𝓚𝓲𝓶 𝓙𝓲𝓷𝓱𝓮𝓮

"ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ʜᴇʟʟ ɪs ᴋɪᴍ ɴᴀᴍᴊᴏᴏɴ?" I inquired as soon as I burst into the music room and saw that Namjoon was not there, as well as Taehyung.

I could have asked where was Taehyung, but I didn't bother to when I could feel the heat flushing through my body with rage. I couldn't think of anything other than wanting to know the reason why Namjoon had to hurt Soojung.

Everyone looked at me with a questioning look. For a moment, they took in my fiery expression and slowly they gulped nervously, knowing that my temper can be something that they wouldn't want to see early in the morning. It was usually on something nonsense and not serious that I would be mad about, but this time, I didn't think I could consider it as nonsense.

"Jinhee, what's wrong?" Looking concerned and nervous, Jimin decided to approach me.

"I need to see Namjoon, right now, at this moment." I demanded with a carefully controlled tone as I folded my arms across my chest.

Jimin looked like he was confused, as though he didn't have any idea of what was going on, and that applied the same to the others, except to that particular someone, who was now heading towards me, looking troubled by my persistency.

"Urm, Jinhee... He's not coming to school today." Jin rubbed his neck awkwardly with a pasted-on smile. If he thought by doing that can make me calm down, then he was so wrong.

"And why is that?" I asked as my voice raised with every word. The idea of Namjoon wasn't coming to school somehow made me want to blow up in just a matter of seconds.

And as I was trying to opt out from thinking any further, a thought suddenly crept into my mind. Was Namjoon trying to run away from Soojung? I almost scoffed at the thought and believe me, this idea didn't make me feel any better at all.

I noticed Jin's stalling gestures, where he was taking his time into thinking and kept turning away from me, as if he had the desire to get away from here, more specifically, under my sharp and intense gaze.

"Jinhee..." He called out in an attempt calm. "Namjoon... He had some emergency going on, so–"

"Jin oppa, you expect me to believe that after that coward has dumped Soojung??" I cut him off as my eyes stared straight at him.

"Jinhee, Namjoon must have a reason for this." It was Yoongi who tried to confront me.

"Which he didn't tell Soojung whatever his reason was and that he's acting like a complete jackass right now!" I snapped out my anger. When I panted, I only realized that I might have shouted too loud. All of them looked at me with protruding eyes, didn't expect for my outrage.

I looked away and caught my head in my hands, drawing in slow and steady breaths to regain my self-composure. "No... I-I'm sorry." I muttered softly, almost inaudible.

I bit my lips out of guilt unconsciously. I know I wasn't usually like this. I was not the type of person who will vent out my anger just when I feel it.

But maybe it was because I just witnessed Soojung's emotional breakdown a moment ago, that I was affected too. It hurts to see Soojung crying again when it was only the fifth month of knowing her.

I didn't want to hurt anyone and I didn't want anyone to get hurt. I loved both Bangtan boys and my girls. It never crossed my mind that someday they will eventually hurt each other, like now. So at some point, I was conflicted.

"I'm sorry." I repeated again, especially to Jin and Yoongi because I respected them as my seniors. And because I also know I shouldn't take out my anger out on innocent bystanders. I just need to hear out from Namjoon himself.

"I think I'll just excuse myself." I hung my head low and quickly spun away, making my way out of the room.

I think I heard someone calling my name before the door shut, whether it was Jimin's angel voice or Hoseok's unusual manly voice, or Jungkook's sweet voice, I don't know.

✿ ✿ ✿

I stood in front of an old gray building as I marveled upon its façade. The concrete wall was literally damaged and deteriorated, I guess it was because of the acid rain effects.

But overall, the buildings appeared dull, and the windows with shutters made me think twice, whether to check if I'm living in the 21st century or I might have travelled back to 20th century.

"Can I help you?" I jumped a little at hearing a sudden strict and gravel voice before I placed a hand over my chest.

I stopped myself from gaping at the unbelievable state of buildings as I looked down to find the source of voice, and I was welcomed by a middle-aged short woman carrying a black purse, looking rather expensive. And I noticed the Burberry scarf covering her neck, as well as bejeweled accessories shining brightly from head to toe.

Wow.

