EVENTUALLY

SHE CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.

She can't believe that she actually got P.E. as a class. Again. She thought she had escaped it when she left middle school, but apparently not. She had glared down at the thin white sheet that held her schedule, and she wishes she had changed it when she had the chance. Annoyance radiated off of her. She dreads having to come to this class to exercise this early in the morning.

Okay, maybe not dreading it, she has friends spread through the students. Not very many, and she wouldn't even really call them friends, but she's somewhat comfortable with them. Amanda also does enjoy running when she gets into the class. Which is odd to the other students; the coaches require the students to walk, not run. But Amanda likes running. She likes to feel the breeze in her hair, the slight burn in her legs. Even on a day like this; where it's cold outside, but the sun is blazing down.

Everyone always asks her why she runs, because she's the only one that does even though she doesn't have to. But she'll tell them the same thing every time, "it's to keep me in shape." Even though it's obvious Amanda doesn't need it. She has a skinny figure, about a hundred and thirty pounds and five" - five' height.

It's just a lie.

She doesn't run to help keep in shape, it's to keep her mind off him. To distract her, to calm her. But most of all, running helps her think. Which is what she needs to do. She needs to gather herself, prepare her mind for seeing him again. She needs to get ready for seeing his face again. Though what she doesn't know, is that there is nothing that can prepare her for seeing him.

But Amanda's tired today. Technically, it's her fourth period, but today's a Wednesday so it feels like second period and she's shattered. Amanda usually has no problem waking up in the morning, but last night she stayed awake. It was one of those nights. One of the nights where her chest felt heavy and there was lead on her shoulders. Those nights come and go.

Her grey Vans hit the concrete with a rhythmic thud, matching the pace of her heart. Her black and white Nike shorts push up her legs with every motion. The parking lot is surprisingly vacant today, only a few cars at the front. She starts to make her way around the curve of the lot.

One more lap, Amanda thinks herself as she comes to a jog, tiredly running a hand through her straight hair. She feels the souls of her feet start to ache, so she slows to a walk. Sweat beads across the middle of her back and she wishes she could change the thin layer of clothing she's wearing, her grey shirt. Unfortunately for her, she forgot an extra in the rush of catching the bus so she could get to school. Which she does often.

The makeup is doing good for her. It's hiding the bags under her eyes, the paleness in her cheeks, the pain. She spent hours lying awake and drowning in a pool of her own tears. She tries to make it through a night like that without crying, but it's the only way for her to feel relief. It's strange for Amanda. She can feel sadness so deeply; she can feel anger so intensely; and yet she struggles to feel happiness.

It truly amazes her. It honestly amazes Amanda how much one person can effect your entire day. How much one person, can make you smile, or break your heart into a million pieces. How one person can be the centre of your world, or be the one who crushes it.

When Amanda's done with the laps, she walks over to the cold, silver tables, and sits down to catch her breath. She has done enough thinking. She's getting too deep, she's thinking too much. It's hurting again, her chest feels heavy, tears prickle at the edges her eyes, but she blinks them away. She can't cry, not here, not now.

When all the other students get done with their laps as well, coach Rowe and coach Jacks open the gymnasium doors for them to walk through. She feels a cool breeze as she steps inside and breathes it in. Her black rimmed glasses fog up due to the temperature change and she slips them off to wipe the lenses with her shirt. It smudges slightly, but she couldn't care less. Once she has gotten in and said hi to a few friends, she walks over to the where the coaches are and grabs a volleyball.

Amanda starts softly bumping the ball with the inside of her wrists. The skin starts to sting slightly after a minute, glowing a deep red. She pays no attention to it. Instead, she starts to set the ball between her fingertips, tossing it up to her self while bobbing her head to her music that's blasting in her ears.

For the past month, since that day with Alex, Amanda has been quiet. She doesn't say much anymore, instead she listens. She listens to people, she listens to what they have to say. She listens to problems of people she hardly knows, she listens to them rant, mumble, cry if they need to. She has become the helper. 

It's something she doesn't necessarily enjoy, but she doesn't mind. She just wishes someone would finally hear her. It seems like she's in a room full of people, calling out for help, but no one will listen. No one cares. She feels alone, like she's has been pushed out and shut away from the light. 

