Part 14

The insides of my stomach lurched to my throat, making me stay put in the bathroom sink. Nakasampa ang mga palad ko sa rim ng toilet bowl habang nakaluhod sa marble tile.

The heavy anxious feeling remained in my chest nang tumayo ako para halughugin ang medicine cabinet for a specific bottle. But I no longer have it around the condo. It's been a while since I had an attack. I almost believed I got over it.

After several minutes of my stomach pulling my insides out, bumalik  ako sa living room para kunin ang phone ko sa coffee table. With cold fingers, I searched through my contacts to find a familiar name.

"Hello, Ms. Eula?"

I smiled bitterly thinking I would no longer hear her voice after my last visit at her clinic years ago. Dropping in the couch, I told her what triggered the response after years of keeping it at bay.

Lampas hating gabi na pero hindi ko magawang matulog. I was afraid  to lull myself to sleep because that means facing my thoughts. My thoughts weren't exactly the kindest to me. So I avoid facing them as much as I could.

The incident at the parking lot kept flashing in my head like a light switching on and off. Muli akong tumayo mula sa kama at pumunta sa bathroom. I threw up vile from my empty stomach... the same way I did every night several years ago.

--

"This isn't right! Everything! All of this!"

Mom was screaming again. Her voice was followed by crashing sound  of bottles on the floor. Tonight's poor target must be her perfume collection. I didn't matter how expensive they were anyway. She could buy a few more.

"Elena! For fuck's sake, stop this!"

I placed my headset against my ears, silencing the voice of my Dad  trying to calm her down. Another episode. Another night I had to  survive.

Tomorrow morning, once the storm ended and the sea turned calm, the maids would go to her room to clean every trace of the episode. And Mom would go through her day like nothing happened-- shopping for new things, spending time in spas, and meeting friends at expensive restaurants.

I was carbon copy of my Mom more than I wanted to admit. She had  this elegance in her that made her looked unattainable. High cheek  bones, sharp nose, and the intimidating eyes of someone who lived her whole life surrounded by old money.

I remembered Grandad telling stories of how he spoiled my mother  when she was a child. She had his own yacht at eighteen and regularly spent her summer in Europe and Christmas vacations on Canada or  Japan. Grandmom often gifted her with luxury items like bags and jewelries for small achievements like passing a test. My Mom grew up spoiled rotten.

But we're not only similar when it comes to looks... I could hide my fucked-up life better than she hide hers.

After every episode, I would leave the house and go through my day in school like nothing was ever wrong in my life. What could go wrong  after all? I was known to be the only daughter of one of the richest families in our city. I walked around in my signature shoes, iPad and Macbook in expensive bags, with allowance equals to the salary of a middle class adult. The right to complain is only given to those visibly suffering. I was rotting in the core.

"Good morning, Eula."

"Morning, Ms. Cardona."

I kept my rehearsed smile throughout the day while people approached me in hallways and classrooms. I was Ms. Friendly after all. The department's sweetheart. Despite being envied, most of them wanted to get close to me.

"Alam mo na ba kung sino ang partner mo sa project sa Marketing?" tanong ng class president while eyeing my Dior bag na nakasalampak lang sa sahig sa tabi ng seat ko.

Wala ako noong nag-assign ang professor ng partners kaya umiling ako. Inalis niya ang tingin mula sa bag at sumilip sa notebook na dala niya. "Kayla Veronica."

Kumunot ang noo ko. I knew almost everyone in class but the name didn't ring a bell. "Irregular student?"

"Regular student. Matagal na natin siyang kaklase," the class president pointed out.

"Really..." I murmured.

Someone stepped inside the classroom which made the class president lower her voice. "That's her."

"Why are you lowering your voice?" I whispered back.

"She's just... odd."

Pinagmasdan ko ang tinutukoy niya. She stepped inside the room in a baggy beige shirt tucked in a old faded jeans with a maroon backpack slung over her shoulders. She took the seat closest to the wall and  farthest from the group of noisy students. Pagkaupo, sinaksak niya ang headphones sa tenga, nilapag ang magkabilang braso sa mesa at  sinandal ang ulo dito.

I spent the entire morning silently observing my possible partner at  ilang bagay ang napansin ko. Someone might think she was being isolated by the class dahil walang kumakausap sa kanya but the reason was different.