This is not your average ahjumma in the kitchen. This is your arrogant type of ahjumma where they will start gossiping as soon as they met their squad. And if my hunch was right, she must be the landlord of this old building.

"Urm, I'm trying to find my friend here, though I wasn't sure if this is the right address?" I asked her, showing the address on my phone while she still held onto an unfriendly face.

I had asked Namjoon's address from Chang Wook, knowing that the boys wouldn't bother to give me his address after witnessing my murderous behavior a moment ago.

"What's the name?" She asked, in a monotonous way as she scanned the address on the screen. "It's correct, this is the place, and I'm the landlord."

I mentally smirked in victory and asked her, "His name is Kim Namjoon. Do you know him?"

I was slightly taken aback when she rolled her eyes upon hearing Namjoon's name. Her face grimaced in annoyance, "Oh, that kid. I just kicked him out because he keeps on delaying the payment. I was so tired of keeping knocking his door to collect the payment, and ended up not receiving any." She scowled as she started glaring at me, probably making judgement that I was like Namjoon — poor and penniless.

Me, on the other hand, was left speechless as I couldn't instill the new information inside of my brain. That it didn't make sense in any ways.

"Wait, are you sure we're talking about the same guy, Kim Namjoon? A tall, pink-haired guy with dimples and a goofy smile?" I asked again as I stepped closer.

"Yes, young lady. Now, if you could excuse me, I have a lot of work to do." She gave me a final look before she left me there, erected on the ground, not knowing where to find Namjoon other than his apartment. Well apparently, not his apartment anymore.

But I was compelled not to let that ahjumma leave before I could find Namjoon because she was the only key, so I ran to her and stopped her immediately.

"U-urm.."

"What do you want now? You're quite annoying for a pretty lady." She placed her hand on her hips while the other holding onto her expensive black purse.

Wow, how can she use annoying and pretty in the same sentence? I was quite impressed for a second.

"Urm, do you probably know where does he live now? Please, I need to meet him." I pleaded with my puppy eyes.

"I'm not his babysitter, how should I know." She replied coldly, shaking her head as if saying I'm asking nonsense.

"Oh.." I frowned.

She pulled away her arm from my hold and completely walked away, but not before she turned her head miraculously, saying, "But he do have this one friend, white or blonde hair, I don't know, buff, and very often talks in English very loud, who's staying in that orange building over there." She pointed at the orange building only a few blocks from here and I was starting to see new hopes.

"Omg, thanks ahjumma!" I yelled happily and hastily ran towards to the orange building while waving my hand crazily at the ahjumma.

"Yah! Don't call me ahjumma!" She shouted with her face twisted in annoyance and I could only laugh. I know about that, and I have been holding it in to call her that from the start.

I slowed down my pace when I have reached that orange building. Now.. where should I find this friend of his.

"Coco! Sit!" I heard someone commanded in a loud voice. "No, no, I told you to sit, not scratching your ears!" I turned to look at the guy, squatting down while covering his face in frustration because the fluffy Maltese puppy in front of him doesn't listen to him.

Loud. Checked.

White-Silver hair. Checked.

Buff and Sexy. Checked.

English. Checked.

"Hey.. hi. Do you probably know Kim Namjoon?" I asked him.

He looked up with his shining eyes, and he really took his time because he was staring at me so long. Then he stood up, licking his fingers and fixed his hair with it.

"A pretty lady." He smiled ever so widely and walked closer to me that I had to step back. "What's your name?" He smiled cheerfully and giggled. First impression: This guy is so high-spirited.

"I'm Kim Jinhee." I awkwardly introduced myself to this white-haired guy.

"Oh! Nice to meet you!" He reached out for my hand and shook it wildly, that for a moment, I was dumbfounded.

I pulled back my hand and frowned, "That's rude."

"Wh-what is?" His expression changed from happy to a panicked one as he stared at his hand, not knowing what's rude about making handshake.

"You just licked your fingers and you shook hands with me. Isn't that rude?" I crossed my arms and eyed him. And he didn't introduce himself either.

"Well, other girls find that it's manly and they don't mind when I did that?" He asked, looking absolutely absent-minded.

"Well, too bad for you, I mind." I flashed him a fake smile. And oddly, he smiled back, obviously didn't get the idea that I was being sarcastic.

