TW// Mention of Death

LESS THAN AN hour later, we'd all changed out of our airport clothes and into something a bit more suitable for club life. I was dressed in a pair of black leather pants and a sheer button-up shirt, completely showing my bare chest. It was a bit of a different look for me, but Robyn and Hayley assured me it'd look good. So I let them dress me up and tried to ignore that heavy feeling in my chest that only seemed to grow.

We get past the guards pretty easily, all of us having a fake ID at the ready. Really, only Hayley and Roman were the ones old enough to be in the club, but nobody seemed suspicious of us.

The place was packed with bodies on top of bodies dancing to the sound of techno music. Blue and purple lights filled up the room and there was a light sort of energy inside like all these people wanted was to have a good time. I hoped it would rub off on me as Hayley ordered rounds of shots to our burgundy red booth in the back.

She hands one to Roman who shakes his head softly, before glancing over at me. "Somebody's gotta be the designated driver, right?" he says, a teasing glint in his eye. I wonder why he didn't just tell Hayley he didn't drink. Since they were suddenly besties of the year.

Roman looked all too good tonight, dressed in a patterned jean jacket with matching jeans and a white undershirt underneath. I'd overheard Hayley gushing about it during the car ride over--apparently he'd painted it himself. Roman's eyes catch me checking him out, an eyebrow raised in question.

I turn my head and slam a shot down my throat, loving and hating the way it burnt my tongue as it goes down. I grab another and slam it back again, my hands already reaching for a third when another hand grabs mine. Devin. "Slow down," he murmurs. "Sloppy drunk isn't a good look on you."

I glare at him. "You've never seen me sloppy drunk. And I can hold my liquor, thank you very much."

"Trust me, B. I've seen you sloppy drunk," he laughs. "And you always regret it in the morning. Anyways, I can tell that something is wrong. Are you okay?"

I shake my head quickly, glancing over at Roman and Hayley who were both laughing at something. Devin catches the look and nudges my shoulder. "What is it? He do something? Do I need to cave his face in?"

I laugh softly, the mental image of Devin trying to take on Roman, a bonafide boxer, hilarious to me. Devin was intimidating, sure, but he had nothing on Roman in that factor. "He didn't do anything. There's nothing wrong; I'm all good."

I hear a soft giggle and turn my head to see Roman and Hayley both standing and walking over to the dance floor. The two fit into the crowd immediately, dancing around the music as their bodies press into one another's. A small sound of indignation leaves my throat. I shove out of Devin's hold and swallow back my third shot as he gives me a disappointed glance.

Everything is sort of a blur after that point. I was swallowing back so many shots that even Hunter and Robyn begin to notice the lack of alcohol at our table. I just wanted that image of Hayley and Roman dancing together erased from my brain, immediately.

"You've got it bad," Sebastian titters, sitting relaxedly from the seat across from me.

I glare over in his direction. "I don't have anything bad, thanks," I fire back internally.

Sebastian glares right back at me. "You're off your face right now because some dude didn't sit with you on an airplane and is dancing with Hayley."

I swallow back a swig of beer. "He isn't just some dude."

Sebastian's eyes twinkle underneath the blue light of the club. "Yeah. I know."

I sigh softly before falling back into my seat, my chin slumping against Devin's shoulder. Devin glances at me. "See. You're sloppy drunk."

"'M not sloppy drunk," I slur, sniffing softly. "Just sleepy."

"And sloppy drunk," Sebastian jokes, amusement in his voice.

I lift my head just a bit from Devin's shoulder and glare at him. "Why don't you just shut up for once?" I hiss, anger evident in my tone.

Devin laughs. "B, nobody even said anything. You're definitely plastered."

My ears burn red as I realize that the last thing I said to Sebastian hadn't been in my head. I glance over in the direction where Seb had been sitting and find instead just the empty seat. "Uh...," I mumbled, pressing a hand to my temple. "Yeah, maybe I have had too much."

Hayley stumbles over to us, slightly tipsy and holding her heels with her fingertips. "Whew!" she breathes, plopping down next to me and fanning herself with her hand. "I'm totally pooped."

I glance at her, forcing a small smile onto my lips. "Must've been all that dancing," I respond, but my tone doesn't sound as friendly as I was trying for.

