"A whole lesbian, huh?"

"Yeah, she threw my ass for a loop with that one."

"Well, she must be the girl because she's dainty as hell and fucking gorgeous."

"Are you seriously crushing on her right now?"

Marley gulped her wine, then laughed as she refilled her glass. "I wouldn't say crushing, but she is fine."

"Marley Soleste, let me find out."

"What? I have no problem admitting when another woman is beautiful, and she's beautiful, big whoop."

"I've known you for nearly my entire life, and have never heard you compliment another woman like this."

Shrugging, Marley admitted. "Hey, I'm guilty of having the occasional "thought," okay? As much porn as we panted over in high school, you mean to tell me you have never fantasized about having sex with another woman."

"No, I haven't, but I assume from your question that you have."

Marley stuffed her mouth with cheese and crackers, then hummed as she washed it down with a long swig of Merlot.

Laughing, I declared, "You never cease to amaze me. Who are you?"

"I'm a woman, a sexual being, a goddess of love and lust. Hell, I'm a horny ass wife with a husband who's so territorial he gets jealous of his own damn self."

"To hear you tell it, married sex–"

Interrupting me, Marley boldly pronounced. "Girl, whatever I said after Michael proposed to you, was a lie. I'm so bored. Like, I imagine that wild week in Cabo, bored because Daniel thinks he's always giving me the business."

"Oh my God. I can't with you."

"You couldn't, but that fine ass Priya..." Marley licked her lips, opened her legs, gyrated and moaned.

I barely blinked as I took in my best friend's antics.

"If Daniel wasn't such a fuddy-dud, we would've fulfilled my fantasy a long time ago."

"I thought only men dreamed of threesomes."

"Who the hell sold you that waterfront property in the Sahara?"

Compared to Marley, I felt as green as a teenager. I knew sex, but only the heterosexual, non kama sutra type. The kinkiest Michael and I had become was the one night I slipped my tongue into the wrong place, and he liked it.

Now, disturbed, yet unable to take my eyes off of Marley getting busy with my couch cushion, I eagerly averted the trajectory of our conversation by confessing. "At least you're getting some."

"I don't know what you're waiting on. You should've broken Quincy off months ago."

"Well, it's not like he's trying to get a bitch naked."

"Then, get yourself naked. Show up in your birthday suit, and give his ass something to drool about and on." She winked.

Blushing, I replied. "I couldn't."

"Yes, you could, and I'm going to help you."

Marley hopped off the couch, then jogged down the hall towards my bedroom. On her heels, I pounced on top of her as she reached my bed. Wrestling her arms free, she tossed my pillows onto the floor and sang. "Gus.... where are you?"

"Marley, don't make me hurt you."

"Why, because you need some real vitamin D and me axing Gus is your prescription?"

She wiggled out of my grasp, then dodged me as she dashed to the other side of my bed before dropping to her knees. "Where is he?"

"I'm not telling you, psycho."

"I'll find him." She warned as she pulled shoe boxes from beneath my bedframe and flipped them over while shaking each one erratically.

"My car will be here any minute. Stop destroying my room, and get out of my damn business."

"I'll get out of your business when Quincy gets into yours." She sprung from the floor, whistling as she snapped her fingers. "Here Gussy, Gus... come here boy."

She turned over my closet like she was a DEA agent, growing impatient when she came up empty. Exhausted from sparring with her overly energetic ass, I lay on my bed to catch my breath. Marley stood in the threshold of my room and bath tapping her foot while gazing toward the shelves in the corners.

"Let me see. Quincy has been here, so the bed was a bust. He has clothes in the closet... so."

Pleased she was stumped, I sat up, grinned, then sashayed back towards the living room. My housekeeper was going to be pissed in the morning. No sooner than I refilled my wine glass, I heard. "A-ha!"

'Fuck!" I shouted as I watched Marley dart into the guest room. Before I could make it down the hall, she met me, grinning victoriously as she waved poor Gus about in her left hand.

Unable to restrain her near the room, she dashed past me, down the hall and towards the front door. She flung it open, then at damn near the top of her tipsy lungs, shouted, "Good riddance, Gus" while flinging my extra large, veiny, deep brown dildo into the evening air.

Unable to see where he landed, I was terrified to discover the reason she screamed "Oops" before covering her mouth and backing away from the doorway. When I made it to the front, Quincy's driver was rubbing his forehead with one hand and strategically picking up Gus with the other. I prayed for death.

Anton made his way to my top step, then without breaking a sweat, extended Gus in my direction. "Ma'am."

"Yeah, uhh, thank you?"

"Of course. Do you have any bags for me?"

Sheepishly, I answered, "No, I don't. I wasn't planning on spending the night. I have something important to do later."

His eyes shifted to the curved, flaccid penis replica in my hand. I jerked it behind my back, excused myself, then stepped backwards as I closed the door. Marley dropped to the floor and rolled with laughter.

"I bet he's going to say he got hit with a UFO, an unidentified fucking object."

I hated her soul, yet couldn't help but laugh. Crazy or not, Marley was a source of entertainment for me as well as the constant deliverer of painful truths. Poor Gus had been working over time, and although he didn't deserve to fly like a damn bird; he longer deserved to be a replacement when the real thing was no longer a distant memory that I couldn't get my hands on if I tried.

"I'm going to have to kill you another time." I announced while Marley cackled on my floor. "And cancel your Uber. If I have to ride with the man who just had my dick on his forehead, so do you."