Chapter 20: Return

"W-What did you just say?" I asked him. Gusto kong marinig uli 'yon, baka sakaling nag-iba lang ang pandinig ko. "I mean... 'yung mga huli mong sinabi. Pwede mo bang ulitin?"

He let out a heavy sigh as he whispered, "It's over, Mads."

"What is over?" I raised my eyebrows and clenched my trembling fists.

I tried my best to hold back my emotion, to stop the looming tears in my eyes. I did it. But I know it won't last. I am so feeble to try harder.

"The game," sagot niya. "Everything, Mads. It's all over."

I slapped him again. "You forced me in this game, pushed me to do things I didn't know I could and made me feel this," itinuro ko ang dibdib ko. "Tapos sasabihin mo lang ng tapos na? Nang ganito lang?! How dare you!"

"What the fuck do you want?!" Tumaas nang bahagya ang kanyang boses. "Ipagsawalang kibo na nasaktan kita? Na nadamay ka sa miserable kong buhay? Bullshit, Mads. You don't know how I am feeling right now."

That's it. Hindi ko na napigilan ang mga luha ko. Lumalabo siya sa paningin ko kaya mabilis ang paghawi ko sa mga luha. Ayokong mawala siya sa paningin ko, pakiramdam ko ay lumalayo siya, natatakot akong mawala ko siya.

"This game has only the right to hurt no other than me! Ako lang ang pwedeng masaktan sa larong ito, Mads!" Bahagyang pumula ang kanyang mukha, tila pigil na pigil sa sarili. Halos dumugo na rin ang kanyang kamay sa pagkuyom na ginagawa niya.

Tumingin ako sa kanyang mata... nasasaktan na naman siya.

"I told you, you can't get hurt because of me," he said in a hoarse whisper.

"Are you the only human in this game?" I couldn't hide the disappointment on my voice. "Am I just a programmed character that has no right to be hurt in this game, huh? Do you really think this game can't hurt me?!"

Huminga ito nang malalim. Kumalma siya. Sinubukan niya akong hawakan pero umatras ako.

"Why are you trying to hold me now?" I raised my eyebrows. "Is this part of the task?" I mocked him.

He shook his head. "I'll drive you home."

"Will I still see you again after that?" Nanginig ang boses ko. Naiisip ko pa lang na kapag umuwi ako ay hindi ko na siya makikita ay parang hinihiwa na ang dibdib ko. "I don't want to go home."

"Tapos na," aniya.

"You know what?" Huminga ako nang malalim. "Give me this game and I'll find your Mom for you. If you are too weak to continue, I'll do it!"

Tumawa siya. "You're insane."

I laughed too. "You made me one."

"Hindi ba ito naman ang gusto mo?" tanong niya. "You just said it. I forced you in this mess, I badly hurt you because of that. I can't afford to hurt you again, baby. It's unbearable. Ako na lang... Ako na lang sana. Kaya kong masaktan nang paulit-ulit pero huwag na ikaw."

"S-Sa tingin mo ba ay napipilitan lang ako? Dahil kung oo, gago ka." Hinampas ko ang kanyang braso. Hindi siya umalma. "H-Hindi ko itatago ang pagkatalo ko kung gusto kong makawala sa 'yo. Can't you see? I am dying here... I am dying, not because of the game, but seeing you like this."

Kumunot ang kanyang noo.

"D-Don't do this to me, Mads," he pleaded.

"No, Rocky. Don't do this to yourself." Hinawakan ko ang kanyang mga nakakuyom na kamao. Pinilit kong ayusin 'yon pero mas hinigpitan niya lang. "If you think, Rafael not loving me back is damn painful, think about what you're doing now. It's intolerable."

He slightly pushed me away.

"That's what I am talking about," he looked at me angrily. "As long as you're with me, I can make you feel that. Damn it, Mads. Stay away from this unfriendly brat. You don't deserve me!"

"How?!"

Kung gano'n lang kadaling talikuran ang lahat ay kanina pa sana ako umalis at hindi namaos sa kasasalita. Hindi ko hawak ang desisyon niya, kung totoosin ay walang katuturan ang mga sinasabi ko kung buo na ang pasya niya. Pero hindi ko hahayaan na mapunta lang sa ganito ang lahat.

"J-Just let me drive you home," he pleaded again.

"How can I stay away after what you did to me? Please answer me," I begged for answer. "D-Don't make it sound that easy, Rocky. Don't underestimate my feelings!" I bursted out into tears.

I am in the verge of losing him. It hurts when I am not enough to bend his decision.

"I-I don't want to hear it, please..."

Mabilis na lumapit ako sa kanya at siniil siya ng halik. Maagap na tinulak niya ako palayo. Sunod-sunod ang pagtaas-baba ng kanyang braso na tila hinihingal. Sa kanyang mga mata ay mababakas ang halo-halong emosyon at kung may isa mang namumukod-tangi... Takot.

