"Jo jeene laga hu khudse, khone laga hu khud mein"

~ Kabir ~

Mumbai, India

The interaction with Meher was kind of interesting.

The initial plan was to just have lunch and talk for a while but things took an interesting turn. And I couldn't help but feel a little joyful about this new discovery.

And currently, the lady in the talk was sitting beside me, rather begrudgingly for our food to arrive. She couldn't leave, at least not without having food because that's what she had been instructed with.

I sat a little away from her this time, the show was enough to be close to her and too much it would make me lose my mind. I watched her look around my cabin, her watchful eyes looking at her every single piece with scrutiny as if something would come out of it, pranking her.

"I am sure you're not comfortable," she looked at me in bewilderment and scoffed, "but I called you to talk."

"I am far from comfortable," she repeated my words, "and I don't think you trick someone into coming to talk to, considering that the topic is marriage."

I raise my hands guiltily. "I had to."

"So you summon me every time you want to talk to me?" she scoffed again, not believing my words.

"You're not a Pokemon who can be summoned," she glared at me and I managed not to smirk. "You could have just refused."

She looked at me as if I spoke an alien language. "You abused your power and dragged me here, Raizada," she accused, her nose flaring and eyes widened in annoyance and anger.

Before I could even say anything, a knock on the door put a halt to the ongoing fight and Aanchal entered, pushing the food tray inside the cabin.

This time she approached us without falling and drew out the plates and cutlery, placing them neatly on the table that was in front of us. She laid out the pot of food in front of us and took her leave, leaving us to serve the food ourselves.

Meher did not even bother to look at me as she started helping herself with the food. And within the next five minutes, she was already hogging on her food, without sparing me a glance.

"Meher," I called her but she was busy eating.

"Meher," I repeated louder this time and by now I knew she was acting.

"Meher!" She jumped on her seat, seemingly startled by my voice. Her hand that held the plate wobbled and I caught on to it before it could slip from her hands.

"What is it, Kabir?" She gritted, making me satisfied that her entire attention was on me.

"Shall we talk?" She looked at me as if I was an alien. "I haven't said yes," she fired, and I shook my head over her lack of hearing.

"That is why I have called you here, to talk, to convince you for this marriage," There, I said it. It wasn't that hard, was it?

"Actually," she started, keeping her empty plate over the table, "my task was to accompany you for lunch," she gave me a sickly sweet smile. "And since that is over," she pointed at our empty plates, "I think I should return back to my work."

And she did not stay even for a single second.

The purpose of this entire ordeal couldn't be achieved.

*   *   *

I was not expecting Sahil Vashisht to stop by the office today. Given that today was not the deadline for our project.

Like he always did, he entered the cabin and took his usual chair in front of me. I noticed him not having his usual handbag around which generally had some information and the progress report of the project.

Instead, he had his back leaned on the chair with his one leg resting over his knee and kept on staring at me.

"What is it this time?" I asked him, without waiting for any exchange of formalities.

"You asked Meher for marriage?" I looked at him, he wasn't staring at me. He was glaring as if he was lodging bullets inside my body.

"Yeah, so?" I shrugged and during that I noticed him clench his jaw as if he was ready to beat me.

"She's distressed, because of you," his glare was rather condescending, accusing me of doing a heinous crime.

"I don't think you should be bothered about what I do in my personal life. To make it clear, our relationship is strictly business," I pointed out but he didn't look like he was taking my words seriously.

"I know that Kabir Raizada," he spelt my name in distaste, "but today I am here for my friend. She doesn't need another trauma in her life."

"I know what trauma you are talking about," Sahil paused for a while as he looked at me. I couldn't gauge his expression. His expressions were constantly changing, I had no idea what he was thinking. But he knew better than not to ask me how and why I did a background check on her to know her life outside Mumbai.

"Then you should also know that I was the one who broke that news to her," his voice had turned heavy, I passed him a glass of water. "I had seen the way she had reacted on a first hand basis." I did not know how I was supposed to react to such information.

"She doesn't say it often, but she's in a lot of pain. She doesn't say it but all she remembers and talks about is him. He lives in her breath, in her soul and she can do nothing about it. He was her first love and she gave everything in her to love him, to keep his love alive even after he died. They had just confessed to each other, I had witnessed that as well," there was a sad glint in his eyes but a nostalgic smile on his lips as he remembered the old time.

"We had pizza together and then just a few hours later I was dragging a shocked Meher to the morgue," I knew that feeling. I think the most difficult part of my life was to look at her dead body, that lifeless body which was never going to wake up again. My heart could feel a thousand pins poking me, but there was nothing I could help myself with.

"You don't tell me how that feels," I gritted. "I know it very well."

"If you know that very well, what are your intentions with Meher?" He fired like an older brother in charge and I finally got the gist of the kind of relationship they shared and in a way, I felt relieved.

"That is none of your concern," I had an idea that talking softly to someone who is infuriated makes them annoyed even more. Sahil was visibly very annoyed, enough to leave the cabin, closing the door behind him with a bang.

What an eventful day.

*   *   *

Unseasonal rains were common in Mumbai. When there was too much heat and humidity, the rain was bestowed upon us to ease us from the scorching summer.

The rain hit the glass pane and I watched the droplets trickle down. The balcony was a mess. But it in the dark day and falling raindrops made the world look somewhat beautiful. My fingers delicately touched the glass pane, following the raindrops that were hitting it. The cold seeped through my fingers as my mind went back to what had happened the entire day, what it had actually turned into.

He lives in her breath, in her soul and she can do nothing about it. He was her first love and she gave everything in her to love him, to keep his love alive even after he died.

