𝓚𝓲𝓶 𝓙𝓲𝓷𝓱𝓮𝓮

ɪ ᴡᴀɪᴛᴇᴅ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʜᴏsᴘɪᴛᴀʟ ʟᴏʙʙʏ ᴀɢᴀɪɴ ғᴏʀ ʜᴏsᴇᴏᴋ. When I looked at my wrist watch, a frown found its way across my lips. Weird. He usually would arrive by this time.

My eyes searched around the lobby, hoping to catch a sight of him, but within seconds, my shoulder dropped in disappointment. I mean, there was barely anyone in the lobby since it was still early in the morning.

"Hey Jungkook, Hoseok oppa.. is usually a punctual person, right?" I asked the sleepy Jungkook who was leaning on my shoulder, his hand held loosely onto a baked bread that we bought from the pastry shop.

I looked at him and couldn't help but to let out a grin. A while ago, he had a hard time making a decision whether to sleep or eat first, and he ended up sleeping away.

"Always. And he nags a lot too." The sleepy Jungkook mumbled as he shifted his head. It was hard to wake him up and made him follow me here. Since he already went through so much, I guessed I would just let him sleep a little more while waiting for Hoseok for a couple more minutes.

The time was ticking. And the more it was ticking, the more restless I got.

"Did something happen to Hoseok after the fight last night?" I wondered silently, but didn't realize that I just voiced it out.

"He didn't bother to talk to us and straight away went back home after the fight. Hoseok hyung must be feeling really miserable." Jungkook said, stretching out his arms while yawning. Then his fast hand quickly tore open the wrapping of the bread and started eating it.

"How did he look like?" I asked. Not because I was not at the scene. I was there, of course. But because I was too distracted by Taehyung, trying to calm him down and all the hugs and tears, that I couldn't seem to remember anything after that.

"Hm... His eyes looked empty and lost like usual... But after the fight, it's like a mixed emotion of helplessness. Hoseok hyung looked like he was giving up on something." Jungkook explained as he tried to remember how Hoseok was acting yesterday.

On the other hand, I was feeling uneasy because of the 'give up' word that Jungkook used. I swallowed hard as my inner sense was giving me some kind of warning. The same warning when something atrocious was waiting ahead, the same warning that I felt during the time when I was trying to save Yoongi... Jungkook... Jimin... and now, Hoseok? Everything felt so wrong. At this moment.

Hastily, I took out my phone and called Hoseok. It was ringing and kept ringing. Like those times when I was trying to reach for Jimin. My heart starting to pound hard against my chest but it stopped when Hoseok answered on the sixth rings.

"Hello, Hoseok oppa–"

"Hello. This is his mom." I heard Mrs. Jung answered at the other end.

"Oh, hello Mrs. Jung, this is Jinhee. May I know where is Hoseok?" I cleared my throat a few times because of the panic attack.

"Oh Jinhee.. It was nice to hear from you. Hoseok told me that you often visited Jiwoo with him. Thank you, Jinhee."

"No, Mrs. Jung. Jiwoo unnie is my friend too." I smiled even though I know she couldn't see it.

"You're so kind, Jinhee. I think he's at the hospital by now. But, I don't know why he left his phone, maybe he forgot about it. Are you going to visit Jiwoo today?" Mrs. Jung asked, her voice a bit cheerful. I was glad about that but the panic started to flood inside of me again when I thought of Hoseok.

"Um, yeah Mrs. Jung. I'm on my way to the hospital and I will let you know if I meet Hoseok there." I lied, biting my lips, then I ended the call. Knowing that Mrs. Jung had gone through a lot because of Jiwoo, I did not want to add the agony more because of the missing Hoseok.

"Why did you lie to Hoseok's mom, noona?" Jungkook frowned at me, his eyebrows knotted in disapproval. "We are already in the hospital, and we are waiting for Hoseok hyung, right?" He asked. His eyes stared at me in confusion.

