"This is a joke, right?"

I shoved my cupped fist into Quincy's chest. And without an ounce of concern from me, he nearly tumbled backwards down the cement steps of my porch. It was cold, the nosey neighbors were lurking, but I didn't care. At that point, he wasn't no longer welcome in my house. He grappled with the loose, rusting black metal railing I refused to let him replace. Watching him fumble around like a buffoon, I was glad I had held my ground.

When he finally regained his composure, he managed to ask. "Can we talk about this inside?"

"We most certainly cannot. I just wanted you to get your shit back." I thrust my open palm towards his face. "And get the key I already asked you to leave."

"I don't have it, and this isn't mine."

"Of course it isn't. That's why your ass is standing out here. How dare you disrespect me like that?"

"Dana, it's not what you think."

"No? Then tell me what I'm thinking then because what I'm saying couldn't be more clear. Get the hell out of my life."

Quincy stared at his hand, then dropped his head. I heard the door creak open behind me, then Marley shouting. "What are you doing acting like a crazy person out here? You woke me the hell up. What's wrong with you?"

Without turning away from Quincy, I declared. "This asshole brought his wife's shit into my house, then had the audacity to leave it in my bed."

"What shit?" Marley grunted as she slowly eased down the steps and stood next to me.

Quincy's mouth remained closed as he opened his hand. 

"Oh my God, Dana." Marley shoved my shoulder. "You're the asshole. That's not his ex wife's."

"Bullshit, and how would you know?"

"Because that's what he was doing with Priya the other day. He FaceTimed me while picking out an engagement ring... for you."

"Bu–"

"I'm so sorry, Quincy." Marley intervened on my behalf, then reprimanded me with an evil  eye before pointing like a hunting Beagle to signal my coward's retreat into the house.

Completely unhinged, I followed her command, leaving my best friend and almost fiancé, now surely ex and a slew of amused neighbors lingering outside. An hour later, Marley shuffled into the living room to continue her verbal and nonverbal assault regarding my behavior. If I were a puppy, there would have been a pool of pee beneath my feet, and my tail would have been tucked between my legs.

"Are you proud of yourself?"

"No." I mumbled.

"Not only did you finally run off one of the few decent men left in this damn town, you made a mockery of yourself in front of all those white people you were so afraid of being embarrassed in front of."

"Mar-"

"Aht." She raised a taut palm between us. "You've said and done enough. Now, it's time for you to listen because I will not repeat myself again."

I covered the top of my head with a chenille blanket, then leaned back on the couch, ready to accept my punishment and bask in my shame.

"You're really fucked up, Dana and it has nothing to do with Michael. All of that back there was strictly you. I've sat around long enough watching you destroy yourself, and today was the final straw. You may have a right to be angry, confused even, but you don't have the right to, one, put your hands on a grown ass man, and two, to verbally annihilate his character and in the most stereotypical fashion ever... really?"

"Mar–"

The pointed finger ceased my response.

"I wish you would utter another damn syllable."

I decided not to honor that wish.

"I love you, even more than my own flesh and blood, but I'll be damned if I allow you to pull me into the depths of whatever darkness you refuse to allow light into. Michael isn't coming back, and Quincy isn't responsible for his death any more than you, so stop punishing yourself, him... hell all of us. And just so you know, I told him not to come back.  I told him he deserves better, and for the love of God, I hope he agrees."

"So, he deserves forgiveness, and I don't?"

"Forgiveness from what? He divorced his wife nearly seven years ago, after she tried to kill him."

"That's why she's in jail?"

"That's why she's in the mental institution attached to the jail."

"I don't get it."

"She's mentally ill, Dana. She attempted to suicide while trying to kill their unborn child, and when he tried to stop her, she nearly gutted him with gardening shears. They struggled, and she fell down the stairs losing the baby anyway. He's lucky to be alive, but until you, he didn't feel that way, not after all that he had lost. And Priya? She cared for him when his family couldn't . And just as much as he saved her, she did him. That's why they're so close. What we saw when he went down that dirt road was his closure. He wanted, even needed Priya's support when he decided to let her sister know that he would no longer be visiting."

"But, he never said anything. How was I supposed to know?"

"You weren't. You were supposed to trust his actions and believe his words, yet you had me on the fence with my own logic. You've ridiculed Quincy's affection at every turn because you're too selfish to admit you aren't ready to love someone else as much as they love you, not even me."

"I love you, Marley. You know that."

"And yourself?"

My gust of bravado waned.

"That's what I thought."

Sobbing, I offered. "I don't know what to do."

"For once, work on Dana, for Dana, that's what you do. Stop hiding behind grief, pills and wine. Quit expecting disappointment from everyone else and face the one person who needs to be judged by her actions."