"Speaking of dancing," Devin says, standing up. "Think I'll go ask Robyn for one. You two have a nice...chat."

I glare at him, knowing that this was his way out of this awkward situation and wishing I'd thought of it sooner. Pretty soon, Robyn, Devin, and Hunter are on the dance floor, laughing and grinding on one another playfully. Well, at least Hunter's doing the grinding. Roman is nowhere to be found.

"He had a phone call," Hayley reports. I force my gaze back to her and stop scanning the room. "Roman, I mean. You were thinking about him, right?"

I gnaw on my bottom lip. "No, I was just—uh. No, I wasn't."

It's a bad lie and Hayley knows it. She reaches forward and grabs the beer from my hand, taking a long gulp before wiping her mouth. "B?" she says, picking at a loose thread on her dress.

"Yeah?" I say, finishing off the beer and setting the empty glass on the table.

Hayley sighs softly. "I know that this is supposed to be some fun trip filled with wine coolers and swimming pools but I need to say this, okay?" I nod my head once and she continues speaking like she never stopped. "When we dated, I wasn't a good girlfriend to you."

"Hay—" I start because there really was no reason to go through this conversation right now. She wasn't the best girlfriend, but it's not like I was the boyfriend of the year or something, either. I did sort of cheat on her with Sebastian.

"No, no, let me finish," Hayley orders, her eyes piercing mine. "I know that I sucked. God, I mean, after we broke up and became friends, I realized how little I actually knew about you. I had no clue about your parents or your favorite books or places you want to visit. And I'm so damn grateful that I know those things now, that I stepped outside of my stupid little bubble and got to know you for real. And you let me. You shed your stupid little bubble and let me in, too."

Hayley bites her lip. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that...sometimes we are so wrapped up in ourselves that we miss what's in front of us. I mean, I don't think I liked you more than after we broke up. Because then I was able to look at you and see you as something more than some guy I was hooking up with. I saw you as a person.

"And I don't know if I'm reading the signs wrong and maybe this is way out of line and you'd rather talk to Robyn about this, but you need to let him in, Braylen," Hayley says. My cheeks turn pink at her words but she still continues. "I know you're hurting. I know it seems impossible, but you have to try."

I shake my head once. "I don't know how to anymore," I admit. "It took so much to get to where I got with..."

I can't bring myself to say his name. Hayley nods. "I know. I know that."

"I have never loved anyone like that," I mumble, tears pricking my eyes. "And I'm worried that that part of me is broken, now. That, like, I don't have enough in me to just start over with someone new. And I know it's ridiculous to think that way but I do."

Hayley nods again. "I get that, Braylen. I do. But you can't change the past. You can only move forward. And deep down, I think you know that. I think you want to keep moving. You're too damn stubborn to give up on anything."

A single tear escapes my eye and I wipe it away, chuckling softly. "I love you, Hayley."

She reaches forward and hugs me. "And I love you."

We break apart and I let out another ready chuckle. "Shall we go dance with our idiotic friends?"

Hayley's eyes begin looking past me and with a smirk, she pats my leg. "I'm gonna head over there now, actually. But you wait here. I think someone wants to see you."

She gives me a knowing wink and stands up, leafing her heels on the couch next to me and rushing back to the dance floor. I frown, ready to follow when a hand taps my shoulder. "Hey," Roman calls out over the music. "Want to go and get some fresh air?"

He holds out a hand to me and I look down at it, a hundred different scenes playing out in my mind. I could tell him no, that I could breathe just fine here. Then maybe he'd walk away. Be upset for just a moment before picking up where he left off with Hayley. Or one of the seductive people giving him eyes from all the way across the club.

I didn't want that. This was an easy decision.

I slide my hand into his and he grins bashfully, leading me outside and into the humid Florida night. I swallow back a few breaths, allowing them to ease my alcohol-induced mind. "Thanks for earlier," Roman mutters. "Not making a big deal about the designated driver lie."

I wave him off. I'd already forgotten about that. "You don't have to worry about anything like that with me," I respond. "I'll always keep your secrets."

Roman chuckles lowly, looking at me with some sort of sparkle in his eye. "And I'll always keep yours."

I have to tear my eyes away from his. The words weren't romantic by any means, but the intensity of his stare and how sincere he sounded saying them suggested an intimacy that I was still learning how to not run away from.

