EVENTUALLY

IT WAS HER EYES.

The ones she hated, the ones she wishes were a different colour. The ones she calls dull and boring. She wants any other colour, any pair of eyes that aren't her own. But what she will never notice, is that her eyes show every single emotion she's feeling. They light up when she has an idea, they dance when she laughs; and just the same, they will dim and blur when she feels empty.

They're foggy at the moment.

Amanda pushes up her glass from the bridge of her nose, sliding in her assigned seat towards the back of the class room. As she glances around the classroom, Alex emerges from the door and walks in the room. She quickly looks away. He peers over all the seats and finds the empty one beside Amanda. It's not his assigned one, but he chooses it anyway. Mr. Elting, the english teacher, has tried to make him sit in an assigned seat, but at this point, he has stopped caring.

He walks over, and sets down his backpack. He slides into the seat, catching a glimpse of Amanda before looking away. When Amanda realises he has sat beside her, she quickly glances over at him, but just as quickly, she looks away. She tries desperately to control her breathing as her heart starts beating so fast, she can hear it in her ears. This morning is still fresh on her mind and it feels like he's pouring salt on a bloody wound.

Amanda's so distracted by the boy beside her, she doesn't see Mason sit in front of her with a big grin on his face until he speaks, "Hey beautiful." He says to him and gives her a lazy smile. She beams up at him, "How're you?" He says goofily.

She smiles real big, and responds to him, "I'm good!" He nods his head to her with a wide grin, mumbles 'good', and looks to the front of the class. It has always been so easy for Amanda to put a smile on her face and tell everyone that she's doing fine. She has always found that part easy. But what has never failed to surprise her - what truly shocks her, every time, is how easily people believe it.

Mr. Elting starts a movie at the front of the class - a depiction of Romeo and Juliet, since that's what they were reading two days before. The lights switch off and Amanda takes out a notebook from her backpack. She can feel Alex's eyes on her. She slips her headphones in and drowns in the music. Mr. Elting has a plant on his desk, right beside the picture with his son and divorced wife. Amanda flexes her fingers around her pencil before she starts drawing it.

As the movie drags on, Amanda keeps sketching the little plant on the edge of the desk, bobbing her head to her music that is blasting in her ears. She's comfortable, relaxed and carefree for a moment. Her right hand moves across the paper, creating thick dark lines of lead. She knows that the side of her hand will be smudged with graphite when she gets done, but she's gotten used to it. 

Suddenly, from her peripheral vision, she spots Alexander moving and getting up, not a minute later, Mason stands and follows him. She looks back for a moment and meets Alex's icy gaze. She looks away quickly. 

But he isn't done with her. 

Alex trudges over to her and takes the white headphones from her ears. She immediately opens her mouth to say something, but remembers that there's a movie on. She glances around the class, but people are talking and only a handful are actually paying attention. She looks back and Alex has taken a step back. She stands to her feet and reaches for them, but he holds them tight and lifts them above his head. Amanda glances up at them, and then meets his eyes. He raises his eyebrows, challenging her, daring her. 

So, of course, she reaches for them, but she doesn't get quite far, just barley grazes her fingers over them. He's far taller than she is, she's five - five and he's six - two - but she keeps reaching for them anyway. It's when she catches a glimpse of his eyes, she realises that he's not even paying attention to her anymore. She watches his eyes travel down to her stomach. 

Unfortunately, she had forgotten that she's wearing a pastel yellow, sweatshirt crop - top. Which is something she had taken a chance on, usually she would've never have worn this, but Amanda was feeling confident in herself this morning. Now, she regrets it. Amanda's cheeks dust a dark shade of pink, and folds her arms over her chest. He purses his plump lips and then smiles at her, "Hoping to impress?" He asks, a smirk on lifting his lips. 

She blushes deeper at his words, "No, of course not." She responds heatedly, pulling down the yellow shirt so that her abdomen is covered. His smirk doesn't fade, but he gives in and hands her the headphones back. 

She crosses her arms and turns to walk back to her seat, but she feels a hand grab at her wrist. He spins her around to face him, his skin radiating off the coolness she has desired to feel for ages. He looks down at her, his icy gaze is serious. He slowly lets go of her wrist and grabs her hip, pulling her closer to him. He gets dangerously close to her, his gaze fixed on her pink lips. He bites his lower lip as he leans in ever so slightly.

"What're you doing?" she asks breathlessly, looking into his intense eyes. Her heart pounds so loud she feels as if it might jump out of her chest. She can feel his breathing, fast and hot, she can see his shoulders moving with every breath. She glances down at his lips and then back up at his eyes. 