"I really messed up, didn't I?"

"Ya think? And you're going to take your ass back to counseling to figure out how to not put all of us through this bullshit again."

"And Quincy?"

"He's gone, Dana, and this time, he's not coming back."

The knock on the front door gave me hope that Marley was finally wrong, that Quincy understood why I was angry and confused about us, about the ring. Instead, Daniel walked in. His expression of judgment permeated his presence and Marley silently agreed. Without even an "I'll see you later," she reached for his hand, leaving me alone and for the first time in my life, unsure if our friendship would survive.

________________________

Axum didn't look the same even though just two years prior it was home. Now, the small town vibe had been replaced with a more industrial feel, and I liked it. I almost made it to Marley's without tearing up, but even with all of the advancements, the flea market had remained unchanged. It felt good to witness a part of my former life still intact after everything else had changed.

I thought I would hit rock bottom when Marley walked out of my life, refused to return my calls, but somehow, I made it through. The job transfer across the country had helped tremendously, but nothing could alter the fact that I had missed my best friend, Axum and of course, Quincy. Counseling allowed me to own the strength I possessed to be happy, alone. And  it wasn't until the only person left in my path to destroy was me, that I had also realized the potency of my toxicity.

My reaction and near obsession with grieving over Michael's death was merely a symptom of my unhealthy relationship with me. My new therapist admitted I was a challenge, and I was. Seeking validation through pain had ingrained so deep within my personality, that I assumed it was an innate part of my DNA. I had mourned Michael's transition so deeply because it reopened the gaping wound of my personal loss, the loss of my own identity. Funny thing, it took finding it again to realize it was even absent in the first place.

Before abruptly leaving Axum, loneliness was a frightening thought and led the parade of dizzying emotions I allowed to dictate my actions, thoughts and path. I had believed and feared that the person I was could only be the person I needed if I were attached to someone else. And even after Michael passed, I maintained my connection to him, not completely out of grief, but also in the hopes that I wouldn't have to face the part of me who knew my relationship with him, although joyous, wasn't entirely healthy.

But that was all in the past. Catching sight of my face, illuminated in the ethereal glow of the afternoon sun, I sincerely felt the peace my smile revealed. When I pulled up to Marley's, I thought I was early, but the line of cars along the street told me otherwise. Maybe it would be better to not be alone with her. The text invitation, although welcomed after our estranged communications, had been odd enough.

"Dana." She shouted from behind the screen door. "You made it."

Our reunion was straight out of The Color Purple, the love even more dramatic and real.

"I'm so sorry." I sobbed.

"Me too." She wept.

I gripped her so tightly that I could hear and feel her heartbeat.

"I'm so glad you're here. When I didn't get  a response I assumed you couldn't make it."

"I wouldn't miss this for anything in the world."

I had never seen my best friend so happy.

"We'll catch up later. Let's get you inside. Everyone will be so glad to see you."

Marley's sister and family greeted me in the living room, her parents welcomed me with hugs and kisses as I entered the kitchen. I recognized a few faces from the firm as we passed through and stepped through the threshold into the backyard. My dad ended his conversation on the other side of the pool, swooped in and  picked me up, spinning me around like I was ten again. "There's my baby girl."

"Hey, Daddy." My cheeks were on fire when he returned me to the ground.

"I told your Mom you would be here. Lord knows, you and Marley can't be kept apart but so long."

Marley wiped a tear as I struggled to keep mine at bay.

"How long you in town for?"

"Just tonight. I have a major deadline looming, so I need to get back. And since my flight leaves early in the morning, I'm staying near the airport."

He and Marely both appeared disappointed.

"But, we have all day, and I'll come back for a longer visit as soon as I can. I promise."

"Fine." Daddy announced. "I thank the Lord you're here now. We've been praying for you and you know we love you."

The inferno lining my cheeks revved up again. "I know, Daddy, and I love you."

"Dana." My mother shrieked as she entered the backyard.

"Hi, Mommy."

I missed her, but I couldn't take my eyes off of who accompanied her.

Marley stood next to my mother and spearheaded the introduction. "Danika, meet your auntie and god mommy, Dana."

I could barely see the chubby, smiling six month old clearly through my tears.

"Marely, she's beautiful, and –" I stuttered. "And her name."

Marley beamed. "Gabby was pissed, of course, but we both know you and I have a bond as strong as our biological one. I did have to promise that our next child will be Gabriel or Gabriella, and I owe her a kidney, spleen or something stupid like that."

