Chapter 17: End The Game

Nakasimangot ako habang nakaupo sa backseat ng sasakyan ni Rocky. Hindi ko magawang tumingin nang diretso dahil baka mahambalos ko sa kanya ang bag kong yakap ko. Kapag naaalala kong ang teddy bear niya ang nasa front seat at naka-seatbelt pa ay kumukulo ang dugo ko.

How could that thing be more important that me? This is so frustration. It sucks to be compared with someone else, but it sucks even more when you are being compared to a non-living thing like that teddy hell bear.

"You okay, Maddy?" I heard him asked.

"Ask that thing," I mumbled.

"Ah. You must be uncomfortable." Napalingon ako sa kanya dahil sa sinabi niya. Hininto niya ang sasakyan para ayusin ang teddy bear. "Nangawit ka siguro dahil naipit ng seatbelt ng paa mo. I'm sorry, baby girl."

I raised my eyebrows. Was he asking that teddy bear and not me? Sa tingin ba niya ay sasagot ito? Is this how he treats that thing whenever they are at home?

Not shocking though. He has no one to talks to when at home.

I smirked with the thought that he talks to his fish, too. I mean... The fish he named snake.

"Why were you at that mall?" He finally looked at me in the rear-view mirrow. "Were you with someone else? Nag cutting class ka na naman ba? Paano kung malaman ito ng Papa mo?"

"He won't know," I forced a smile. "Unless some weird human who has a fish named snake and talking to a teddy bear told Dad that I had ditched my class last time and now."

He pursed those mocking lustful lips.

"You sound like a jealous girl."

"Because I am!" I crossed my arms on my chest. "Look, dude. Kapag naaksidente tayo ay safe ang teddy bear mo. O kahit na maaksidente tayo ay hindi siya mapapano. How about me?" I couldn't hide the disappointment on my voice.

Oh, god. The shallowness of this argument.

"You're fine there." He eyed me again on the rear-view mirror. "I can look at you effortlessly. Unlike here, I still have to turn my head."

"Dumbass." I rolled my eyes.

"Your mom is angry again, baby girl," dinig kong bulong nito. Malamang na nababaliw na naman para kausapin ang bagay sa kanyang tabi. "Didn't know someone could be more attractive when angry."

Napaiwas ako ng tingin nang mag-init ang mukha ko.

Wala pa bang naging girlfriend ito? He could have as many girls as he can with that smooth tongue. Plus, the fact that he doesn't mean it in a romantic way makes it even more worth-blushing for.

"Can we finish all the tasks for tonight?" I asked, still looking outside the window.

Narinig ko ang mahina niyang pagtawa pero hindi pa rin ako lumingon. That's nothing but a soft laugh. But --- How could be a laugh be more sedductive than the actual person?

"We only have more or less five tasks left," he answered. "Still can't be finished in a day."

Tumingin na ako sa kanya sa puntong iyon. "Does that mean we can finish this game in just five days?"

He nodded his head. "Matagal na dapat natin itong natapos. But every task is giving me reasons to give it up. That's what makes it hard to continue. Habang tumatagal ay mas humihirap ang mga tasks. Plus, I don't want to force you, too. We are just playing whenever you feel to."

That's right. Hindi namin maituloy-tuloy ang paglalaro dahil sa napakaraming bagay na nangyayari. Mukhang wala rin siyang balak na maglaro ngayong gabi kaya baka bukas na lang. Sabado naman.

Itinabi niya ang sasakyan at hininto.

"M-Malapit na ba nating malaman?" tanong ko.

Marami na rin kaming task na nagawa. I am too preoccupied to find the logic of this game. Hindi ko lang alam kay Rocky, wala rin naman kasi siyang nababanggit sa akin. But hopefully, he has a hint now.

Every task is a piece of puzzle. We have some piece of the puzzle now. We should have at least a hint by now.

