"Woh pehli mohabbat he kya jo adhuri na rahe?"

~ Author ~

5 Years Ago

Bangalore, India

Grief.

A five lettered word but has a thousand emotions laying low beneath it. It comes after a moment, in gentle waves, at first they are so strong to sweep you away. They come randomly but at that very time when you try to feel normal. They let the good memories flood in, memories of smiling in warmth and all those funny jokes that were said.

Meher was in the same moment. Yes, she was still in grief, still trying to cope with the loss of her best friend, Tara, the name was. Sitting in the corner of the classroom, she constantly thought over the loss of her friend, remembering the times she had spent with her.

But along with grief, she felt guilty. Guilty of not knowing her best friend enough. For not being the kind of best friend she was with Aryan and Arya. For not knowing what compelled her to jump from the terrace and kill herself. For not being trustworthy enough for her best friend to share her woes with her.

Nobody in the class knew what she was feeling. Almost nobody knew that she was friends with the girl who committed suicide. How could they know? Tara was two years senior to her and was in the final year of her masters. Whereas she was still in the last year of her bachelors in journalism. They became friends off-campus and had been maintaining the same for a year and a half. Also, their schedules didn't match so there was no way they could meet up on campus.

"Let's recap. So Meher, tell me, what are the ethical responsibilities of a journalist?" The Professor of Media Laws and Ethics asked, bringing Meher out of her chain of thoughts. She immediately gets up from her seat, dumbfounded, looking at the Professor cluelessly.

"Sir, what?" She asked, hoping that he would repeat the question.

"I asked, what are the ethical responsibilities of a journalist?" He repeated the question and waits for her to answer it.

That's easy, she thought as she raked her brain to formulate an appropriate answer. Taking a deep breath, she prayed for her answer to be right before she starts speaking. "Sir, a journalist must strive to present an accurate, well-balanced explanation of stories they cover. They have an obligation to present all sides of an issue and conduct extensive research and talk to several sources knowledgeable about the subject. If they present only popular opinion, or if they conduct minimal research without fully exploring the subject, they don't give readers and viewers the information they need to understand the implications of the event or issue. Journalists must also be honest with the people they interview, telling them before talking to them about what the article is about and that they plan to quote them in the piece." She finished, leaving the air out which she was holding in the entire time.

Satisfied with the answer, he motioned her to sit down.

That was close, she closed her eyes, thanking God. Her mind often drifted to other thoughts nowadays ever since that incident happened. She was all over the place.

The bell rang wildly indicating that the class is over. She immediately picked up her things and stuffed her things in her bag and ran out of the class.

As she reached the entrance of the College building, her phone vibrated in her pocket. She halted on her steps and moved to stand on the side to check her phone. She quickly fished out her phone and noticed a message on her lock screen.

Are you done with your classes? Meet me at my apartment, ASAP. ~ Abhi <3

An instant smile made its way to her lips and it widened after noticing the heart emoji. Abhi or Abhimanyu, the only person she was close to, now, in this unknown city. Oh, not to mention his best friend who came as a package deal.

She met them through Tara a year ago as they were her classmates and stayed in the same apartment complex outside the campus.

Did she mention that she was in love with him? It had been three months since the realisation and she hadn't confessed.

Why? Well, the reason was pretty simple. Rejection.

She didn't want to ruin her friendship with him. But somewhere she always thought that he reciprocated her feelings. Or maybe, it was just her hallucination.

Falling in love with him wasn't difficult. Her love for him was like a dream, full of rainbows and unicorns. The gentle smiles and the casual jokes they exchanged, felt personal, something that was only meant for her.

She fell in love pretty fast for there were no complications, no problems. Nothing that could spice up her one sided love story. Abhimanyu was like a gentle wind, the one that flows but keeps you intact. He was her ideal man.

She quickened her steps and quickly walked out of the campus. She carefully crossed the busy road and headed towards the other lane. Master students were given a choice if they wished to stay in the college hostel or move out and rent an apartment nearby. Her friends chose the latter and she was stuck within the gloomy walls of the college hostel.

The afternoon sun gleams as she walked on the pavement under the scorching sun. The sweat settled upon her forehead as newly melted snow crystals.

Arya would have freaked out if she was asked to walk under this scorching heat, she chuckled to herself, remembering how dramatic she could be.