Our laughter made Danika giggle, and we all melted like goofy snowmen caught up in the rays of the sun. I reached for her, then kissed her cheeks. Then, instinctively bounced away while meandering away from the crowd. In a rocker on the other side of the pool, I admired my namesake, just as intrigued with her as she was with me. She gripped my face and plastered it with sloppy, toothless kisses and lunged on my lap while babbling as though I was privy to understanding the conversation she enjoyed with me.

"Someone has a lot to say today."

Danika's attention diverted from me towards the sound of the person approaching us. When she saw him, her entire body leaned in the direction of her outstretched arms. I had lost her.

"Quincy." Truth be told, she and I were both suddenly...lost.

"There's my girl." He nearly cooed as he eased into the adjacent rocker and pulled the giggling, wiggling baby into his arms.

After a few minutes of baby talk, she was finally exhausted and lay her head on his chest.

"Uncle Q got you." He assured her as she rubbed her eyes and mewed like a kitten. He wrapped his arms around her, and despite the bustle and camaraderie surrounding us, Danika drifted to sleep.

"Uncle Q, huh?"

He looked up, finally seeing me, then smiling, he replied. "Yeah, Daniel insisted that I accept my role as uncle and godfather to this little angel. I hear Marley didn't leave you much choice either."

"No, she didn't, but after meeting this little one, I can't say that I mind. Besides, I know how much they wanted children."

"The birth mother almost changed her mind on a few occasions. Man, that was a rough time, but it all worked out, and I've never seen those too any happier than they are right now."

I admired Quincy as he rocked the sleeping infant. He hadn't changed a bit, and despite denial, neither had my love for him.

"I'm glad they chose us." He confessed.

"Me too." I agreed. As if I needed a reason to be connected to him.

"But we only have six more months to plan the best one year old birthday party ever."

"Oh." I chuckled. "So, godfather's are planning birthday parties now."

"This one does, and it's going to be a doozy. That is, if you agree."

"A doozy of a birthday party is always agreeable. Let's do it."

We both laughed. Daniel strolled over and scooped Danika's limp body out of Quincy's arms. As I watched him walk away, I heard. "I've missed you."

Turning my attention to Quincy, I replied. "And I you. I'm so–"

He extended his hand. I placed mine into his. Leaning back in the rocker, he gazed around the yard, then announced. "No apologies. New life, new family and new beginnings."

I was pleased with his point and view and squeezed his hand as we rocked in unison. Everything was new, fresh and with letting go of the past, I couldn't agree more.

_______________________________

That evening, Anton left without Quincy.

"You've yawned at least ten times in as many minutes. I'll drive you back to the hotel, turn the car in and arrange for your transport to the airport in the morning." 

"Don't go out of your way. I'm fine. I promise." I barely completed my sentence before yawning again.

Quincy pulled the key fob from my hand, then strut around and opened the passenger door.

"Fine." I resigned.

He grinned as he closed the door behind me. I could barely keep my eyes open. All the anticipation before returning to Axum forced me into a state of insomnia with the best sleep I had for three days occurring on the plane. Well, it was good for me, the stranger next to me wasn't too pleased about the snoring or becoming an involuntary pillow. When we reached the hotel, I thanked Quincy and gave him a kiss on the cheek after he opened the passenger door.

"Thank you for this. I really appreciate it."

"Anytime."

I stood there, not knowing how to proceed with our goodbyes.

"Have a safe flight, and I'll call you about Danika's party next week."

Relieved, he made my silence less awkward, I replied. "I look forward to it."

The moment I walked away, I heard the door close. When I made it to the lobby, I turned around to see Quincy waiting for me to disappear into the elevator. I was exhausted and happy, but I couldn't keep walking away. I closed my eyes just long enough to convince myself to go back through the lobby doors and tell the man outside how much I wanted to be with him, not only for a night, but for a lifetime. By the time I opened them. He was inside.

"I have to tell you something." We spoke simultaneously.

He grinned. "You first."

Grateful that I would be able to express myself before losing my courage, I declared. "I've thought about you every day since the last time we saw one another, and I know you're good without an apology, but I'm so very sorry that I didn't fully appreciate the man you had proven yourself to be. Before, I didn't know how to love you, or allow you to love me, but that horrible day somehow became my biggest blessing. Losing you and Marley forced me to face the facts that I need you both, not out of desperation or weakness, but because you're both part of the best experiences of my life. And even if you were to never love me again, I don't want to know what it will be like to live the rest of my life without you in it."

The stinging in my eyes welled until a damn of tears broke free.

