AN: this is it guys.
also, in my head, during the dance the song "agape" by bear's den plays. feel free to start playing it when braylen mentions a song begins playing!!!

I WAKE UP with Roman's head wrapped up in my arms, him snoring soundly against my chest. I smile down at him, memorizing the way his pink lips open and close as air passes through them. I'd never seen anything more beautiful.

My throat closes in emotion and I fight back tears. I needed to go. I needed to leave. Now.

I untangle myself from Roman slowly, close to crying the entire time. All I could think of was how unfair this all was, how cruel of a trick the universe was playing on us. And how there was nothing I could do about it.

He doesn't wake as I lay his head against a pillow. I'd expected as much, considering he hadn't slept in days. Placing a soft kiss on his forehead, I stare down at Roman once more before turning on my heel and walking out of the house.

"God," I mumble, wiping a stray tear from my face as I pull open Nox's car door. I shake my head once, clearing my jumbled thoughts, before starting the car and pulling away. My eyes glance at the car's clock. 10:37. The convention had already started at 10. I curse softly to myself. I was late already.

I input the location on my cell phone's map system, relieved to see that the hotel where the event was taking place wasn't too far away. I'm pulling away from Eden's house at once though my heart wrenches as I think of Roman's sleeping figure still inside. I didn't know when I'd see him again. I didn't know if I'd see him again. What sucked was that there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.

Fighting back tears, I drive speedily down the roads until the large hotel comes into view. There's a huge, cloth sign out front broadcasting the words SAO Presents -- Stronger Together! My blood runs cold and I realize how real all of this was. Was I actually going to do this? Did I even have something to say?

"Of course you do," I whisper in response. I think back to Nox's words, a small smile spreading on my face. "Just fucking say it."

I climb out of the car, not even glancing myself over. I was sure I looked a mess. In my baggy t-shirt and washed jeans, messy hair, and bandaged hands, I looked more like a runaway than a motivational speaker. I still walk into the hotel with a shaky breath.

There are signs leading to the room where the event is taking place and I follow them quickly, trying not to think too much about what's behind the door. I pull it open with no second thought and my stomach immediately sinks.

There were at least a hundred people, it seemed. Everyone was dressed in suits and ties and dresses and I stuck out like a sore thumb. A few eyes turn to me and I want to turn around and run away. Panic floods my veins and I'm getting ready to leave when there's a bright squeal coming from the right of me.

"Mr. Adams, you made it!" a woman cries out, wrapping me up in a hug. She pulls away and I take in her strawberry blonde hair and freckles, seemingly out of place with her navy blue pantsuit. "I'm the woman you spoke with at the beginning of the summer? Jennifer Carruthers?"

I stare back at Jennifer. "Right," I mumble. She was also the one that sent me all of those flyers in the mail. She didn't look as evil as I expected. "I remember."

"Are you here to speak? We'd still be so lucky to have you," she says earnestly, her brown eyes wide. "You have a gift with words, Mr. Adams. Truly."

I open my mouth and then close it again. When I find a way to speak again, my voice is small. "Mrs. Carruthers, I don't think I can do this," I whisper. "I know you were expecting a different guy. One who lost someone he loved and still came out on the other side okay. But I'm not okay, I--I'm not anything. I haven't moved on, I don't have it all figured out."

Mrs. Carruthers rests her hands on my shoulders. "Braylen," she murmurs softly. "I didn't expect anyone else to show up but you. You are enough, okay?" She wraps me up in another hug, one that I let myself fall into. When she pulls back, her eyes are just as kind as before. "You don't need to speak if you're not comfortable doing so. I'm just happy you made it. It's amazing to meet you."

"You, too," I respond back. I stare past her at the podium, the microphone standing dauntingly on top of it. I surprise myself when I say, "I want to speak."

Mrs. Carruthers grins knowingly. It seemed my answer wasn't a surprise to her after all. "Oh, wonderful! Come along."

I don't remember the walk to the podium, or Jennifer introducing me. It all flashes in front of me like a movie and then Jennifer steps down and I'm standing at the podium alone. There's a silence and I see every eye in the room turn to look at me. My heart pounds against my chest, so loud that I'm sure it echoes through the microphone. I lift my arms to rest on the podium and my eyes catch on to my bandages. I bring my arms back down to my sides. In my head, I can hear Sebastian's voice talking to me when I couldn't figure out what to write in my journal.

Talk to it like you'd talk to me. Talk to them like you'd talk to me.