She thinks about Alex again. It was inevitable, when she's alone, she always thinks of him. She thinks about how his hand felt in hers, cold skin, pale, long slender fingers. He held hers tightly, like she was his. She thinks about the way he used to look at her, like she was everything. She thinks about the way he kissed her, like he loved her.

But to him, it was nothing.

Why did it have to be nothing? Why couldn't it have been something?

...

WAITING FOR THE BELL.

This is the worst time to be waiting for the bell. Not only is Amanda's shirt sticking to her torso like a second layer of skin due to her sweat, but her stomach is growling at her, begging for food. It's giving her a sick feeling, like it's twisting and knotting in the most uncomfortable ways. Fortunately for her, she's waiting for the bell because it's almost lunch hour.

She wants food and to get out of the hot gym. Even though it's the middle of September, and the school is normally at freezing temperatures, the gym is always hot. After an hour and a half in the heated gym, her cheeks are scarlet and she wants a fresh breeze of the cool air that awaits outside the gymnasium doors.

Unfortunately, she's still got about fifteen minutes before she can.

She plays with the strap of her backpack, leaning against the wall right next to the doors, biting her lip. She tries not to think about Alex, letting her mind distract itself by looking around the gym. It's like any other gymnasium, the floors a polished wooden look, dark blue strips line around it for basketball and volleyball. Grey and blue bleachers on each side, the walls painted white with art of a dolphin next to the scoreboard. Splash, their school mascot, is holding a basketball and volleyball. She has always admired it and is extremely impressed by the detail of the painting.

Amanda glances around timidly. She's been trying to find someone to become friends with, but there aren't very many options for her. There are the nerdy people she sometimes talks to, but she hasn't become comfortable with them to actually be friends. There are the popular people, who are a definite no. There are the few people who are just chill and laid back, but they all don't really take her serious because they aren't sober enough to care.

Amanda is about to give up in defeat before something catches her attention. She sees two guys in the back, standing beside the bleachers and laughing. She tilts her head, there's curiosity in her eyes. She keeps watching them for a moment, before she looks away. They seem nice, maybe she could talk to them?

I can talk to them, Amanda thinks softly to herself as she removes her earphones from her ears, I can introduce myself and maybe they'll like me. Maybe they won't think I'm weird. She feels slightly nervous but she shakes it off when her feet start moving. She's confident, she's calm. She can talk to people. Amanda tries to hype herself up, chanting in her head that they will talk to her and they will be her friends.

But there's a nagging in her stomach. What if they think I'm weird? She can't help but think it, she can't help but feel like they will seem like she's strange. She shakes her head to rid herself of those thoughts, taking a deep breath as she keeps walking to the boys. 

Amanda knows that she will never be able to open up to them about Alex or anything regarding her life outside of school. She knows that the moment she tells them everything, they would never wanna talk to her again. She has too many problems, too much going on. So, she puts up her walls and guards and shields; she straightens her back and holds the backpack straps tightly as she pads across the floor.

When she reaches them, they don't notice her until she speaks, "hi." She says in a gentle voice, and they both turn to her at once, looking surprised. She suppresses the urge to blush with all the attention, but remains calm. Her heart picks up, but it's not too fast. She tries to keep it together. Steadying her voice she says friendly, "my name's Amanda." She smiles at all the boys.

It's silent for a long moment, and she starts to feel awkward. She almost turns to leave, but one of them speak up, "Hey, I'm Chase." He greets in a kind voice. He's shorter than the one beside him, hazel eyes, dark brown hair and tan skin. He has a kind of mischievous smile but it seems genuine. "And this," he puts hand on the taller one's shoulder, "is my older brother. I know, I'm much more attractive than he is." Amanda laughs, feeling her shoulders relax.

Amanda meets eyes with the taller one. The first thing she sees are the most beautiful green eyes. She's never seen green eyes before, they're a deep green, with specks of yellow. Her lips part. He looks surprised, seeming caught off guard. But then he snaps back, scoffing playfully and pushing Chase's hand off his shoulder. He smiles, "Actually, I'm the more attractive one. It's obvious." He looks down at her, "I'm Simon." His hair is a matching colour with Chase, tan skin, thinner build.