"You just smiled at me, means we're friends now. Haha." Suddenly, he slung an arm over my shoulder that I was again surprised by his spontaneity.

"Get your hands off me, white hair guy." I pinched his arm and he whined in pain. Somehow, he reminded me of Jimin.

"Hey hey, do you want to see me doing backflip?" He asked eagerly with his puppy eyes twinkling with excitement. I blinked. I can't seem to put up with his free-spirited attitude anymore.

And without even waiting for my answer, he got himself ready to do a backflip free show. He stood a few meters away from me now, so I decided to take this chance to abort the mission on asking him about Namjoon.

I turned around to walk away but I was surprised again when a fast wind brushed past me and suddenly the white hair guy was standing infront of me, holding his both arms to the sky, meaning that he literally just did his backflip.

"How was that? Are you surprised?" He scooted closer to me and asked me with his loud voice, actually looking proud of himself.

I pursed my lips, inhaling a breath and huffed out. Instead of complimenting him, I decided to ask, "Are you going to tell me where's Kim Namjoon or not?"

"People would usually look amazed after they've seen my backflip, and weirdly, you're not." He rubbed his chin in disappointment.

"What? You want me to pay you for your free show then?" I raised my brows at him.

Then, I saw his forehead deepen in disapproval, "Not everything revolves around money, young lady." He reminded with a serious look as I saw him glaring at me. I found myself chuckling at his statement.

"I like you, white hair guy. Let's be friends." I smiled genuinely at him and he was taken aback for a while. Slowly, his lips spread into a wide smile.

"I'm Jackson Wang! I like you too!" He suddenly yelled so loud and I looked around to see that some people were glaring at him.

"Jackson, you know what, you shouldn't talk too loud." I whispered at him.

"Oh, why?" He asked, looking extremely curious.

Instead of telling him that the way he talked cause nuisance to other people, I decided to say, "Because people might fall for your sexy voice." I teased. He laughed even more louder and pushed back his hair proudly.

"That's my charm. Girls can't stop falling for me." He smirked to himself as I chuckled. I really can't stop him but he's interesting.

"Anyway, do me a favor. I really need to know where's Namjoon?" I put up a serious look as I looked up at the gloomy sky. It seemed like it will rain in any minute.

"He's working at the gas station. You probably know, it's just a few streets ahead." Jackson told me as he pointed to the endless road. I pouted a little, the gas station looked so far somehow.

"So, he lives with you now?"

"Yup." He nodded, still energetically.

"Can I come in first? I'll wait for him, in the meantime, let's hang out. I know you're bored as hell." I smiled at him and his eyes popped in excitement again.

"Omg Jinhee, you understand me! I'm so touched. Coco didn't even listen to me." He complained and I chuckled at his childish side.

With Coco on my shoulder, I stepped inside their unit and it was a normal-sized room. Well, boys being boys, so it was quite messy and cramped.

"Would you like some drinks, Jinhee? And make yourselves comfortable in our messy house. Hahaha." I could hear Jackson laughed from the kitchen and I can't help but to laugh along. He was actually proud of his messy and chaotic house.

"I'm fine with just water, Jackson. Thanks." I said as I walked around. There wasn't much thing that I can see because many things were cluttered up, or more specifically covered by their dirty clothes.

"Jackson, how many people live in this house?" I decided to ask, curious to the number of sneakers I saw at the entrance.

"Well, seven. But with Namjoon now, so eight." Then, I heard a noisy clatter sound from the kitchen. I guess Jackson just bumped into something. "I'm okay!" He shouted and I chuckled again.

"You know.. Jackson, I just need to take something from Namjoon and he said he left it here. So, which one is his room?" I lied and hoping that in his messy state, he wouldn't notice.

"It's on the right, the second door!"

I smirked in victory and quickly made my steps to the room. After twisting the doorknob, I scanned the whole room speculatively, and it was quite simple and neat — arts on the wall and a computer. Nothing much. I thought I might get a clue on what happened to Namjoon. Why he was kicked out? He was short of money?

No, the better question is.. How did he get into Jeguk Private when he is not rich? Is he a scholar?

As I was into my thinking, I noticed the small brown dustbin beside the computer desk. I'm not attracted to the design of the dustbin, of course, I'm more attracted to the crumpled notebook sitting on top of the paper balls inside the dustbin.