"Jungkook-ah... I think we need to find Hoseok. He's missing." Without wasting any time, I grabbed my bag and stood up, making my way out of the hospital.

Jungkook who was surprised by my quick action started to follow my pace, and when he had caught on, he pulled my wrist. "Wait noona. What do you mean?" He asked, looking perplexed again.

"Hoseok is not at home, he's not here either. And he left his phone. It's weird! I have a bad feeling about this, Jungkook. Please call your hyungs to search for Hoseok." I finished in one breath, my voice raising after every word as I felt my fingers trembling in fear. I was about to walk away again, but Jungkook wouldn't let my wrist go.

"Let me go, Jungkook!" I snapped and almost glared at him, but when I saw his gentle expression, it made me stop struggling from his hold. He was staring at me, looking concerned. Why?

"Hey... calm down, Jinhee noona. I know you are scared but I think I know better where to find Hoseok hyung." Jungkook said softly as he brought his thumbs to my cheeks and rubbed it. That was when I realized that I was actually crying.

I stared at him silently and he just smiled at me. It was kind of embarrassing that instantly I felt my cheeks turned pink. I huffed out a few breaths to calm my nerve down.

"Let's go." He gave me one last smile before pulling me into a direction while I just followed his lead.

✿ ✿ ✿

"The path to his house?" I gave Jungkook a puzzled look.

"I think maybe Hoseok hyung is just walking around. That's just what I thought, but let's give it a try." Jungkook said as he led the way to Hoseok's house. "And I have already told the other hyungs. They are searching for him too."

"Then, let's split up." I suggested. And I was about to walk to the other side when Jungkook stopped me again.

"Are you sure you're going to be okay, noona?" He asked worriedly, still wouldn't let go of my hand.

I nodded at him and assured him a smile before I completely pulled away. Because at that moment, I was just worried about Hoseok. I needed to see him. I wanted to see him being completely fine. I know he was in his vulnerable state right now and leaving him alone after the fight was the worst decision ever that I would keep blaming myself if I couldn't find him or save him. Oh God, please... Just let me see him.

I ran small steps while my eyes roaming everywhere hoping to see the sign of Hoseok. When I have reached the Han River bridge, I saw Jungkook running on the other side of the pedestrian walkways. He was like me, shouting Hoseok's name nonstop but his legs were faster.

"Hoseok oppa!" I kept calling his name, though knowing that my voice was swallowed because the wind was too strong, but that did not mean that I was going to lose this fight.

As I walked further and turned around to the front, suddenly my step halted when I felt my feet bumped into something, and I could have sworn my heartbeat stopped too. Ever so slowly, I lowered my gaze to the ground and a loud gasp escaped when I saw a human body passed out in front of me. Immediately, I kneeled down to help the unconscious stranger.

"Hey! C-can you hear me?" I shook his body nervously, not knowing what to do. But the second I took a closer look at his face, instantly my eyes rounded in horror. For a moment there, I found myself froze and stay rooted to the ground.

"H-hoseok oppa..." I choked out weakly, my trembling hands caressed his cheeks in disbelief, and I felt the tears started to fall furiously.

"Oppa, wake up..." I stared blankly at his pale and colorless face as it mirrored Jiwoo's. When he did not budge at all, I started to sob harder as I covered my mouth. I was totally paralyzed and scared that I was unable to move. No. He is not dead, right? Please, tell me that this is all a joke.

"Hoseok hyung!" Jungkook's voice and his touch on my back suddenly knocked me out from my crippled state. I was completely muted and couldn't do anything, but Jungkook was different. I saw him checking on Hoseok's breathing and after a few seconds, he heaved out a sigh of relief.

It was weird, because after he did, I literally felt the heavy weight was completely removed from my heart. I felt extremely glad because Jungkook's action told me that Hoseok was still alive. And another reason because I did not need to face another cruel reality that I have to accept if something ever happened to Hoseok.