"Dana, I love you. I've never stopped loving you. I've prayed for your peace with or without me from the moment we met. And I don't believe I've ever lost you, only that I had to remain still, faithful and devoted to who I knew we were meant to be until you were whole and open to what we both know.  Love can't be forced. It just is. And it can't be manipulated by pain or doused by distance or time. If you were to walk away and never come back, I would love you. If I never heard your voice again, saw your smile or felt your touch, I would love you. Truth be told, I'm in love with all of you and would wait lifetimes for us because I'm supposed to. I didn't walk away that day because I gave up on us. I left because that's what you needed. Everything happened as it should've, and right here, right now, is where we're supposed to be."

"Wait, are we on a movie set?"

The voice from behind reversed my spell, making me aware that a small crowd had gathered. The men were shaking their heads in disbelief while the women wiped tears.

"Okay." I giggled.

Quincy laughed and waved his hand as phones filmed us, and he heard his name being whispered amongst the crowd. "Hi, hi, we'll get out of your way."

"Well, I don't think I can get a good night's sleep here anymore."

"Then you're in luck because I know the perfect place."

We left the lobby and pulled away from the hotel, amused as the multitude of onlookers cheered us on. At the estate, Anton smiled and nodded when Quincy opened the door. Quincy asked him to return the rental, and be ready to take me to the airport first thing the following morning.

After Anton left, it dawned on me that no one met us at the gate. "Where's everyone else?"

"Away. I don't want anyone or anything disturbing you."

Quincy led me to a guest room, then kissed me on the cheek.

"Nope." I pulled him closer instead of letting him get away. He smiled as he snatched me into his arms and kissed me so fervently, my exhaustion dissipated, only to be replaced by an ineffable passion.

The last thing I remember before drifting to sleep was an orgasm that catapulted me into God's presence, and Quincy whispering. "You're everything I ever wanted. I love you, Dana."

I nestled closer to Quincy Winters, warmed by his love, fulfilled by our desire to please one another in every way. The past couldn't be changed. The present was perfect and the future was uncertain, yet  bright. This was the love I needed and the man I wanted it from. The one  I promised myself would have all of me, the one whose peace comforted me as  I carried it into my dreams.

___________________________

"Get the fuck up."

I heard the voice,  but couldn't see a face. The bedroom was pitch black. Quincy lay next to me, breathing rhythmically as though he were sound asleep. Shaking off the disturbance as a lucid dream, I closed my eyes.

Again, I heard. "I said, get the fuck up."

This time, the warm air crossing my ear made the hair on my neck stand at attention. Quincy and I weren't alone.

"You say anything, and I'll slit your fucking throat. Got it?"

Panting softly, I nodded, then eased from the bed and deeper into the cloak of darkness. I could feel the tip of cold steel piercing my side and my hands flailing about seeking an object, anything to ground me. Shoved forward until my hand touched the panel of the door, I fumbled for the knob, twisted it until the catch was released, then pulled it open.

Disheartened by the darkness still lingering in the hall, I followed whispered orders to walk downstairs. At the bottom of the staircase, the sudden shove forced me face down onto the floor. The foot pressed against my back kept me there.

"I should rip out your fucking spine, you dirty bitch."

"Please, don't hurt me. My purse is in the living room."

The ghostly cackle caused more fear than the assault and verbal threats.

"Don't nobody want your damn money."

"Please, why are you doing this?"

"You ruined my life, bitch, and now I'm taking yours."

The moment the pressure on my back was released. I scurried across the floor. Praying I could make it to the door before the malicious presence made good on its promise. Just as I reached the foyer, a shock radiated through me, sending me back to the cold marble tiles. This time weakened with fear and pain, and with nothing to lose, I decided to scream. A clammy palm covered my nose and mouth, as it began to twist my neck. Chomping, I managed to catch just enough skin between my teeth to get a reaction.

"Fuck." The voice shouted before the back of my head was forced into contact with the floor.

Screaming, I didn't know if I needed to worry about the dampness on my scalp or the burning, razor sharp pain radiating down my side. Blaring lights and blurry vision did little to soothe my sheer panic, especially after the face behind the voice, though skewed, came into view.  Blinking rapidly, I asked, "Priya?"

Quincy's voice allowed a minute amount of relief, as he shouted, "Get away from her," just as the culprit kicked my aching side, then bolted through the front door. 

He activated the estate alarm, then rushed to my aid, pleading, "Dana, Dana,  stay with me."

I tried, but the excruciating throb in my head and body was too much for my consciousness to bear. I felt  Quincy's tears as his voice waned until I was engulfed in silence. Drifting into darkness, at least there was the solace of his presence and the security of his arms as he wrapped me in a rocking embrace. I didn't understand why my attack had happened, but I was glad Quincy was there. Even in that moment, I knew that loved him, and come what may, he was indeed every good thing.

The end... or is it?