She wiped the sweat with the chiffon scarf that hung around her neck. She looked at the road and kept walking. It was a quiet locality. Not many cars or bikes were seen passing on the road. It wasn't the locality where the rest of the students who moved out of the hostel lived, they all stayed a lane apart.

It was probably the serene silence of this place that attracted them to stay in this part of the locality, away from the rest of the students and a bit away from the campus.

Meher entered the apartment complex and marched towards the very first building. She entered the lift and pressed the button for the fifth floor.

Tapping her feet impatiently on the floor of the lift, she adjusted the strap of her bag over her shoulder over and over again. The lift finally dinged and she pushed the lift door open, stepping out of it and sighing in relief. She walked to the farthermost apartment on the floor, glancing at her watch for the umpteenth time.

A small duck was hung on the front door and a distant memory surfaced as she remembered Tara giving that to Abhimanyu as a Secret Santa gift. She remembered how he had whined over that gift the whole evening and then ended up hanging it at the front door. Although he never told anyone, she knew that he loved it.

Meher gently pressed the doorbell and waited for someone to open the door. Hushed whispers came from inside and she frowned upon hearing it. She leaned her ear towards the door to hear it when the door opened, making her trip inside the dark apartment. She quickly straightened herself and then looked around to find someone.

Then suddenly, the door closed behind her and she jumped, scaring her out of her wits.

"Is anyone here? Abhimanyu?" She carefully called when the dim lights suddenly lit the whole living area. Meher gasped looking at what was in the room. The whole living room was decorated with lavenders, her favourite flowers and some heart-shaped balloons. And then there stood the man she had fallen in love with, sitting nervously on the couch in front of her.

Her eyes quickly noticed his clean-shaven look, new clothes and his fidgety fingers. Her heartbeat increased as she guessed what might come. Her sweaty palms straightened her white peplum top and removed the scarf from her neck and then fanned herself with it.

She cleared her throat and takes a deep breath. "W-What's happening here?" she spoke as she stuttered over her words, her nervousness clearly oozing out of her.

Abhimanyu looked at her nervousness and smiled. "It's for you," the words easily roll of his tongue as he got up from his seat. With slow steps he approached her and Meher tried to step back, stumbling on her step. Abhimanyu's arms shoot up and catch her right before she could fall and in a reflex, he pulls her close. Meher noticed that they are standing close, very close. He still held onto her elbows and there wasn't any intention of him letting her go.

Meher squirmed under his hold as she was sure she would melt under his gaze. Her heart was plummeting wildly against her chest. Suddenly the air conditioned room made her sweaty, the hair behind her neck has straightened as she shivered slightly. There was complete silence. The only sound they could hear was that of their shallow breaths and rapid heartbeats.

"Meher," he breathed, "I need to tell you something," His tone held urgency, as if it is the only moment. Meher's eyes locks with his urging him to go on. Her breaths become rapid and shallow as she anticipates what he had to say. 

"I had seen you at the Ace College Fest, two years ago, for the first time," Meher looks at him in surprise. It is the last thing she had imagined him saying. "I know you're surprised," he let out a small laugh. "But it's true. You were at the stage singing Khamoshiyaan and trust me, I was in awe of you and your voice. I wasn't in the mood to attend the Fest that day but I did anyway and I stumbled upon you. On asking a few people here and there, they told me the girl who just performed on stage was a first-year journalism student from our college named Meher Mathur. The name has stuck with me ever since."

Abhimanyu paused and then looked at her, giving her a small smile. Meher looked at him, in love and gave him an encouraging smile. The nervousness still lingered in the air but something inside of Abhimanyu kept him going. He wanted to let it all out, no matter what.

"Trust me, I was a goner. It was love at first sight," Meher gasped, her eyes widening at his confession. He knew her long before she had met him. "But my bad luck," he continues sighing, "I couldn't find you anywhere. You just vanished. As time passed, you slowly started fading from my mind as I got myself indulged more in my studies. But then the miracle happened," he said, smiling brightly. "And then one day, Tara introduced you to us as her friend and then once again my heart fluttered just by looking at you. And just like that we became friends. Being near you only made me confident of my feelings and I was falling for you, harder this time."

