EVENTUALLY

HER WORLD DID NOT END IN A BANG.

Everyone had told her that it would come to a moment where her life, her world, would come crashing down and her chest would collapse on itself, but for her, it didn't end that way. They said it would end in a bang, or whisper, or screams echoing one by one. But that's not how it was for Amanda Andrews.

It smells like rain, Amanda thinks softly to herself as she bites her bottom lip, feeling the skin pull and the taste of iron spilling from it. It's a nervous tick, something she does when she's alone and feeling her heart beat fast with anxiety. It stings, but she doesn't acknowledge it, her mind is preoccupied. She tentatively looks up from the ground to glance through the area, still inhaling that intoxicating smell of rain.

Fresh rain. Beautiful rain.

She has always loved rain, not just the smell, but also the sound. Mainly because it reminds her of her childhood. Even though she had a rough start beginning with her parents divorce at the age of two and then a custody battle for the next two years, adjusting to a step mom and an older step brother, teasing through elementary and middle school, and a constant annoyance from her other siblings, she had always found a way to see the bright side. Even if that meant cloudy skies and wet roads.

Rain soothed her, like warm coffee to wake her up in the morning. It felt like that, a satisfactory kind of soothe that made you just wanna bundle up in a blanket and read a book. Rain to her meant good things and good memories with good people, waist deep in thoughts and feelings that made her smile.

Lately, it's been hard for her to do just that.

Amanda has started to have trouble with the fact that she doesn't fit in. She has always been known as 'weird' or a 'nobody'. Not for any particular reason, she just never exactly belonged with the popular people or the nerds. With nerds, she felt stupid. With popular people, she felt ugly. And so, she was cast away and left to collect dust like an old Polaroid.

Amanda turns her head as she spots movement in her peripherals. She can feel her hair, that reaches her elbows, start to gather at the middle of her back. One thing Amanda is known for, is her hair. Naturally beautiful curls usually cascade down her back, but not today. For special occasions, like today - the first day of freshman year, her hair is straight. The strands are the colour of her eyes, a brown base with a red glow. Her eyes are more brown but you can really see the red when under the sun; her hair is more red but you can tell where the brown is. She gets her ginger hair from her father, but it doesn't seem it will fade to brown anytime soon. Plump lips with a dip for her Cupid's bow, cheeks naturally tinged pink with freckles all over her skin like constellations. A milky white complexion that contrast from her black framed glasses.

Amanda has never cared to notice her strange style of clothing, but she still feels a little self conscious. Under her oversized, dark grey hoodie, is a light pinkish - grey shirt with a pair of light skinny jeans and her high top grey vans. A beanie sits lightly on her head, glasses perched high on her nose, her makeup to a minimum.

Amanda adjusts her glasses when she spots a certain strawberry blonde. Her name's Ryan. Her and Amanda have been friends since elementary school when they bumped into each other in a shared class. They found they had many things in common, like their love for reading and writing and their favourite types of pencils for sketching.

Through middle school, however, they had a little distance put between them. They ended up falling for the same guy and it made things difficult for them. The guy, Alexander, had also met them in elementary school and they had became a friend group along with another boy named Kyzer. Alex never really could choose who he liked, it seemed. He would choose Amanda and then Ryan and then back to Amanda and it would confuse both the girls, and more so frustrate them, to no end.

As a result, both the girls were left with broken hearts and a very delicate friendship.

Amanda has always had to share. Since she was four, she has had to share a room with her older sister, Jordyn. And ever since her younger brother, Colby, was born, she has had share a birthday with him, seeing as hers is January sixteenth while his is the eighteenth. Even though she never minded sharing a room or her birthday, she wants to be selfish for once. Because for the last four years, she's had to share Alex. But not anymore. Through the summer, Amanda and Alexander had many late night conversations on the phone together. Texting and calling one another all day and during the night. He had told her he loved her and Amanda's heart had warmed. She felt happy knowing that. She felt happy knowing that she finally had him.

Ryan and Amanda's friendship always seemed so fragile but now that Amanda has Alex, it might just be hanging by a thread. And she feels guilty for it. She feels selfish and greedy for wanting Alex so bad, but she can't help it. He's hard to resist. He's like a drug and she just wants more, more, more.

And now, she looks for him.

Alexander is not that hard to spot. He's your typical bad - boy. Talking back to teachers, feet on his desk, pitch black hair, tall with dangerous blue eyes, play - boy demeanour. He's the full package that just screams, 'i'm gonna break your heart'. Amanda knows this. She's not dumb, she's smart enough to see that there's a chance he could be playing with her, but she's too blinded by love. Or more so, his lies.

Amanda is still glancing around, her settings are unfamiliar. As said, it's the first day of her freshman year. She's standing in the 'break area', her back against the grey wall of the school. It's outside, a blue roof covering over her, but it's an open space. Tables align across the way with pillars separating them, the floor a dark grey, matching the colours of the school. If you look out, there's a parking lot where the P.E. coaches make the kids run laps. The period, however is 'break' and it's a little space between her first and second periods.

