𝓚𝓲𝓶 𝓙𝓲𝓷𝓱𝓮𝓮

"ɪ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ʜᴏᴡ sʜᴇ ᴍᴀɴᴀɢᴇᴅ to escape out from the rooftop alive, but it's really pissing me off. Urgh."

I smirked in triumph when I heard Hara's voice echoed out from one of the cubicles in the ladies' room. I leisurely leaned against the fancy sink of the ladies' room as I watched Soojung and Suzy were dragging Hara's minions out of the room while covering their mouths.

Everything moved so fast and brief, because before I realized, they were already out of the lavatory. I heard the door was locked from outside, finally giving me the chance to deal with Hara in the ladies' room.

"Girls? Are you even listening?"

"Not really." I answered casually, still holding onto the same smirk while playing with the end of my hair. I didn't know that this kind of situation could actually entertain me.

There was an abrupt moment of silence before I heard the door getting banged and more noises, which I imagined Hara tried to force open the knob in her cubicle, but failed to, because I have locked her in there, just like what she had done to me.

"Jinhee! You better get me out of here!" She screamed furiously, while I couldn't help but to let out a chuckle, seeing how the scene was repeating itself, just that we both had exchanged positions.

"Aw, why? Stay a little longer. It can't be that bad, compared to how I was freezing to death for about eight damn hours." I said, my voice was cheery at first, but it dropped as my leftover anger from yesterday's event was still there.

"Well, you deserved it. That's what you get for shamelessly stealing Taehyung from me!" She shouted, and I heard another angry smack from the cubicle.

Though her words actually irritated me, I tried my best to stay calm as I exhaled out a few breaths. I knew how childish Hara can be, and I didn't want our conversation to turn out like that.

"I'm not gonna say sorry for liking Taehyung. Things just happen, you know." I said and slowly huffing out a breath. "And I don't want to argue with you, Hara. Maybe we can talk this out in a more civilized way."

I heard her snicker away, and for a few minutes, she just went quiet before she spoke again. "What do you want now?"

I smiled a little, since she sounded like she agreed with me. So, I stopped the childish game and unlocked the door. At first, she glared at me, then she slowly made her steps out from the cubicle while swiping her wavy hair back with much pride.

"I need to know why you said Taehyung was the reason that you're still alive." I demanded, since I was really curious when it came to things that had to do with Taehyung.

"Why should I tell you? Is there any benefits of telling you about my past with Taehyung?" She asked with crossed arms, sounded surly in any possible ways, but also trying to make a deal out of something.

"Because I was being kind enough not to tell Taehyung about your bitch moves yesterday, and I'm not sure if I can be kind again, if I don't get what I want." I told her as I raised my eyebrows, challenging her.

Hara was glaring at me again as a deep crest formed on her forehead, obviously not liking the idea of me having the dibs in this matter. I noticed she was silently gritting her teeth, contemplating whether to spill it or not, and when she rolled her eyes, I knew it meant 'screw this'.

For a couple of minutes, we stayed in silence, and I saw her closing her eyes while slowly letting out a heavy breath. When she opened her eyes again, I noticed there was a shade of darkness in her eyes.

"I tried to commit suicide for the first time, on this very same school's rooftop." She began quietly as her expression naked of any emotions.

I blinked in surprise as I was taken aback by the sudden news. It was almost too far-fetched that I stood there in mute, unable to say anything. Why would the confident and undeniably beautiful Goo Hara attempt on suicide?

She glanced at me briefly, and I closed my ajar mouth quickly, afraid that it would come out rude. But then, she just chuckled and shook her head sideways.

"Hey, I'm sorry. It's okay if you don't want–"

"No, I'm okay. I already get over it, Jinhee." She said casually, and the corner of her lips quirked up a little into a smile, a confident smile.

But I don't know. I wasn't so sure of what to do or what to feel, because by this point, I was afraid whenever someone mentioned about 'suicide'. And maybe I knew how women could be excellent in faking their expressions and feelings, so at that moment, I doubted her 'okay'.

"It was in 2012, my life went so far downhill. People bullied me, they talked bad and spread stupid rumors about me.. And it was because I held both of the titles; a nerd and a fat pig." She smiled bitterly as now she fixed her gaze on the shiny marble tiles, while I still stood erected on the ground, flabbergasted again by her revelation.