Meher just kept on looking at him, completely swayed by his words. There were thousands of emotions she could feel in that moment, the moment where he was confessing his love for her.

"After Tara was gone," Meher took a sharp breath as she remembered the harsh reality, "I realised that there is nothing predictable in life. The unpredictability has what made me stand in front of you, confessing my feelings for you."

"Meher Mathur," he let out a shaky chuckle,  pulling her closer to himself, "It's been almost two years since I am in love with you. It's been two years since I have been trying to gain the courage to confess my feelings for you. It's been two years since you and only you have been on my mind." He finished, finally tearing up. His shoulders slumped and a wave of satisfaction marred his features as it showed that he had finally done something.

Meher watched him in admiration. Her eyes moistened with tears. She got overwhelmed by the turn of events. Never in her life, had she imagined that her feelings would be reciprocated by the man she loved.

"Won't you say anything?" He asked her as he noticed her being silent for the entire time.

Meher came out of her trance and looked up at him turning red under his gaze. "I-I am just overwhelmed," she looked away. She felt him loosen his hold on her and watched him step back. Her heart dropped when she noticed the disappointment in his eyes.

She had to confess.

This time she walked towards him, inching closer to him. "I have always been an introvert, right from the beginning. Which probably is the reason why I don't have friends in my batch," she laughed through the tears that were brimming in her eyes. "I thought that my college would be over with me without any friends. But then I met you guys and my routine changed. I looked forward to our weekend get-togethers, meeting each other for sleepovers, watching movies and talking to each other about all random things. But most importantly, I looked forward to meeting you," Gaining some courage, Meher slipped her hand into Abhimanyu's and tightly held onto it.

"You make me happy, Abhi," she told him, meeting his eyes. "Whenever you smile at me, I feel a thousand butterflies in my stomach. I feel giddy when you subtly joke with me. I have loved you for as long as I could remember, Abhi. It was always you and only you," she confessed finally, a tear spilling out of her eye. Abhimanyu's hand reached to wipe the tear off her cheek. His hand rested there on her cheek as he gazed at her lovingly.

They finally confessed to each other.

Abhimanyu was mesmerised by Meher. Her shy smile, her loving gaze and her gentle nature made him crazy for her. He slowly leaned in, albeit with nervousness, now cupping her cheeks with both of his hands.

Meher understood what he was trying to do. She too leaned in, closing her eyes in nervousness. In one moment their lips met and there was nothing but fireworks.

Sparks ignited as they kissed each other gently yet passionately, celebrating their love. In that kiss was the sweetness of passion, a million loving thoughts condensed into a moment.

Meher held onto his shirt for support as the kiss deepened and she tried her best to match up with his pace. Abhimanyu held onto her waist and pulled her close as they kissed as if there was no tomorrow.

Slowly, they broke the kiss as they were left out of oxygen and rested their forehead against each other. Meher panted as she breathed heavily, her lips swollen from the heated kiss.

"I love you," Abhimanyu said, placing a soft kiss on her forehead.

"I love you too," she breathed as she tiptoed and placed a loving kiss on his cheek.

Abhimanyu looked at her lovingly, the pad of his thumb brushing her cheeks.

"Forever and always?" She held out her pinky finger. Abhimanyu clicked his tongue to which Meher frowned. "Forever is a myth." He cleared, expressing his idealogy.

"Till death do us apart," he rephrased holding out his pinky finger. Meher smiled at him and locked her pinky finger with his. "Till death do us apart," she repeated.

Abhimanyu kissed their locked fingers and hugged Meher. She nuzzled her head in his chest, feeling warm and fuzzy with all the recent happenings.

"Ah finally!" Sahil, Abhimanyu's roommate and best friend groaned as he came out of his hiding. He had his eyes covered as he walked into the living room, making the couple chuckle at his antics. Abhimanyu broke the hug and held Meher by his side watching his friend being dramatic.

"Why are you covering your eyes, Sahil?" Meher asked him, partly enjoying the reaction that he was giving them.

Sahil peeped at them from the gap between his fingers and then heaved a sigh. Removing his hands from his eyes he remarked, "So that I don't see you getting hanky panky in the middle of the living room," As soon as the words flew out of his mouth, Meher turned red and looked away.

