WE HAD FALLEN asleep at some unknown hour in the night with our bare chests pressed against one another's. I couldn't remember how we got in this position, but it must've been sometime after we cleaned up all the hair from the bathroom floor and Roman ushered me into the shower with him. All we did was shower and somehow it felt like one of the most intimate things we'd ever done. It felt like we weren't just two people who knew each other, but people who knew each other.

I open my eyes to the thin sunlight streaming through the cracked window—Roman always kept the windows open—and turn to see Roman's chest still pressed against mine, his breaths softly fanning on my forehead. I bring my hand up slowly, tracing the outlines of his lips as he sleeps. I don't think I'd ever seen him look so peaceful. He looked like he was no more than sixteen when he slept.

        My heart thuds softly in my chest and I bring my hand back to my side. Too much. Way too much. And still, not enough.

        I move to roll out of bed, sure that if I stayed a minute longer I'd realize something that I wasn't ready to realize just yet. A warm hand grabs onto my hip and pulls me back to my place and I gawk at Roman's 'sleeping' figure. His eyes remain shut but his hand is firm against my hip, pressing so hard that I'm almost completely sure he'll leave bruises. "Rome?" I whisper tentatively.

        He's completely still. Scarily still. I bring my finger to his cheek, poking his soft skin once. "Roman? Rome, are you awake?"

         Roman sighs loudly, his hand sliding down to my bottom as his eyes open. "I heard you the first time, darlin'," he mumbles and my cheeks heat up in embarrassment.

        I brush my hand across his forehead softly. "How do you feel?"

        His eyes open just a bit before opening fully, catching sight of my hair, or lack thereof again. "I'm angry with myself," he admits. "But I'm okay. I'll be okay."

        I bite my lip, not sure what to say. I knew how he felt. It was the same way I felt whenever I smoked, the way it brought me back to my childhood all at once. What a mess we were.

        "Still can't believe you did that," Roman murmurs, nodding toward my new haircut. His eyes water up just a bit and I can feel my stomach sinking, feeling like this was too far. All I'd done was make him feel bad. Again.

        "It's no big deal," I respond back quickly, trying my best to keep his tears from spilling over. "It'll grow back."

        Roman's hand leaves my butt and brings his fingers to my face, his thumb outlining my eyelids as they flutter closed from his touch. "It's not that, Braylen," he whispers, blinking as a tear trickles down his face.

        "Then what?" I ask, bringing the pad of my thumb up to wipe away his tear.

        He shuts his eyes completely. "No one has ever done anything like that for me. Ever."

       "You're worth it," I whisper softly. My cheeks blush up as I realize what I'd said and I quickly sit up, clearing my throat.

         "What did you say?" Roman asks, sitting up with me. There was a ghost of a smile on his face and a teasing glint in his eyes that made my stomach flip.

        "Nothing," I respond quickly, going to run a hand through my hair before realizing I couldn't do that anymore. Damn.

       "Nothing?" Roman teases,  bringing his hands onto either side of the bed so his body is hovering over mine. "Sounded like you said I was worth it, no?"

        His lips come down to meet mine and a soft shudder wracks through my body. It felt like years had gone by since he kissed me. He pulls back quickly, not long enough for me to be anywhere near satiated and I huff a breath. "No, I didn't," I respond back cheekily, just as Roman pins me down against the bed. "You gonna kiss me, or what?"

       He laughs loudly before bringing his lips down to mine. A strangled gasp leaves my mouth as his tongue meets mine and my hands come to rest on his back, pulling him as close to me as physically possible. I felt like I was on fire, like I was a candle and he was a match and he'd burn me to death if I wasn't careful. I didn't want to be careful.

       My pants are off before I can even register pulling them down, and then my fingers are clawing at his sweats, trying desperately to get him all to myself. "Are these pants glued on?" I ask, fumbling with the strings angrily.

        Roman only laughs again before reaching down and ridding himself of all excess clothing. I sigh of relief the second his lips are back on mine, holding him close by the nape of his neck and feeling my body burn for him. Pretty soon, he's coating his fingers with lube and grabbing a condom, ready to prep me. I stop suddenly, frowning. "I thought you wanted me to switch," I say, lips swollen from making out with him. "Were you just kidding?"

