"Tere sang guzri mere jo lamhe, tumse woh maangu"

~ Author ~

Mumbai, India

Dear Diary,

My name is Meher— which means grace and benevolence. Someone who was helpful and kind, someone who everyone loved.

But I guess I didn't live up to my name for God never showed me his grace. Not when Tara died and not when Abhimanyu died.

You know, I had a friend in school, Ruhi Parekh. We had joined the school together in the ninth grade. Automatically, we stuck by each other since we sat together. She had other sets of friends as well but I could say we were close.

She loved nature. She wanted her career to be along the lines of nature. But guess what? She could never achieve any of those as she died in a car crash. I lost my first friend in school.

Then I went to college, still reeling from the pain of her death and the twins weren't there with me. I had a nice roommate, we were good acquaintances but couldn't be friends who stuck by each other. A year passed by. And then I met Tara at a tapri. She didn't have change and I paid for her chai.

Two college girls speaking over chai. What could go wrong? I found my first friend in college. During that time, I was over the moon, I looked up to her. Tara was inspirational, I loved the dedication she had towards journalism. We spent days talking to each other, just random stuff. Those days, those moments were beautiful.

And then a few months later, I met Abhimanyu and Sahil at Tara's birthday gathering in a restaurant.

Now that I think about it, I think I was smitten by Abhimanyu. He was all that I was hoping for in a guy. Tall, athletic, humourous, caring and intelligent. He was a total package, the heartthrob of the college. Girls went crazy around him, but the thing that attracted me about him the most was that he did not enjoy that attention. He was humble, kind and modest. And a bit shy.

Maybe because he had his eyes on me.

I was one day running an errand for a senior and it was already nighttime. At the same time Abhimanyu called me to ask my whereabouts since the hostel was about to close and I was not picking up Tara's call. Hearing my situation, he came on his bike immediately. And ordered me to hop on so that I could reach the hostel on time, safe and sound.

While we were on the way, he scolded me numerous times on what we should do and what not, I wasn't sad that I was getting scolded. I was just falling in love, slowly, deeply, madly.

I felt butterflies when our fingers brushed when we went to grab a spoon, when he subtly made flirtatious innuendos making me blush— the feeling just became irresistible.

But then, I lost Tara committed suicide. I couldn't even attend her funeral because of college. And then a week later, Abhimanyu proposed to me and then died in an accident.

In the twenty five years of my life, I had made seven friends.

And I have already lost half of them.

Yours,

Mehru.

*   *   *

Meher watched the priest chant the mantras, his voice getting louder and louder as he spoke of peace and the afterlife, as he spoke of moksh.

There was a photo of Tara and Abhimanyu, garlands hung on their photo. Sahil and Meher always did this, praying for them on their death anniversary. Tara and Abhimanyu's shanti pooja was always done together, as it just felt right.

Endless tears were running down her eyes, Meher Mathur was uncontrollable. She prayed, she prayed for their well being, she prayed for their peace but she was not in peace.

And neither was Sahil. He watched the priest chanting for deceased souls of his most favourite people in the world, for their moksh, but the mortal ones were hurting.

Sahil and Meher did Anna daan, jal dan, by placing some food on a leaf and pushing it in the river. The leaf floated deep into the river, while the two held one brass tumbler each and started doing jal daan as the priest started chanting mantras again.

She never did the puja alone, Sahil did religiously over the years and while she was away in the US, she watched him do it over video call. But while she was here, doing her masters in Bangalore, Sahil always flew down to her so that they could do it together.

It had been a while.

As Meher did the jal daan, she heard Abhimanyu laughing somewhere in the background, and she turned to look back but there was no one.

The tears clouded her vision to the extent that she couldn't see, her eyes weren't drying up at all.

The jal daan finished and she kept the brass tumbler aside and stood by the edge of the lake, watching the calm water flow.

They were somewhere on the outskirts of Mumbai, by a river which wasn't inhabited by tourists, somewhere where there was silence and peace.

Now, as the havan was finally complete and the priest had left, Meher and Sahil sat on a rock by the riverside, watching the lake in silence.

