Edward F***ing Cullen.

He stood deathly still, a pale figure dripping with the raging rain behind him. I froze as my eyes took him in, torn between hatred of my sister's ex and terror as I saw the black eyes and pale skin of a vampire. He looked slightly surprised as he recognized me, but it seemed to only barely register across his face before his entire body sagged back into a look of gloom.

I stood in the doorway like an idiot as this sunk in, as I tried to understand. Then, from the living room came an agonized cry, the sound of shredding clothes, a giant crack of something very large smashing furniture.

"J-"

I felt a pair of hands grab me by the shoulder and then found myself suddenly outside, falling to the ground as Edward dropped me and stepped inside. He moved awkwardly like he wasn't quite convinced of what he was saying.

"Just wait a second, Jacob. Hear me out."

My eyes wide, I stared past our enemy to meet the eyes of the werewolf entering my front hallway. His teeth were bared in a snarl, edging from side to side and searching for a way to get past the vampire.

"Jacob. Remember the treaty." Edward said slowly. "I'm not here to hurt her."

I dropped my wallet onto the fading wood of the porch, scrambling to my feet to square up behind him. "Then what the f*** do you want, Dickhead?"

Edward paused for a second, glancing between me and the now snarling brown werewolf, his perfect face haunting with evil black eyes. "I... I was looking for Bella. Jacob, I will leave, alright?"

"And what, go off looking for her again?" I snapped. Jacob let out a whine. "Leave Bella alone. Leave my family alone. You stole her and then you destroyed her and-"

"Gen-you are right to yell at me all you want but right now we should probably focus on convincing Jacob not to attack me in broad daylight on the chief of police's front lawn." Edward, still blocking the doorway, turned to stare me down as I blinked back at him. Finally, I nodded and he looked back to the snarling wolf where it loomed a few feet away. "Jacob, she's safe."

The wolf let out a noise, half snarl and half whine that echoed through my body in a way that made me shudder. I didn't feel safe. I felt like one of these two was going to tear me in half like-oh sh**, what was that crashing noise earlier? And how was I going to explain it?

"Charlie's going to be back soon, Jacob." Edward seemed to be going off my thoughts: I mentally swore as remembered what Isabella'd told me about him and saw Edward pause and wince in pain before continuing. "I would like to explain but I can't do that if I have to protect Gen from you."

The snarl he got in response was the angriest yet.

Edward turned to smile dully back at me. I watched Jacob inch forward for a moment, taking advantage of Edward's turned back. Edward didn't seem to care. "A little help, Gen?"

"You're the idiot standing between a werewolf and his girlfriend. " I don't make sense under pressure. "Jake, I'm gonna go around through the back door-or maybe... couldn't you just leave, Dick?"

There was a flicker of life in Edward's face, just for a moment-anger? Amusement? Then he shook his head, more desperate than ever. "I need to see Bella."

My mouth opened and shut several times. Before I could find anything to say, another voice cut into the conversation.

"You need to leave."

"Jake." I breathed a sigh of relief as I heard his human voice. Giving up on the part of my brain screaming for me to run away from both of them, I took a deep breath and sprinted through what little space there was between Edward and the door. I took a second to absorb that Jacob had wrapped himself in a towel from the nearby laundry basket he had left for me to take upstairs and then I shrugged and threw my arms around him. He pulled me to his bare chest in a one-armed hug, but turned our bodies so that he was between the vampire and me.

I peeked past at Dickface Cullen and found a lost look on his face, sad and lonely and exhausted as he turned to grab my wallet and came into the house. The door shut with a click behind him and I felt a tremor go through Jacob. I looked up to find his eyes squeezed shut.

"F***ing vampires, right?" I whispered.

"Yeah," He said weakly. "You're ok, right?"

"Yeah." I peeked under Jacob's arm to spy on Edward again. He was carefully not looking at us now, studying something in the living room. "But um, before we continue..."

"What?" He pulled back to study me worriedly.

"Where are your damn pants?"

Jacob laughed. "Werewolf thing."

"Y'know, it's gonna be hard enough lying to my dad without having to explain your constant nudity." I tried to joke. But it was too hard to keep pretending Dick wasn't there.

Pulling back from Jacob, I stared straight at the vampire lurking in my front hallway. I kept expecting him to look defiant or dismissive but it didn't come. He could barely even meet my eyes.

"I need to see Bella," Edward repeated.

I thought back to my conversation with Alice, her begging to know if my sister was better off without Edward and I concentrated on what I'd said to her-that he'd tried to steal Bella, that he'd thrown all of us into this mess of vampires. I hesitated for a moment and then I thought of Isabella when Sam had found her in the woods, Isabella screaming and looking dead for all those months, Isabella right before Alice appeared when she'd almost been herself again.

I was angry at Bella for going straight back to the vampires, for hanging out with Alice now and risking all of us when she'd first put the Cullens before me and Dad.

But I was far more terrified of what would happen if she went back to Edward.

Edward was nodding, looking between me and Jacob. "I understand." He told us. "But I... I can't help it anymore."

"Yes, you f***ing can." I growled. I let go of Jake and took two deliberate steps toward the asshole vampire, just enough steps to show that I was serious. "You walked out that door once, you can do it again. You've lived without her for a million years and you can do it again. You've ruined all our lives just by existing and-I guess technically you can do that again too but instead could you please just f***ing leave because I am calling the f***ing cops and I am telling them you made whatever mess Jacob left in the living room."

"Um..." This was Jake. Edward did not seem to know what to say. "Gen?"

"WHAT."

"You're gonna call the cops on a vampire?"

"I don't know. I'm pissed off." I took a shaky breath. The Cullens didn't want to kill people. Plus vampires had to keep their secret. So the cops would be ok, right? I saw Edward's eyes narrow and nodded decisively. "Yes. I'll do anything I have to keep you away from my family."

Edward sighed. "I understand.

"Then leave," I demanded. "And leave my sister alone."

"I can't." The vampire gave me one last apologetic look and then he was gone.

Jacob's hands gripped my shoulders, holding me still for a second before he let out a huge sigh of relief. "He's completely gone."

"Oh good." I watched the door for a moment. "Good thing the pizza didn't come during that mess."

"Yeah."

I turned to hug him again, burying my face in the crook of his neck. I was too angry and scared to go back to what we'd been like ten minutes ago on the couch but his arms were still where I wanted to be-it was a strange feeling. I pulled myself more tightly against Jacob's chest and felt his lips brush the line where my hair met my forehead.

"You called yourself my girlfriend." He muttered into my hair.

I stiffened slightly with embarrassment but he didn't sound upset. "Yep. Got a problem with that?"

"I suppose not." He teased back, kissing the top of my head again.

"Ok good." I considered, mouth managing to find a smile. "Does that mean you'd be willing to come to my school and scare Tyler again?"

"If I do that, can I call myself your boyfriend?"

"Only if you come on your motorcycle and then drive me off into the sunset."

He laughed again. "Deal."

"Awesome." I closed my eyes again briefly and then pulled away, steeling myself for the mess of lies I was about to unleash. "Now I gotta go call the cops on Edward F***ing Cullen."