"Are you scared of me?" I asked out of nowhere.

He looked at me in disbelief. "Always."

I laughed. "You're cute, hot and funny. I'm sorry but you can be lickable and likeable at the same time."

Napaiwas ito ng tingin na bahagya kong ikinatawa. Hinawi ko ang luha sa mga mata bago ko hinawakan ng kanyang mukha at itinapat sa akin. Bumagsak ang tingin niya sa sahig na mas lalo kong ikinatawa.

My man is so cute when shy. He's right. I am always more amused when I look at him than looking around.

"I like you, Rocky..."

Tumaas ang tingin niya sa akin. Those shocked little innocent eyes... I won't ever get tired looking at them.

I mentally laughed. Masyado ko na siyang napapaulanan ng papuri ngayon.

"You little naughty girl," he chuckled. "How can you like someone like me? You can't like a mess, Mads. It's tiring, suffocating---"

"Exciting," I cut him out. "That's what you always make me feel. Excited. Don't leave me. Stay... Stay with me." Kumawala uli ang luha sa aking mga mata. "If you can't be selfish not to let go of me, then I'll be selfish not to let go of you."

"I am not capable of loving someone right now," he said. "And no one is capable of loving me with my condition, not even liking. Matagal ko nang tinanggap iyon. Don't lie just to make me stay."

Nasaktan ako sa mga sinabi niya. What about me? Am I just a no one to you?

"I-I don't need you to like me back," I mumbled. "Just believe in me."

"I heard you're graduating soon, right?" He asked. Ngumiti ito na labis kong ikinatakot. "I don't think I will still see you wearing your dress, walking up on the stage with your father while Mikael cheering you in the crowd, until you reach your diploma and smile at the camera man. I don't think I can still congratulate you with a tight hug after. But just like what I said... I will always be proud of you. Wherever I am, I am proud of you."

"W-Why are you saying this?" I gulped the lump in my throat. "You said the game is over. And what about us? Are we just a game, too?"

"You are the game I lost first," he whispered enough for me to hear it. "We are long over, Mads."

"You asked me to ask that again!" I screamed on his face. "If you can't continue this game, at least, stay with me."

"I'll come back..."

I held his hand and pulled him for a tight hug. Humagulgol ako sa kanyang balikat.

Dear God, you gave me the answer when I asked you for a reason not to leave him. I have the reason now... make him stay.

Naramdaman kong itinutulak niya ako palayo hanggang sa nagawa niya.

My vision has became blurry. I reached for his face but it seemed so far away.

"I had fought hard to survive. I would fight harder and clear the way back to you again, baby," he whispered as he wiped the tears blocking my sight. I clealy saw his face, teary-eyed looking at me. "L-Let's meet again someday."

"Y-You are hurt," I whispered in between of my sobs. "I vowed to finish your game and make you happy. Don't leave me in regret."

"I'm afraid I have to..."

Napatingin ako sa relo niya. "C-Can I keep that?"

Napatingin din siya sa wrist watch niya. "This watch is just ordinary now. I've cancelled its access to the game."

"Gusto kong bumalik ka at kunin sa akin ang relo na 'yan. This is the task I am giving to you. Return to me..."

Napatitig siya sa akin. Ilang segundo ang lumipas bago niya kinalas ang relo sa kanyang palapulsuan. Lumapit siya sa akin at hinawakan ang aking kamay. Ibinigay niya sa akin ang relo at mahigpit ko 'yong hinawakan.

"I shall..." he said.

No. I can see he is lying.

"Promise me you will come back."

I felt how hesistant he was when he said, "I promise."

He won't come back.

"Maddy!" Napatingin ako sa dalawa kong kaibiga. Hinihingal ang mga ito at halatang kanina pa tumatakbo. "We've been looking for you around," alalang sabi ni Ericka.

Kumunot ang noo ni Rafael. "W-What's happening here?"

Rocky cleared his throat. "I'll drive her home," sabi nito sa kanila.

"No," I insisted. Tumabi ako sa mga kaibigan ko. "I'll go with them instead."

"M-Mads---"

"Go ahead, Rocky," madiin kong sabi.

Hinila ko na ang mga kaibigan ko palayo. Hindi na niya ako hinabol. Hindi na rin ako nag-abalang lumingon pa. Nang makalayo ay muling bumuhos ang luha sa aking mga mata. Niyakap ako ni Ericka.

"H-He's gone..." I whispered.

Hanggang sa makauwi ay tulala lang ako. Nag-aalala sina Ericka at Rafael kaya hinatid nila ako sa mismong bahay. Hinintay nila akong makapasok sa loob bago sila umalis. Bumungad sa akin ang kapatid kong nanunuod sa sala.

Napatingin siya sa akin.

Without asking, he ran and hugged me.

"I won't see him again, right?" he asked.