Amanda's smile grows, "it's nice to meet you guys." she says, her eyes sparkling. She steps forward and pushes her hand toward them. Chase takes it first, giving it a comforting shake before Simon does the same. She's still kinda thinking they may find her too weird or annoying. Ah, the 'annoying' card. She decides to calm her voice, let her hand fall to her side and tries to change the topic, "hey, haven't I seen you before?" She says to Chase.

He grins at her, "Yeah, we have public service together." 

Her smile brightens, she snaps her finger in recognition, "Yes, that's where it is! First period right? Goodness, that class really gets me, I mean seriously." Amanda shakes her head softly. She doesn't see the point in making everyone present their slideshows in front of the entire class. She guesses it's to get them ready for other classes or for later years? She doesn't know, but it's annoying. Especially for quieter kids like her.

Chase is still grinning when he responds, "I know," he rolls his eyes, "And the way Lieutenant West won't let you go to the bathroom unless you say 'may I' What's the point in that? I don't understand. How am I being disrespectful if I say 'can I'?" 

"Yeah, I agree. That frustrates me as well." She wants to continue talking, tell them that she's really used to it because when she was in middle school, she had a teacher who was even more persistent about that than Lieutenant West. But she doesn't. She avoids being annoying. "Yeah, I've see you a little in that class." She nods her head as she remembers seeing him.

"Well I would hope so." Chase says immediately, his eyebrows pushed together, "we see each other every day."

Amanda laughs again as she nods her head, that's true. She does see him a lot, but she feels like this is the first time she's actually seeing him. She's feeling comfortable, not so tense about talking to them and she isn't questioning herself as much. She feels oddly calm, but still staying a little guarded and reserved. "So, um, what grade are you guys in?" she questions.

"Oh, I'm a junior." Chase responds.

"I'm a senior." Simon replies, "what about you?"

Amanda feels slightly embarrassed, "Oh," she says, her cheeks tinge pink, "I'm, um, I'm a freshman. I turn fifteen in a few months." 

Chase and Simon both share a glance with each other and then mirror each others expression. Shock. "Really?" They ask at the same time.

Suddenly looking shy, she shrinks away, pulling at the sleeves of her sweatshirt. She nods her head, her lip pulled between her teeth. She tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "Well, yeah."  And then she chuckles, "everyone always thinks I'm older. Like a junior, sometimes a senior. I think it's because of my height, ya know? I'm taller than all the girls but I'm shorter than all the guys. I'm like," she taps her chin, "the happy medium."

The three continue to talk when Amanda feels a bump under her shoe. She looks down at it to see a green bean bag sitting uncomfortably under her foot. She kicks it a little. Simon laughs and bends down to pick it up. He softly tosses it into the hole of the platform a few feet away. Amanda picks up a red one and tosses it as well, but her throw is too strong and it misses. 

Chase playfully walks over to it and grabs a red one and throws it, and makes it. He smiles in triumph before Simon picks up another one and throws it at him. Oddly, Amanda has no second thoughts before she grins and picks one up as well, roughly tossing it at Chase who's standing defenceless.

Amanda and Simon laugh loudly together as Chase yells "mercy!" along with a stream of curses. And tries to shield his body with his hands but it's not working. They all laugh together. Amanda is surprised at how comfortable she's feeling around the two boys, but she's happy. She's glad, and she definitely doesn't regret her decision for talking to them.

Their laugh is cut off by the bell ringing noisily above them, "Ah, time to go guys." Amanda says as she starts to step to the doors. She only just now remembers how hungry she is. The boys were distracting her. She kinda feels sad that she already has to say bye to them so soon, but she must.

Simon bites his lip for a moment, "well, do you wanna have lunch with us?"

Amanda almost says yes, she almost tells him that she will have lunch with them, that she will sit down and enjoy their company for just a bit longer. But then she remembers where Alex will be, and she doesn't want to miss a chance to see him. She gives Simon and Chase an apologetic smile, "sorry, got places to be. I'll see you guys around."

They both look slightly disappointed, but cover it up with almost matching grins, "alright, see ya later Amanda!" Chase says, waving slightly at her. Amanda feels a sting of guilt as she waves back, she wants to go back over to them and tell them she has changed her mind, but she's already out the doors and looking for Alex.

A/N

Hey guys! Here's the first chapter! Tell me what you think and vote if you enjoyed. And stay amazing! *Sent with a hug*