"Back then, I don't have any friends. I was a loser, so of course, no one would want to be friends with a loser. People would always bully me and take away my notes, even sometimes tore them apart, just to throw it back onto my head. They broke my glasses so many times that I couldn't even count, and they'd purposely removed my desk from the class, so I had no choice but to carry it to my class every single morning. All that miseries, was just the nerd's part." Hara looked at me and forced out a smile.

Then, she turned around, facing the large vanity mirror in the ladies' room as she fixed her makeup. I only kept mum as I continued listening to her stories with hidden sympathy. Now I think I understood more in the saying said 'Do not judge someone by the chapter you walked in'.

"For being a total useless fatty pig, they'd tease my fats and say that no guy would ever look at me, because I just looked so disgusting with only my mere presence. There were so many death threats in my locker, telling me that I should just.. die." She stopped fixing her hair and only stared into the sink as her eyes had that faraway look.

"I heard all those evil words almost every single day, and the weird thing was, I wasn't immune to the evil words, but I gladly accepted it, until one day.. I couldn't seem to think properly anymore, and those words were just there, etched stubbornly on my mind, repeating every second, reminding me that I should just die, and I almost did it," She continued telling her tale, and this time I saw her trembling hands squeezing the sink a little.

"I remember clearly I was standing on the stone railing, ready to make a jump, but Taehyung was just there, on the wooden bench, sleeping so soundly. I thought he would never notice me even at my last moment." Upon mentioning Taehyung's name, her smile turned into a sweet one, as if she remembered a good memory in the midst of her traumatic ones.

"But, surprisingly, he did. It was actually pretty hilarious, and embarrassing too." She said, a soft chuckle escaped from her mouth as she reminisced on the particular memory.

I blinked my eyes a few times at her, genuinely curious of what really happened between her and Taehyung. What did Taehyung say to her? How did Taehyung make Hara changed her mind?

"Don't give me that look, because I won't tell you. I wanted to keep it only between Taehyung and me." Hara sensed my curiosity and warned me, her friendly look immediately changed into a hostile one.

I rolled my eyes and sighed a little. "Fine."

Hara smirked when I gave up on being persistent, but a few seconds later, I noticed her smile dropped bitterly. "But, I don't think he'd remember that the nerdie fatty girl was me. I've changed a lot, you see.."

"Why won't you tell him then?" I simply asked. Hara frowned and looked at me as if I have gone mad.

"Are you crazy? Then he'll remember that I'm a nerd and a fatty! I want Taehyung to think that I'm smart and gorgeous. Besides, I was ashamed of my stupid decision back then." Hara huffed out a soft breath and pressed her lips into a fine line with a faint blush across her cheeks. For a moment, she seemed like she was troubled.

When she noticed that I was looking at her with a meaningful smile, she furrowed her brows and suddenly became defensive. "What?" Then, she narrowed her eyes at me."I know you must thinking the same, that I was stupid for trying to kill myself."

I laughed a little and shook my head, trying to tell her that she was so wrong. "I don't think it's stupid," I trailed off as I looked at her.

Hara raised her eyebrows, as if to say she didn't believe me. So, I continued, "Honestly, I think you're a strong girl. You were once miserable, you did try to run away. But at least you came back here, living for a second chance."

While I was still running away, and I don't even know if I wanted to go through a second chance with my family.

I noticed there was a flicker of surprise across her eyes as she took in my words. She went quiet for a while, so I decided to tell her.

"And about Taehyung.. if you know him well enough, then you'd know that he's not the type to judge." I said with a genuine smile. She was again surprised, then slowly, a warm smile drawn upon her face.

"Yeah. That's why it's so hard not to fall for him." She replied, and I found myself chuckling in amusement at how we were both in love with the same guy.

"Was it Taehyung who'd saved you yesterday?" Hara asked, as if it was expected, as if it was not something to be surprised about.

"Yeah. How did you know?"

Hara brushed past me to the door before turning around, saying, "Because he always seems to have that ability of saving someone at their last moment." Holding onto a meaningful smile, she finally left the ladies' room.

✿ ✿ ✿

"Oppa, I'm sorry.. I really didn't mean to hurt you that day..." I muttered softly as I pleaded him in the eyes, but Chang Wook didn't even look at me. He quietly pulled over the parking lot, opened the door on his side and stepped out of the car.