       He smirks widely, kissing my throat as he sinks a finger into me. The sound that leaves my mouth is absolutely pathetic, and I reach down to grip the sheets hard. "Most definitely was not kidding," Roman responds. "But not today. I want you to be comfortable when we do it. If you want to, that is."

        "Of course, I want to," I respond back breathily. I don't say the, 'I'd do anything you wanted me to,' but I'm sure it was implied. "I'm not gonna last long," I warn him as he sinks another finger into me.

        Roman chuckles. "That's okay," he responds, adding yet another finger. "We can go rounds."

       A breathy moan leaves my mouth at his words and then he's sinking himself into me. I shut my eyes tightly, feeling a pleasurable rush of vertigo and finding it very hard to see straight. Roman's hand cups my face, causing my eyes to open and look straight at him. It's a sight that would make my knees fold if I hadn't already been laying down and I'm quick to finish shortly after that, panting his name over and over again.

       Roman is good on his word. He finishes in my mouth, allowing me time to recuperate from the high he'd given me before going again, and again, and again. I'm an unintelligible wreck by the time we're done and collapse into his chest in a sweaty heap.

        We lay in comfortable silence for a few moments, me pressed against his chest and him rubbing circles along my back. "Have you ever bottomed before?" I ask curiously, glancing up at him through half-lidded eyes.

        "Yeah," he responds, looking down to see my face. He smirks. "Surprised?"

       I shrug. "Kind of," I admit. "I guess I just never thought about doing both. Or about you being into both. It's kinda hot."

       He laughs and I can feel it rumble against my face. "Braylen?" he murmurs.

       "Yeah?"

       There's a short pause before he sighs and says, "You're worth it to me, too."

       I don't respond. How could I? What I do is tuck my face into his chest, hiding my expression from him so he couldn't see me smiling.

      We lay there for a little longer before Roman taps my bare hip, gesturing that it's time to get up. I groan, wrapping my arms around him tightly. "Come on, B. You need to get cleaned up."

        "I'm tired," I grumble.

        "Then let me stand so I can do it for you, yeah?" he murmurs, pinching my hip softly.

       I shake my head. "No, you're comfortable."

        "Braylen...," he chastises.

        "Roman...," I repeat, lowering my voice a little to mock his. He pinches my hip again and I sigh. "Okay, okay, I'm moving."

       I roll over onto my other side and Roman stands up, heads into the bathroom, and returns with a warm, wet towel. He lifts my leg gently and cleans me off even gentler. I'm glad he can't see my face. I'm glad he can't know what I'm thinking.

        Because what I'm thinking, what I've been thinking for a very long time, is that I like him. For real.

       I knew there was a huge rule in the friends-with-benefits handbook that tells you to do everything but fall for your partner, and yet that's exactly what I did. I couldn't tell exactly how long I'd felt like this, but I knew that I couldn't stop it. It was too late. It was too far.

        Some part of me was glad to know that I liked him. I'd tried with other people after Sebastian's death—I went on dates and had one-night stands with different girls and guys and college, but nothing stuck. Nobody felt like more to me. This was more. This was so much more.

       Roman finishes up cleaning me and I know I'm supposed to turn over, say something stupid, and pretend like everything's okay. But I couldn't. I couldn't move. Because I liked him. I liked him, and I wasn't supposed to.

        "You okay?" Roman asks. "Was I too rough?"

        I shake my head quickly, tucking my head into his pillow and bringing his blankets over my skin. "I'm okay. Of course, you weren't."

       "You would tell me if I was?" he asks, and I can hear the worry in his voice. Worry for me.

       I swallow hard and nod. "Of course, I would. It's not that."

        There's a dip in the bed. I look up to see Roman leaning against his headboard, sitting halfway on the bed. He'd changed back into sweatpants but his cheeks were still sex flushed. He looked devastatingly handsome. "So it is something, then?"