The next minute, everything moved and happened so fast that we were now standing in the waiting room again, this time not for Jiwoo unnie, but for Hoseok. I told the hospital not to call Mrs. Jung or his family regarding what had happened to him because I was scared that it would be too much for Mrs. Jung to handle. On the other hand, I told the hospital that I would take the responsibility of everything and knowing my identity, the hospital agreed to it easily.

After waiting for hours, the doctor finally came out from Hoseok's room. It was the same doctor that had been treating Jiwoo.

"How's he doctor?" Namjoon stepped forward and asked the doctor.

"He's going to be fine. Ms. Jinhee, please follow me." The doctor smiled tactfully at me. I nodded and followed him, feeling all the eyes burning holes on my back.

"What's wrong doctor?" I asked. The doctor was giving me the look, the look of reluctant.

"I have flushed out all the Hydrocodone in his body. It was a good thing that he was brought to the hospital earlier before it could fail his livers." The doctor started to explain the details of Hoseok's condition.

"Hydrocodone?" I frowned, knowing the risky substance very well.

"I saw a high dose of Vicodine in his system, though I saw nothing inside of his stomach. While he was in unconsciousness, he kept saying that he was in extreme pain." The doctor showed me the CAT scans.

"If he was in pain, how can there be nothing in his stomach?"

The doctor let out a small sigh before he continued, "As a result of severe stress or trauma, it caused physical symptoms and make us think that we are in pain when there is no physical disease. To put it simply, it's a psychosomatic disorder."

"What does that mean?" I asked again, frowning even more.

"It means that he has been through an extreme emotional trauma that the pain grew and hyperbolized in his stomach, but it was only an imaginary pain."

✿ ✿ ✿

I took the seat at his bedside. I was the last one to visit Hoseok after everyone had went home. Jungkook wanted to stay as he was worried about me but I told him that I would be alright.

"How are you feeling, Hoseok oppa?" I asked, smiling a little at him.

But he didn't reply anything. We sat in silence with only a constant soundtrack of noise from the electronic beeping of slot machines. He was wearing a bitter smile while his gaze fixed downwards.

"I didn't inform your mother about this." I told him and he finally looked back at me. But it only stayed for a few seconds before he removed his gaze and stared down at his fingers. He just stayed still like a robot, looking empty and a bit confused.

"Thanks, Jinhee. She would be worry sick if she knew about this." His voice sounded weak. "And... thanks for saving me."

The image of him being unconscious suddenly flashed back that it made me immediately shut my eyes, trying hard not to remember anything related to the incident while I was holding the urge to break down again.

"Why oppa? Why you have to do this?" I voiced out softly while clenching my both fists on my lap.

Hoseok looked at me again, trying to process my question, but he just shook his head in defeat afterwards. "I don't even understand myself anymore, Jinhee. My body is getting worse. I keep feeling the pain inside of me and it was becoming hard to handle." 

"But it's not right to swallow the whole bottle of Vicodine, oppa. You could have died." I pressed my voice to a stern one. At this point, I was mad, I was angry at him because of his foolishness.

Hoseok glanced at me for a brief moment, then he avoided my gaze. I furrowed my eyebrows as I looked at him skeptically, because he looked nervous and guilty. Then, it hit me.

"Are you actually trying to kill yourself, oppa?" I didn't mean to raise my voice but the fact that he was acting like this, and knowing that he was really trying to commit suicide made me feel so frustrated. I couldn't hold back the tears anymore as it trickled down my cheeks.

"You don't understand, Jinhee! The pain is killing me!" He exclaimed defensively. His eyes were red and teary, it was as if he was tired of all of these things that kept giving him the pain. So he used Vicodine as the weapon to end his life quickly.

I was muted at his sudden outburst that I stayed quiet for a moment and gave us some space to calm down. I was left in wonder... Did he hate me for saving him when he wanted to die so badly? Did I make a mistake of saving him?

"You don't know how scared I was, oppa. When I found you, you looked so dead... I was starting to regret about everything..." I covered my face with my trembling hands as my voice filled with fear and remorse.

