I STARE OUT at the traffic, leaning my head against Nox's steering wheel. The car horn lets out a squeak and I jump back suddenly, shocked by the noise. "God," I mumbled, running a hand through my hair and staring out at the blur of red lights ahead of me. The drive to San Francisco wasn't that far at all—but I hadn't accounted for this level of traffic. "I don't understand traffic. Just fucking drive!"

I tap my finger along the steering wheel before reaching over and grabbing my phone. Unsurprisingly, there were at least a thousand messages from my family and friends. I grimace. Clicking on Oba's contact, I bring the phone to my ear. It only rings once before she answers. "Braylen!" she starts. "I—"

"I know, I know, I should've called sooner. It's just, I've been sitting in traffic for four hours and haven't checked my phone because I'm a responsible driver and I totally forgot that I just left a mental hospital and should probably check in with people," I say quickly, a blush warming my cheeks. "I'm okay, though, Aunt Amanda. Really. I'm fine."

She breathes out a sigh. "Did you say you're driving? Where are you? Who are you with? Whose car are you in?"

"A friend's. He let me borrow it. There's someplace I really need to go to and you can ground me when I get back. Or can't you? I mean, I'm a grown man now but if it makes you feel better you ca—"

Oba sighs again. Guilt pricks at my heart. I'd probably shaved ten years off her lifespan due to stress from this week alone. I was the absolute worst. "You're okay? Are you sure?" she asks.

"I'm okay," I agree. "I'm almost to San Francisco now. I'll call you when I'm there. I love you, okay?"

"Okay," she breathes. "I love you, too. And you are so grounded. I don't care how old you are."

I chuckle. "I'll talk to you soon. Bye."

I click off the phone call and the traffic begins to lift up. I laugh surprisedly. "Ha! Finally!" I yelp, pushing the accelerator as I drive down the freeway again.

I drive on for a while longer, periodically glancing at the clock. It was past midnight by now. Exhaustion works through my body and I decide to pull over, quickly turning on my phone. I'm getting ready to search for motels nearby when I see a photo from last month of Roman and I. We were lying in his bed and he was looking at me with a small smile on his face while I made a funny face for the camera. My heart pangs at the sight of us and I stare out at the road ahead of me. A sign catches my eye.

     Welcome to San Francisco.

I smile softly. I made it. The last time I was here was when Roman introduced me to Eden and Isla. I remember realizing that I loved him, the hope in my heart as I realized that he might love me too. How quickly things had changed.

I didn't know where Roman and I belonged anymore. Or if we still did. Maybe what I'd said at the beginning of all of this holds more merit. Maybe this all was just supposed to last and be good until the end of summer. Maybe some love was always meant to be lost.

The words spark up a memory in my mind. I think back to the little old lady next door to Roman's apartment and her advice from the other.

"Here's a secret," she whispered, eyes bright. "Sometimes we think we lose things, but deep down in our hearts, we know exactly where they are. And we know exactly where they're going."

        She shot me a cheeky grin before dropping my hands and turning away. "I hope you find your love soon," she whispers before she disappeared back into her apartment.

I furrow my eyebrows. "Exactly where they are," I whisper, tasting the words. "Exactly where they're going."

He wasn't in his apartment. He wasn't in his apartment because he moved out. He wasn't in Malibu because he was here.

I start the car at once, pulling it back onto the road. "I am such an idiot," I hiss, wondering how I hadn't put this together yet. I'd assumed he left for Italy already, but the woman said he wouldn't leave until autumn came around. Summer wasn't over. He was still here. He was still here.

I make quite a few wrong turns trying to remember where Eden's house was but eventually find my way back to the street she lives on. I pull up to the house, shutting off Lennox's car and rushing out of it in the same motion. I didn't know what I was doing here or what I wanted to happen but I knew that I needed something. I couldn't let the last time I saw him be the last time I saw him. I couldn't let that happen.

It was late. I didn't care. I push the doorbell's button a thousand times and when that doesn't work, I bang on the door. I have half a mind to worry about a sleeping Isla but I can't bring myself to stop. I couldn't stop until I saw him again.

The lights come on. I wondered if it'd be an angry Eden opening the door, wondering why some stranger she'd met once was here at one in the morning. I wondered if it'd be him. I'd never wanted anything more in my life than that.

I knock one last time before the mahogany door is pulled open. All the breath gets knocked out of my body.

It was him. Just as I'd hoped it'd be.