I had never seen Meher Mathur in love.

I had never seen how she would act as if she was in love.

It felt weird to me when he told me what kind of woman she was when she was in love. It was very hard to believe.

The kind of love I had was crazy— it was something very divine, something very pious. I worshipped the love I had for Radhika. I worshipped the ground she walked on, worshipped every breath she took as if it was all mine. I could never imagine my life without her. My dreams started with her and ended with her.

I couldn't blame Meher for being in so much pain after her love died. Love did that to you. It made you crippled, it made you lifeless. I always felt my time with Radhika was not enough but what about Meher? She didn't have time at all.

I couldn't pity her. I felt sad for her. Enough sad that I wish that I could go and give her a hug and say that it was okay to keep on remembering him, that it was okay to love him.

But I guess the darkness inside of me was too much to go to that extent.

I guess my hate for her would never let me feel anything for her beyond sadness, because that's the least I could do for her from my end.

She had inflicted a pain to last for a lifetime.

And it was too soon for me to forgive her.

I always had demons inside of me. Maybe from the day I was born, or maybe not because Mom used to say that I was a happy child. Maybe I was happy then. But I am not happy now. I have not been happy for a very long time.

When was the moment when I last smiled?

Ah, the night before our wedding festivities began. The night when we happily stayed in each other's arms, looking forward to our happy future, to our forever.

What did I do so wrong that I did not receive that happiness? Why was I so lonely?

They said once you had mastered being alone, you would be ready for someone to give you company, but it wasn't as easy as it sounded. In this empty house, the only heart beating belonged to me. It was not really easy to live with that, listening to yourself breathing, trying to live by yourself.

For there were days when the brain became a cold fire, perhaps it was panic, but when you were alone, who were you going to call? It was your voice that rebounded back in this empty house. That was the moment when the joy starts slipping away and you get used to the solitude.

Something trickled down my face, landing softly over my lip. The saltiness of my tears made me realise that I was crying, I harshly rubbed them away and stared at the pouring rain.

Let the sky cry for me.

*   *   *

"I don't think the Shekhars are going to settle down for any less," Aryan put the fork down, looking straight at me.

It was one of those nights when we sat down together for dinner at a cosy restaurant, away from the leering eyes of the people.

At least once a month, Aryan would drag me out of my house to eat along with him, much to my displeasure.

But, I couldn't deny that I lowkey enjoyed it. It was just us, brothers, sitting together and getting along, discussing over random topics and finding solutions to the problems.

"So what are you going to do?" I asked him curiously, noticing the sly lawyerish smirk crawling up on his lips.

"Every business has secrets— both good and bad," his voice was ominous, like a sly fox, hunting for his prey. "My job is to dig the bad ones, claw them, tear them apart to the extent that the others can't even pick up the pieces."

In short, the Shekhars were not going to last.

A pity, truly.

Aryan was a beast in his field. And he had achieved it all at a young age. He was still learning from his seniors, but with the way he handled his cases, no one ever doubted his capabilities. Instead, people feared him.

He was our biggest asset.

I could never imagine he had that quality in him. He was the funny, jolly guy of the family but was vicious in the court.

I still remembered his first case.

He destroyed the company to the extent that they were left penniless, with no compensation. From big palaces, they went to chawls.

And it was because they messed with our company. Tried to sell our ideas to the rivals.

"Bhai?" His voice brought me back from my subconscious and I looked at him in question.

"What is it?"

He smiled at me gently, his hand resting over my unused one. "You look tired, Bhai. Are you not sleeping well?"

And then, Aryan Raizada was caring as well, looking out for me most of the time. I liked having him around, where we just laze around together, play PlayStation, and talk about work. But there was that. No feelings were exchanged, no secrets were shared. That stayed for some other bunch of people.

I felt sad most of the time but I kind of knew how closed off and rigid I was for them to trust me with their woes and secrets. And maybe that was the reason why I couldn't share my feelings as well.

From the twins, it was Aryan who was the considerate one, no I was not trying to belittle my sister, but she wasn't really deep into emotions as he was.

But I really appreciated the effort that he took for me. At least one of us did.

"Nothing, just work pressure," I wryly smiled at him, going back to eating my food.

"Waise Bhai," Aryan started, "why don't you come over for like a few days to stay?" I opened my mouth to protest, but he did not let me speak. "You always say no. It has been so long since you have moved out. You barely come to stay with us. Now that Meher has also come, you should also come over and stay with us. The whole family get together would be great."

Maybe this was a chance to talk to Meher and talk about us.

Or maybe, not.

Nothing in this world can happen by force. And when things happen by force, the course of the destiny changes for the worse. I had spoken to Meher and put my points in front of her in a straightforward way.

I will try to convince her, but I don't think playing affectionate with her or doing some sort of cheap acts that would lead me to marry her eventually. I will let the future lead me.

I had always trusted my gut feelings. For they were never wrong.

Something or the other will happen that will lead me to marry Meher Mathur. But this time, I won't be the catalyst.

It would be destiny.

*cue the celebratory music* I am done with yet another chapter! I am so happy. A little more insight to lonely Kabir, yes that's what I am going to call him from now on. What did you think of this chapter? Let me know in the comments.

So, in the previous chapter, one of our wonderful readers suggested a ship name for Meher and Kabir, #MehKa. What do you guys think of it? I was thinking of #MehBir but I like this one better. And anyways, ship names are always made by the readers so have a discussion guys!

Is there any scene so far that has been memorable for you? Let me know in the comments.

Do VOTE, SHARE and COMMENT. Comment a heart if you loved the chapter.

With Love,

Akii.