Ever since the day we argued about our family matter, Chang Wook had been giving me a cold shoulder. He didn't even smile or calling my name with his teasing voice. He was acting like a complete stranger to me right now. Exhaling out a tired sigh, I stepped out of the car and hurriedly ran up to him.

"Oppa, please." I begged as I bit my lip out of frustration.

"I only have you right now.."

Chang Wook who was walking away from me suddenly halted to a stop upon hearing my choice of words. His wide shoulders rose and dropped, as if he just let out a heavy and long sigh. He then shoved his hand into his pocket and finally turned around to face me.

I felt my heart lightened up a little, but seeing that a frown was still attached to his lips, and as he removed his black shade, I have come to notice that his eyes flashed a hint of disappointment too. It was apparent to me that he was still upset by the fact that I wanted to hide our true identities from everyone in school.

I took all the courage to approach him and took his hands in mine, looking up at him with a smile. "Oppa, are you mad at me, still?"

At that moment, I could see his sharp eyes softened a little at my touch. He let out a small sigh, then he slowly looked at me with concerns written all over his eyes. "I'm not mad, Jinhee.. It's just that the way you act like this makes me worry about you."

"Act like what?" I looked at him as I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.

"Try to think about it, Jinhee. I know I've been helping you running away from our father, but let's go back to reality, you're going back to our home, sooner or later." He reminded me again, just that this time, there was only the both of us, with no spectators.

It was a reflect, that I suddenly let go of his hand and made a step back. I bowed my head down as fear started to envelope around me. No one would ever understand, and everyone would even find it ridiculous that I was actually scared of the word 'home'.

"Can't I at least be happy?" I mumbled under my breath, not really asking him, but asking myself. Slowly, I looked up at Chang Wook and said, "Oppa, I've found my happiness here, with you, with my best friends, and with the boys. Can't I just stay here forever..? Is that too much to ask for..?"

By that point, I felt a renegade tear started to form at the corner of my eyes. I looked down, refused to show any sign of weakness in front of my brother, but it seemed that Chang Wook understood me more than I understood myself, because he gently pulled me in for a hug, rubbing my back, assuring me that it was okay to let out the tears.

"I'm sorry, Jinhee-ah.. I'm not trying to steal your happiness away, you know I always wanted you to be happy.." He muttered softly as his gentle hand caressing my head. Some tears escaped even more when he tried to console me, and I found myself tightening the hug because it always felt comfortable when he treated me like a little kid. But not until he continued..

"I'm telling you this because.. I don't want you to run away anymore, lil sis. You can't run away from our father forever.. you know what he's capable of. So, let's stop all this."

There was a moment of silence as I was having a hard time trying to register Chang Wook's words into my brain. He wanted me to stop? What happened to the old Chang Wook who would defend me, help me, and support my decision back then? He used to say that he would take care of me..

I frowned as we were still hugging each other, so he didn't get to see my expression. As I slowly recalled over his words and actions for the past few weeks, it became evident to me that there was definitely something he had been trying to hide from me. By the subtle way of him kept reminding me to our so-called home, it was as if he was standing on father's side, not mine anymore.

Upon making that statement as a conclusion, I felt my heart sunk in disappointment. Because the last thing I expected was for Chang Wook to keep me in the dark and for him to leave my side.

When Chang Wook pulled away from the hug, I quickly masked my expression with a plastered smile, decided to play along with the charade. "I know, oppa.. I know that I belonged there.. not here." I wanted to sound breezy, like I didn't mind about it, but it just came out plainly bitter.

I brought my eyes upwards, and was a little taken aback when I saw Chang Wook was giving me that kind of look, the kind that making me sick to the stomach.

The look of guilt.

I clenched my teeth as I felt so close to snap out of anger and frustration. Just why the hell did everyone keep giving me that kind of look? What did I ever do for everyone to keep looking at me with sympathies in their eyes? Why can't everyone just look at me normally and not think that I was a charity case?

"But I'm not ready yet, oppa. I need to find out something here." I found myself saying with no tone of emotions.

Chang Wook had that questioning gaze on me, but he quickly dropped it when his phone rang. He held up a finger at me and answered the call.