I didn't respond.

Napatingin ako kay Papa na kalalabas lang ng kusina. Kumawala ako sa pagkakayakap kay Kael at yumakap kay Papa. Doon ko na hindi napigilan ang pag-iyak.

"I lost him, Pa," I whispered.

"I'm just here," bulong ni Papa. "This is part of life, Mads. Kung sino pa ang ayaw mong mawala ay siya pa ang unang umaalis."

Papa comforted me. He was there to listen to me. Kinwento ko sa kanya ang mga pangyayaring kasama ko si Rocky. From how he blackmailed me to how I lost him. Every details... I remember it all.

Pagkapasok ko sa kwarto ay mabilis na humiga ako sa kama.

I am mad at him for leaving me like this. Full of regrets. I should have played my game better. I should have won it even if I had to cheat. He should have stayed if not because of me. He should have stayed if I didn't only accept my game. He should have stayed with me.

Nakatulog ako sa sobrang pag-iyak. Nagising ako nang tulog na ang lahat. Nakaramdam ako ng gutom kaya dumiretso ako sa kusina. May mga pagkain pa na malamang na sinadya ni Papa na itira.

Kumain ako. I don't usually eat a lot but I did. Tila buong araw akong walang kain para maging ganito kagutom. I didn't think of anything while eating. I fought to think of anything that could trigger my emotion.

I remember him... he does it too. Acting like nothing happened at all.

Pagkatapos kumain ay bumalik ako uli sa kwarto ko. Umupo ako sa kama at inilabas ang relo ni Rocky. I turned it on and just like what he said... It's just a simple smart watch now. Nothing special.

I smirked.

Inilabas ko rin ang cell phone niya. Patago ko itong kinuha sa kanya kanina.

Pagkabukas ko ng phone niya ay hinanap ko agad ang laro. Out of all the applications, one caught my attention.

"Find me."

Is that the name of the game?

I clicked it. It asks continue or restart.

I pressed the continue. "Please reconnect it again..."

I opened the Bluetooth of his watch and reconnected it. Sabay na nag-black screen ang phone niya at ang relo. May loading icon na maliit sa gitna.

"Please wait..." It says.

After reconnecting. It asks, "Ready for the next task?"

Yes.

No.

I was trembling when I clicked yes. It started to load again.

Napakurap ako nang makita ang isang mapa. "GPS activated. Please get in the car."

Shit. His car is also connected to the game.

Bumangon ako sa kama at nag-book ng taxi. Ilang minuto ang lumipas bago ito dumating. Nagdala ako ng pera bago lumabas ng bahay. Sinigurado ko ring nakakandado ang mga pinto bago tuluyang makasakay sa taxi na nag-aabang sa labas ng gate.

Sinuot ko ang relo niya habang hawak ko naman ang phone niya.

"Shit. I forgot my phone," I cursed under my breathe.

Sinundan ng driver ang GPS. Kinabahan ako nang ihinto ako nito sa building ng condominium na tinitirahan ni Rocky. Nagbayad ako sa driver bago lumabas. Sinundan ko ang GPS hanggang sa dalhin ako nito sa parking lot.

Tumigil ako sa harapan ng sasakyan ni Rocky.

Another message popped up on his phone.

"Unlock." I pressed it.

Tumunog ang kanyang sasakyan kaya mabilis akong pumasok. Naka-seatbelt na ako at handa nang umalis nang mapagtantong hindi pala ako marunong magmaneho. I've played car racing on my phone and even reached number 1 but yeah, nothing to do with actual driving.

I spent minutes watching tutorials on internet. Luckily, I'm easy to learn. Ginawa ko ang mga sinabi sa tutorial. My heart was pounding hard against my chest as I practiced what I watched. I don't want to wreck his damn car.

Tumunog ang sasakyan sa tabi nang mabunggo ko ito.

"Shit."

After a minute of trying, I managed to get his car out of the parking lot.

Nang makapunta sa highway ay bahagya lang ang pagpapatakbo ko. Sa sobrang bagal ay kayang sumabay ng mga nagja-jogging. Napangiti na lang ako dahil sa mga ginagawa ko.

"What's the task again?" I asked myself.

Napatingin ako sa phone. It flashed a different map. I think I need to go there.

Napamura ako nang hindi ko napansin na may nabunggo ako sa harap. Ngayon ko lang napansin na may traffic light pala. It's flashing a red light meaning, stop. Bahagya lang ang pagkabangga ko pero nakita kong lumabas ang isang lalaki roon at masama ang tingin sa akin.

Napapikit ako sa pagkadismaya.

I don't have a driver's license.

"Bulag ka ba?" Kinalampag ng lalaki ang bintana sa gilid ko. "Lumabas ka dyan!"

Fuck it.

"You need to confront him and ask for forgiveness. Just don't let him ask for your license, Mads," I mentally scolded myself before getting out the car.