Bumuntong-hininga si Rocky bago pinindot ang isang button ng sasakyan. Napatingala ako nang makitang bumukas ang bubong. Bumungad sa amin ang dumidilim na kalangitan.

"Whoa..." I whispered, amused. "Bakit ngayon mo lang ginawa 'to?"

"Wala namang rason para buksan ko," sagot nito. "Unlike now, I need to catch fresh air to fill in my suffocated lungs."

Tumayo si Rocky at lumipat sa tabi ko. Nabunggo niya ang braso ko kaya bahagya akong tumabi. Pabagsak na sumandal ito at mas nilapit ang sarili sa akin nang tangkain ko na namang lumayo.

"Hindi mo pa rin sinagot ang tanong ko." Tumingin siya sa akin, nakakunot ang noo. "Bakit nasa mall ka? Were you with Rafael and Ericka?"

I nodded my head without saying a word.

Tumaas ang kilay niya na parang naghihintay pa ng karugtong. "Ano na ang balita? Is he still buying time?"

Tumango na naman ako.

Bahagya niyang pinadulas ang sarili sa pababa para tumingala. Nasa tabi kami ng lamp post kaya kahit dumidilim na ay nakikita pa rin namin ang isa't isa.

"How about the girl?" he asked, still looking above.

Tumaas na lang din ako ng tingin.

"Still clueless," tipid kong sagot.

"Bakit ba kasi hindi na lang niya diretsuhin ang girlfriend niya?" padabog na sabi ni Rocky. "Just like... Hey, babe. Love is everywhere, I was so careless to caught someone else's and lost yours while walking with you. Life is shit. Let's break up. Don't be mad because that's life. Let this be a lesson learned to us. I loved you. No doubt."

Hinampas ko ang braso niya. "Baliw. Hindi kasi madaling umamin lalo na kung alam mong may masasaktan. It takes enough courage to admit something because you know someone will get hurt. It takes time, Rocky."

"That's scary, Mads. Waiting is scary." Umayos ito ng upo at gumilid paharap sa akin. Hinawakan niya ang balikat ko para masigurong hindi ako makakaiwas ng tingin. "Ikaw ang tagilid sa laban nito. You can't do anything but to wait."

Nakita ko ang labis na pag-aalala sa kanyang mga mata. The sincerity of his words make everything complicated. Kapag nalaman niyang bigo ako sa laro ko ay siya mismo ang magtutulak sa akin palayo. No. I want him to finish his game.

"I-I trust him," I whispered.

"I don't," he whispered back. "Kung ang pag-amin niya ay tumatagal nang ganito... I am scared, Mads. I'm scared he is starting to doubt. Masyado na tayong sumugal sa laro na ito. I pushed you on this game... Damn. I put you on this."

Napalitan ng takot ang kanyang tingin.

Nahirapan na rin akong huminga. Pigil na pigil din ako sa mga luha ko.

Hindi niya pa maaaring malaman... hindi ngayon na malapit nang matapos ang laro.

"I can lose my game but never your game," he said, sincerely. "You can never get hurt because of me."

"I-I'm good, Rocky," I mumbled. "Kahit naman na magbago ang isip niya, tatanggapin ko. We can't force someone to love us."

Kumunot ang kanyang noo. "D-Don't say that. You own this game. You can't lose."

"I won't." I smiled.

"The easiest way to call this game over is when I see you cry because of me."

Nanginig ang mga kamay ko.

I'm so scared right now. Hindi kami maaaring matalo sa parehong laro. I still want to keep the promise I've made with myself --- To finish his game and make him happy. Fuck it. I want this man to be happy whatever it takes.

"D-Don't be a fool," I glared at him. "The choice is still with me, remember? The rule in my game is when we fail, I have the choice to quit your game. No. Rocky. Ako pa rin ang masusunod."

He chuckled. "So you are going to play my game, alone?"

I bit my bottom lip as I took his hands off me.