He hesitates, "Trying to control myself." he responds, swallowing thickly.

And then he lets go. He takes his hand off her hip and steps back. He turns away from her, his hand running over his mouth. She feels disappointment bubble inside her stomach as she twists around and walks away.

But Alex shakes his head and walks after her, sitting in the seat beside her. He knows that she still wants him. He knows. 

She looks over at him as he moves closer to her. He leans into her, their shoulders touching. Her heart beats fast, like she's running a marathon. He lifts his hand slowly, and he gently brushes his fingers across the silver of skin on the small of her back. She feels goosebumps rise on her skin, a shiver running down her spine. He slips his hand around her hip and grabs her hand in his. Her breath catches in her throat.

Although his hands are cold, she feels nothing but warmth, as if her chest has been lit on fire. She smiles to herself, biting her lower lip as he turns to look at the movie in the front of the classroom. She turns her head too, and watches it.

Then, he looks back at the ginger. She turns her head too, looking up at him intently. The tension is thick in the air, as if time has stopped and is waiting. He leans in a little and she feels the rush of adrenaline as she think of the way his lips look. She craves his kiss, just to be able to remember what it was like to be his.

The bell rings.

Amanda flinches as she hears it, signalling that the students have to go to their next classes. She turns away and purses her lips as she lets go of his hand and stands to her feet. Away from him  and from his touch. She suddenly feels cold as she reaches for her backpack and then swings it over her shoulder.

She walks away and into the hallway, where her eyes have to adjust to the light. Her heart is still beating hard in her chest and she feels the disappointment wash over her like a tidal wave. She steals a glance back at Alex, maybe he's changed, she thinks to herself.

But what she sees, breaks her heart all over again.

His lips, the lips that she was dying to kiss not even a minute ago, are completely attached to Brooke's. When she pulls away, the brunet girl is smiling, her eyes shining. Amanda recognises that look. She's worn it before. Does she make him happy? Amanda thinks to herself.

Amanda's lips part as she starts to walk away.

It's just a game to him.

It's always been some game. Some type of cat and mouse. Except, there's no way to win, because he just keeps acting like he loves her and then pushing her away. It's just a game to him. She knows this, but yet every time she reminds herself, it hurts just a little bit more.

Amanda shakes her head.

He knows her all to well. He knows that she is as loyal as a golden retriever. He knows that she doesn't stop thinking about him, even if he's not thinking of her at all. And he's a jerk. He makes sure she keeps falling for him and he knows he won't be there to catch her; he makes sure she's still wrapped around his finger; but worse than that, he makes sure she trusts him. He will make her think that he's not like the others, even though he's right. He isn't like the others.

He is so much worse.

Because just when she got comfortable, just when she got used to the feeling of being wanted, just when she felt sheltered and safe with the feeling of finally being loved, he took it away. He stripped her of it, tore it out of her hands like it wasn't hers to have. Like he gave it to her by accident. And now, she keeps wanting say it, she keeps longing for the words to leave her lips, "please don't leave me." But she can't do it, not again. She's already so tired of begging for people to love her. And, it seems he's already left.

And she didn't realise until now, that she thought she was in love with a guy, a boy, a human. But she has been wrong this entire time. He has became what he said he wouldn't, and now she sees it. She sees that she was never in love with any of those things. She's in love with an illusion, a lie, a fraud. 

Tears build up in Amanda's eyes as a pain hits her chest. He'd promised he'd stay. Did he not remember promising to stay? To catch her? He lied, he's a liar. He said he loved her. She wishes he would take it all back. Every memory with him, everything he made her feel, every word, every lie. She wishes she could shove it back into his chest. She wishes he would take it back.

She thinks back to when they used to talk in the middle of the night. The moon illuminated his features, making them have a sort of glow. His eyes sparkled. He's kind of like the moon too. Because also like the moon, he has a side to him, so dark, that even the stars can't shine on it. He has a side to him, so cold, even the sun can't burn on it. She almost wants it back, she almost tells him that she wants her moon back, but she can't because he's gone. He loves someone else now. It's clear that he's moved on, so why can't she? Why can't she stop thinking about him? Why does this have to be so difficult? Why can't she just let go, and walk away, just like he did?

And of all his lies, "i love you" was her favourite.

A/N

That was a rollercoaster. I hope you guys enjoyed though, I'm trying to keep up with this book because I'm absolutely in love with it, it's just so hard since all the events must be perfectly place. Anyway, i love you guys, stay amazing. sent with a hug.