I inhaled deeply, attempt to pull myself together and wiped away my tears. I needed to find my equilibrium back. I couldn't be weak in front of Hoseok. I needed to be strong for him. And it was never a mistake to save someone from suicidal attempt.

"The doctor said there's no pain." I told Hoseok point blank.

His head snapped up fast at my words as he frowned. "What? But–"

"It was only an imaginary pain, oppa. You have been in a stressful state that you were imagining the pain, when there's none. And it came every time you thought of Jiwoo unnie." I explained carefully.

His widened eyes stared at me in disbelief. "No... It can't be..." He scoffed bitterly. "How can it be an imaginary pain when I feel it! It was fucking hurting me!"

Hoseok pushed the metal tray on the bedside and made all the medicines and syringes scattered messily on the floor. I was not surprised, I was ready for him to act like this. His forehead wrinkled, showing that he was thinking about the pain, where it came out of nowhere, where it appeared so sudden. Even though he wanted to deny it, somehow he knew it was true, that the pain only occurred when he thought of Jiwoo. My explanation gave him the reason that he needed all these time.

"I-I can't take it anymore," He admitted. "I don't think that she will wake up anytime soon. I tried to push myself, I keep lying to myself that everything is going to be alright but she looked so dead to me! Argh!" He held his stomach and groaned out in pain, at the same time, crying uncontrollably. I guessed it was the imaginary pain again.

I wanted to hug him, to console him but I found myself crying silently. It hurt to witness Hoseok being like this. He did cry in front of me once, but this time, it was much worse because he had given up on everything and he just wanted to escape.

Slowly, I reached for his hand to calm him down. "I know you are hurt, Hoseok oppa. But it's not right to end your life. What if your sister woke up exactly at the time you died? Don't you want to see her wake up?"

"No, I know she won't! She's dead! Don't lie to me Jinhee!" Hoseok shouted at me and pushed me away. His logical mind had shut down on him, he was not thinking anymore.

"She's not dead, oppa! She's actually waiting for you, fighting for you! You may not see it, but she's here with us. She's begging to God to open her eyes so that she could hug you and your mom. Oppa, please, be strong for your sister!" I shouted back and was stubborn enough to grab his both hands even if he kept shoving me away.

"No..." He shook his head and the tears kept falling, wetting his cheeks. He didn't push me away anymore because his energy was draining. He looked at me with his teary eyes, pleading. "Help me, Jinhee... It hurts..."

"I will, oppa. But you need to fight the pain too. Jiwoo unnie needs you more than anyone else, because you're her only hope." Hoseok cried harder at my words. The rest of the silent night was filled with the cries of the fragile Hoseok as I keep him company.

✿ ✿ ✿

"Thank you, Jinhee. You have done a lot for me." Hoseok said. His voice almost inaudible because the nurse just injected him with sleeping pills after all his frenzy emotions.

"Don't mention about it, oppa. Give it a rest." I smiled at him. He nodded weakly and started to relax himself.

"Good things come to those who wait, Hoseok oppa. And sure enough even waiting will end, if you can just wait long enough." I whispered softly to him.

"I will wait for her... I promise." He replied and let out a warm smile. I couldn't help but smile at his words. Finally, the old Hoseok was back.

We were all waiting for you to come back, Jiwoo unnie. We were all in this waiting game, together.

Waiting for someone was the most difficult bit, but we would eventually get used to the feeling, because it was already enough knowing that that person was still with us, even when they were not by our side.

»»————　A/N　————««

I hope you guys can understand what I was trying to imply for every story of each of the members. For Hoseok, it's all about waiting. Like how Jungkook is waiting for Jiyong's return, and how Jimin had been waiting for answers from Jihyun.

For people out there, who's waiting for someone, I hope you can wait a little longer, be patience. Because I have experienced it myself, wait for good things to happen, and when it happened, it was all worth the wait.

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Much love,
ℓynie

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𝓣𝓮𝓪𝓼𝓮𝓻

"I love you, and only you, Jinhee-ah."