Meher removes her dupatta and crumples it together, keeping it on the side.

Two hours of rigorous pooja had worn them off and they just sat side by side, enjoying the serenity of the place, remembering their loved ones.

"How did you find this place?" Meher rested her head on his shoulder. Sahil looked at her and smiled, turning his head back to watching the river.

"When I had initially started working, the media house crazily made us work 24/7 and that work included going to weird locations. That's how I found this place, by accident," he admired the beauty of the place, there was such a serene feeling, in the outskirts of the bustling city, there was a place as beautiful as this, it was a hidden gem. "This reminded me of the time whenever we drove to the riverside, during the long weekend for camping, just the four of us."

"Yeah," Meher reminisced about the old days, feeling nostalgic. "I remember we went to see the Balmuri falls, we had a chaotic time there." Sahil's laugh resonated and Meher mirrored his laugh.

She sniffled, clearing her throat from incessant laughter. "You pranked me, remember?"

"How can I forget?" Sahil chortled, "It was so much fun watching you walk around in panic, with no phone, being partially scared when you couldn't find us in the middle of the night."

Meher raised her head to look at him and hit him lightly on his shoulder. "I couldn't sleep for days, duffer. It was your plan, na?"

Sahil clicked his tongue. "Much to your shock, it was Abhimanyu's."

Meher couldn't deny that. Abhimanyu was quite a prankster, even more than Sahil. Though she and Sahil fought the most in the group, it was always them that fell into prey to the infamous pranks of Tara and Abhimanyu.

The joke was on them. They really pranked them and went away and were never returning back.

Meher's eyes filled with tears again and she sniffled. Sahil put his arm around his shoulder, pulling her close to him, their heads joined to each other, watching the river flow in utmost silence.

"Why didn't you tell her?" It was a question of confusion, of sympathy. Sahil didn't even get a chance to confess his love.

"I should have, right?" He bitterly chuckled, making Meher close her eyes as she felt his pain. "I was scared to confess, I thought she only saw me as a friend and nothing more."

"Why did you even think that way?" Meher voiced her disbelief, she had no idea why he thought that way. If only she could remember, she could tell that Tara liked him more than a friend, maybe even love.

Sahil looked at her, his eyes were teary. His lips wobbled up to a smile which made Meher tear up. She took a look at him and her heart was breaking every single time. How far was he holding up?

Sahil, was a scholarship student, a self made man. His high school life was spent in getting good grades and working part time, we were his only friends.

Now when she looked at him, there were rough patches on his skin, too tanned to the point that there were blemishes on his neck, eyes too sore with dark circles.

Her finger ran through the line on his forehead, what have you made of yourself?

"Are you," she looked away, her eyes training over a random rock in the middle of the river, "doing okay? Like, are you fine?"

Sahil shook his head, the tear that had clouded his eyes finally trailed down his cheeks, as he finally cried. "No, I am not. I have never been." He whispered.

Meher hugged him, her tears soaking his white kurta.

"It's okay," she whispered to him. "It's okay to feel that way."

*   *   *

"Today has been so heavy na?" Meher opened her eyes and tilted her head to the right to look at Sahil, who was focused on driving.

"Mhmm," she mumbled. "Do you want to eat something? I am famished."

"Same, haven't eaten anything since morning,"  Sahil sighed, indicating towards the fast they had kept for the pooja.

"What vegetarian options do we have?" Meher fished her phone out, googling out the restaurants nearby.

"Indian, can't afford to get a bad stomach," Meher gave him a thumbs up, typing it down on the search engine.

"There's this restaurant called Kathi Chulha, like two kilometers from here. It has good reviews and the rating is also nice. Pait nahi kharab hoga tera," she joked in the end, making him smile.

They drove through the national highway and Sahil increased the speed looking at the almost empty road. Meher rested her against the glass window and stared at the road. Her eyes fell on the rear view mirror, where she noticed a silver SUV, without any number plate, speeding behind them.

She shrugged it off thinking it was normal.