Roman and I lean against the wall of the club. He slips a hand into his jacket pocket and grabs a cigarette and his lighter, making quick work of bringing the stick to his lips and cupping his hands to light it. It reminds me too quickly of the way his fingers felt holding my face as he did the same and a blush works its way to my skin. "You having fun yet?" Roman asks, blowing out his cloud of smoke away from me.

"Mhm," I hum quietly, the sound nearly getting stuck in my throat as the green street light glows on his skin. "Yeah, loads."

I hated the small talk. I hated the way he looked at me. I hated the way I wanted to look right back at him. I think back to Hayley's words.

Stupid little bubble.

Yeah, well, maybe sometimes those bubbles were for the best. Maybe they kept everyone safe.

Still, I couldn't help but want to see Roman beyond his. "Who called you?" I ask curiously.

"Hmm?" Roman asks, taking another long drag of smoke.

I raise an eyebrow at him. "Just now, when you disappeared. Who were you talking to?"

Roman scratches the back of his neck. "Does it even matter?" he spits, glaring at something in the distance.

The acid in his words immediately throws me off. I lean back against the wall and breathe out a sigh. "Okay," I mumble. "I think I'll go inside."

Roman clicks his tongue. "Don't act wounded, Braylen."

"'Don't act wounded?'" I repeat, standing up straight to face him. "If you don't want me to act wounded then stop being such a douchebag!"

Roman turns to face me with angry eyes. "Me? A douchebag? Are we not going to talk about how you treated me all of today?"

"Apparently, no, we're not going to talk about it! Because you're so damn busy asking me if I'm having fun and making stupid small talk!"

Roman laughs humorlessly. "You're acting like a child."

I cross my arms over my chest. "What, because I'm younger than you? Because you're so much better than me?"

"I never said that."

"You didn't have to," I respond. "We don't have to do this, Roman. I didn't bring you here with my friends just for you to treat me like crap."

He stomps out his cigarette and stares at me. "Then why did you bring me?"

I open my mouth to speak but swallow back the words as soon as they begin to materialize. Because I almost told him that the reason I invited him to this trip, the reason that I wanted him here was that I knew it'd feel empty if he wasn't. There was suddenly this Roman-shaped part of my life and when it wasn't being filled with him, things felt wrong. I didn't want things to feel wrong again. Not when it came to him.

But they already were. We couldn't go more than three days without arguing and deep down I knew that I still didn't know Roman, despite the voice in the back of my mind saying that I did.

I grit my teeth, cocking my head to the side. "Don't know what I was thinking," I mutter, my throat burning as the lie spills out of it. I don't wait for Roman to respond and instead walk straight past him and back into the club, the exhaustion of the entire day suddenly overtaking me.

I hardly remember driving back to Devin's house, with Roman silent as he chauffeurs a group of chattery drunks. Everyone seemed to have enjoyed their night, with Devin and Robyn holding hands and laughing as they enter the house and even Hayley and Hunter sneaking off into a bedroom. But this stupid fight with Roman had sobered me right back up.

It seems like I'm tucked underneath silk sheets in a room I don't notice in no time, pressing my face into the pillowcase and forcing myself to stop thinking of Roman and instead get some sleep. I'm not sure how long it takes for me to lose consciousness, but I know exactly when the nightmare starts. And that there's nothing I can do about it. I'm just frozen, vulnerable.

A cold wind hits my skin like a thousand little icicles burying themselves in my face. I was back on that bridge, the one that Sebastian took his last breaths on. My suit jacket did little to protect me from the chill of the night air and I blow out a breath, watching it leave my lips.

"Sebastian?" I call out, walking slowly over to the edge.

"Brayls!" a voice chokes out. "Brayls, I'm down here!"

I rush up to the edge of the bridge, clutching onto the ledge and peering down at the huge ocean. There, latching onto the side of the bridge was Sebastian. He was in his suit as well with tears streaming down his face and skin so pale I wasn't even sure he was alive. But he was looking right at me, eyes big. "Help me," he chokes out, legs dangling off the side of the bridge. "If you don't save me, I'm going to die."

Panic washes through me. "No, no, you're not gonna die, okay? I'm going to save you, I swear, I just need to—"

"Braylen?"