"What? I can't. I'm with my sister right now." His voice sounded troubled as he slightly glanced at me. "Why he had to come now.. Aish. Alright, I'll be there."

I rolled my eyes knowingly, because it was not the first time Chang Wook had ever cancelled our meetings.

"Jinhee-ah–"

"It's okay, I'll be alright by myself." I cut him off and dismissed his concerned stance.

"No, are you crazy? You can't be alright by yourself." He pulled my wrist when I was about to walk away. I turned around to face him and blinked a few times.

"Then, I'll call Taehyung to accompany me." I lied as I took out my phone, pretending to call for Taehyung.

I was going to meet Dr. Lee, which was the psychiatrist that Chang Wook had set up an appointment for me. And the purpose of this appointment was to find out the missing pieces of my past. So, there was no way I was going to call Taehyung, knowing that it would only cause unwanted trouble.

"You know I don't like him." Chang Wook hissed and pulled my hand, stopping me from calling no one. "I'll tell Timothy to look after you."

"But.. that's one of our bodyguards?" I asked him with knitted brows.

"Yeah, and I trust him that he'll protect you." Chang Wook said nonchalantly while I dropped my jaw at his response.

"Oppa, you, among all people, know that I hate having bodyguards guarding me!" I shouted out defensively.

"Jinhee-ah.. C'mon, let's not make a scene here. I just wanted you to be safe. I'll tell Timothy not to make it obvious, so you can just pretend that he isn't there, okay? See you at home." He pecked on my cheek and smiled at me before he rushed over to his Lamborghini and left me in no time.

For a few seconds, I stood there still in disbelief. When I had recovered, I fixed my bag strap and huffed out a frustrated sigh. I turned around and walked towards the building, my gaze fixed on the ground as I felt the disappointment washed over my being again. Chang Wook's really changed into someone that I don't recognize anymore..

I tried to dismiss the thoughts of my brother, and when I finally entered the elevator, another foreign guy in suit entered along. I darted my gaze on him and noticed the earpiece in his ear. Great, this must be Timothy. Way to go for not making his presence obvious..

✿ ✿ ✿

Holding up a breath, I turned the doorknob and stepped inside the room as my heart thumping frantically for some unknown reason. I brought my eyes around and scanned the whole room carefully. The room was dimmed with night lamps and a little sunlight from the window. Looking more into it, there were some beautiful arts hanging against the wall, a long desk with some organized files on it, and a set of comfy sofa.

And there.. beside the sofa, I saw a tall figure with his back facing me. I slowly let out a steady breath, hoping Dr. Lee would not notice me because of the dreading silence, but then, what you had always hope for will not likely to happen, because he slowly turned around with a file in his hand.

For a moment, I was stunned, because I was expecting an elderly man in his white coat to greet me, but what was presented in front of me was the total opposite. It was a simply breathtaking good-looking guy, in his navy button down shirt, and very strangely, his expression mirrored mine. He slowly scanned my figure and he let out a disbelief chuckle.

"Wow, Jinhee-ah.. You've gotten all grown up now."

If before I was stunned, now I was bewildered by the very first sentence came from this undeniably handsome stranger. Unconsciously, I held onto a blank expression as I shook my head at him.

"I'm sorry, but I don't think I know you..?" I asked. My position was fixed because I didn't dare to make any step forward. This kind of situation, it was repeated again. I remembered during the audition, one of the EXO members and I had the same conversation too.

At first he was surprised by my words, but slowly, a knowing smile played on his lips as he rubbed the back of neck apologetically.

"Yeah, I've been told by your brother.." He said and nodded understandingly, not really answering my question.

"It's nice to see you again, Jinhee-ah. You want to have a seat?" He gestured to the sofa gentlemanly while smiling at me. Still in confusion, I nodded at him and took a seat in front of him with slight hesitation.

"Let's start fresh. I'm Lee Soohyuk, a close friend of your brother. You used to call me oppa when we were little.." He flicked his gaze at me, smiled and slightly shook his head, as if he just remembered something good.

"But, I know it'll be kind of awkward for you now. So, having no choice.. you can just call me Dr. Lee." He decided and he silently let out a regretful sigh.

"It's nice to know you, Dr. Lee. And perhaps.. you can call me the same way too?" I suggested as I held my one shoulder up, trying not to offend him in any way. I don't know, maybe the way he called me in a casual manner, like we were so familiar with each other actually made me uncomfortable in my spot.