Huminga ako nang malalim. "We will both win our games. I am about to win my game, Rocky. Wala ka dapat ipangamba. Rafael will soon be mine. Kaunting panahon na lang."

Napagiti ito. "That's how you calm me, baby..."

"Let's win our games, shall we?"

Inilahad ko ang kamay ko sa kanyang harapan.

"Sure. Let's do it."

Inabot niya ang kamay ko at hinawakan nang mahigpit. Matapos no'n ay pareho na kaming tumingala sa kalangitan.

Ramdam ko pa rin ang kabog sa dibdib ko. Kailangan na naming matapos ang larong ito sa lalong madaling panahon... bago pa niya malaman ang nangyari. At least kapag tapos na ang laro, wala na akong pangamba.

"Can we play now?" tanong ko.

"No. Bukas na lang," sagot niya. "Magsasara na ang mga mall."

Napatingin ako sa kanya. "Sa mall ang next game?"

Tumingin din siya sa akin. "Yes. The task is to spend our day in that mall."

"Talaga? Bakit?"

"Kahit papaano naman ay may ipagmamayabang ako sa iyo tungkol sa pamilya ko." Sumilip ang ngiti sa kanyang labi. "I still remember when I turned 7, that was the first time they took me out. Sa mall na 'yon."

"You celebrated your whole day in that mall?"

"No. Just a few hours," sagot nito. "One of the most memorable hours I've ever had. We played on Arcade Games... I mean, I. They were just watching me. Still, dad with his phone and Mom just smiling. We ate together. I asked them to take a photo on the photobooth but... They had to go to work. But who cares? I loved that day."

Napangiti na lang din ako. Ramdam ko ang saya sa kanya habang nilalathala ang kwentong 'yon. Parang tandang-tanda pa rin niya ang bawat detalye no'ng gabing 'yon.

"D-Did you ever ask them why?" bigla kong tanong. "Minsan ba ay naglakas-loob kang itanong sa kanila kung bakit puro trabaho lang sila?"

"Yeah." Tumingala ito ulit sa kalangitan. "Ang sabi nila ay para sa kinabukasan ko. Ayaw daw nilang maranasan ko ang buhay na naranasan nila. Funny. I never dreamed for a pool filled with money."

It stil isl about money.

"They wanted to secure your future---"

"Secured with money, ruined by love. I'd rather be secured with love than ruined by money."

"You're not ruined," pagtatama ko. "You're just bent. That's what you need to work after this game."

He looked at me again. "You finally realized it. I still need more time to fix myself. I can't stay with you."

"Fine." I let out a heavy sigh. "But we can still meet each other, right?"

"Hopefully..."

Mayamaya ay umalis na rin kami ro'n. I'm now sitting beside driver's seat, buckled with seatbelt. Yakap-yakap ko ang teddy bear niya. We took a picture together with that teddy bear ealier.

"Nagluto raw uli ng adobo si Papa," sabi ko nang mabasa ang text ng kapatid ko.

Ang sabi ko kasi ay kasama ko ngayon si Rocky pauwi. Malamang si Kael ang nangulit kay Papa na lutuin ulit 'yon.

"Talaga?!" He lick his bottom lip. "Bigla akong nagutom."

"Ang takaw mo." Napatingin ako sa braso niyang binabalot ng jacket. "Hindi ka ba nagwo-workout?"

Namula ang mukha ko sa tanong na 'yon.

"I do."

I nodded my head. Damn it. Parang mali atang itanong 'yon. Mukha akong nagpapakita ng motibo tungkol sa kanyang katawan. Why did I even ask that? Agh.

"Do you want some proof?" he asked.

"No!" maagap kong sagot.

"Get my phone." Turo niya sa dashboard. "I'm driving. Ikaw na magbukas."

I shook my head. "No. I don't need---"

"Oh, come on."