I stare out at the expectant faces and take a breath. "Hi. I'm Braylen," I start, swallowing as I stare out at the huge crowd. I sigh again. "This is really hard," I admit, chuckling softly. There are a few scattered laughs before I continue. "I lost someone I loved. Someone who loved me. And for so long, I've hated myself for it. Because that's what we do, right? Something bad happens and we automatically assume that it's some sort of punishment. That this is the universe's or God's way of telling us that we're at fault. I don't want to be at fault. I don't want to hate myself."

I stare down at my hands before resting them on the podium again. I didn't care if anyone saw them. I didn't care if people knew.

"I didn't want to be here today," I admit, smiling sheepishly. "Some part of me thought that me speaking here would mean that I, like, understand all of this. Which is not the case. I write about it because I can't talk about it, but I do not understand it all. I don't have some beautiful message about how life gets happy again after a while. I mean, I'm sure it does, but I haven't made it there yet. I don't know if I ever will. But I know that I want to. Sebastian, the boy that I loved, asked me a question before he died. He asked me if I believed in happy endings. I didn't know what to say because I didn't know if I did. But Sebastian believed that no matter what, you won't get a truly happy ending. You may not live life exactly how you want. People come, people go, people...die. And life goes on. That's reality. That's what I know.

"Half-happy endings are what Sebastian believed in," I continue, eyes welling up. "I don't think he even knew how right he was. Because in spite of everything that's happened and no matter what still may happen, I know I can be okay. I know that I have loved before, I know that I can love again. For the first time in a year, I have hope. And I think that's the happiest thing that there is."

I mutter out thanks and the crowd erupts into tears. I smile as graciously as possible, the bright light still beaming at me as I climb down from the podium. My eyes catch on movement, a familiar figure heading for the door with his back turned to me.

I watch with a small, stunned smile as his golden hair flashes once more, and then he disappears for good.

¥

        "Oba, please no more pictures!" I groan out, as she and Dr. Singh reposition the twins and me behind the wedding backdrop. The reception had barely begun and we'd already taken no less than 100 photos. Bethany, Bridget, and I exchange a glare as the sound of a camera snaps again. "Okay! That was it. I'm tapping out."

        I part myself from everyone, laughing as Aunt Amanda tries to pull me back. "Braylen! This is my day, just one more!" she cries out. I narrowly escape, sticking my tongue out as I race across the backyard away from her.

        Hiro, Emiko, and Dai race up to me just as quickly, the girls donned in their dresses and Hiro wearing a plaid suit. Dai clutches onto my wrist, her poufy dress puffing out around her. "Why are we running, B?" she asks. She still had trouble saying my full name.

        "Bridezilla is after us," I say, leaning over to her with bugged-out eyes. "We have to run, Dai!"

        Emiko squeals in fear and Hiro laughs loudly, lifting his arm in front of his body like a zombie. The girls laugh before running away, Hiro and I chasing after them laughing just as loudly.

        Today had been nothing short of amazing. After I returned Nox's car, I'd spent the rest of the week helping Oba set up for the wedding. Needless to say, everything turned out perfectly. At least, almost perfect. The wind had knocked down a few of the chairs and Hunter knocked over a centerpiece. Twice. But the vows were beautiful, and Oba cried, and I was with everyone I loved.

        The rest of the SAO event went well, too. My speech had been a hit and for the first time, I'd met firsthand the people that my story had touched. I was sort of awestruck the entire time that people read my words and actually liked them. It seemed everything had fallen into place with the summer ending and that things might be getting better soon. There was hope to spare, and everyone had their fair share of it.

        Things in my friend group were even working out for the best. Hayley and Hunt had sorted out their differences and came to the conclusion that while Hayley pursued her dreams in New York, Hunter would be supportive of her. And visit every other weekend. It's not like he couldn't afford it, anyway.

        Robyn and Devin were as strong as ever. I was pretty sure the two of them were both too stubborn to ever break up, not that they've ever come close. It seemed they loved one another more every day.

        Nox and I had become fast friends. It almost scared me how close we'd become, especially considering the tragedy that brought us together. But, I couldn't imagine this summer without him in it. And I totally owed him for that.

       I'd even contacted Nate, telling him about us solving the mystery of the summer. We weren't friends, exactly, but I felt like we understood each other now. Something I'd never expected.

       I loop my arms underneath Dai, pulling her up and spinning her around a couple of times as she giggles. Emiko claws at my leg in retaliation and Hiro laughs his head off and that's when I see him.