He was once again taken aback, and slowly, he smiled apologetically. "Jinhee-ssi," He emphasized, "Please make yourself comfortable, I'll try to help you as much as I could."

Silently, I let out a relief sigh when he started to address me formally. I looked up and saw his expression slowly changed into one of those professional ones, as if I was a serious case that he needed to handle.

"So, what brings you in today to see me, Jinhee-ssi?" Dr. Lee asked with a soft smile. I looked at him again, and he gave me a reassuring look, as if emanated 'It's okay, don't worry. You can trust me on this.' So, exhaling out the breath that I had been holding on, I slowly began my tale..

"I'm trying to find some missing memories in my past.. It seems that I can't remember much about my childhood." I finally told him that problem that I had been struggling for the past few weeks.

No one would understand the frustration when you tried so hard to recall something. No one would ever understand the consecutive disappointments when you failed to remember, though, it felt like the memory had been just there, but it decided not to resurface. But what was much worse was that, you simply felt like an idiot for having gaps in your memory lanes.

Dr. Lee nodded with a serious expression and continued on asking. "How long it's been going on? Is it a recent thing?"

I remained silent for a few minutes, considering what to tell.

"I don't think I remember when it started. They just came without any warning." I looked up at Dr. Lee, still doubtful. Yet, he looked all calm and collected. His eyes were telling me something. Something like, he understood the way I was behaving right now, that I still wouldn't want to open up to him.

I pressed my lips and lowered my head. "But, I guess it was before I ran away from home.."

That was what I tried to avoid mentioning about. It always depressed me whenever I mentioned about 'home'.

Suddenly, I felt like something was hitting me in the back of my mind. I closed tight my eyes in response, and just like the last time, the old film just randomly played through my brain.

There, I watched myself soaking in the bathtub with rose water for God knows how long. I wasn't happy. I wasn't sad either. I was just.. emotionless. My eyes were tired and lifeless, and just like that, I saw myself slowly passed out in the bathtub. At the exact moment, I snapped back to the reality world. Then, I looked at Dr. Lee with rounded eyes, and as if he knew something had crossed my mind, he gave me a signal to voice it out.

"I passed out in the bathtub, and waking up feeling like I wasn't being myself anymore." I blurted it out as fast as I could, afraid that I would forget again.

"I was too depressed, too broken, and people told me that I've changed completely into a different person." My mouth automatically spoke out those words, and unconsciously, I rubbed my arms as I felt the dark aura was trying to cover me again. "I used to be a good daughter to the family. But after that incident, I've turned into a rebellion."

"When did that incident happen?" Dr. Lee inquired, looking serious as ever.

"It was last year, because I remember it was snowing too, around this time." I stated, my voice became more and more quieter.

Dr. Lee let a moment of silence passed as he did some thinking, or maybe he seemed to notice that I was freaking out in my seat, so he decided to give me a moment.

"Jinhee-ssi, you said that you can't remember some memories in the past.. So, what do you remember?" Dr. Lee decided to twist the question around, and I was a little taken aback.

What was the remaining of the memories? Upon hearing that question, I felt myself scoffing away bitterly as I let my head hung low.

"Everything was just too dark and painful, Dr. Lee." I summarized it all up, didn't even waste any time on thinking because the feeling was just there.

"Mind to tell me in details, Jinhee-ssi? Will you be alright..?" Dr. Lee asked as he looked at me worriedly, more than a stranger should, so at that moment, I tried to accept that we did know each other.

And even though I wanted to tell him that I would not be alright because I was afraid I would break down in front of him, the thoughts of Taehyung told me to stay strong, to stay firm. After all, I tried to go through all of this because of him too. So, I sat up straight and looked up at Dr. Lee, masking a calm expression.

"My stepmother would sometimes abuse me behind my father's and my brother's back, in a way of teaching me to act more like a lady. She's a perfectionist, so she wanted everything to be perfect. If I failed to achieve that, she would insult me in a subtle manner, saying that I was a disgrace to the family and such. It was painful back then, but now, I think I've familiarized myself with those hurtful words." I smiled while shaking my head, as if it didn't matter to me anymore.