Wala na rin akong nagawa kung hindi kunin ang cell phone niya. Pagkailaw no'n ay tumambad na naman ang picture naming dalawa. I swiped it to unlock. Napakurap ako nang mag-iba ang wallpaper. It was my candid picture while staring at the chandeliers.

"That's you," he said when he noticed I was staring at that

"I know."

"Go to gallery," he ordered. "When you open the gallery, close your eyes and swipe up four times."

Napatingin ako sa kanya. "What?"

"Basta."

Pinaningkitan ko siya ng tingin. Wh does he sound like he's hiding something? Bigla kong naalala nung nahuli namin ni Ericka si Rafael na may pinapanuod na masama sa kanyang phone. Baka gano'n din ang kay Rocky.

"Fine!"

Pagkabukas ko ng gallery ay ipinikit ko agad ang mata ko. I swiped up the screen four times before I opened my eyes again.

Namula ang mukha ko nang tumambad ang mga pictures niyang topless. May isang kuha sa harap ng salamin at may towel pang nakatapong sa kanyang balikat. May isang nasa shower siya at basa ang buhok. May isang nagbubuhat siya. May isa ring kitang-kita ang pagkabatak ng kanyang mga muscles.

Okay. I didn't expect this. Laging naka-jacket kaya paano ko mapapansin?

"What is the first word that came out of your mind?" he asked.

"Lickable."

Pareho kaming natahimik sa sagot ko.

Oh, my god. Where did that word come from? Hindi ko nga man lang naisip 'yon pero biglang lumabas sa bibig ko.

"D-Did I just make you wet?" Humalakhak ito.

"Fuck off!" Sobrang pula ng mukha ko. "Y-You heard it wrong." I tried to defent myself.

"I heard it clear," natatawa niya pa ring sabi.

"Congrats, you must have a good hearing sense."

"Am I really lickable?"

"You can be lickable but never likeable!"

"Namumula ka, Mads." Tawang-tawa pa rin ito. "Can I see yours, too?"

"Could you please shut the fuck up?" I rolled my eyes as I swiped down on the screen.

Lumobo ang pisngi ko nang makita ang mga naunang picture. Hindi ko alam kung matatawa ba ako o mandidiri. Mga pictures niya ito kasama ng teddy bear. May isang nakapasan sa kanya ito, may isang face to face sila, may isang kasama niya sa upuan habang nanunuod ng T.V.

"Ops." Hinablot niya sa akin ang cell phone. "I told you to close your eyes on that part. Rule breaker."

"Rockybear?"

"What?" Ramdam ko ang pagkaasar sa kanyang boses.

"Rocky plus Teddy Bear," pang-aasar ko. "Para kayong mag-jowa eh."

"That's taboo. She's my baby girl."

"Whatever, Rockybear."

Matapos no'n ay wala nang nagsalita sa pagitan namin hanggang sa makauwi sa bahay. Sabay kami ni Rocky na pumasok. Si Kael ang bumungad sa amin at agad na humawak sa braso ni Rocky.

"I told Dad to prepare adobo for tonight," pagmamayabang ni Kael. "I can prove now that Dad's abodo is still good without someone else's help." Saka siya tumingin sa akin at ngumiti.

Lumabas ng kusina si Papa. Nagmano ako at si Rocky naman ay bumati lang. Inaya niya kami sa kusina para kumain na.

Tahimik lang ako habang nakikinig kay Kael na nagkukwento.

Napatingin ako kay Papa nang paglagyan pa niya ng kanin si Rocky sa plato. Pinagsalin niya rin ito ng juice sa baso.

"Thanks po," nahihiyang sabi ni Rocky. Napatingin siya sa akin. "Hindi ko naman sinabing bigyan niya ako. Nahihiya ako baka akala niya inuutusan ko siya," bulong niya sa akin.

Natawa ako. "That's what he always does to us."

"I am not his son."

"Kumain ka na lang."