        He's standing off to the side in a black suit and tie, staring at me with a smirk. I'm pretty sure that my jaw drops as I set Dai back on the ground, walking up to him slowly. "You came," I whisper, voice breathless and incredulous at the same time. Roman's eyes twinkle back at me and he purses his lips.

        "Of course, I came," he says quietly, eyes on me. "You look great."

        I smile sadly. "Thanks," I murmur. A new song begins playing on the speaker, and couples are quick to rush to the white dance floor and pull one another in. "Um, do you—"

        "Do you want to dance?" Roman breathes out quickly, still staring down at me.

        I fold my hands behind my back. "Yeah," I whisper. "Yeah, I'd love to."

I follow Roman onto the dance floor, staring down at his hand as he grabs mine, rolling it around in his grasp. I'd slipped on a pair of black laced gloves. My scars didn't require as much gauze as before, but it wasn't the prettiest sight to behold when at a wedding so I'd covered them up. Roman stares down at my hands before running his own up to my elbows, guiding my arms until they were wrapped around his neck. He pulls me in close, and the scent of his cologne is familiar enough to make me feel nostalgia bubbling up in my chest.

"I thought you'd be gone by now," I whisper against his chest. The song playing fades just into background noise until all I can hear is the sound of our hearts beating.

Roman smiles sadly. "What, without saying goodbye? That's not exactly how I roll." He looks down at me with accusatory eyes. I know he's referring to me leaving him asleep on the couch that morning of the convention, without waking him up to say I'm leaving.

I blush. "I thought it'd be easier. I'm not good at goodbyes. I'm not sure anybody is," I sigh, staring down at our shoes as we sway slowly.

Roman's eyes turn down and I can tell he doesn't like goodbyes either. I can also tell that that's exactly what this is. "Did you ever solve the ANON mystery?" he asks softly, eyebrows raised.

"Mhm," I hum, smirking. "It was a girl from our class, one of the people I told off at the memorial in June. Obsessed with Sebastian, like everyone in the fucking world." I laugh. "I may have scared her off."

Roman laughs. "May have?" he repeats incredulously. His eyes catch a special twinkle, one that looks a lot like fondness. "That's my boy."

I smile sadly back up at him. "What are you doing here, Rome? Saying goodbye?" I ask. "Because I don't know if I can do that. I don't know if I can say goodbye to another person I care too much about."

Roman's brows furrow. "My dad passed away," he murmurs. "Early yesterday morning. Before you ask, no. I don't know how I feel about it. The first thing I did was cry, which was ludicrous. The second thing I did was thank God for letting me be free again. And the third thing I did was call off my engagement."

My eyes widen. "Y-you're not getting married?"

"Not for a while, at least," he responds with a grin. "Father wanted me to marry Eden to appease his fantasy of the son I was supposed to be. For the first time in my entire life, I'm allowed to not be that."

I grin back at him. "So what does this mean? That you're staying here?" I ask, not even able to stop the hopeful lilt in my voice.

"I thought about it," he admits, tearing his eyes away from me. "I thought about what it'd be like. Moving to San Francisco, driving up to your school whenever I wanted to see you, being with Isla all the time. And then I thought of everything leading up to this. My life before, my life now. How up until this point all I did was live for my dad. And how I never did anything for me."

I suck in a breath, staring at our shoes again. "So, you're still leaving?"

"I don't expect it to make sense," Roman murmurs quickly. "I know it seems like this is me not choosing you. But, just this once, I'm choosing myself. I want to run Verdant. It's what I've spent my whole life running from, but it took me all this time to realize that that wasn't the case. I wasn't running from Verdant, I was running from him. But I'm not running anymore. I want things to change. I want to keep my family alive and make us better. Now that everyone is gone—my mother, my father, it's up to me. I have to see this through. I have to make things better."

I smile softly. "I understand," I whisper, pulling him closer until our noses are practically touching. "And I am so proud of you."

Roman's lips brush across mine and my voice instantly catches in my throat. I shut my eyes, nestling my head into his chest as his arms come to wrap tightly around me. "Do you really think this is the right thing to do?" he murmurs, voice so soft I barely hear him. "Do you really think I should go?"

        I knew what this was. I knew what he was asking. He was asking me to ask him to stay. He had to know how badly I wanted to. But I couldn't. Love made me selfless like that. "I do," I whisper, nodding against his chest. Before I can retract my words, I speak again. "When are you leaving for Italy?" I ask, voice soft.

"In the morning," he whispers back gruffly as I pull away from his embrace to look at him. His eyes were stormy, exhausted. Much like mine. "Eden and Isles already left. I wanted to see you first."