But it was not for she noticed the car following the same trail as theirs, left to left then right to right.

And then she noticed the black screen over their mirrors. Black screen was illegal. Everything about that car screamed illegal.

"Sahil?" Her heart was beating when she called him. He turned to look at her. "What?" He asked.

"I think," she breathed as her voice wavered, "I think someone is following us."

Sahil adjusted the mirror, clenching his jaw when he noticed the same. He pushed down the accelerator pedal and drove at a higher speed. Meher clutched on to her seat belt and closed her eyes, praying to the god to save them.

But he didn't.

A car rammed straight into theirs from the back, throwing them off the balance. Their car skidded and rolled only to hit the divider.

The car was in a bad condition, it was completely smashed from the back, windows were broken. Smoke was coming from the car.

Meher opened her eyes.

Something hurt inside of her, she was unable to move her hand. Something was trickling down her face and she didn't want to know what it was. Thankfully, the car was not upside down.

There was the smell of something burning. Meher felt her senses coming back. There could be a blast any minute. She and Sahil had to make it out.

Sahil, as the name she remembered, she looked at the man beside her who had passed out beside her, there was blood everywhere. There was no time to wake him up. She had to act fast.

She got rid off their seatbelts and tried to open the door from her side. It was blocked somehow. Time was ticking and the panic inside of her was rising with every passing second.

Just then, she noticed that Sahil's side of the car was free. She went over his seat, panting and wincing and opened the lock of the car and pushed the door open. The burning smell intensified, she had no option but to fiercely push Sahil out of the door, jumping behind him.

Meher landed on the road harshly, her body fiercely hurt but still, she dragged an unconscious Sahil away from the vicinity of the car.

"S–Sahil," she winced, holding on to him, before she could say anything, the car blasted behind them. She closed her eyes, hiding her face in the chest.

Something strung her leg, it was paining her. It was excruciating but she was exhausted. Balls of sweat had lined up on her forehead, as she looked at Sahil. She smiled sadly, a tear slipping down from her eye.

Maybe this was it.

Maybe Meher Mathur was dying.

Dying was messy, dying was hurtful. I am hurting, I think— I cannot do this anymore. To my loved ones, remember that I loved you, remember me as I lived.

Meher was crying, her body was losing strength, and her vision was getting blurry. Soon, all the happy memories started resurfacing in her mind. She remembered her parents, their love and anger, her favourite Akash uncle and Divya aunty, and Akash calling her bean.

She cried harder as she remembered the first time she met the twins, her biggest support and her confidant. They were with her at her lowest, at her highest, they never left her side. She even remembered Kabir, because no matter what, he was family.

And Sahil, the same one who lying unconscious below her, she was not in her senses to even check his pulse.

And then Tara and Abhimanyu, they were both her start to something beautiful. Her first friend in college and her first and now her last love.

In that moment she felt Abhimanyu crouching beside her, she could feel him. She was smiling as the tears were running down her face.

Maybe, this wasn't that bad. Abhimanyu was calling her, she was going back to him. They will be together forever.

And with that, Meher Mathur closed her eyes, with the uncertainty of opening them in the time being.

And now, we are done with another chapter. Quite heavy on the part, lots of emotions running within myself. The next chapter and probably the one after will be kind off heavy, depends upon me lol.

Were you expecting this twist? What do you think will happen now? Did you find this interesting?

An impromptu trip to Madhya Pradesh has got me off the track. With my mom's chappals getting stolen in Mahakaleshwar, I am now stuck with me wearing my dad's chappals which are by the way, twice my size with mom wearing mine and dad bought himself a new one.

A sweet bee @hiahere graced herself to make these amazing aesthetics for us. Isn't it pretty?

Also, I never promote my short story Nevertheless— it was impromptu short story that I came up with last year, something very close to my heart. Those who haven't read, go ahead and give it a read, if possible, shower some comments as well.

How's the summer going? Feeling the heat?

Do COMMENT and VOTE. Drop a heart to let me know that you enjoyed reading this chapter

With Love,

Akii.