I turn to the sound of the voice. Less than ten feet away from where Sebastian was hanging on for his life, Roman was in the same situation. A choked gasp leaves my lips as I watch him desperately hang onto the ledge of the bridge, panting heavily. "Oh my god, Roman!"

I glance at Sebastian and bite my bottom lip. "I'll be right back, just hold on, okay?"

I rush over to Roman, staring into his brown eyes that are misty with tears. "B, you've gotta help me, you've gotta get me down."

"I will, just don't let go. Please, don't let go, Roman," I cry out, hot tears streaming down my face. I pull away from the bridge, looking for a rope or a rod or anything that I can use to help pull them up. But all I see is the empty street.

My teeth chatter in the cold but I still pull off my jacket and unbutton my white shirt, leaving me in nothing but an undershirt. I tie the jacket and button-up together as quickly as possible. My hands shake like a leaf.

There's a cry and I go back to the ledge to see Roman, hanging on with only one hand. His knuckles were completely white from the firm grip he had on the bridge and his face was pinched together. "I can't hold on, B. I'm sorry."

"No, no!" I cry out, tightening my knots. "No, I'm not going to lose you, you hear me?"

I start to throw the tied-up clothes over the ledge and when I hear someone say my name. I turn my head to see Sebastian still hanging on with tears dripping down onto his shirt. "B, I'm slipping. I'm going to fall."

I turn my head between the two boys, eyes frantic. "No, I can't—" I start, my voice cutting out as a sob wracks my body.

"You have to come and save me, Braylen!" Sebastian shouts, trying to claw his way back up the bridge. "Please!"

I look back down at Roman. His hand seems to be slipping too and I can see in his eyes he knows he might not make it. Another sob leaves my mouth.

"Braylen," Sebastian says, eyes afraid. "Braylen, if you don't save me right now, I will die. Do you hear me? I will die."

I stare at him, my heart breaking in on itself. "Oh, Sebastian," I whisper, crying softly. "You're already dead."

I throw Roman the tied-up shirts at the same time that Sebastian loses his grip, his eyes boring into mine as he plummets down, down, down, do—

I wake up thrashing around in bed, the sheets piled up in my lap as I move erratically. I slowly realize that I'm screaming, that I had been for some time now, and bring a shaky hand to my heart.

"Braylen!"

I turn my head to see Roman bursting through my door, dressed in a white t-shirt and eyes wide as looks at me. My voice cuts out at the sight of him in spite of my still jumping heart. I let out a shaky breath. "Rome," I murmur, and then he's climbing onto the bed next to me.

Roman wraps me in a tight hug and my body slumps against him as all the panic flows out of me. He rests his head on top of mine, his lips brushing against my forehead as he talks. "You're okay, B. It was just a nightmare. It wasn't real."

My breathing slows down a bit and I nod against his chest, pulling back to look at him. "God, I'm sorry," I mutter, wiping a hand over my face. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"It's okay, don't worry about it," he responds easily. Roman and I happened to have rooms on the same floor and in the same hall. No wonder my screams woke him up.

I blow out a breath, my mind still whirring from one of the most haunted nightmares I'd had to date. I push the thought from my mind and search for something else, anything else, to focus on.

The only thing that comes to mind is the proximity of Roman's chest and the feeling of his large hands on my body.

A short breath leaves my mouth as I take in our position, and then my heart is racing for an entirely different reason. Roman notices, of course, and then he's placing a finger underneath my chin and forcing my eyes back up to him. "Braylen? You okay?" he asks, concern dripping in his voice.

I start to nod before realizing that I wasn't okay. I was tired of pushing back how I felt, tired of only giving half of me to someone that I wanted to give everything. My lips part just a bit and I remember something Roman had said to me weeks ago, a stupid little joke to calm me down from my panic attack after our boxing/breakfast date.

I lick my chapped lips, grabbing onto his wrist that was still holding up my chin. "Roman?"

"Yeah?" he asks.

        I swallow hard and pluck up every single ounce of courage I have. "Roman. I want you to kiss me."

        There's a flash in his eyes, so brief I almost miss it. I know he's remembering that day, remembering his words that I'd just repeated right back to him. It doesn't take long for it to all click in his brain.

        And then, his lips are on mine.

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so many double updates my gosh
i really wanted you guys to see this chapter though because it's insane from start to finish
this is also the end of part one! any predictions to what happens next ?
- jo