Siya na ang lalapitan, siya pa ang magtataray at lalayo. Like who does that? Earlier that day, may nagtanong sa kanya tungkol sa lecture pero kung makairap siya akala mo may kaaway. May outcast bang ganyan umasta?

Patapos na ang araw pero hindi ko parin alam ang gagawing approach  sa kanya. I kept biting my manicured nails, immersed in thoughts. I  might look super friendly pero takot ako sa confrontation. Paano kapag tarayan niya ako? Mas sanay pa naman akong ina-aapproch. Pero mukhang hindi 'yon mangyayari sa kanya.

After our last subject, I took the chance and approached her before we leave the classroom.

"Hi!" I greeted in my usual sherry voice. "I'm Eula, your partner in Marketing." I extended my hand in front of her. "Nice to meet you,  Kayla Veronica!"

She gave me a deadpan look. "Gagawin ko ang project nang mag-isa."

"Excuse me?"

"Mag-isa," ulit niya.

"But it's a group project."

"Isusulat ko ang pangalan mo sa credit."

"That's not what I meant!" My rehearsed smile faltered and my unmasked expression almost slipped out. "Kailangan natin hatiin ang research material so we can start our parts."

"Nakapag-start na ako ng akin."

The corner of my eyes twitched. I was completely, utterly annoyed.

Resting my palms against her desk, I leaned closer so others wouldn't hear us arguing. "Look, Kayla Veronica," I whispered. "I'll be your partner on this project sa ayaw mo man o gusto. Hindi mo ako matatakasan kahit ano'ng gawin mo."

Sa halip na sumagot, kinuha niya lang ang material mula sa'kin bago naglakad palabas ng classroom.

Days later, I remained undecided on how to approach the project given  that Kayla Veronica basically ghosted me! Once matapos ang mga  klase, ang hirap na niyang hagilapin. We were already behind schedule and it was freaking me out. Mukha lang akong risk-taker pero takot akong mag-fail sa major subject!

While in my room that night, I sat rigid on the bed upon hearing the twisting of the door knob. Naging attentive ako nang makita kung sino ang pumasok sa kwarto.

"Mom..."

Nakangiti siya nang maupo sa tabi ko sa bed. "How's my daughter's day?"

I told her the usual things. My voice almost sounded rehearsed. She told me to sat on the plush settee in front of the dresser she had  costume-made so we had similar large ornate mirror in our rooms. Kinuha niya ang brush at sinuklay ang buhok ko na tila isa parin akong bata.

"My little angel..." Despite her calm soothing voice, anxiety crept into my system like liquid fire. With the words she used, I knew what was coming.

"You're an adult now... but you will live with Mommy forever, isn't that right? No one will take you away from me. Forget your father and his affairs. You're the only one I need..."

She watched me from the mirror. I put my rehearsed smile with a slight tremble at the corner of my lips. Just nod. Smile. Don't say anything  else. Don't trigger her.

She leaned closer, embracing me from behind and the smell of hard liquor nearly suffocated me.

I went to class the next day smiling and being my usual perfect self. People greeted me as usual and complimented my get-up of collared-sweatshirt, skater skirt, and ankle boots. They hang around me like flies around a rotten fruit.

Napansin kong nakaupo na si Kayla sa kanyang silya kaya agad ko  siyang nilapitan bago pa dumating ang professor. "Hi!" I greeted, smiling.

I already expected her to turn her head away or to ignore me kaya  nabigla ako nang titigan niya ako habang nakatayo ako sa tapat ng kanyang desk.

"What?" I asked, suddenly conscious.

"Wala." She returned her gaze back to the pages of the book on her desk.

"Ano nga?" I insisted.

"You have a scratch on your cheek."

Napakurap ako at agad hinawakan ang pisngi ko. "Ah, it's my nails," I told her flashing my longer than usual french tips. "Nakakalmot ko minsan ang mukha ko."

She gave me a look that was equivalent to the "k" response on chat.  Hindi ko talaga siya mabasa. She almost looked concerned earlier but now she just didn't care.

Pagdating ng professor, I was about to head to my seat when I heard her say.

"You know... you don't have to be okay if you're not. That fake-ass smile doesn't suit you anyway."

In that exact moment, I knew I wanted to be friends with this girl.

So I made it my goal to persistently pester her, not only to be my  partner in a project, but to be my friend. I became a gum stuck on the soles of her shoes.

In front of Kayla, I could be my shitty self with my fucked-up life. And the funny thing was... she just didn't care.

***

Next update on Saturday. #EverSoWP