I bent down to pick it up and I noticed it was the same notebook that Namjoon have been carried around in the school. I looked at it before I turned the to the first page.

It goes round and round, why do I keep coming back. I go down and down, at this point, I'm just a fool. Whatever I do, I can't help it.

I want to be free. I want to be free from freedom. I'm happy now, but I'm also unhappy. I wish I could love myself.

You're my sun, one and only in this world. I bloom for you, but you make me thirsty. It's too late, too late. I can't live without you.

I'm sorry, maybe I'm too rational but still, if you see me someday, smile. Maybe you resent me a little or no, a lot. Let's meet when the lilies bloom and say goodbye when they wither.

The lyrics were flowing beautifully. But then, on second thought, it also sounded melancholy and gloomy, it's as if every sentence had a hidden meaning. That had me thinking.. Was Namjoon okay?

✿ ✿ ✿

I stood there, in the mist around the street lights not far away from the gas station as people come and go under the steady drizzle. My cold hand holding onto the clear umbrella given by Jackson while I dived the other hand into my coat pocket. The dark grew, making the street more and more quiet.

With a lollipop in his mouth, I saw Namjoon was helping refilling the gas tank in his customer's car while humming casually to a song in his head.

After he placed the gas pump nozzle back to its place, I was just equally surprised as him to see that the driver just drove off not before dropping a few dollars through the window. I huffed out a disbelief breath at such rude behavior.

While Namjoon stayed rooted to the ground, staring blankly at the dollars, his expression something that can make people pitying over him. After he recovered, he scoffed and he picked up the dollars.

"Fuckers!" Namjoon cursed out loud in anger and his voice echoed through the whole gas station seeing that there was no customer after that.

Slowly, I made my steps towards him while he dropped the dollars on the counter and was talking to the counter guy, looking rather aggravated. He took off the cap he was wearing and ran through his hair in frustration.

Because he was feeling miserable, he can't help but to move his eyes around so that he could calm himself down but as soon as his lost eyes finally landed on me, it widened instantly.

Rushing out from the counter, he approached me, "J-Jinhee, what're you doing here?" He asked, still looking surprised. His eyes roaming around before it met mine again.

"Did Jin tell you that I work here?" He asked again, with his eyebrows furrowed in anger now. I know he didn't want me here, of course.

"No, as you can see, I came here by myself," I replied with a calm smile, "And I think you owe me an explanation."

"About what?"

"About you, and Soojung, obviously." I perked up my eyebrows as I looked at him straight in the eye.

It took a whole second for him to react before he exhaled out an exasperated sigh and spat, "You know, Jinhee. Sometimes, you don't need to know about everything. It's really none of your business." He emphasized his words clearly and glared at me before he turned to walk away.

I thought he would regret about his decision and feel guilty about dumping Soojung, but his reply was so unexpected. The guilt, the sympathy that I had towards him a moment ago suddenly vanished in an instant, and the feelings have now replaced with fury and anger.

So, I pulled his arm to stop him from walking away and shouted, "She's my best friend, for god sake! What do you expect me to do? Be happy for her when you just dumped her for no reason?"

He flinched at my outburst because the dark night made my voice echoed, even the guy in the counter can't help but to look at us. For a moment, I was embarrassed, so I decided to step back from Namjoon, hoping that it could calm my rage down.

"Namjoon, you know she went through a heartbreak before she met you. She trusted you. She gave her broken heart a second chance to accept a man, in hope that things might worked out and what did you do?" I asked in a low and shaky tone, still trying to calm myself down by huffing a few breaths.

"I–"

"You better not say something like 'I don't deserve her' or 'she deserved someone better' or some kind of other bullshit." I warned him, and was amazed that I managed to sound like a freaking thug. He looked at me, taken aback, as if to say that I just hit a home run.

Then, he caught his head with both hands and yelled out in a broken voice, "But that's the truth! I'm a fucking loser and I don't deserve her! Because she deserved someone better, not this!" His hands wildly motioned to his whole attire. If he was frustrated a moment ago, now he looked much more frustrated, and madder.

"Then mind to explain why would you break up with Soojung, if you're writing lyrics all about her? Trying hard to be like Taylor Swift or something?" I took out his notebook from my bag and showed it to him. His eyes slowly dilated as he saw that familiar notebook.

