The alarm goes off way too early the following day. I'm on the second shift at the hospital, but Ben has to be at the firehouse by 6:00 a.m. I hear him groan as he reaches over to turn off the alarm; he rolls towards me and then pulls me into his muscular arms. My senses take in the smell of his woodsy cologne from yesterday as he buries his face into my hair and gives me a gentle squeeze before rolling out of bed. He begins to open drawers for his clothes before heading into the bathroom.

I fall back into a light sleep at the calming sound of his shower and wake lightly when I feel his lips on mine.

"Mmmm," I moan.

"Goodbye, Sweetheart. I'll see you after your shift. I love you." Ben sweetly kisses me.

"I love you too, Babe. Be safe."

"Always," he gives me another kiss before leaving me, and sleep overtakes me again.

BANG!

BANG!

BANG!

I'm startled from a deep sleep by someone banging on my front door.

"Damn! Who the hell could that be?" I ask myself before reluctantly leaving my bed and grabbing my robe as the loud banging continues.

"I'm coming! Damn! What the hell is the emergency?" I shout.

By the time I get to the door, I'm incredibly pissed at whoever is behind it and angrily swing open the door. I'm shocked when I see Kendall standing there dressed for work, with tears streaming down her face.

"Oh my god, Kendall. What's wrong, Hon?" I say, concerned.

She doesn't say a word but falls into my arms, sobbing out of control.

"Shhh... I'm here for you. Let it all out. Shhh..." I attempt to console her.

Her body is shaking intensely, and she is unable to speak. I continue to comfort her as her tears soak into my pajamas. It takes several minutes for her to compose herself.

"I'm so sorry," she cries.

"Why are you sorry? You know that I'm always here for you no matter what? Is it your parents? Did something happen to them?" I ask, perplexed.

Kendall shakes her head no.

"Oh no, did something happen to Scott? Is he okay?" I question.

"No... not Scott." I can barely hear her reply as she cries.

"Then, what, Kendall? Why are you so upset? Did you get fired? You should be at work by now." I'm baffled.

Another shake of her head leaves me without any other reasons for her emotional state.

"Tell me, Hon," I reassure her, making her cry again.

"It's Ben. It's fucking Ben!" she screams.

Huh?

"What about Ben?" I try to look her in the face. What the hell is going on? I'm so confused right now.

"Ben... he's... uh... he's gone," she says just above a whisper.

"I'm sorry, what? What about Ben?" I say, my mind not grasping her words.

"He's dead, Mallory," she replies calmly.

I drop my arms from around Kendall and take a few steps back.

"Why would you say that, Kendall? I just saw him an hour ago. He told me that I would see him after work. Why, Kendall, why would you say that?"

She takes a step toward me, and I step back.

"I'm sorry, Mallory. I'm so damn sorry," Kendall says with devastation.

"No! It's not possible. He... he was just here." Tears well up in my eyes, threatening to spill over.

"Mallory..." Kendall says with concern in her voice.

I can't breathe. I'm drowning.

"Mallory, Babe, you're scaring me. Please say something," she begs.

"How? When?" I feel like someone else is talking as the words leave my mouth.

"Ben was in a tragic accident this morning while he was out on a call," Kendall tries to explain.

I stop listening.

"Is this some cruel joke, Kendall?" I demand angrily.

"No, Babe. It's no joke. I would never do that to you."

Deep down, I knew she would never be that cruel to me, but I didn't want her words to be valid. They hurt so damn much.

Screaming pierces my ears, and it's so loud that I have to cover them. My hands are shaking as the screams get louder.

"MAKE IT STOP!" I shout.

Please, dear God, stop it. Then I realized where the screaming was coming from.

Kendall's arms embrace me. I hear the door open and see Scott running towards me through my tear-filled eyes in full firefighter gear, soot smeared across his face. He has the saddest look and red, puffy eyes; in less than a second, he places his arms around Kendall and me as we all break down together.

It's the day of Ben's funeral. As I shower, I feel like a zombie, then dress in a dark navy blue dress. It's plain and straightforward and reflects how I have felt the last several days. My parents insisted that I stay with them. Ben's parents are at Ben's and my house. I guess it's just my house now.

I learned from Scott that Ben and he were called to a three-alarm fire in town where a row home stood engulfed in fire. They needed more firehouse units to respond to help them keep the fire from spreading to the attached homes. Because of the early early morning hours, the family who lived there were asleep at home. Everyone had reached safety except for the teenage son, whose room was above their covered porch. Ben had taken the ladder over the porch but did not quite reach the window.

He knew he had to climb the porch roof to reach the boy. He tested it first for structural damage. Scott thinks Ben assumed that it would hold him. He went to the window to help the boy onto the roof, and they carefully made their way to the ladder. Ben had just gotten the boy on the ladder when the roof collapsed, taking Ben with it and crushing him in debris.

My mother comes into my room. "Hey, Sweetheart. Are you about ready?"

"Ready to bury my fiancé, Mom? No... no, I'm not ready," I say, unable to keep the anger out of my voice.

She walks over to me and wraps her usually comforting arms around me. Unfortunately, I feel nothing; no comfort, no warmth, nothing.

"I know, honey. I'm sorry."

I lose it. "You know, Mom. Really? You still have Dad. You have had Dad for over thirty years. How exactly do you know? Please tell me."

My mind knows that I'm being unreasonable and that I'm being a total bitch right now to my mother, but my emotions are taking control. In an hour, I will have to act as the grieving fiancé. Am I grieving? Hell yeah, but with anger. Anger that Ben's life was cut short, anger that he spent his entire life helping people, and this is his payback. It's bullshit. This whole situation is bullshit.

"Honey..."

I cut my mom off. "I don't want to do this, Mom. It's so final. I don't think I can do this. It's all too much to take."

"Baby, I brought you a sedative that the doctor prescribed for you to get through this day." My mom outstretches her hand with a tiny little white pill.

"What will it do?" If it can help me through this nightmare of a day, I should take it. Fuck how it will affect me. I reach my hand out to my mother.

"It will help you relax, Baby." She handed it to me; I placed it in my mouth and washed it down with my water bottle. My mom takes my hand and quietly leads me down the stairs and out to my father's sedan.

Fifteen minutes later, we pull into the depressing funeral home. By this time, the medication is beginning to take effect. My dad parks gets out of the vehicle and then opens my door. He reaches his hand to help me out of the backseat. Ben's parents' car is already here.

"Come on, Baby Girl. I got you." My father loops his arm around mine, keeping me stable

We have a private viewing with immediate family before opening it up to the public. Ben's parents did all of the funeral planning. They had asked if I wanted anything specific, but I didn't.

We go into the front entrance and see Ben's parents speaking with the funeral director. When they see me, they excuse themselves from the director and walk my way. I had talked to them briefly on the phone, but I haven't seen them since Ben's accident.

"I'm sorry; I can't do this." I turn around and run back out of the door.