        I open my mouth and then close it again, realizing too late that I'd already said too much. "No, i-it's not anything."

        I roll off of the bed and locate my underwear and Roman's t-shirt, shrugging them on quickly. I can feel Roman's eyes on my back, watching me. I turn around, still flushed, reaching to grab my pants when his hand catches my wrist. "What's going on?" he presses.

        "Nothing," I grit. "I'm fine."

Roman stares at me for a moment longer and I can see him trying to see through me, trying to work through this himself. He looked so defeated that I almost say it. I almost give in.

My cell phone rings from the desk next to me and I grab it quickly, glancing at Roman once before blindly clicking accept the call and holding the phone to my ear. "Hello?" I ask, watching as Roman crosses his arms across his chest and stares out his windows. He couldn't even look at me.

"Braylen?" Devin's voice calls out. My heart freezes as I realize that I'd accidentally answered a call from someone I was avoiding. "Finally. I've been trying to reach you since you left two nights ago!"

I gnaw on my bottom lip, leaning against the wall. "Yeah, well, you had no issue reaching Roman, did you?"

There's a pause. Then, an angry sigh. "He told you about that?" Devin grumbles. "Damn snitch."

I roll my eyes before remembering he can't see me. "Yeah, well, I'm fine. I haven't died yet, but if I do I'll make sure to give you a call beforehand and—"

"God, B, drop the soap opera for, like, five minutes and check your phone," Devin interrupts, voice raising. "There was another BLAST!"

My skin instantly goes cold. I pull the phone from my ear and check all my missed notifications, finding one from the app almost instantly. Roman sits up a bit and I can feel his eyes watching as I shakily click on Anon's latest update.

Did you all miss me? I know I missed you. The response to my posts has been absolutely incredible—I take it there's a thing or two we could all learn about Sebastian Grey and his life before he died. Maybe if we do, we can figure out  together exactly why he did it.

My guess? It all goes back to that summer three years ago.

I know we all know by now that Sebastian was addicted to some serious stuff at that time but what other harmful behaviors was he indulging in? You'll never guess.

Sebastian was breaking a heart.

Lennox Stiles' heart, that is.

And if you were wondering who the boy in the photo was in the last update, you've got your answer.

Sebastian Grey, in a manic, drugged-up state, managed to fuck up not only his life but the life of a man who did nothing but love him. Can somebody say toxic?

So what really went down between Nox and Ash? Sources say quite a lot. The two constantly did drugs together and in their high states would have countless hookups. It makes you wonder, if Braylen and Sebastian began dating just after this same summer, did Ash hold any unresolved feelings for Nox? Was Braylen just a rebound to get over the fiery ending between Nox and Ash?

I do believe I'm getting ahead of myself. Here's a video  for you instead. See you soon.

Attachment: 1 video.

~ ANON

I should've prepared myself before opening the video. But maybe it's better that I just click it. Maybe there was no amount of preparation that could help this hurt less.

It was a dark-lit room except for the flash of the camera recording the two boys. I didn't know if they knew someone was filming them and didn't care. I didn't know anything but the fact that this boy, this Lennox, was straddling Sebastian's lap and they were making out so heavily I felt wrong for even watching it. Sebastian's arms were wrapped loosely around his waist and the two seemed completely drunk on each other, or at least drunk on something. There's quiet chatter in the background that suggests that the two didn't know they were being filmed, that this was a walked in on moment.

       "Braylen?" Devin's voice echoes through the phone. "You still there?"

        Roman is still staring at me, eyebrows furrowed in a concerned way. "Braylen?" he murmurs.

       I stare back at Roman, nodding my head once. "Give me thirty minutes to send you an address once I find it. We can meet up from there. Get everyone, Robs, Hunt. Got it?"

       "Braylen, what? Whose address? Who are we going to see?" Devin asks frantically.

       I grit my teeth. Roman is still staring at me, looking just as frantic as Devin and twice as confused. I'd have to explain this all to him, I supposed. It was time. I swallow hard and clench the phone between my fingers.

        "Lennox Stiles."