I fight back tears. "So, this is it, then?" I ask. A harsh laugh bubbles up in my throat and I shake my head once. "I never would have expected summer to end like this."

Roman's eyes wash over me in the way that only his can. "I think that that's okay," he breathes. "I wouldn't have changed anything. Would you?"

I purse my lips, thinking. "No. Nothing," I respond easily. "Except, maybe I would've spent every single day with you." Roman grins down at me and my mind flashes back to one of the last conversations we'd had, the one before everything between us changed. When I didn't get to tell him I loved him. But he somehow, he knew. I swallow the lump in my throat and blink away the moisture in my eyes. "I wish this night could go on forever," I whisper.

His hand comes to rest on top of my hair, running along the strands easily. "I know what you mean," he responds softly. "Me too."

I stare up at him, at the green and gold and brown eyes that had followed me all summer and for the first time feel helpless looking at them. He needed to go. I needed to stay. I knew that. But I still couldn't imagine having to say goodbye to him.

The rest of the reception is nothing but a blur to me. I remember doing the Cupid Shuffle with all my friends and family, remember pigging out on wedding cake, and remember Roman spinning me around the entire night in his arms. I remember feeling happy. But it all went just as fast as it came.

It wasn't long before we were seeing Aunt Amanda and Gerard off in a car with tin cans, holding sparklers in our hands. I looked over at Roman who was grinning widely as he watched them drive off and I committed it to memory. That smile. Whatever came next didn't matter so long as he always smiled like that.

Pretty soon, the party is over. Guests return to their homes or hotels, and the backyard looks just as empty as it always does. I'd shoved out of my dress shoes, leaving them at the bottom of the stairs as Roman and I ran up to my bedroom. The minute we step inside, there's a flurry of ties and suit jackets and pants until all that's against me is him. Roman's lips move feverishly against mine as we fall back onto my bed, unable to keep our hands off of one another.

He pulls my gloves off my body last, staring down at the long, jagged cuts running along my palms. I watch him as he takes them in, watch as his eyes go from sad to guilty to something else I can't recognize. I'm close to asking him what he thought about them when he plants a kiss against each scar on my hand. "They look like mine," he whispers, staring down at me with hooded eyes that held a world full of meaning. I kiss him again.

We spend the entire night the way we spent the entire summer—our bodies and minds and hearts interlocked like hands, until you couldn't tell where he stopped and I started. And through it all, he kissed me. He just kissed me.

This kiss felt different. This kiss was made up of panic attacks and boxing gloves, buzzcuts and fights, nightmares and early mornings, silence and screams, fear and love, and everything in between. It was green and gold and warm and buzzing all at once. I seemed to fall deeper into it the more he touched me, the more his fingerprints stained my skin and made a part of what had once been his all mine. All mine.

I remember thinking that the first time Roman had been in me like this that I was floating in outer space among the stars. But this was more. I was melting into the universe itself.

At the end of it all, we're wrapped in each other's arms again. He's holding me for the last time and I'm trying hard to keep my eyes open. Roman chuckles darkly, and I can feel it echo through my ribs. "Sleep, Braylen," he whispers, kissing my cheek. "You're exhausted."

"I don't care," I say earnestly. "I'll stay up all night if I have to. I don't want to wake up without you."

"I'll wake you up to say goodbye," he murmurs. "I promise."

The first tear falls from my eyes. And once it starts, it doesn't stop. Roman pulls me tighter into his chest and I sob into it until all my tears have been spent on the tragedy that we were. "Braylen," Roman whispers, voice breaking. He lifts my face until I'm looking at him and I see the tears on his face, reminiscent of mine. "It doesn't matter how. It doesn't matter when. But someday, I am going to see your face again. Maybe I'll be older and hopefully, I'll be wiser, but I will look at you and I will know that this time when we try, it will work. This time when we try, we will last. I'm not giving up on you. This story will end with us."

My throat gets tight. I sniff the solemnly. "Do you promise?"

His lips come to the top of my head, peppering my skin with the softest of kisses. "I do," he whispers back. "I do. I promise."

I wrap my arms around his neck, and that's how I fall asleep. With his body on mine and his promise plastered across my brain.

And when he softly shakes me awake hours later, I'm not any more ready than I was before. I stare at him under the pale light of day, let him kiss my fingertips slowly before tugging onto his shirt and bringing our lips together. I can feel the heartbreak in this kiss, how painful it is for the both of us. I whisper the words that neither of us had the courage to utter out loud, but this time he says them back. Over and over again.

Then, he's gone.

————————————————————
only an epilogue next !
how are we feeling?