"Shut up," she snapped at him and looked away, faking anger. She then took a side glance at him and noticed that his camera was hanging on his neck. "Why do you carry that everywhere?" she asked. "Wait," her pupils widened, "D-Did you record us?" she asked, as she felt alarmed looking at the video camera.

"Nah," he tutted, "I don't record lovey-dovey shit. I just record important stuff," he made a face and Meher stuck her tongue at him.

"Like?" she probed.

"Stop fighting you two," Abhimanyu butted in, sensing the fight brewing between them. "It's such a great day. Don't ruin it," he chided them politely. Meher gave Sahil a playful wink and looked at Abhimanyu, nodding grimly.

"You," Abhimanyu jutted his chin towards his friend. "Click a picture of us."

"Fine," Sahil mumbled, rolling his eyes, "Take your positions."

Abhimanyu snaked his arms around Meher's waist and rested his chin on her shoulder smiling brightly. Meher slightly tilted her head to look at him, a smile crawling up on her lips.

The next moment the camera clicked, capturing the beautiful moment.

"Chop chop! We're done. Now you lovey doveys, jump on the couch and have some food and even let me have some in peace," Sahil pushed the couple aside and sat on the couch. Meher and Abhimanyu get settled as well and helped themselves to Pizza that is on the table, happily munching on it as they talked.

"This is good stuff," Meher moaned as she took a bite. "What are your plans for today?" Her question obviously was directed towards Abhimanyu. He shares a momentary eye-lock with Sahil and then turned to her, "We have our final year project to complete. The submission is in two days," For a moment Meher's eyes dimmed for a moment before she glanced at her watch.

"Oh shoot!" She jumped up from the seat. "I have an extra class for design in about thirty mins. I need to leave," she panicked, grabbing her bag and marched towards the door.

"I will drop you," Abhimanyu offered, getting up.

"No, it's fine. I will go," she assured him as she tiptoed towards him and placed a light kiss on his cheek.

"Oh, my beautiful eyes!" Sahil groaned, covering his eyes making them laugh.

As Meher turned to leave, Abhimanyu's hand wrapper around her wrist, stopping her. She turned back again and looked at him in question.

"I will come to meet you at the hostel in the evening. I have a gift for you," he told her.

Meher's eyes brightened in surprise. "Really?"

He pinched her cheeks and tapped her nose with his finger. "Really," he confirmed. "I still have to collect it from the shopkeeper. Wait for me."

"I will wait for you," she told him, smiling up at him.

*   *   *

It was way past evening.

The clocked ticked continuously and Meher noticed that it was half-past eight and there was no sign of Abhimanyu. The hostel was barely minutes away but he still had not shown up. She tried calling him but his phone came of as switched off. She tried again calling Sahil but no luck there as well.

Her heart raced and she suddenly didn't feel any good. She felt antsy as every moment passed, thinking of ways of trying to contact them. She dropped hundreds of messages asking about their whereabouts. But there was no answer.

Her anxiousness was not toning down any second. It wasn't like her to be so fidgety and anxious over them not answering her. But she had learned her lesson. If she had paid more attention to Tara and what she was suffering from, she would have been with her, helping her out.

It was unusual of them to not respond to her.

"Meher?" Her roommate Anushka called her out.

"Y-Yes?" She turned around looking at her.

"There's someone asking for you at the warden's room," she told her.

"Who is it?"

"I think it's some senior. And here," she held out a small card which Meher took. She noticed the warden's signature on it. It was a—"Warden gave you an emergency permit. I hope everything is okay," Anushka patted her shoulder.

Meher kept on looking at the permit pass. Her palm felt sweaty under that cardboard paper. Slowly she made her way out of the room. With a slow pace, she got down the stairs and made her way towards the warden's cabin.

The door was wide open and she noticed two people talking.

It was the warden and Sahil.

She knocked twice, breaking their conversation. "Ma'am?" she carefully called, gaining their attention. Her eyes briefly met with Sahil's who looked at her with unease.

"Ah, there you are Meher," the warden said, walking towards her. In the spur of the moment, Meher was embraced by her, throwing her off guard. The warden broke the hug and cupped her cheek. "Always remember Meher, life doesn't stop here. You've to move on," she sniffed.