"Why did you rummage through my things?! Wait, did you break into my house??" He snatched the notebook from my hand, looking at it before he stared at me, with a mixed of anger and disbelief.

"It's not called a 'thing' when that notebook was in the trash bin. And no, Jackson let me in." I splayed my hand across my chest, pretending that I didn't feel bad about touching his things without his permission, but the actual thing was, I felt really bad.

"Whatever." He quickly put up a defensive look and cursed under his breath, along with Jackson's name on it. "I think you should just leave, Jinhee."

He almost walked away but I managed to stop him again, "We're not done talking yet!"

He turned around almost immediately and pushed my hand off, "We're done talking, Jinhee! I already told you why I break off with Soojung and now if you would excuse me, I need to do my work before I get fired because of you."

"Then what about you?"

He frowned at my question, looking at me long enough with his eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "Me?"

"Yeah. I said I need an explanation, about Soojung, and you. Now it's about you, Namjoon." I stated softly as I gave him a meaningful look.

"There's nothing about me for you to know, Jinhee." He shoved his hands inside his pockets and looked away.

"Oh really? Then, look into these eyes, tell me that nothing's been bothering you, that you're totally okay, that you're doing fine." I challenged him as I looked into him bravely.

A moment of hesitation passed before he finally took the courage to look at me in the eye, faking a smile with his deep dimples, he spoke, "Nothing's been bothering me and I-I'm–"

He paused and my gaze turned warm at this. I knew it, there must be something. Slowly, his smile faded and I started to see tears welled up in the corner of his eyes, that he had no choice but to look down.

"Fuck." He cussed softly as he pushed down his cap to cover his face.

✿ ✿ ✿

"Here, some tea and honey for relaxation." I offered him the drink that I just bought from the mart as I took a seat on the swing beside him. We were in the park nearby, and it was so cold that I desperately put my hands inside of my pockets again to feel the warmth.

"Thanks, Jinhee." He smiled at me and took a sip of the drink, just to breathe out a sigh of relief, "Much better."

I chuckled at him, glad that he was feeling much better. I let a moment of silence passed to let him rearrange his messy thoughts. I'm just going to wait until he was ready to tell.

"Have you heard of Fusaichi Pegasus?" He suddenly asked, that I just blinked at him as my eyes widened. That was totally unexpected.

"Is it some kind of.. expensive food?" I tried to guess and he laughed at my wild guess.

"No, it's the most expensive horse in the world, cost around $70 million." He simply smiled again at me.

I tried to think about the connection between Soojung, him and the expensive horse, "Okay, you lost me."

"What I'm trying to say is.. Soojung needs a Prince Charming, who could afford the most expensive white horse in the world. Well, in this case it's Fusaichi Pegasus." He let out a weak smile, before he continued again, "She doesn't need someone like me, who can't afford anything because I had absolutely.. nothing."

"What do you mean by nothing..?" I asked, with my leg slightly pushed the swing back and forth.

"I'm an orphan, Jinhee." He revealed, breathing out a sigh while I froze on my spot, almost fall backwards on the swing.

"What?! Oh- I mean, sorry, I didn't know." I muttered slowly as I felt the sympathy again. I knew that he had his both parents, but I didn't know that it turned out to be an adoptive one.

He shook his head, saying that it's okay, like he was used to this kind of reaction, "My parents died in a plane crash when I was only four. I don't really remember anything. Most of my childhood was in the orphanage center, but it only took three weeks for someone to finally take me in. You know why?"

He smirked at me, but I just stared at him, waiting for his answer because I think it would come out rude to make a wild guess in this sensitive topic.

"Because they knew that I'm a genius." He chuckled, but it was bitter one, "Everyone thought that it would be great to be a genius. Getting admired, getting jealous at but they don't know that most of the time, a genius was exploited to achieve something." He paused to take a sharp intake of breath. It seemed that he was really stressed because of this.

"And here's about my adoptive parents.. They knew that I can become something for them in the future, that I can be a help in their business, and that's also the sole reason that they actually took me in." He said as his tone started to lace with hatred and betrayal.

I didn't say anything as I was thinking.. For fourteen years of taking care of him, growing up with him, wouldn't his adoptive parents have at least a little bit of love and care towards him?