"When it comes to my lovely father, he didn't even acknowledge my whole presence in that home. It was as if I didn't exist, or maybe I was only visible to him whenever it had to do with an arranged marriage, which I believed it was for his business purposes." I let out a tired smile at the mention of my father.

I don't know why. Just at the thought of him, it just made my heart ached even more compared to what had my stepmother done to me. It was understandable for my stepmother not to show any hint of love towards me, but my father? I may have had expected something from him ever since I was little, and maybe that was the reason why that I hated him when I get nothing in returns.

"I had my first fiancé at fourteen. As a good daughter, I'd always treat the other family obediently, just like how my father wanted it to be. But after the incident, I took a few desperate measures to cancel the engagement. Not once that I had succeeded, but thrice." I proudly bragged and chuckled.

The memories of those adrenaline kicked-in incidents rushed back all at once and made me smile like an idiot.

How I brought a random guy into our home as my boyfriend, just to show it in front of my future father-in-law and my two-years fiancé.

How I acted like a person having a mental disorder during dinner with my other future father-in-law and my second fiancé.

And how I secretly set up a blind date for my third fiancé, took some evidences, and emotionally told his family that I didn't want to marry a cheater.

There were a lot of dramas going on at that moment, but it was a good memory, I guess.

"My father would be so mad and infuriated. I guess after the third time, he'd lost all his patience that he ended up.. slapping my face for the first time. In fact, I ran away last year because of that too." I couldn't muster a smile anymore. The unexpected event crossed my mind as clear as the day.

I remembered that night, I was walking towards my room, feeling drained as ever after I pretended to play as the victim. I saw my father fast approaching me, and without any warning, he just planted a slap across my cheek, making me turned into utter speechless.

"I've had enough of your crap, Kim Jinhee! If you don't stop bringing shame to this honorable family, you'll soon find out the extent of my temper!"

That was what he told me with anger lacing in his voice and visible veins on his neck threatened to pop. But at the very same night, I managed to escape out with the help from Chang Wook, because I have had enough of living through a robotic life, too.

"And lastly, it's about my mother.." I said, and slowly trailed off as I let out a painful sigh. "I didn't get to spend much time with Chang Wook, because my stepmother had warned me to stay away from him, so I was always alone. And in those darkest times, I'd always remember about my mother.."

I fell silent as it took every amount of my self-control to hold back the tears that threatened to gush out just at the thought of my fragile mother. I huffed out a few shaky breath, telling myself not to be emotional about it, not here, not at this particular moment. But then, it was so hard when suddenly that one picture of my mother, smiling so weakly to the camera flashed through my mind's feed.

"It's still hard for me.. to accept the fact that she died during childbirth, and it was all because of me." I quickly looked away as I suddenly felt a tear trailed down my cheeks. I wiped away my tears and remained quiet as I tried to control my emotions.

There was only silence in that room as I listened to the sound of the ticking clock. I didn't dare to look at Dr. Lee anymore. I knew what kind of look he would have in his eyes, and I didn't want to earn that kind of look from a stranger, at least for now.

"But there was one thing I was sure about.. That, my father really loved my mother. Because he'll always remind me about her. He told me how strong my mother was when she tried to fight for me, how she spent her entire life in the hospital, how she slowly turned weak before she passed away.. I knew my mother from him, and that, I appreciated it a lot." I said and let out a weak smile.

"I guess that's all that I can remember for the past seventeen years I've managed to live through." I shrugged it off casually, like everything didn't matter to me.

Then, I took the courage to look at Dr. Lee and was surprised that instead of giving me a pity stare, he just sent me a meaningful smile. I raised my brows and gave him a questioning look.

"Are you feeling better now, Jinhee-ssi?" He asked, and I blinked at him in wonder.

"It seemed to me that it's your first time telling your life story to someone."

I was too awestruck to reply him, because he just made me realize about it. It was indeed my first time opening up my heart to someone, not Chang Wook, not my best friends, not the boys, and not even Taehyung.

Slowly, I let out a warm smile at him. "Because Dr. Lee, you were telling me to trust you, right?" I tried to reason out with the gaze he was silently giving me a moment ago. Dr. Lee chuckled and looked down, admitting that he was caught red-handed.