But her schedule is a little confusing. On Mondays, she will go to all eight of her classes. On Tuesdays, and Thursdays, she will go to her odd classes - first, third, fifth and seventh. On Wednesdays and Fridays, she will go to her even classes - second, fourth, sixth, and eighth. She hasn't done this before so everything is all new. She had seven classes through middle school, but she went to each everyday. Now, each class will last an hour and thirty minutes (except on Mondays) and her lunch will be an hour long.

She takes a glance at oncoming cars before she looks away.

Amanda's train of thought comes to stop when she catches sight of him.

And she sees him for the first time in four long, exhausting months. His back is facing her, but she knows it's him by his broad shoulders, long black coat that he used to let her wear all the time and hair that is darker than night. Her heart picks up in speed and her cheeks flush a deep scarlet. Her stomach fills with butterflies and she thinks, finally.

Finally..

Her feet act before her mind has time to process what's happening. Before she knows it, her feet are padding on the floor as she walks over to the boy who has taken her heart and is holding it in his hand. She wants to hug him, wrap her arms around his torso and finally tell him face to face how she feels, hoping that he will tell her the same.

When she finally reaches him, her heart is pounding in her chest, she can almost hear it in her ears. He's standing right in front of her. He's here. And he's hers. She lifts her hand and gently taps on his shoulder, the way he did to her the first time they met all those years ago. She bites her lip as she waits for him.

He turns slowly, but when he is face to face with her, she feels her heart jump to her throat. Charcoal hair falls to his forehead, hair she had once touched herself and wishes she could run her fingers through those silky locks now. Pink lips, dipping with a deep Cupid's bow. The sun leans down to kiss his skin, a pale and milky complexion that matches his eyes. Blue, the brightest blue the colour could be and they once held light. They were once shining when he laughed or smiled.

But right now, his eyes feel cold as they stare down at her.

He clenches his jaw, his lips pulling. His eyes have always been the easiest to read which is why she is confused when he looks bored. Although, they almost seem to.. laugh at her, as if he pities her. Alex arches an eyebrow, as his says in a voice that sends shivers down her spine, "hi." He tells her blandly. And before she can give a response, he turns away from her, continuing his conversation with a girl she doesn't know.

Amanda stands there, staring at him in disbelief. It feels like a knife to the chest, like her heart has been smashed like a wine glass. Pattering to the floor, and spreading to a million little pieces and shards. Her lips part, the lower one starting to tremble, cheeks glowing. She blinks. And then, the humiliation starts to settle in, it's a deep dread that makes her face turn bright with embarrassment. She feels her gut twisting in the most uncomfortable ways.

So, she looks down, not wanting anyone to see her face. She takes a step back, her throat closing up and her hand recoiling, and then she turns, taking quick and hurried steps, trying to get out of this place as soon as possible. She supposes she might go back inside the building, or go to the cafeteria or to the courtyard, just anywhere to get away from him.

Her heart won't stop racing, her hands won't stop shaking. Tears build up in her eyes as she purses her lips. You're so stupid, she thinks to herself, you're stupid to think that he'd ever love you. She sees people she knows but she makes no move to go and talk to them. She's still trying to get the look of disgust on his face out of her head. She grabs ahold of the silver handles to the building doors, pulls them open and walks in, a waft of cold air hitting her like a thousand needles to her skin. She looks to her right for the cafeteria, and then to her left and across the hall for the courtyard, but she doesn't want to be around people right now.

She can feel her breathing, shallow and fast. She doesn't know what to do or where to go. Stupid, stupid, stupid, her thoughts chant to her, reminding her of his face again. The knife is wedged in her heart, bending itself to break it open right down the middle. It's painful, so so painful. She clenches her jaw, warm tears threatening to spill out of her eyes. She doesn't wanna cry, she can't cry. She has to be strong.

So, she forces her lips to pull into a smile. She smiles through the pain. She smiles through every bad memory and every scar that lines her heart. What else can she do? Weep and sob over it? Where will that get her? She must be strong. She must be okay. But it will be hard for her.

Amanda is dependent on other people. It's unhealthy, yes, she knows but it's how she is. She has always been dependent on people. That's why this hurts so much. That's why it hurts when friends tell her they don't wanna talk to her because she's become, "annoying". That's why it hurts when they take a few minutes to reply. That's why it hurts when they call her "clingy". She feels friendless. She feels so lonely. Here she is, in a crowded room with people, and yet she still feels so alone.

Her world did not end in a bang.

Her world ended with one simple word.

A/N

hello everyone! Welcome to the new and improved version of She's Head Over Heels! I'm so excited to start this story up again and I hope you will enjoy. This will follow the plot of SHOH, but the story will be much better written and will contain the same scenes and lines just with better exposition, better ways of explaining everything. I very much hope you enjoy, vote, comment or follow me. It's up to you.

Honestly, I would really like to hear what you guys think or if you guys like this version better than the other one!

Remember, this is based off true events.

And without further ado, stay amazing!

Sent with a hug,

-Mal