. On White Day (March 14), males who received gifts on Valentine's Day are expected to return the favor by giving gifts. In South Korea, Black Day (April 14) is the day for people who did not receive gifts on the previous two days. Additionally, Singles' Day (November 11) is an entertainment festival famous among young Chinese people to celebrate the fact that they are proud of being single.