"So, I've heard of your life story, and this is where the difficult part comes.." Dr. Lee suddenly looked all indecisive, as if he was hesitant to tell me what was actually wrong with me.

"It's okay, I can handle this, Dr. Lee." I assured him with a wide smile while clasping my hands together and put it on my lap.

Upon witnessing at my action, Dr. Lee looked as if he was trying to hold back a smile. I slightly rolled my eyes when my attempt to cover my nervousness failed. What was I even thinking, trying to fool a psychiatrist?

Dr. Lee let out a sigh over his intertwined fingers before he slowly revealed, "Jinhee-ssi, I'm so sorry to tell you this.. but it seems that you've been secretly living with PTSD."

"W-what?" I exclaimed as my widened eyes looking back at him in surprise.

"You remembered all the dark memories, because you were too depressed about it, because it kept lingering in your mind for a long time, that it eventually got stamped in your brain, stubbornly." Dr. Lee started to psychoanalyze me as he held onto a solemn expression.

"You held onto those hurtful memories because you thought you can fight it, you tried to act all carefree with it, as if it doesn't affect you, but it only caused you to live on alert." He explained as he looked at me carefully. But when he saw I had my eyebrows scrunched up in confusion, he elaborated more.

"In other words, you're pretending that those memories weren't a traumatic one, but the truth is, it was. Because you feared of those traumatic events."

I bit my lips out of panic, because Dr. Lee's words just hit me right in the heart, and he reminded me of something that I didn't even realize, again. Every word that came out from his mouth, it did sound make sense scientifically.

"That incident where you passed out was when you'd reached the maximum level of extreme stress, that your brain decided to shut down on its own. But it's a wonder, because usually someone would forget about the bad memories instead of the good ones, and even if they try to forget, it will still remain." I saw Dr. Lee's forehead deepened a little in mild curiosity.

"But in your case, you've forgotten all the good memories and it never remained, so I have to add that, you might also have.. dissociative amnesia." He declared reluctantly and huffed out a regretful sigh.

"Dissociative amnesia?"

"It's different from a normal amnesia, Jinhee-ssi. There are four types, and you had one of them, which is the selective amnesia. You've selected the memories that influenced you the most, and loses the other parts."

I lowered my gaze as I couldn't seem to wrap my head around this new information. Dr. Lee didn't just diagnose me with PTSD, but he diagnosed me with dissociative amnesia as well? This was too ridiculous, and this kind of situation, it only happened in TV dramas. Tell me, how can I believe that this is really happening to me?

"Is there a way to retrieve the good memories?" I found myself asking, because that was my only motive, to remember something in the past, or more specifically, that mere dream.

"Too good to be true, yes, there is. We sometimes used hypnosis to help people who're suffering from dissociative amnesia to recall events that have been lost." Dr. Lee suggested, and he let out a kind smile.

There was a long moment of silence as I was suddenly conflicted whether I wanted to remember or not. What if I remember something that was not good? What if I find out something and ended up hurting myself? There were too many queries floating around my mind that I started to feel the headache pressing down my head.

"Jinhee-ssi, have you decided on the therapy..?" Dr. Lee asked worriedly when he noticed my expression grimaced painfully.

"Thank you, Dr. Lee. But I don't think I'm ready for any treatment yet.. I'm sorry." I replied him in a weak tone and stood up from the sofa with bowed head.

Dr. Lee stood up along and patted me on the shoulder. "Alright. But if you need any help, just give me a call. You've your seat reserved here." He said with a concerned smile. I returned his smile and nodded at him before I made my way out of the room.

I didn't even know why I rejected Dr. Lee's offer. My mind was blank as a clean slate, but my heart was holding onto something.. Something familiar, almost adamantly and stubbornly, saying..

No matter what happened, I still want to know everything from Taehyung himself..

»»————　A/N　————««

I'm sorry that the dialogue in the teaser wasn't in this chapter, because once again, I write toooo long, and I've to postpone to the next chapter.

This chapter explains about Jinhee's dark past, and how it affects her life, and also what actually happens to her. There will be more about Jinhee in future chapters.

Don't worry, the next chapter will be so soon, all I need is for you guys to have ur hearts ready ;)

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Much love,
lynie

Lee Soohyuk, Mr. Psychiatrist 💕

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"Angel unnie said, she loves oppa so much, that she's willing to wait for you forever."