"You can bring her as soon as she feels okay," the warden's words directed towards Sahil who nodded at her. He grabbed Meher's hand and marched out of the cabin.

"What happened Sahil? Where are you taking me?" Meher asked as she was being dragged by him. Sahil did not say anything. The Uber was waiting outside her hostel. "Get in," Sahil instructed her and she obliged as she noticed how serious he looked at that moment. As the engine revved and the cab had started moving, Meher turned to Sahil, who was looking outside the window as if it was the only thing that interested him at that time.

"Are you going to tell me Sahil? Where is Abhi?" she asked again, a bit louder this time. Sahil remained unfazed and did not look in her direction. The suspense was killing her and Sahil was not making it any better by keeping her in the dark.

The cab stopped. Meher looked outside.

It was a hospital.

Sahil hastily handed the driver his money and got out, moving over to her side. He opened the door and pulled her out, dragging her towards the hospital. This time she freed her hands from his iron grip making her jerk back due to the force.

"I am not going in before you tell me what it is," she stepped back as her voice shook a little when she tried to warn him.

"Just come with me," Sahil was tired. She could feel it. "No," she said. "First tell me what it is,"

Sahil looked beyond frustrated. He clenched his fists and tried to control the anger seeping through him. "Just come, Meher," he gritted through his teeth.

"No!" She shouted. "I am not going in unless you tell me what it is!"

Sahil unclenched his fists and took hasty steps towards her. In a swift motion, he grabbed her shoulders, jerking her hard. "Abhimanyu is dead!" He cried out.

Meher legs lost their strength as she staggered under his grip. Her eyes were wide, not believing what she had just heard. He was joking. It was another prank.

She let out a small laugh. She laughed, clutching onto her stomach. "You're joking, right? God, I should have understood that it was a prank. You literally scared me for a moment," she playfully nudged his shoulder. Her laugh wavered when she noticed that his serious mask hadn't slipped off.

Sahil moved forward and hugged her. "Meher, he's no more. It was an accident," he whispered, softly crying, his tears slipping into her hair. The smile completely slipped away from her face as she heard him repeating his words. She broke the hug, pushing him away.

Her eyes held pain when she looked at him crying. "Tell me it's all a lie," her voice cracked as she whispered. Sahil kept looking down and shook his head.

Meher clapped her hand over her mouth as she stumbled back. She could feel her legs lose their strength as she fell down.

"Meher!" Sahil cried as he lurched forward to hold her before she could hit the ground hard. He shook her multiple times but she didn't respond. Her eyes were wide, without any emotion.

He helped her get up and led her inside the hospital. He walked her into the mortuary where Abhimanyu laid, lifeless, covered in white cloth.

Meher's eyes found him, lifeless, as his soul had left the mortal world. One look at him and everything came crashing back to her. He was dead.

Abhimanyu is dead.

Her love was no more.

She wanted it to be a nightmare, a bad dream. She wanted to get up and forget this dream, and go back to her old self and be happy with her Abhimanyu. This nightmare was vicious, sucking up her soul. She slowly walked up to him and stood near him.

His eyes were closed, there were dark circles. He looked tired. Every part of her hurt and she did not know what to do. She raised her hand and it slipped inside his hair, slowly caressing it.

"Wake up," she requested, her voice breaking up in the end. "Please," she begged.

He didn't wake up.

A sob broke out of her throat as she cried, crashing down to the floor. Sahil moved forward and held her as she cried into his arms. Her heart bled with every tear that slipped out of her eye, letting her know that he wasn't there with her anymore.

Her tears present the fact that her love story was over before it could have started.

She wailed harder at the realization, the ugly tears slipping from her eyes like a river. She was hysterical as the reality was difficult for her to bear. Her eyes only hold the truth, a story of their incomplete love in her tears.

They loved each other, but it wasn't in their destiny to be together.

They loved each other but it was the wrong time.

Meher and Abhimanyu loved each other but they weren't meant to be together.

It was the end of a beautiful beginning.

Hello beautiful hoomans! Here is the first chapter. This was drafted a long time back so don't assume that I am not writing the epilogue.

Do share your thoughts on the chapter and how you feel about it.

Also, a little update— the epilogue will be up in a few days!

So, until then, Vote, share and comment. Drop a heart if you love the chapter.

With Love,

Akii.