Hindi ito sanay na pinagsisilbihan. Ni hindi nga ito makatanggi kay Papa pag inaalok pa siya ng kanin. Tapos na kaming kumain ni Kael habang si Rocky ay kumakain pa rin. Tumingin siya sa akin at patagong hinawakan ang kanyang tiyan na parang sinasabing busog na siya.

"Gusto mo pa?" pang-aasar ko.

Nanlaki ang kanyang mga mata at mabilis na umiling.

"May kanin pa---"

"Hindi na po, Tito," mabilis na awat ni Rocky. "Okay na ako."

"Is he coming too?" biglang tanong ni Kael. "Kuya Rocky lilipat na kami ng bahay kapag naka-graduate na si Ate Maddy. Sumama ka, please..."

Napatingin sa akin si Rocky.

Tumayo ako at inaya ang kapatid ko sa labas. Hinila ko siya palabas ng kusina para kausapin.

"What was that?" tanong ko sa kanya.

He looked at me, confused. "I just want him to come with us. What's wrong with that?"

"He can't," sabi ko. "May iba siyang buhay, Kael. Hindi siya maaaring sumama sa atin kahit saan."

Nakita kong lumukot ang kanyang mukha, naiiyak na.

"T-Then... I don't want to go away," he whispered. "If he won't come with us, I don't want to leave here."

I caressed his face. "No. We need to."

"Ayaw mo na ba siyang makita?" tanong niya sa akin kasabay ng pagpatak ng luha sa kanyang mga mata. "Isama na natin siya, Ate. I still want to spend more time with him. Gusto ko pa siyang makasama."

"Kael..."

"Please... Ate."

"Aalis din siya," sabi ko. "Kahit na hindi tayo lumipat ng bahay ay aalis din siya. We are bound to go separate ways. Hindi siya maaaring manatili sa atin nang matagal. We can't stay like this forever. Hear me, Kael? This is just the start of losing someone in this life."

Suminghap ng hangin si Mikael. "I-I just want to keep him..."

"Mads?" Napalingon kami sa likod ko. "Can I talk to you in private?" Rocky asked.

"Come with us, please!" Tumakbo palapit kay Rocky si Mikael at mahigpit na yumakap sa kanya. "Stay with us. Sumama ka na lang, please. I won't ask for more. Just come with us, Kuya.

Lumabas ng kusina si Papa at hinila palayo si Kael. Iyak ito nang iyak hanggang sa makapasok sila sa kwarto. Wala akong nagawa kung hindi ang panuorin lang siya. I've never seen him cry like this. He must have invested intensed feelings towards Rocky. After all... He is one of his few friends.

Lumabas kami ni Rocky ng bahay hanggang sa gate.

"When?" he asked.

"Pagkatapos kong mag graduate," sagot ko. "It won't take a month anymore."

Seryosong nakatingin lang ito sa akin.

"Don't worry. Tatapusin ko muna ang laro natin bago ako umalis!" maagap kong sabi. "And don't worry about Kael. Naninibago lang siya sa mga pangyayari."

"So... This." He motioned his hands on us. "May time limit na rin pala tayo kahit na pabagalin ko ang paglalaro? Right. I lied once again. Pinapabagal ko ang laro para mas humaba pa ang makasama ka."

"Hindi na pwede 'yon ngayon." Bumigat ang dibdib ko. "Kailangan nating matapos ito agad."

"Just imagining waking up one day, knowing no more game, is killing me. Damn it," he cursed, softly. "This is your fault. Ang lakas mo kasi."

"This is just a game," I said. "Whatever we did and still going to do is just nothing but a mere part of the game. Siguro mas mabuting ngayon pa lang ay tanggapin na natin 'yon."

"Right." He nodded his head as he let out a heavy sigh. "Let's end this game as soon as possible. Gano'n naman talaga, hindi ba? Everything has an end. Let us make this ending a memorable one."

I nodded my head as I smiled.

No doubt. I'm going to miss you, dude.