"They stopped me from chasing my own dream, brainwashed me that music is just a waste of time and pressured me to continue their stupid business. That's the thing, they only care about their business, their money, not me." He sneered at the thought of the painful memories. I pursed my lips in understanding, well, I think I understood him more than anyone else.

"Of course, I was idiot enough to love them without knowing that, until recently.. they threatened me, that they would terminate the adoption." I felt a tugged in the chest as I looked at him, surprised at the news and actually feeling the empathy now.

I could have sworn I saw tears rolled down on his cheeks before he stood up from the swing, and kicked a stone out of anger. He secretly wiped away his tears in the dark night.

"I couldn't take it anymore. So I ran away from home. And that's what you saw today, me, trying to earn my own money where people will look down on me. I don't have to worry about Jeguk Private since I'm a scholar. I guess that's the only good thing about being a genius." He scoffed again while shaking his head.

"You know why I like to hang with Bangtan boys?" He suddenly asked with a playful smile.

"Why?"

"Because they're all basically a bunch of idiots. And I love being an idiot around them, it's better than being a genius, you know." He let out a laugh and I chuckled at the thoughts of Bangtan boys. Sure, they're idiots but I love them, and I bet Namjoon must have felt the same too.

"Because of wanting to achieve on my dream so desperately, I didn't think twice before using my money to buy the computer and.. I was kicked out." He shrugged.

"And when Soojung knew about it, she said she wanted to help me.. with the money." His face darkened as he looked down, "But as a man, of course, I feel ashamed if I was to receive her help. It's like, suddenly, I feel so much difference between Soojung and I."

"I am determined to achieve my dream, being a rapper and continue doing music, but I don't know, Jinhee. Will I be able to successfully become one? What if this path that I've chosen lead me to nothing but just a pile of rock in the end?" He sighed heavily as he asked those questions, but more like talking to himself.

"I've already lost my adoptive parents. And if I failed on my dream, next it could be Bangtan boys.. Soojung.. and more importantly, my life." He squatted down as he held his head, feeling hopeless, "I feel so miserable that I couldn't write, I couldn't compose anymore."

"I feel so frustrated thinking about my future with Bangtan boys, about Soojung, about my parents, about the betrayal, that I had to throw away that notebook when the fact is I don't want to. After all, my passion started from there, on that notebook." I heard him sniff as he buried his face inside of his arms.

I made my way towards him and squatted down beside him. After giving him some time alone, I decided to say, "Hey.. listen here." Though he didn't lift up his head, I could see he was trying to stop his tears. I know that he didn't want to let me see his tears.

"If music can make you happy, then do it. Take your chances. You don't have to listen to your evil voices, instead, fight it. Prove that they're wrong, that your parents are wrong. Kim Namjoon, I believe that you can fight this." I genuinely smiled at him as I offered my hand at him. He stared at it so long, before his eyes met mine.

"Yo, C'mon big guy, you can do it, uh yeah! You're Kim Namjoon, and I'm Kim Jinhee, just shut the world because it's our time to shine!" I shamelessly did a free-style rap while Namjoon stared at me with his big eyes, totally shocked and speechless.

The next second, I heard Namjoon burst out into laughter and instead of receiving my helping hand, he dropped to the ground while holding his stomach. "Oh my god, that's the worst kind of rap I've ever heard! Hahaha."

While Namjoon was still in his laughing fit, I found myself biting my lips, fighting back the embarrassment. "Yah! I'm trying to cheer you up here, jerk." I smacked his arm and frowned.

Wiping his happy tears away, he said in between his laugh. "Sorry, but I don't expect that I will find someone who raps as bad as Taehyung. It was too hilarious." He chuckled in amusement and got up from the ground while dusting off his pants.

"Thanks Jinhee, for cheering me up." He patted my head gently as I saw his eyes glinted with hope.

"Now, this amazing Rap Monster shall do his thang and take over all the Grammy Awards with his rap's ryhmes like land-mines." He stated ever so confidently and grinned back at me. I smirked at him, feeling proud.

"Way to go, Rapper Boy. I told you that I'll help you guys with your dreams. And Kim Jinhee never lied."

♡━━━━━━━━━━━━♡

𝓣𝓮𝓪𝓼𝓮𝓻

"I don't need stupid horses, I don't need a stupid prince, I don't need a stupid rich man to make me happy! I just need my stupid genius to make my life complete."