He was in a white t-shirt and sweatpants and he looked exhausted. Like I'd woken him up from his sleep but also like he hadn't slept right in a week. His eyes take me in and I watch as they move along my entire body, every cut and scar and bruise. They stop on my bandaged hands and I tuck them behind my back self-consciously. "Yeah," I breathe, clearing my throat once. "It's really hard to wipe my ass with them, but, you know. I manage."

        I shut my eyes tightly. The first thing I say to him is about my bathroom habits. I take a deep breath before opening my eyes again and when I do, my brows furrow. Because Roman was crying.

        "Rome?" I whisper, voice breaking.

        "Sorry," he gets out, turning his face away from me so I wouldn't see him. I didn't know what to say. In the time that I've known him, I'd only seen him cry twice. Once when he was drunk, and once when he had an anxiety attack. And both were because of the trauma that was induced by his father.

        This time, he was crying for me.

        Before I even know what's happening, his hand comes to rest on the back of my head and he pulls me into a hug. I fall into his body effortlessly as I had a thousand other times this summer, sinking my face into his chest and breathing in the scent of him. The scent of Roman. My Roman.

        "I'm sorry," he sobs. My arms tighten around him. "I'm so sorry."

        I hadn't cried since I'd been home from the hospital. I thought I was dried out. But here in Roman's arms, all I can do is break down. I sob into his chest and squeeze his body as tight as possible, just so I know he can't let go. "I'm sorry," I whisper back. I couldn't imagine being put through what I had put Roman through what I had these past few days. "I'm sorry, too."

        I don't know how long we stand like that, crying in one another's arms and I don't think it could ever be long enough. We eventually end up inside, curled up next to one another on the couch. My head is in Roman's lap and he runs his fingers through my hair and it feels like nothing has changed between us, though everything has. "When are you leaving?" I ask, voice tired. But I knew I couldn't sleep if I tried. Not when I had him back next to me like this.

        "Soon," he responds back. "Eden took Isla over to her mother's. She wanted to spend some time with her before we pack up for Italy. She also doesn't think it's a good idea for Isla to see me like this."

        "Like what?"

        Roman chuckles humorlessly. "Like a mess. I haven't slept properly since that night, Braylen. I just can't."

        I push myself off of his lap so I can look at him instead. "Why didn't you come to see me?" I whisper slowly.

Roman's lips turn down. "The way you looked at me that night...I thought it would be better if I stayed away for some time. If I kept my distance."

"Why would that ever be better?" I ask, a sad smile spreading onto my face. "And here I was thinking you were the smartest person I know."

He chuckles back at me. "You of all people should know that's not the case," he responds back. I watch the smile run away from his face, a sign that things would be getting more serious soon. I sigh. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

"But you want me to," I finish, staring at him.

He wraps an arm around me, pulling me into his chest. I lay there easily, listening to the sound of his heart beating in his chest. "I want you to tell me whatever you want to tell me."

I feel my eyes welling up. I sniff once. "I didn't want to die," I cry out softly. Roman's thumb rubs circles around my bare arm. "I don't want to die."

He doesn't say anything. He just places a kiss on my forehead and waits for me to continue. "The doctors said I'm showing signs of bipolar disorder. Like, what my mom has," I whisper. "It's mild, as of now. I'm on medication. To avoid breaking mirrors with my bare hands again. I'm trying really hard not to hate myself for all of that."

"Don't," Roman murmurs. "You shouldn't. You're perfect. Okay?"

I smile softly against his chest. "I'm going to the SAO convention tomorrow. To speak. For Sebastian."

Roman's arms tighten around me at the mention of his name. "Do you think you're ready for that?"

"I don't know," I murmur honestly. "Are you really engaged?"

He sighs. "I am," he responds back. "I'm so sorry."

"No," I say, though pain pulses through my heart and it suddenly becomes harder to breathe. "Don't be. I was selfish that night. I've been putting you off all summer; you have every right to make this decision for yourself. Besides, it's not just for you. It's for Eden and for your daughter. I understand that now."

When he speaks again, I can tell he's crying. "I just don't know why everything has to be so hard all the time."

"It keeps us busy, that's for sure," I joke and he laughs just as I wanted him to. I lift up again to look at him, my eyes taking in every single inch of his face at once. I want to say it, but I also don't want to. Because would it even change anything? He'd still be engaged. He'd still be leaving. I'd still be staying here. "Rome?"

"I know," he whispers back quickly. "I know. Me too."

A small smile finds its way back to my lips. When he wraps me back into his arms, I don't speak again. I fall asleep there in the arms of the boy that I loved for what might be the last time ever and dread the moment when I finally wake up.